


Godchild

by ikarusonesun



Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion
Genre: Action, Don’t copy to another site, Drama, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-20
Updated: 2019-08-22
Packaged: 2020-09-19 04:43:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 95,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20325283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ikarusonesun/pseuds/ikarusonesun
Summary: The operation to rescue Shinji Ikari after he is absorbed into Evangelion Unit 01 has failed, and the young pilot is feared lost. There is, however, one other way to bring him back - but even if it succeeds, Shinji may never be the same again...





	1. The Second Option

DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fan fiction incorporating characters and situations from the Gainax manga/anime series _Neon Genesis Evangelion _and its related feature film releases. Gainax and its various media distributors hold sole exclusive rights to their use. The author is in no way affiliated with Gainax or its distributors, nor has this story been submitted for any commercial purpose.

_This story was originally published on August 31, 2006 and is currently a WIP as of August 20, 2019._

_**Godchild**_  
by Ikarus Onesun**  
**

**Chapter One:  
The Second Option**

Maya Ibuki's hands flew frantically over the keyboard at her station, trying every possible combination of parameters she could think of, to no effect. Loud warning signals blared in the NERV command center and blossomed angrily across the main projection screen as Dr. Ritsuko Akagi and Major Misato Katsuragi looked on, the crimson glare from the flashing warnings accentuating the concern clearly showing on their features.

_"It's no good!"_ Ibuki shouted over the din of the warnings. "His ego border is in a fixed loop!"

Ritsuko strode over to Ibuki's station, glanced at the data scrolling rapidly across her subordinate's terminal, and frowned.

_Damn it!_ she thought. _Just like the last time..._

"Try to radiate the wave patterns from all directions," she suggested, her voice heavy with tension. Ibuki quickly punched in the necessary formulae and sent the command to the MAGI to process. Instantly, another sequence of warning messages flashed across the screen. Ibuki's eyes quickly scanned the new data from the entry plug, then glanced up at Ritsuko, a look of hopelessness spreading across her face.

"No," Ritsuko muttered darkly, "the radiated signals are captured in Klein space."

Misato's head snapped up. She had no idea what Ritsuko was talking about, but the doctor's tone did not sound encouraging. "What... what does that mean?" she asked breathlessly, as she clutched at the cross pendant around her neck.

Ritsuko turned to her, her face taut, her green eyes downcast.

"It means... we've failed."

Misato paled. "W... what?" she stammered, unable to believe her ears.

The doctor turned her head slightly, and said to Ibuki, "Stop the interference. Reverse the tangent graph. Set the addition value to zero."

"Yes, ma'am," Ibuki complied. Her fingers flashed away at her keyboard, and immediately the warning messages on the main screen disappeared.

"Aoba?" Ritsuko said to the long-haired technician seated opposite Ibuki.

"Nothing," Shigeru Aoba responded, his eyes scanning the graphs projected before him, "No destrudo reaction detected. Pattern is white. The ego formation in the LCL has... completely dissipated."

Ritsuko nodded, turning back to Misato. The look of utter defeat on the doctor's face said everything to Misato before Ritsuko could even utter a word, and the major shook her head rapidly as Ritsuko told her what she had hoped and prayed she would not have to hear.

_No_, she thought, _oh, God… please, no…_

"Misato... Misato, I'm so sorry... we did everything we could..." Ritsuko murmured.

Misato looked back at the doctor blankly, disbelief and despair warring across her features. For long moments, she just stared silently at Ritsuko, forcing the doctor to eventually look away uncomfortably. Several minutes passed, during which one could have heard a pin drop in the command center. Finally, Misato turned to the bay window overlooking the EVA cages, and rage suddenly flared in her chestnut eyes as she fixed her gaze upon the silent form of Evangelion Unit 01, berthed in its cage and secured with heavy shoulder restraints. With a keening wail, Misato grabbed a stack of heavy manuals from the desk beside her and flung them at the shatter-resistant glass, the books bouncing off harmlessly. Grief and fury possessed her as she pulled a wheeled chair out from under the desk and, with surprising strength, heaved it toward the window as well, the onlookers on the bridge flinching as it clattered off the pane and skidded across the floor. Finally, Misato ran to the window and began beating her fists against the glass, all of the frustration, anger, and fear that had built within her heart over the past thirty-one days suddenly bursting from her as she screamed at the impassive mecha on the other side of the glass.

"What good is science if it can't save one person?" she lamented, hot tears streaming from her eyes as she pounded the glass and shrieked at the EVA, "Give me back my Shinji! GIVE HIM BACK!"

Misato's strength suddenly failed, and she sank to her knees, sliding down the glass pane as Ritsuko rushed over to her. Not knowing what else to do, the doctor embraced her friend from behind and gently eased her down as Misato collapsed in her arms, her body shaking in the grip of her mournful sobs as they slid to the floor together.

"...give him back," she whimpered, over and over, "…please... give him back… give me back my Shinji..."

Ritsuko could not think of anything to say, too saddened and stunned to possibly express any words of comfort to her. All she could think to do was to simply hold her grieving friend, who clung to her as if she were drowning. The two women knelt on the floor of the command center clutching each other, Misato's sobs the only sound that broke the deathly silence that had descended over the bridge.

They had failed. After thirty-one days, after all of their efforts, Shinji Ikari remained trapped within Evangelion Unit 01, and everyone present in the command center at that moment shared in the same, terrible fear – that the young pilot was now hopelessly, irretrievably lost.

o o o

Much later, after a dazed, distraught Misato had been taken home by a Section Two agent, Ritsuko had dismissed the bridge crew, made herself a very large pot of coffee, and sat at her desk to begin analyzing the data from the failed attempt to reconstitute Shinji's body within the entry plug. She had only one other past scenario to compare that day's results to, and so far, her numbers all looked depressingly similar to the data NERV – or GEHIRN, as it was known at the time – had collected from the one previous attempt to recover the body of a pilot who had been absorbed into an Evangelion.

After ten years, they still had not found a solution to the problem – and they had still not managed to find one after today.

_This could complicate things enormously_, she mused, sipping from her coffee mug as her green eyes flitted across the data on her screen.

_If Shinji's consciousness can't be recovered from within Unit 01, there's a high probability that it will not be able to accept another pilot - and after this latest incident, we can be reasonably sure that it won't accept the dummy system either…_

_There has to be something else we can do... but what?_

She pulled open the bottom drawer of her desk, reaching absently for the ever-present carton of cigarettes, and was extremely annoyed to find it empty.

_Kaji. Goddamn it, _she fumed.

_That's four packs the sonofabitch owes me now._

Ritsuko crumpled the empty box angrily and pitched it into a nearby garbage bin in disgust. She leaned forward and rested her elbows on her desk, letting out a frustrated sigh as she closed her eyes and wearily rubbed her temples.

As she sat in silence, wracking her brain for anything, anything at all that might be tried, and coming up with nothing again and again, her cellphone rang. She picked it up absently and touched the TALK button without bothering to check the number.

"This is me."

Commander Gendo Ikari never identified himself by name on the telephone, at least not to his subordinates. There was no need. The man's cold, emotionless tone instantly identified him to anyone on the other end of the line.

Ritsuko braced herself, for the ice in the Commander's voice was a clear indication as to the direction this conversation was sure to take.

"Yes, Commander," she replied, "The operation was... unsuccessful."

"I am well aware of that fact, doctor. Today's outcome was... disappointing. Nevertheless, a solution must be found, and quickly. We cannot afford to have Unit 01 out of action for an extended period. Our time is growing short."

_Does he even care that his own SON is still trapped inside that thing_? Ritsuko wondered. _At least we seem to have reached the same conclusions about the viability of a replacement pilot, and of the dummy plug…_

"Yes, sir. I apologize. I am going over today's data right now, and while I can't say for certain until the MAGI complete their full analysis, my first impression is that Shi... that the Third Child's ego pattern is simply not strong enough to reconstitute its physical form on its own. We couldn't even previously manage to achieve this with a mature ego pattern, so his case would seem to be even more difficult. I'm trying to think of ways that we could somehow augment his wave pattern externally with the MAGI's help, but nothing immediately comes to mind."

There was a long silence as Ikari seemed to contemplate this. As the tension began to become uncomfortable, Ritsuko took a deep breath, and decided to take a risk.

"If you're free, perhaps we could order something to eat, and go over the data together? The two of us might be able to come up with a possible…"

Ikari abruptly cut her off. "I want the entry plug removed from Unit 01, sealed with its contents intact, and taken to Central Dogma immediately. If the plug eject signal continues to be rejected by the unit, have the technicians remove the plug manually. We will use the second option, just as was previously done. This project is to be undertaken in the strictest of confidence, do you understand me, Doctor?"

A stunned Ritsuko said nothing for long moments. Ikari's tone darkened as his voice crackled on the line. "Do you have an issue with this?" he snapped.

"Sir... the second option... it… it didn't _work_ last time – at least, not in the manner in which it was intended," she stammered, unable to believe that the Commander was even _considering_ this.

"Irrelevant. You said before that the ego pattern was not strong enough to reconstitute the pilot's body on its own. If that is the case, then the only reasonable alternative is to provide a surrogate vessel in which the pattern can be transferred. You certainly know how to accomplish that particular task, do you not, Doctor Akagi?" The Commander's flinty voice dripped with condescension, as if he were speaking to a junior bridge officer, rather than a Summa Cum Laude PhD graduate.

Ritsuko bit back her indignation. "But sir... there is still the problem of how to extract the wave pattern from the EVA - creating the… vessel was not the primary difficulty during the first attempt..."

Ikari's response was immediate. "The current process will be sufficient once the vessel is re-introduced into the active environment. The previous attempt encountered its own specific… difficulties, none of which will apply in this situation. The difficulty in this case will lie in breaking the unusually strong synchronization between the subject's ego pattern and the EVA in order to separate the two, which will have to be done forcibly. A powerful electromagnetic surge through the EVA's core should disrupt the sync ratio long enough to allow the MAGI to isolate the Third Child's pattern, and once it has been given an obvious avenue for transference, it should be theoretically possible to subsequently extract it from the core and transfer it into the surrogate. I am confident that the MAGI will validate this hypothesis, and will predict an adequate margin of success for the operation."

_He sounds like he's describing mundane probability theories and textbook bioengineering concepts, but this is Shinji – his own_ _son_ – _he's talking about experimenting on_, Ritsuko thought.

_I thought my mother could be a cold hard bitch sometimes, but this man..._

"I... understand the theorum, Commander," she murmured finally. "You do realize that, just as before, this… surrogate vessel will not be an exact copy, due to the current physical state of the genetic material? We still won't be able to isolate a pristine sample, and there will certainly be some… unpredictable side effects as a result, although we do now have some idea of how they may be manifested. These factors could potentially cause significant damage to the subject's psyche - assuming that the results of the recombination process will even be successful."

Ikari replied shortly, in a tone that could cut glass. "As long as the result can still _pilot_, these concerns are irrelevant, Doctor."

Ritsuko's jaw dropped at the pure callousness of the Commander's remark.

Ikari continued. "Have the entry plug sent to Central Dogma immediately. I want the vessel prepared and ready within seven days. In the meantime, all work on the dummy system is to be suspended until this project is completed, and Central Dogma is to be deemed off-limits to all non-essential personnel – including Rei."

The sneer on the lips of the Commander was almost audible to Ritsuko over the cellphone. "I will expect a more satisfactory result with your next attempt, Doctor Akagi."

With that, the line abruptly went dead.

_Bastard_, Ritsuko thought, clicking her phone's END button and slamming it down on the desk.

She reclined back in her chair, sighing heavily, as her thoughts eventually shifted from her unpleasant conversation with the Commander to the project she had now been ordered to carry out. She contemplated the various theorems that they had discussed, her train of thought flying at an incredible pace as her brilliant mind leapt between concepts, connecting each one in turn until she eventually came to the inevitable conclusion.

_It could work, _she grudgingly admitted to herself, after pondering the problem for long minutes.

_He's right._

_I HATE it when he's right…_

Though at times it was a hard pill for her to swallow, the Commander's intellect was as sharp as her own – possibly even sharper. Perhaps this was the reason for her strange attraction to the cold, distant man – he was really the only person she had ever met, besides her mother, who was her intellectual equal, and this was a characteristic that she found extremely appealing. She had been with a few men in her time – though certainly not as many as Misato – but things never managed to progress beyond a few dates and the occasional half-hearted sexual tryst. Ritsuko desired someone that could relate to her at her level, who could hold his own in a relationship with someone of her vast intelligence and breadth of knowledge – and Gendo Ikari was certainly more than a match for her in that regard.

Once Ritsuko and Ikari had begun working together after her mother's death, they had spent many evenings having the most fascinating conversations about biotechnology, about the recent breakthroughs in organic-based superconductivity and how these findings would one day be applied to the EVAs, and eventually, once she had gained his academic respect and trust, he had revealed to her the secrets of the Human Instrumentality Project – and she had been spellbound by its possibilities.

She had been thrilled that Ikari had deemed her worthy of participating in such an vastly important endeavour, and she had expressed her gratitude to him both publicly – and privately.

Ritsuko truly believed that she had found in Gendo Ikari the closest thing to a soulmate she had ever encountered. She was intoxicated by the depth of his intellect and the scope of his vision, and had been completely swept away by him.

However, he was not always the easiest person to deal with – as their earlier conversation had plainly demonstrated. Superior officer or not, it was her infatuation with his incredible intellect that caused her to put up with his abrupt, callous demeanour. She would never tolerate such treatment from anyone else.

She had never met Yui Ikari, but Ritsuko imagined that Shinji must have inherited much of his mild, gentle manner from her.

_I've never seen a father and son so radically different from each other_, she mused.

Shinji did bear a strong physical resemblance to his father – _give him a beard and glasses, and he'd be the Commander in miniature_, she thought with some amusement – but on the inside, they were as different as night and day.

And in a week's time, who could say what Shinji Ikari would be like – if they were even able to bring him back at all?

_He'll never be the same afterward, that's almost a certainty, _she thought.

_But at least he'll be free of the EVA._

She frowned, recalling the Commander's shocking lack of concern about the dangers of possible side effects to his only child.

_Once he realizes what we've done, I doubt that he'll thank us, though..._

Ritsuko's fingertips chattered away at her computer keyboard as she called up all available data on what Commander Ikari had referred to as the "second option." The reports, from the old GEHIRN archive, were highly classified, and she was one of only three people in all of NERV who had access to them – the others being the Commander and the Sub-Commander. She paused long enough to help herself to another mug of coffee - it was clearly going to be a _long_ night - and began digesting the contents of the various reports on the "second option" and the eventual result of that flawed experiment.

In terms of the stated aim of the project – the recovery of the lost pilot from the EVA – it had not been a success - and yet, they had still been able to make some use of the result nonetheless. In fact, according to Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki's own project notes, Ikari had not even seemed overly displeased by the project's failure, as if he had foreseen all possible outcomes of the experiment, and was somehow satisfied with this particular one.

This seemed very strange to Ritsuko, as it must also have to Fuyutsuki, as he had made a specific note of Ikari's reaction to the project's result. They both assumed that the Commander must have desperately wanted the original aim of the project to succeed.

Instead, it had failed, and the recovery of the pilot was not achieved – but incredibly, the result was somehow still acceptable to Gendo Ikari, a man who normally had no tolerance whatsoever for failure.

_Was the outcome of that recovery operation your true intention all along, Commander?_ Ritsuko thought uneasily.

_And are you now planning to use your son the same way?_

_ Continued... _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **UPDATE: 20 AUGUST 2019**
> 
> The idea for this story had been knocking around in my head for a long time before I first sat down in the summer of 2006 to begin work on the first chapter. The germ of it can be found in a single line of Ritsuko's from Episode 20 of the anime. This line, combined with some insights that I picked up on from reading the RCB, led me to some conclusions about the origins of a certain character, and once I had that, I went on to think about how those same conclusions might be applied to a situation involving a certain other character. I wasn't 100% sure at the time whether or not my theory was sound (there was no EvaWiki back in 2006), but I liked the alternative possibilities that the idea could create for several of the main characters, so I decided to have a go at writing my first multi-chapter fic, just to see what would happen. And here we are in 2019, and I'm still at it...
> 
> This story has been far and away my most difficult - and most fun - to write, and I hope it turns out to be a fun read for all of you as well.
> 
> Many thanks to lachryiadhron, the excellent beta reader who graciously agreed to assist me for much of my progress through this story, for pointing out some construction improvements and for confirming some issues I had with scene settings in this chapter.
> 
> Please feel free to leave a comment, or drop me a line at ikarusonesun (at-sign) gmail (dot) com.
> 
> Cheers,  
IO


	2. The New Normal

DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fan fiction incorporating characters and situations from the Gainax manga/anime series _Neon Genesis Evangelion _and its related feature film releases. Gainax and its various media distributors hold sole exclusive rights to their use. The author is in no way affiliated with Gainax or its distributors, nor has this story been submitted for any commercial purpose.

_**Godchild**_  
by Ikarus Onesun

**Chapter Two:  
The New Normal**

Asuka Langley Soryu slid aside the door to her bedroom and frowned sullenly. It was morning and she was preparing to leave for school, which meant that this was normally a time of chaos within the apartment she shared with Misato and Shinji. On a normal morning, Shinji would be the first one awake, preparing breakfast while Asuka showered and changed. Misato would shuffle into the kitchen, sleepy-eyed and mumbling as she reached for the first of the day's many beers, and then they would all sit down and eat together. Asuka would undoubtedly find something to complain about, like some new ingredient that Shinji had added to the soup that morning, Misato would quickly feel the kick from her beer breakfast and begin good-naturedly ribbing both of the Children about school, sync tests, and anything else that she thought might get a rise out of them, tempers would flare and arguments would start – and then, it would be time to leave, and Shinji and Asuka would walk to school together, usually bickering the whole way.

That was a _normal_ morning.

Things hadn't been normal for a very long time.

Asuka looked across to Misato's bedroom door. She had spent almost every minute of the past two days in her room, coming out only to use the bathroom, or to collect yet another armload of beers from the refrigerator and take them back into her bedroom. Asuka had never actually _seen_ the back of the fridge since she had moved in, as Misato had always been careful to keep it full of her beverage of choice at all times, but for the last two days she had been consuming her stockpile at a rapid rate, and the fridge was now nearly empty.

_She really needs to go back to work, _Asuka thought. _She needs to do something to take her mind off of all this._

Misato was on a temporary leave of absence from NERV, ever since two nights ago when she had come home following the failed operation to recover Shinji from Unit 01. The redhead turned her thoughts back to that night, remembering how she had answered the door when the bell rang, to find Misato and a Section Two agent waiting outside. Misato had been unable to find her keys, so the agent had rung the doorbell. At first, Asuka had thought she was drunk, but her guardian's bleary eyes and dazed expression were not caused by alcohol, but by grief and sorrow. Then, as she stepped aside to allow the agent to help Misato into the apartment, realization hit Asuka like cold water in the face as the reason for Misato's condition became clear to her.

Shinji wasn't coming home tonight.

Maybe not ever.

Asuka remembered lying in her bed later that night, hearing the soft sobbing coming from the master bedroom across the hall. She had wondered if maybe she should do something, even just to knock on her door and ask if she was all right, if there was anything she needed. But she had held back, unsure of what to say or do, and remained in her room instead. Asuka had faced death numerous times, had defeated mighty foes with a determination and confidence that rivalled most adults, but in this situation, faced only with the quiet suffering of another, she had never felt more like a child. What could she do?

After a couple of hours, the sobs had died away, leaving only silence. And that was how things had remained.

It had been a tough four weeks since the last Angel attack. Misato had been working overtime almost every night, overseeing the refit of Unit 01 after the berserk Evangelion had somehow shattered most of its own armor following the battle, and consulting with Dr. Akagi on the operation to free Shinji from the EVA. The few times she had seen Misato during that period, she had been tired and irritable, and few words had passed between them. Asuka had found herself alone in the apartment for much of the past month, left to prepare her own meals or to order in something to eat, to clean up after herself, to do her own dishes and laundry, and she did not like it one bit.

_This is all that idiot Shinji's fault! _Asuka thought, for perhaps the thousandth time since everything had begun.

_He had to come running in to save the day, just like always, and look where it got him!_

_And now EVERYBODY'S paying for his stupidity this time!_

Just the thought of that last battle caused her shoulders to ache, as she recalled the agonizing feedback that had jolted through her body when the fourteenth Angel had shot its razor-edged limbs toward Unit 02, dismembering the EVA in the blink of an eye. The shock and pain had galvanized the redhead's rage, recklessly launching her unit into a kamikaze run toward the Angel. Thinking back, Asuka had to admit it was probably not the brightest of moves on her part. She was secretly thankful that Misato had ordered her neural link cut before the Angel had lashed out again, this time cleanly decapitating her EVA. The pain that had shot through her arms that day was nothing compared to the bitter agony of her defeat, and it still smarted a month later.

Things would have been different if all three EVAs had been deployed in the battle, Asuka knew. With Unit 01 by her side, and if necessary, the damaged but still operational Unit 00 as well, the Angel would have been quickly put down. To her consternation and embarrassment, Asuka had been unable to take the Angel solo, and the one time she actually needed Shinji, he had not been there for her. He had abandoned his fellow pilots, and she hated him for that. But he had come back, when all seemed lost, and once more the Invincible Shinji had prevailed – and Asuka hated him for that even more.

However, it seemed that Shinji had paid a terrible price for his victory, and not even Asuka considered it fair punishment for the thunder he had stolen from her.

Now, after the operation to retrieve him from Unit 01 had failed, it seemed that he may have paid the ultimate price, and Asuka could only wonder what that meant for the future.

_What if the next Angel attack goes the same way as the last one?_ she thought, a small chill running the length of her spine.

_What if… what if I can't beat it again?_

_That stupid doll Wondergirl can't pilot Unit 01, and the dummy plug won't work either._

_Without Shinji, Unit 01 is useless._

Asuka quickly purged the thought from her mind, hating Shinji for making her doubt her own abilities.

_I'll just HAVE to win next time, _she resolved.

_Failure is not an option._

Still, as much as she tried to block it out, that last thought nagged at her as she packed her briefcase and prepared to leave. Without Shinji, Unit 01 was indeed useless, and Asuka knew that there was no way that the Commander would tolerate this. So somehow, she reasoned, they _had_ to get Shinji back, if they wanted Unit 01 back in action.

After the way the last battle went, the redhead was certain that NERV would want Unit 01 back in action pretty desperately.

_They must have another plan, _Asuka thought._ They… we… need Unit 01._

She hated Shinji for making her admit that fact. She hated him for so many things at that moment.

She was growing so _tired_ of hating him.

She hoped and prayed that she would have the chance to tell him how much she hated him.

As she clicked her briefcase shut, Asuka glanced into the kitchen and grimaced at the sight of the dirty dishes piled high in the sink, and of the overflowing trash bin.

_They'd better bring him home soon, _she thought. _This place looks like a disaster, and if I have to eat takeout much longer…_

"Misato? I'm leaving," Asuka called out.

She waited for a reply for long moments, but there was only silence from behind Misato's door.

With a sigh, the redhead stepped through the front door of the apartment and started out on her way to school… alone.

o o o

Life in classroom 2-A had been very quiet for the past four weeks. A pall had descended over the usual chatter and chaos that accompanied most normal days in the classroom. Suzuhara was gone, still in serious condition in the hospital after what must have been a terrible accident. Nobody knew exactly what had happened to him – all that was known for sure was that he had somehow been in the vicinity of the thirteenth Angel's attack, and must have been caught in the battle with the EVAs. The class representative, Horaki, had gone to see him in the hospital almost every day, but other than telling the others how he was feeling, she wasn't saying much about what happened. If she knew anything, she wasn't telling – almost as if for some reason she wasn't allowed to.

Now Ikari hadn't been seen in weeks either, and the students sensed that something serious must have happened to him too. It was well known that Shinji Ikari was the pilot of the famous Evangelion Unit 01, and he was often absent from school for short periods when he was needed to defend Tokyo-3 against the Angels, to attend training sessions to hone his piloting skills, or when his perilous duties had landed him in the infirmary, but he had never been gone this long before. The students were curious, and worried, and wanted desperately to know what was going on. The few who were brave enough to approach Soryu about Ikari's absence were rewarded with a caustic stream of verbal abuse and highly descriptive threats of physical violence from the redhead, which were taken at their word by pretty much everybody. There was only one other person in the class who would definitely know something about Ikari, but as scary as Soryu could be, _nobody _had the courage to go up to that particular girl and ask.

Rei Ayanami sat at her desk, her chin in her palm, as she stared out the window at a small bunch of dried leaves that were caught in a dust devil spinning lazily on the basketball court below. The leaves swirled around and around, rising and falling, as if performing for their solitary audience watching from above. Rei understood the principles of thermal convection very well, having covered it the previous semester in science period. The phenomenon occurring before her was common and unremarkable, the mere result of the sun-warmed asphalt on the court generating an upward current in the slightly cooler air above. Yet her attention was strangely drawn to the cavorting leaves, and her ruby eyes followed each rise and fall of their carefree dance with interest.

_They almost seem alive, _she thought, as the leaves did a quick pirouette, settled to the asphalt, and then rose again, twisting merrily in the heat. _Although I know that they are not._

_Like so many things, they are not as they appear to be._

A tiny frown appeared at the corners of her delicate mouth, as she contemplated the chaos, spinning just like the leaves below, in her normally ordered thoughts.

_For the last month, I have done nothing out of the ordinary, _she thought_. I have attended school, participated in synchronization tests, fulfilled all of my duties as normal._

_So why does everything feel different?_

Her ivory brow crinkled beneath her light blue bangs, as an image of the brown-haired boy formed in her mind, and she whispered his name in her thoughts once more.

_Ikari._

Of course, Rei knew very well why everything felt different to her. She was just having a difficult time coming to grips with the realization that, for reasons that she could not explain, she had become used to Ikari's presence in her life. The fact that he was not here should not have had any effect on the performance of her duties, and in fact she had managed to maintain her synchronization ratio and her grades to the satisfaction of the Commander and Dr. Akagi during this period. She was behaving just as if she had never known Ikari, was carrying on as if nothing at all was wrong – and for some reason, this troubled the ruby-eyed girl.

The difference was that in Ikari's absence, she was now going about her tasks in a detached, dull, mechanical manner. To others, this would seem to be _extremely_ normal for Rei Ayanami, who did everything from completing her school reports, to running through her EVA's system startup tasks, to eating her lunch with quiet, orderly precision. She seemed to be acting exactly like the cold, emotionless doll that Pilot Soryu always accused her of being. But to Rei, there was a significant difference. She had recognized that the Commander's son had somehow become an accepted part of her daily routine, almost without her knowledge.

A typical day in Rei's life consisted of her rising in the morning, showering, and preparing a meagre breakfast for herself before leaving her apartment to either go to school to attend class, or to NERV to undergo synchronization tests with the EVAs or to work on the dummy plug system with the Commander and Dr. Akagi. If it was a school day, she would make her way to class on her own, slipping quietly into the classroom and silently taking her seat. She would ignore the other students, and the curious stares and often unkind whispers that they directed her way, but unknown to them, she noticed every look and overheard all that was spoken about her. She would sit quietly during lectures, taking notes if she needed them, or would simply stare out the window while her teacher droned away in the background. She never raised a hand to ask a question, never spoke to anyone, and no one ever spoke to her. This is how things were for as long as she could remember.

When Ikari came, things changed radically, at least as far as her experiences were concerned. Their first interactions were intense, and awkward – she recalled falling from the wheeled gurney when she had been taken to the EVA cages to pilot Unit 01 into battle against the third Angel, even though only days before, she had been seriously wounded in an activation test with Unit 00. She remembered the awful pain searing her insides, the pounding in her head and behind her injured eye, the cold steel mesh of the catwalk biting into her back as she lay helpless... and then, the comforting sensation of someone gently cradling her in their arms, and of a warm wetness splashing on her cheek - the tears of the boy holding her in his protective embrace.

Rei's eyelids lowered as she replayed the scene in her mind.

_He refused to pilot Unit 01 – until he saw me, _she thought.

_He did it because he did not want me to have to go into battle._

_He did it... to protect me._

Then there was the time he had come to her apartment, to deliver her new identity card. Fresh out of the shower, she had surprised him while he tried on the broken, melted glasses she had left on her dresser – the ones that had belonged to the Commander. Unsure of his intentions, she had bolted forward with no regard at all to her nudity, and snatched the glasses off of his face. They had become entangled in each other, and had crashed to the floor in a heap. For long moments, they had lain on the floor, Ikari holding himself over her naked form as their gazes locked, his blue-gray eyes fixed on her ruby ones. She recalled the kaleidoscope of expressions that had played across Ikari's face in those seemingly endless seconds – fear, shame, embarrassment, wonder, longing – and the warmth of his breath on her face and his hand on her breast, before he had been overwhelmed by the moment and had recoiled away from her, apologizing profusely.

As the mortified boy chattered nervously away with his back to her, she finished dressing and abruptly left the apartment without a sound. She expected that he would simply run away - but what she had definitely _not_ expected him to do was to follow her to the train station, and to accompany her to NERV. He had been given a directive - to ensure that she had her new ID card - and despite the intense awkwardness of their previous encounter in the apartment, he clearly intended to see it through. He had even made a furtive attempt to strike up a conversation with her, which had abruptly ended when she had physically struck him for disrespecting the Commander – an action she had since come to regret.

Rei did not understand people in general, and teenage boys in particular, but she did appreciate that it must have taken a tremendous amount of courage for Ikari to have faced her again, and more so to even try to speak to her, so soon after that embarrassing incident. Her classmates, whom she had known for much longer, still could not so much as say hello to her.

_The Commander called him a coward, _Rei recalled. _I practically accused him of being such as he lay in the hospital, before we sortied against the Fifth Angel together._

_But he was not as he appeared to be then, and he fought – and we won._

_He could have run away again, this last time, but instead he came back, and he fought – and we won._

_Now, he might never come back..._

A small part of Rei wished that Ikari _had_ run when he had the chance, instead of returning to fight. It was an irrational thought, and she had no idea why such a nonsensical idea had occurred to her. If Ikari had stayed away, the Angel would have prevailed, and everyone on Earth might now be dead. But the thought lingered – they _still_ might have found a way to defeat the Angel without him, and Ikari would be alive and well today, instead of trapped deep within the body of Evangelion Unit 01, perhaps forever.

She found herself thinking about all that was different about her life since Ikari had come to Tokyo-3. Now, when she entered the classroom in the morning, it was not to stares and whispers, but to the sight of Ikari's small, shy smile, and the sound of his quiet, tentative "Hello, Ayanami, how… how are you today?" Her answer was generally the same every time he asked, but he always seemed to brighten at her words, as if she had related some piece of information that was of vital importance to him.

During class, while the teacher droned on about a variety of tedious pre-Impact subjects, she would occasionally glance up from her laptop screen to catch Ikari quickly looking away from her. She had thought the first few times that it might merely be coincidence, but as time went on, this seemed to continue to happen with regularity.

On the days that they would have to go to NERV for sync tests, before Soryu had moved in with the Major and Ikari, he would often meet up with her along the way, and they would walk together. Rei was aware that the location of Major Katsuragi's apartment in relation to NERV meant that their paths should not have crossed at any point. It was only after several days that she realized that Ikari was going out of his way in order to walk with her, and that he somehow knew exactly when she would reach the intersection where they normally met.

Once in awhile, he would walk her home from school as well, even though her apartment was further out of his way than NERV was. Whenever she asked him why he wished to accompany her, he would just look away and mumble something about it being a nice day for a walk, even though some days it was cloudy, and occasionally it rained.

Unlike the Commander, who only ever seemed to be interested in talking about work with her, Ikari would ask her about all sorts of different things – what kind of music she liked and if she played an instrument, her favorite foods, books she had read or movies that she might have seen, even if she was planning on trying out for the school's swim team - apparently, Ikari had observed her at the pool during P.E. class and noticed that she was an exceptional swimmer. They did not seem like terribly important questions, but he was eager to know the answers. Rei would try to answer his questions as accurately and succinctly as she could, and for some reason he often seemed frustrated by her replies, but nevertheless, he never stopped asking. He had once even asked her for advice about how to talk to his father – even though Rei herself had no idea how to speak to the Commander about anything that didn't involve EVA, the dummy system, or Instrumentality.

At first, this unusual attention seemed very odd to her, but after a time, she had grown accustomed to their walks together, to their brief, hesitant conversations, to listening to the rise and fall of his voice as he nervously chattered away to her, to watching his face and noting how quickly and easily his expressions would change as he spoke.

Now Ikari was gone, and once again, she walked to and from school alone, went to work alone and came home alone, and spoke to no one unless spoken to first.

Things were, for Rei, back to normal.

_Normal._

Why did she suddenly find the word so… distasteful?

_Is this how it feels to "miss" someone? _she wondered.

_Do I… miss Ikari?_

Rei felt a sudden warmth spreading across her pale cheeks. She raised a hand and touched her face absently, turning back to the window to see her pink, flushed reflection in the glass – as well as the reflection of the scowling, red-headed girl who was now standing directly behind her.

"Feeling all right, Wondergirl?" Asuka asked snidely. "You don't look well – that colour in your face makes you seem almost _alive_."

Rei turned in her seat and regarded Asuka with a flat stare. "I am feeling fine, Soryu." she replied calmly. Though she did not display any outward hint of her internal mood, the ruby-eyed girl was in no frame of mind to deal with the Second at that moment.

The redhead sniffed. "Well, that's good to hear. At the rate we're losing pilots these days, we can't afford for you to get sick and _die_ on us now, can we? I guess you've heard about what happened last Friday?"

Rei glanced around the classroom, and noticed that it was empty. The clock on the wall was just coming up on 4:15.

_School has been over for forty-five minutes, _she thought.

"Yes, Dr. Akagi informed me on Saturday morning. I assume you learned the news from Major Katsuragi?"

Asuka rolled her eyes. "Yeah, she told me just before she locked herself in her room and proceeded to drink herself stupid. She spent the whole weekend in bed, and I'm sure she'll still be there when I get home. Some guardian _she_ turned out to be – if I was her real kid, I'd be in foster care by now."

Rei lowered her eyes. "Major Katsuragi cares very much for Ikari," she murmured. "She must… miss him terribly."

The redhead tossed a stray lock of hair out of her face. "Yeah… well, I'm sure she wouldn't be carrying on like this if _I_ got stuck in Unit 02, not that it would ever happen since _I'm_ not a total _dummkopf_ like Shinji," she groused. "Anyway, while you were daydreaming, we got an e-mail from NERV that says we have another sync test tomorrow morning. I already told Hikari we wouldn't be in class. I don't know why they're calling us in again so soon though, we just had one on Thursday and _my_ scores were the best ever, so what's the point of doing _another_ test? Bring on the next Angel, _I'm_ ready to go!"

It was true. Since Shinji had been absorbed into Unit 01, the Second Child's sync scores had jumped significantly. Dr. Akagi believed that Asuka had been so humiliated by her defeat against the fourteenth Angel, she was now applying herself in training much more aggressively that she had previously done. In actual fact though, Asuka wasn't really doing anything differently at all, but her scores had still climbed rapidly back to the level she had been at before Shinji had taken over the number one spot, and had since even exceeded that threshold.

Asuka's insulting remarks and boastful tone managed to draw an uncharacteristic reaction out of Rei. Her crimson eyes narrowed almost imperceptibly as she fixed her gaze on the Second Child.

"I wonder, Soryu – are you _happy_ that Ikari is gone?" she whispered.

There was just enough edge in her tone that it sounded – almost – like a hiss.

The redhead's blue eyes flashed with a quick anger. 'Just… just what the HELL do you mean by _that_, First?" she flared.

Without a sound, Rei rose out of her seat and stepped forward until she and Asuka were eye to eye. "It is true - your sync scores have improved since Ikari was lost," she said cooly. "When Ikari's scores began to overtake yours, yours began to drop, perhaps because you seem to believe that you must be first in all things, or else you are worthless. Now that Ikari is gone, you are once again the number one pilot. Perhaps you are pleased that Ikari is no longer present to challenge your standing."

Asuka was beside herself with rage. She drew back a hand to strike the First Child, but Rei just stared back at her without flinching. Her impassive expression betrayed nothing, but it seemed almost as if her ruby eyes were daring the redhead to strike her. Suddenly uncertain, Asuka dropped her arm back to her side, but she leaned into Rei until the two Children were nearly nose to nose with each other.

"Listen to me, First Child, and listen _good,"_ Asuka spat, her tone pure menace, "I _am_ the best pilot, always _have_ been, always _will_ be! No matter _what_ scores that idiot Shinji _ever_ managed to get, okay? If he was so wonderful and amazing and fantastic, he wouldn't be stuck in his own EVA right now, would he? How many times now have we had to save his sorry ass from his own stupidity? What the hell has Shinji _ever_ done to prove what an awesome pilot he is, other than get lucky on a sync test?

Rei's answer was immediate. "He has the highest number of kills of the three of us. And even though he was absorbed into his EVA, he still succeeded in defeating the fourteenth Angel by himself – something that neither of us were able to accomplish."

Asuka couldn't believe her ears. For long moments, she could only stare at Rei in stunned silence. Was the First Child actually… _taunting _her?

"Shut the HELL up, you STUPID DOLL!" she finally sputtered, "I wish… I wish that _you'd_ been sucked into _your_ EVA instead!"

The redhead whirled and stormed out of the classroom, leaving Rei staring blankly at the floor.

_So do I, Soryu, _she thought, almost wistfully.

She shifted her gaze back out the window. The dust devil had long since dissipated, and her dancing leaves lay scattered and motionless across the basketball court, their performance now over.

Once again, they were exactly as they appeared to be – dry, dead, useless.

Rei suddenly felt very tired. She sat back in her desk and slowly began to gather the books and notes she would need to study later that night. As she went about yet another mundane task in her mundane life, she wished that Ikari was there to walk home with her...

o o o

Misato's head throbbed. She hadn't gone on a bender like this in quite some time, and the way she felt, she doubted she'd be doing it again anytime soon. She struggled to sit upright in bed, groaned as the pounding in her skull intensified with the effort, and sank back down into her duvet, burying her face in her pillow. Beer cans rolled off of the bed, clinking onto the bedroom floor as she writhed under the covers, trying to find a way to lay down that didn't hurt her head so much.

_God, this is ridiculous, _she thought morosely.

_Pull yourself together, soldier._

She recalled how her father used to say that to her when she was a child, whenever she had cried over a bumped head or a skinned knee. He had heard the line in an old movie or something, and thought it was cute to use it on his little daughter. Little Misato had never liked being called "soldier," but the line had always managed to make her stop crying. When she got mad at her father, she would forget all about why she had started crying in the first place. It was many years before Misato had realized that this had been his intention all along, far too late to be able to enjoy a laugh with her father over it.

_And now I really am a soldier, _Misato thought, not appreciating the irony. _And a pretty crappy one at that._

She gritted her teeth and sat herself upright, swinging her legs over and gingerly setting her feet on the floor. Immediately a wave of nausea washed over her, and she swallowed hard to rid her mouth of the saliva that had begun to well in the back of her throat. She sat on the edge of the mattress, clutching her head as she fought the urge to vomit for several minutes. Finally, Misato decided to give in to her body's demand to rid itself of the poison that she had subjected it to over the last forty-eight hours as she frantically bolted to the bathroom and hunched over the toilet, retching loudly.

After emptying the bilious contents of her stomach, Misato wiped her mouth and stared at herself in the bathroom mirror. She looked ten years older – her face was drawn and haggard, with dark circles under her bloodshot eyes, and her normally luxurious hair was now a thick, greasy tangle.

_If only Kaji could see you now, you sexy thing, _she thought to herself.

She opened the medicine cabinet, took out a bottle of aspirin and shook four tablets into her hand, and washed them down with water from the sink faucet, cupping her hands under the tap as she drank. Another wave of nausea hit her, but she fought it down. Wearily, she shuffled over to the shower, casting off her clothes as she turned on the water as hot as she could stand it. She stepped into the cascading water and sunk to the floor of the stall, letting the water wash over her as she dozed underneath the soothing deluge.

After an hour of this, the pounding in her head subsided somewhat, and she shut off the water and reached for a towel. Drying herself, she wrapped the towel around her body and stepped out into the apartment, her eyes bugging out as she surveyed the squalid state of her normally tidy kitchen.

_Normal? _she thought. _This IS normal – for me._

_It was Shinji who always kept the place so clean._

Her eyes landed on the yellowed sheet of paper that was still taped to the refrigerator door. When Shinji had first moved in, Misato had suggested that they split the house chores between them by playing rock-paper-scissors for each day of the month, with the loser taking the chores for that day. What Misato hadn't banked on was that Shinji was quite possibly the _worst_ rock-paper-scissors player in the history of the game, and he had ended up with an overwhelming share of the housework. The teen had refused to renegotiate the schedule though, gamely sticking to the bargain he had made with his guardian.

As it turned out, Shinji actually enjoyed doing the menial tasks, which served to help him keep his mind off of the many larger troubles in his life, and Misato was overjoyed to learn that Shinji was a natural talent in the kitchen. He had even agreed after awhile to relieve Misato of the few days that she had been scheduled to cook, and had practically taken over the kitchen at that point. This had raised no argument with either her or Asuka, who had eaten Misato's cooking just once since she moved in, and had steadfastly refused to do so ever again.

She walked across the grimy floor to the fridge, tore the schedule off of the door and crumpled it into a ball, and tossed it toward the trash bin. It bounced off of the pile of garbage that was already spilling over the bin's sides, and rolled to a halt at Misato's feet.

Tears welled in her chestnut eyes as she stared down at the little ball of paper on the floor.

_He's gone, _she thought.

_Shinji… I'm so sorry…_

A loud "WARK!" startled her, and she spun around to see a VERY irate warm-water erect-crested penguin glaring up at her.

"Pen-Pen? Oh my God, sweetie, it must have been days since I've fed you, poor thing!" Misato wiped at her eyes, sniffling, as she quickly opened the freezer door and peered inside. At her feet, Pen-Pen's hungry black eyes followed her every move expectantly.

_No fish, _she sighed to herself as she scanned the freezer's contents.

_He's going to be SO pissed..._

Frantically she searched through the cupboards, and found an unopened bag of beef jerky. _Oh good, he likes this stuff,_ she thought. She pulled it open, grabbed a handful of the dried strips of meat, and knelt on the floor in front of the angry waterfowl.

"Here you go, baby. Mommy has to go to the store for more fish, so I hope this is okay for now." She smiled weakly as she held out the handful of jerky to the penguin.

With another, exasperated "WARK," Pen-Pen ignored the offered strips, instead snatching the entire bag of jerky out of Misato's other hand and retreating back to his icebox, slamming the door behind him.

Misato could not remember when she had ever felt more inadequate than she did at that moment.

_I can't even look after my pet bird anymore, _she thought to herself.

_Asuka won't so much as look me in the eye these days, she's so disgusted with me._

_Kaji hasn't called in weeks. I don't know if he's alive or dead. I might never know._

_And Shinji… is gone._

_My Shinji's gone…_

She sniffed at the jerky in her hand, suddenly famished, and decided to risk a bite. Immediately, her stomach began to churn, and she quickly spat the half-chewed beef into her hand as several dry heaves wracked her body.

After a few minutes, once her insides had settled down, she made her way over to the kitchen sink, opened the cabinet underneath, and pulled out a large green garbage bag. She dropped the jerky into the bag and began slowly sweeping through the apartment, half-heartedly attempting to clean up over a month's worth of trash and clutter.

She had forgotten how much she hated cleaning. She hated it even more now, since she had not had to do it in a long time.

It was just something else that Shinji always took care of.

_I was supposed to be his guardian, _she thought sadly.

_But somehow, he ended up being mine, too._

_He's gone._

Misato collapsed on the living room couch, the grief overwhelming her again, and she began to cry as she sat surrounded by empty beer cans and greasy, mouldering takeout boxes.

She had no idea how long she had sat there, sobbing, when the telephone rang. She fought the urge to just let the answering machine pick it up, to just shut out the world and wallow in her sorrow, but then she thought about how ashamed Shinji would have been to see her like this. She wiped the tears from her face and reached out a trembling hand, picking up the receiver and bringing it slowly to her ear.

"Katsuragi… oh, hi Ritsu… yeah… no… well, I don't know if I'm okay really, I just… I just can't believe that he's…"

Misato tried as hard as she could to fight back the tears that threatened to burst from her again at any moment, but she still couldn't manage to hide the quiver in her faltering voice.

_God, I'm so pathetic, _she thought.

She just wasn't ready to talk about this yet.

_He's gone._

Nothing could have prepared her for what Ritsuko had to say next.

Misato's chestnut eyes suddenly opened wide, as confusion and disbelief flashed across her features.

"You... you're going to... _what?!?"_

_Continued..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My original goal for this story was to keep each chapter in the vicinity of 3000 words, just for the sake of keeping the narrative moving along. That plan promptly went out the window with the second chapter! Eventually, I just decided that each chapter will be as long as it needs to be to cover what I want to convey in each installment. Chapter lengths for this story range between 3000 to 14,000 words, and looking back it's easy to see where I started hitting my stride with this story after a somewhat hesitant start.
> 
> I tried very hard to keep the three characters in this chapter true to their personalities, even though Rei came off a little bit... feisty in this installment. I took my cue for her sudden outspokenness from Episode 16 of the anime, and felt that I needed to show just how Shinji's extended absence might have affected her, since it had a more profoundly visible effect on Misato and Asuka.
> 
> Thanks again to lachryiadhron for some excellent suggestions on the preread.
> 
> Please feel free to leave a comment, or drop me a line at ikarusonesun (at-sign) gmail (dot) com.
> 
> Cheers,  
IO


	3. The Other Side Of Mourning

DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fan fiction incorporating characters and situations from the Gainax manga/anime series _Neon Genesis Evangelion _and its related feature film releases. Gainax and its various media distributors hold sole exclusive rights to their use. The author is in no way affiliated with Gainax or its distributors, nor has this story been submitted for any commercial purpose.

_**Godchild**_  
by Ikarus Onesun

**Chapter Three:  
The Other Side Of Mourning**

At the bottom of Central Dogma, Ritsuko Akagi was hard at work, methodically running through a series of biomechanical checks at a small computer station. The desk she was working at was set up in the middle of a cavernous room, which was almost completely dark except for the work light at her station, and the glow emanating from the structure which dominated the vast chamber. From the ceiling of the room, a massive, bulbous construction hung, resembling nothing more that a gigantic human brain as cables and ductwork criss-crossed its form, extending downward to a terminal point from which a clear glass tube extended from the bottom of the brain-like structure to the floor of the chamber. The tube was filled with LCL, and the lights that illuminated the tube's contents cast the center of the room in a soft, monochrome yellow glow. A strange series of sounds emanated eerily from the gigantic construction, alternately heaving and hissing, making it sound almost as if it were…_ breathing_.

Ritsuko's green eyes flickered from the computer screen to the tube and back again, as telemetry from the tube was picked up, routed through the MAGI for analysis, and then displayed to the doctor by way of several real-time graphics on her screen. She paused to scribble a few notes onto a yellow steno pad by her keyboard, then her hands moved like quicksilver as she punched a series of functions into the computer. The soft sound of bubbling came from the tube as the computer complied with her commands. She glanced up at the tube once again, a thoughtful expression on her face.

_Just a few more hours, s_he thought.

_The Commander should be pleased with this..._

As if on cue, a soft _beep_ sounded behind her, followed by the rumbling sound of a heavy, reinforced steel door sliding aside. The steady, rhythmic click of hard soles on the steel deck grew slowly louder as Commander Ikari covered the considerable distance from the security door to Ritsuko's workstation, coming to a halt directly behind her and clasping his hands behind his back. He did not acknowledge the doctor's presence with so much as a glance, but instead fixed his gaze on the tube, regarding its contents with interest.

Ritsuko could see the Commander's reflection in her computer's monitor screen, but resisted the urge to turn in her chair and deliver her report on the project's progress. Ikari was difficult to read even in his most open moods, and she had no idea whether or not he was satisfied with what he saw, or how he would react in either case. Instead, she sat quietly, expectantly, as the Commander examined with a critical eye the results of her round-the-clock work for the past six days.

After long minutes, Ikari finally broke the silence. "Well?" he said tersely. His tone was all business.

Ritsuko took a breath. "Vital signs are all within normal parameters, sir," she began, picking up the Commander's cue and keeping the conversation as coldly professional as she could. "No degradation of the genetic matrix has been detected by the MAGI, although the real danger period for that stage of development was passed on Tuesday morning. The… subject is still in the late stages of hyper-maturation, which the MAGI will freeze at," she paused to glance at her screen, "t minus four hours and forty-two minutes. At that time, the subject's chronological development will match that of the… donor to an accuracy of 99.9996 per cent – a degree of error of approximately thirty minutes, plus or minus." Ritsuko was especially proud of that last bit of information, and deep inside she hoped that the Commander would appreciate just how difficult that particular result was to achieve.

Ikari seemed nonplussed. "What about brain activity?"

Ritsuko turned her terminal's screen so that the Commander could see for himself. "Completely flat. This is as nominal a result as we have ever achieved."

Ikari stared at the screen, then turned his attention back to the tube, unconsciously pushing his glasses up onto the bridge of his nose. "I certainly hope so, Doctor. We cannot afford another… surprise in this case. I see, however, that some of the side effects of the previous operation have also manifested themselves in this subject as well."

The corners of Ritsuko's mouth turned down ever so slightly. _Did he expect it to be perfect? _she sighed inwardly._ I did tell him about the possible risks…_

"Yes, sir," she said after a short pause, "as in the first case, this is undoubtedly due to the combination of genetic materials. As I said earlier, drawing a pristine sample from the contents of Unit 01's entry plug was virtually impossible. Other than the… cosmetic differences, though, it is an exact physical match, and once maturation is complete, the vessel will be prepared for the next stage of the operation."

Ikari seemed to mull this over for several seconds. "Nevertheless," he said thoughtfully, "it is still a hybrid, and there will be potential for significant risks in the future, once the recombination has been achieved. The time will be upon us soon, but I would still prefer to err on the side of caution, so you will prescribe the medication if the recovery is successful. Understood?"

Ritsuko had to admit that she had not even considered that particular possibility. "Of course, sir," she said.

A small smile appeared on Ikari's lips. Still keeping his gaze fixed on the tube, he reached out and placed a hand on Ritsuko's shoulder. "You have done very well, Doctor. We will proceed with the next stage tomorrow at 13:00 hours, as planned. And perhaps, if all goes well, it may be possible for us to have dinner together afterward, to discuss the results."

It was not exactly the most romantic of overtures, Ritsuko noted, but it was about the closest that Gendou Ikari ever came to actually asking her out, and his words still made her heart race.

"Well, that would be very… nice, Commander," she acquiesced, "I'm looking forward to it." She could not quite manage to hide the note of hopefulness in her otherwise cool tone.

"Then I will see you tomorrow at one. I would like your final report on the first stage of the operation on my desk in the morning before we proceed." With that, he turned and began to make his way back to the security door on the far side of the chamber.

A thought came to Ritsuko. "Commander?" she called out. Ikari stopped, but did not turn around as she continued. "There is a sync test scheduled for the other two Children tomorrow at 11:00 AM. It will end shortly before the second phase will be initiated, which means that Asuka and Rei will likely be present during the recombination operation. Should I reschedule their sync test, and tell them to go to school instead?

Ikari was silent for long moments, his back still to Ritsuko as he contemplated this.

"No. They may stay and watch the operation, if they wish. Perhaps the example of my son's current predicament will impress upon them the importance of following orders, if nothing else."

Ritsuko felt a shiver as Ikari coolly resumed his steady gait, disappearing out of the reach of the soft amber glow of the chamber and into the blackness. A few moments later, a shaft of stark white light penetrated the vast room as the Commander passed through the security door and exited the chamber.

For a split second, just before the heavy door slammed shut, the bright light picked up the glinting of dozens of red eyes in the darkness, ringing the perimeter of the chamber.

o o o

Misato reclined back in the driver's seat of her blue Renault Alpine as the conveyer belt it was currently parked on carried it down from the surface of Tokyo-3 to the main level of the Geofront. She really didn't know why she always insisted on driving to work – there were more direct ways from the surface to NERV's operations center which she could just as easily have taken, but they would have required her to leave her car above, and Misato liked to know that her car was handy, even 900 meters underground. Besides, she had her own parking space just outside the colossal pyramid that housed NERV's vital departments, and even though she already held the rank of major within NERV's command structure, nothing said "success" quite like a private parking spot.

_It's going to be weird, coming back, _she thought. _I've never had this much time off before._

When Ritsuko had called her the previous Monday afternoon to tell her the news that they might have found another way to rescue Shinji from Unit 01, Misato had leapt to her feet, her hangover instantly forgotten, and was ready to pull on her uniform and head straight to the command center – but Ritsuko had asked her to calm down, and to take the rest of the week off. She didn't go into specifics, but she said that the plan that she and a hand-picked team of technicians were working on had never been tried before, and though it showed promise, she could not guarantee that it would be a success. The doctor did not want to raise Misato's hopes, and she _really _did not want her coming to work and hovering over the project team while they worked the problem, so she suggested that Misato extend her leave of absence until that Friday, when the operation to free Shinji would commence. Misato had initially balked at this, until Ritsuko mentioned that the suggestion for her to stay away from work was actually Commander Ikari's, not hers. Faced with what was essentially an order from her commanding officer, Misato relented, but she had insisted on remaining on call in the event of another Angel attack, to which Ritsuko had agreed.

It had been a nerve-wracking week for Misato. NERV had been her entire life for so long that, without it, she was at a total loss as to what to do with herself. She did make an effort to clean up the apartment, and she had to admit that it looked almost livable again, although she knew that Shinji would still be appalled by the general state of the place. She smiled as she pictured the stunned look that would surely cross his face when he came home, took one look around, and saw how different the apartment was to how he had left it.

_Shinji will fix the place right up, _she thought hopefully. _He hates to see things in a mess, and he'll take care of everything._

_I can't wait until he comes home._

She allowed herself to follow this optimistic train of thought, even though she knew that the odds were still considerably against him ever coming home again. After the past week, she needed something positive to cling to – it was too hard to keep grieving, not when there still remained the hope, however faint, that Shinji would be rescued.

Misato hoped that Shinji's return would also lift some of the tension that had permeated the apartment whenever she and Asuka were there together. It turned out that Shinji was a necessary foil for the two women, because it was now quite clear that they were almost completely incompatible as roommates. Without the Third Child to cook the meals, pick up after Misato, and act as the lightning rod for Asuka's volatile temper, the apartment was now either filled with high-pitched screaming as they argued with one another over the smallest issues, or with a stony silence as they barely acknowledged each other in going about their daily routines.

_It's not her fault, _Misato mused. _Asuka's as upset over all this as anybody, although she's trying not to let anyone see it._

She recalled what had also happened last Monday, when Asuka had stormed into the apartment, teeth clenched and fuming. Misato had been doing her best to clean up the apartment, and she had dropped the garbage bag she had been carrying and asked Asuka what was wrong. The redhead had immediately launched herself into a shrill tantrum, peppered with obscenities and often unintelligible, but the gist of it was that she had gotten into a huge argument at school with _Rei, _of all people, because the ruby-eyed girl had apparently accused Asuka of being "happy" that Shinji was gone. There was something in her rant about her sync scores too, but Asuka kept coming back to the same theme – that she was _not_ "happy" that Shinji was gone, that she was _still_ the best pilot whether that idiot was here or not, and how _dare_ that stupid, emotionless puppet even _suggest _something so idiotic to her?

_Whatever Rei said to her, she pushed all the right buttons, _Misato had thought. She wondered if she should call the NERV infirmary to see if the First Child had been admitted.

Once the redhead had calmed down, Misato had told her about Ritsuko's phone call, and that NERV was going to try one more time to bring Shinji back. She recalled how the news had brought a quick flash of disbelief – and hope – to Asuka's face, before the sullen mask that she had worn almost exclusively for the past five weeks had dropped again, and Misato remembered how she had responded to the news:

"Well, if he doesn't come back this time, we're going to have to move, because the city is going to end up condemning this dump," she had said, casting a disapproving glance at the bulging garbage bag at Misato's feet.

With that, she had stormed past Misato and into her room, slamming the door behind her, without even offering to help clean up. From that point on, they hadn't exchanged more than a dozen words between each other. Asuka would come home from school, eat whatever Misato had ordered in for them or else order something on her own, and then each of them would retire to their own bedroom for the remainder of the evening.

Misato had never realized just how important Shinji was to maintaining the peace in their living arrangement.

_If Shinji doesn't come back, Asuka will probably leave, too – we just can't seem to get along, _she thought sadly.

_Then I'll be alone again._

She frowned at how this thought caused her to shiver involuntarily. When had she become so afraid of being alone?

_He HAS to come back._

Misato felt a slow rumble begin to build below the Alpine as the conveyer it was sitting on began to slow, finally coming to a halt at its terminus on the main level of the Geofront. She turned the ignition key and brought the engine to life as a steel safety bar in front of the car's nose swung upward. Immediately she stepped on the gas, launching the car through a short, dark tunnel and out into the artificially lit interior of the vast underground sphere, as she gunned the Alpine down the tree-lined boulevard that led straight to the massive pyramid which housed NERV's command center.

o o o

Friday morning's sync test did not go well for Asuka.

After all of the gains she had made over the past five weeks, and achieving personal bests on her sync scores, Asuka had finished that morning's test a full seven points below her last result. Again, she had done nothing out of the ordinary, running though her checklist in the test plug the same way she did every single time, just like she had when her scores were climbing. But today, the results were very different, and the redhead was at a loss to explain herself to Dr. Akagi, who had let her know in no uncertain terms that she was not impressed with her efforts.

As she made her way from the test bay to the pilots' locker room, Ritsuko's admonishments still ringing in her ears, Asuka's eyes practically bored a hole into the back of the blue-haired girl walking calmly in front of her. Unlike Asuka, Rei's scores were actually up by two points today, which was unusual in itself as the First Child's sync ratios were normally steady as a rock – unremarkable in comparison to Asuka's or Shinji's, but always consistent. It would normally be cause for comment whenever Rei's scores improved even by a point, but Dr. Akagi had made no mention at all of her small accomplishment, focusing instead on Asuka's dismally poor performance.

The redhead felt hot anger and resentment building within her as the two Children walked silently toward the locker room. It was bad enough that her test scores were down – but Ritsuko had bawled her out right in front of the First, who had improved on her own scores during the same test. To Asuka, this only served to add insult to injury, and she hated Ritsuko for dressing her down in front of Rei. And the way that emotionless doll had just _stood_ there, taking it all in while Asuka had been embarrassed by the doctor – _oh, she must have just loved that, _Asuka thought bitterly.

_She just stood there looking all goddamned smug, watching me get chewed out, while she was the little star of the day!_

_God, I HATE her!_

They entered the dressing room and went to their respective lockers, which were at opposite ends of the room. To one side, a section of the room was still partitioned off with a white curtain, behind which Shinji's locker was located. Since all the pilots changed together, and Shinji was the only boy, the curtain had been installed to give the Children some privacy. To the two girls, the fact that the curtain was still up served as a reminder that Shinji wasn't completely gone – not yet.

Asuka pulled off her red plugsuit and pitched it roughly into the bottom of her locker. She was trying desperately to bite back her anger, to just change as quickly as she could and get out of the room so that she wouldn't have to say anything to Rei, but her rage had built to the boiling point and was threatening to spill over. She wrapped herself in a towel from the top shelf of her locker, and whirled on the blue-haired girl across the room.

"So, Wondergirl, did you enjoy the show?" she spat. "It must have been nice for you, to see me get knocked down like that."

At the other end of the room, Rei did not even look up at the angry redhead.

"No, I did not," the ruby-eyed girl said flatly. "Your test results, and your interactions with Dr. Akagi, are none of my concern."

Asuka sneered. "Oh, I _bet,_" she flared, "I_ know_ what you think of me, especially after your little "outburst" last Monday. Do you _still _think I'm happy that Shinji's gone, now that I just blew today's test, and shot your little theory full of holes?"

Rei was quiet for long moments. When she spoke, it was in a low, almost inaudible whisper.

"I am... unsure of your opinion regarding Ikari's absence. However, today is the day that Dr. Akagi will again attempt to extract him from Unit 01. Perhaps you are preoccupied with today's rescue operation, which may have affected your results on today's sync test."

Asuka's eyes widened in disbelief. "So… you're saying that I'm _worried _that he might come back? That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard! Do you have _any _brains in that wooden puppet head of yours?"

The blue-haired pilot kept her eyes downward as she replied. "I am not certain how you feel. But if Ikari does return today, then you will be forced to compete with him once again."

Asuka could have happily strangled Rei to death at that moment, but then a thought occurred to her, and she strode across the room, looming over the First Child as she sat on the bench in front of her locker, packing her copy of her test logs into her briefcase.

"So, First, if you're so sure that my scores are down because I don't want Shinji to come back, then how do you explain _your _scores being _up_? If we use your infallible logic, that would mean that you're looking _forward_ to Shinji returning today!"

Rei paused in her packing, her brow crinkled in thought. After a moment, she looked up at the redhead, her ruby eyes studying Asuka carefully.

"Yes… I am. Are you not?"

The frankness of her response struck Asuka like a slap in the face. Her anger quickly evaporated into confusion over her own feelings about what might happen to Shinji today. She opened her mouth to respond to Rei's question, but for some reason, the retort that she desperately wanted to give to the other girl just wouldn't come.

After a long, uneasy silence passed between the two Children, Rei snapped her briefcase shut and rose from the bench. "I'm leaving," she said as she closed her locker and headed for the door. Asuka's eyes followed her, and she realized that the ruby-eyed girl was still wearing her plugsuit.

"Hey Wondergirl… aren't you going to shower and change?" she called after her fellow pilot.

Rei stopped in her tracks, her eyes glancing quickly at the chronometer built into the back of her plugsuit's left glove, before looking over her shoulder through her light blue bangs at the Second Child. "It is nearly one o'clock. The rescue operation will begin momentarily. I wish to be on the bridge to observe the operation. Do you not wish to observe as well?"

Asuka sat down on her own bench, staring at the floor. "I… I don't know," she stammered.

Rei nodded. "Very well," she said, as she stepped through the automatic sliding door, "goodbye."

The door slid closed behind her, leaving the redhead alone in the dressing room.

Asuka slumped against her locker, banging the back of her head against the steel door in frustration. She sat there for long minutes, staring into space as she contemplated all that had happened to her that morning – and all that had happened in the last five weeks.

_Verdammt, _she finally thought. _I hate my life right now._

_My scores absolutely sucked today. Ritsuko made a fool of me, right in front of Wondergirl. And now that stupid doll's going to make me look like a bitch, just because I don't want to watch the rescue operation._

_Just because… I don't want to go through this all over again._

Her thoughts turned to Shinji, still trapped within his EVA, and she wondered what the last month must have been like for him as well. Asuka had no idea if he was conscious and aware of all the activity going on around Unit 01 as the technicians prepared for the rescue operation, or, as she hoped, if he were merely in some kind of dream state, sleeping peacefully without any idea of the stress and worry that his absence was causing so many people. Misato, though, clearly believed the former – Asuka had seen her many times before the first, failed rescue attempt, standing on the catwalk in front of Unit 01's massive head and speaking softly to the impassive mecha as if it were Shinji himself. The redhead had thought it a ridiculous thing to do, and she had made the mistake one night at the apartment of telling Misato so – which had caused another huge argument to erupt between the two. Misato didn't speak to her for almost a week after that fight, and every withering look she gave Asuka during that time made the girl feel very, very small.

_Everyone thinks they care about him more than I do,_ she thought sullenly.

She sighed heavily as she rose to her feet, briefly inspecting the contents of her locker before she turned and plodded glumly to the showers.

o o o

Rei walked down the long corridor which lead to the elevators servicing the command center's bridge, her eyes downcast as her thoughts drifted to the operation that she was about to witness. She had no idea what was going to happen, as Dr. Akagi had said very little about the procedure that they would use to try to rescue Ikari from Unit 01. There had been quite a lot of unusual activity in the past week within several of NERV's more sensitive branches though, and Rei understood that whatever they were planning must have been of a highly experimental nature. But there was also a high level of secrecy surrounding the operation, as though the Commander and Dr. Akagi did not want anyone to know what they were planning.

Rei had discovered this firsthand on Tuesday evening – or rather, early Wednesday morning. She had been unable to sleep, something that rarely happened to her, but her thoughts had been difficult to rein in since the failed attempt to rescue Ikari, and she had lain awake for hours, tossing and turning as the images of the brown-haired boy refused to leave her mind. Finally, she decided to go to NERV Headquarters in the middle of the night and partake of something that she considered a guilty pleasure - something that always helped to put her at ease when all else failed.

From the pedestrian entrance to the Geofront, she rode the long series of escalators that took her down to NERV's main access level, and then stepped onto the elevator that would take her to the bottom level of Central Dogma – and the main LCL storage facility. It was here that Rei would sometimes enter unnoticed, slip out of her clothes, and float for hours in the giant tanks of amber liquid, clearing her mind of all thoughts and cares. The life-sustaining fluid would fill her lungs, negating her buoyancy, and she would just relax and drift aimlessly, letting the slow convection currents within the huge tanks carry her where they willed. Sometimes she would lose all sense of orientation, no longer knowing which way was up or down.

She was always careful not to let herself fall asleep when she was floating in the LCL, though – the one time she had allowed herself to completely succumb to the soothing sensations, the nightmare that had come to her was so horrible that she didn't sleep for two days afterward. It was a dream of death, destruction, and the end of the world, and it was one of the few times in her life that Rei had experienced real terror. Soryu had asked her once if she had dreams, but Rei had not replied, because unlike all of her other dreams, the one she had experienced in the LCL still remained fresh and vivid in her memory. Even Soryu would have been shocked to hear of the things that Rei had dreamt of in the tank.

On this particular night though, she had stepped off the elevator when it reached Central Dogma, and swiped her identity card to gain access to the storage facility – and her card had been denied. The level of security for access to Central Dogma had apparently been heightened, and Rei did not have the necessary clearance to enter. It must have been something very important, she reasoned, as her pilot's status normally gave her access to all levels of NERV, with the exception of Terminal Dogma, and Rei knew full well why that part of NERV was off-limits to all but the top three members of the chain of command. Now, it appeared that Central Dogma, or at least its lower levels, had been placed on the same security level as Terminal Dogma. Rei was genuinely puzzled by this, and she wondered if she should bring the subject up with the Commander later that day. Of course, that would also require her to explain why she was attempting to access the LCL storage facility at 3:20 in the morning, so the ruby-eyed girl had decided that discretion might be the wiser course of action in this case. Besides, it was certain that the heightened security around Central Dogma was by order of the Commander himself, and Rei had complete faith in her superior's judgement on all things, so she was content to just accept the matter without question. She had returned to her modest apartment and had fallen asleep almost immediately after crawling back into her bed, the long walk to and from NERV serving to tire her enough to take the edge off of the chaos still churning in her thoughts.

Now, though, as she made her way down the corridor, she thought about that night, and about the operation that was to begin within minutes. Did the heightened security in Central Dogma have something to do with Ikari? And if so, what were the Commander and Dr. Akagi planning? Why was nothing being said about the process?

Rei shook her head, purging the thoughts from her mind.

_Whatever the reasons, the Commander is doing what he believes is best, _she thought.

_I have always put my faith in his work, and there is no reason not to do so in this matter._

Normally, this would be enough to reassure her, and she would always accept the Commander's actions without a second thought. But something about this whole situation made her uneasy, and she could not rid herself completely of the nagging doubt that lurked in the shadows of her mind.

She shifted her thoughts to Ikari instead, and she pictured the last time she had seen him – being led from the NERV infirmary in shackles and accompanied by a Section Two agent, on his way to a disciplinary hearing with the Commander following the battle with the thirteenth Angel. She had been on her way to visit him – she did not know why she had felt compelled to see Ikari, but the urge was strangely overwhelming – but she had been too late. Rei recalled the look on his face as he passed her in the hallway – neither Child had spoken to the other, but their eyes had momentarily locked. Ikari had just witnessed one of his best friends, Suzuhara, crippled and nearly killed at the hands of Unit 01, hands which had been taken out of his control by his own father, and the guilt, the shame, and the unbridled anger that now possessed him seemed to jump from his eyes to hers like electricity. The experience had unsettled her – she had very little experience with such intense emotions, and to see the normally quiet, shy boy radiating so much raw negativity had an odd effect on the ruby-eyed girl. It was almost as if her heart actually… _ached_ when he had looked at her like that.

Afterward, she had learned that Ikari had resigned from NERV, and that she had been designated as the pilot of Unit 01. There was a time when Rei would have greatly desired this assignment, before Ikari had come to NERV, but once he had gone, the thought of piloting Unit 01 gave her no sense of satisfaction at all. Unit 01 was _his_, and this became clearly evident during her first attempt to pilot the purple EVA, when the nauseating feedback from the unit's refusal to synchronize with her had nearly made her sick to her stomach. She had doubled over in the pilot's chair, her hand flying to her mouth to suppress her urge to retch – and throughout the entire time she was in the entry plug, that familiar scent was still plainly evident – _his _scent.

And then, the most recent battle – Rei remembered waking up in the hospital, after manually detonating an N² mine in an unsuccessful attempt to destroy the fourteenth Angel's core, and being genuinely surprised that not only was she still alive, but that the world was pretty much the way she had left it before she lost consciousness. Soryu's EVA had gone down after she failed to stop the Angel, losing both arms and its head to the Angel's razor-edged arms, and Rei had known, in the split-second before the mine had detonated, that her desperate kamikaze run was also a failure. With Units 00 and 02 both out of action, the Angel should have easily breached NERV Command, and would certainly have found its way to Adam eventually – and Third Impact would have resulted. Yet here she was, lying in a hospital bed battered and bruised, but very much alive, and all was right with the world. What had happened?

_Ikari._

The answer had been immediately obvious. Ikari had come back, piloted Unit 01 again, and defeated the Angel. It was the only feasible explanation. The realization had strangely caused her heart rate to quicken, which she could plainly tell from the bedside monitor that she was hooked up to. Despite her injuries, she felt again an odd urge to leave her bed and seek him out, to find out what happened, or at the very least, just to see him again. She stayed put though, unsure of the severity of her condition, until Major Katsuragi – and not the Commander, as she had expected – had come to check on her. It was then that she had learned of all that had happened during the battle – and what had happened to Unit 01 and Ikari afterward.

Now, five weeks later, after one attempt at rescuing him had already failed, the scientists at NERV were going to try one more time to free Ikari from his EVA – which might also be the last time. Rei knew, from the little information about the operation that Dr. Akagi had been willing to convey, that the chances of his recovery were still very slim. It was a dismal thought, even though it was an accurate assessment of the situation, and Rei found that the more she focused on the statistical probabilities of Ikari's successful rescue, the strange disquiet that had been building within her over the past few weeks became all the more intense.

What was it that she had said to Soryu earlier, in the locker room? About the Second Child feeling… _apprehension _about today's operation?

_Is this what I feel as well? _she mused.

_Am I… afraid?_

_Afraid that the operation will fail, and that he will remain trapped within Unit 01, perhaps forever?_

She bit her lip furtively, finding this train of thought most disagreeable, not only for the admission of her inner fear, but for the implications that her reaction to Ikari's predicament raised within her troubled soul. She decided to approach the problem from the opposite angle, and focused instead on the positive aspects of the upcoming operation – in short, the ruby-eyed girl allowed herself to _hope_.

_He has overcome the odds before, _she thought. _He piloted Unit 01 without any prior training, which all of the scientists had believed would be impossible. Only the Commander and Dr. Akagi believed that he could do it._

_And they are the ones who will also lead today's operation._

As she reached the elevators, her hand slid unconsciously behind her back and grasped her other arm as she waited patiently for the lift to arrive to take her to the command center. She stared at the floor, her blue hair hanging in her face, as she steeled herself for what was sure to be a trying ordeal.

_I believe in the Commander, _she resolved, slightly more emphatically than usual.

_And… I believe in Ikari._

_He will come back, if they can show him the way._

_He will come back…_

A soft _ping _sounded as an elevator car arrived at her floor. Rei stepped inside, pushed the button for the command center level, and turned and waited in the middle of the car. Her eyelids closed as she clasped her hands in front of her, a pensive expression on her downturned face.

"He will come back," she whispered softly to herself.

As the elevator doors slid slowly closed, anyone passing by at that moment would have sworn that Rei Ayanami was…_ praying._

_Continued…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Three was originally meant to be more action-oriented, but the characters demanded to have a little more to say, so the bulk of what I had planned for this installment will now appear in Chapter Four. IO loves inner monologue, maybe too much sometimes. :) Stay with me, folks, big stuff is coming up…
> 
> Lachryiadhron. Is. The. Man. Thanks for correcting me on the make of Misato's car (I originally had it as a Nissan, just off the top of my head, though I did get the model right), and for some good character pointers on Ritsuko. So far, people seem to like how Ritsuko has come off in this fic – which means I now have to pay more attention to her. 
> 
> Please feel free to leave a comment, or drop me a line at ikarusonesun (at-sign) gmail (dot) com.
> 
> Cheers,  
IO


	4. Awake

DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fan fiction incorporating characters and situations from the Gainax manga/anime series _Neon Genesis Evangelion _and its related feature film releases. Gainax and its various media distributors hold sole exclusive rights to their use. The author is in no way affiliated with Gainax or its distributors, nor has this story been submitted for any commercial purpose.

_**Godchild**_  
by Ikarus Onesun

**Chapter Four:  
Awake**

Misato stared down from her vantage point on the bridge through the heavy shatterproof glass at the imposing form of Evangelion Unit 01 as it was being prepared for what Ritsuko had referred to as the "second stage" of the operation to rescue Shinji from within the massive EVA. Whatever the "first stage" was, Ritsuko wasn't saying much about it, and even though Misato would be the first to admit that she probably wouldn't have understood anything about the scientific methods involved in the operation, she still did not appreciate being left out of the loop.

Ever since she had strode onto the bridge that afternoon after a week's absence, she'd had the nagging feeling that everyone in her immediate vicinity was walking on eggshells around her. When Misato had arrived on deck, she found Ritsuko busily running through a series of preliminary checks with the bridge crew. Instead of calling out orders like she normally did, she would walk to each station, personally check over the data on the technician's screen, and then mutter something under her breath, almost as if she didn't want anyone - Misato in particular - to hear what she was saying.

_I'm probably just imagining things, _she thought. _After all, I did kind of lose it last time I was here – they're all probably a little nervous about me being up here again for this operation._

_Hell, I'M nervous._

She folded her arms as she watched a swarm of technicians working on the back of Unit 01 to prepare it for manual insertion of its entry plug. The purple EVA was still refusing all remote commands from the bridge, which meant that the removal and re-insertion of the plug would have to be done by hand. This was a difficult and time-consuming task that had only been done once before, when a mysterious blackout had crippled most of NERV's operational systems. However, the experience of that situation had given the crew a protocol that they would now use again for that afternoon's operation.

Unit 01 was the sole EVA within the cage – Units 00 and 02 were still undergoing repairs after the massive damage both EVAs had sustained during the battle against the fourteenth Angel. It had been five weeks since that battle, and neither unit had yet been deemed operational. This was a time of crisis for NERV, for with two EVAs badly damaged, and Unit 01 inoperable, another Angel attack at that moment would be potentially disastrous. This gave an added air of urgency to the rescue operation – if they managed to get Shinji back, there was a very good chance that they might have to send him out on a sortie almost immediately after recovering him, if the other two EVAs still weren't combat ready.

Now, within the cage, Unit 01 had been manipulated into a crucifix-like pose, in order to accommodate the special apparatus that had been fitted around its upper torso. The mechanism resembled an enormous metal vest that was studded with a dozen cylindrical protrusions, each one seemingly aimed a central point within the Evangelion's chest. Heavy insulated electrical cables, each as thick as the umbilical cable that powered the EVA, ran from these protrusions up into the ceiling of the cage. What caught Misato's attention, though, was that Unit 01's arms were being held up in the crucifix position by massive restraints, specifically three immense manacles on each arm that were countersunk deep into the wall directly behind the unit. After the two times that Unit 00 had gone berserk within the cage, and with Unit 01's own reputation for unpredictable behaviour, it seemed that NERV was taking no chances this time.

"We've triple-shielded the windows for this operation," Ritsuko said, startling Misato as she came up to her from behind. "You can try throwing another chair at them if you like, but I think Unit 01 would have a hard time punching through that glass now, so I doubt you'd have much luck. Oh, and by the way – welcome back."

Misato grinned sheepishly at the doctor, but her face quickly turned solemn again. "You've beefed up the shielding – Unit 01 is trussed up like a wild animal – you really have _no idea_ what's going to happen today, do you?"

Ritsuko glanced at the floor. "The theory behind the operation is… sound. Of course, theory and practice are two different things. I can't promise that we'll achieve the result that we want. All I can promise you, Misato, is that we'll all do the best that we can - for Shinji."

Despite her friend's words of encouragement, Misato felt a sudden bitterness well up within her. "For Shinji?" she spat. "Come on, Ritsuko, I know as well as you do that this is more about returning Unit 01 to action than it is about saving Shinji! If the Commander could get the goddamned thing working any other way, we wouldn't even be talking about Shinji right now, he'd be as good as dead!"

The doctor looked up, her green eyes meeting Misato's chestnut ones for long moments. "I don't deny that returning Unit 01 to duty is NERV's prime objective," she said softly, "but the simple fact is that Unit 01 won't function without Shinji. There's no point in wasting time arguing about how things would have went if Unit 01 had accepted Rei or the dummy plug as its pilot. All we should worry about now is getting Shinji back – any way we can. Do you understand?"

Misato glanced back at the purple EVA below them in the cage. "Yes… and I'm sorry," she murmured, "I know it's not your fault he's in there, it's just that… it's just been really _tough_ without him, you know? And he was… he _is… _my ward, my responsibility, and I've just felt so… _guilty_, ever since he was lost…"

For a moment she looked as if she would break down in tears again, but she steeled herself, looking back into Ritsuko's eyes with a grim expression on her face.

"You _have_ to get him back today, Ritsuko. I don't care what you have to do, just… get him back. Okay?"

The doctor regarded Misato carefully. _You say that now, _she thought, _but if you knew what we've done, I think you might care._

"We'll do our best," was the only thing she could think of to say.

Behind them, the elevator doors to the bridge slid open with a soft hiss, and a slender, blue-haired girl stepped out of the car and approached the two women.

"Hello, Rei," Misato said, thankful for the break in the tension as the girl made her way over to them. "How did your sync test go this morning?"

Rei did not meet the Major's gaze as she walked past toward the observation window, seemingly more concerned with finding a spot where she would be afforded the best view of the activity within the cage below. "Hello, Major Katsuragi," she replied in her familiar flat tone, "the test presented no problems, and today my sync ratio has improved by two points over my previous score."

"Really? That's great! Dr. Akagi didn't mention anything about that," she said, completely missing the way Ritsuko's eyes had narrowed the moment that Rei had set foot on the bridge. She turned to Ritsuko and whispered, "so, how'd Asuka do?"

"Don't ask," the doctor sighed, "but it wasn't pretty. It looks like she might be going into another tailspin."

"Well," Misato mused, "she pulled out of it the last time her scores dropped, so hopefully this is just another blip on the radar." She turned her attention back to Rei, noting that the girl was still dressed in her plugsuit. "You must have come here straight from your test, Rei. Where's Asuka?"

"Pilot Soryu remained in the locker room to shower and change," Rei replied, her gaze locked firmly on Unit 01 below. "I… do not know if she intends to observe the operation."

Misato frowned as she followed Rei's ruby eyes down to the silent Evangelion.

_Neither do I, _she thought.

_She hasn't even asked me about it, but then, she hasn't asked me about much of anything lately…_

"The entry plug has been prepped and is ready for insertion," Ritsuko remarked as she gestured down to a set of massive bay doors to one side of the cage, that were now slowly swinging open. "We'll be ready to start the operation once the plug's connections have been brought online."

Down in the cage, as the huge steel doors swung aside, a long, cylindrical object slowly entered the room, riding on a heavily reinforced, motorized carriage. The familiar markings "EVA-01" were plainly evident in the middle of the cylinder as it made its way across the vast floor of the cage. As it proceeded toward the massive gantry that would lift it into position for insertion into Unit 01, Misato noticed that a crew of eight NERV technicians, dressed in environmental suits, walked four aside of the entry plug, taking various readings of the plug's status as it was prepared for insertion.

_They look like pallbearers, walking beside a coffin,_ Misato thought. She shivered and shook her head, trying to put the thought out of her mind.

Ritsuko turned to Maya Ibuki, seated at her position on the bridge. "How does the initial telemetry from the plug look?"

Ibuki stared at the information being displayed on her screen, and then looked up uncertainly at the doctor, her eyes briefly flitting to Misato. "Sensors are functioning normally. All of the data appears to be… nominal."

"Very good. Give the ground crew the go-ahead for insertion," Ritsuko said, turning her attention back to the view of the cage.

A few seconds later, the heavy crane within the cage lowered its boom, as the crew on the floor of the cage secured a series of thick cables to the entry plug. Slowly, the long silver cylinder was hoisted into the air, and manoeuvred into position behind the broad back of the huge Evangelion. The crane's operator manipulated the plug until it was hanging roughly at a 45 degree angle, and then it was carefully lowered until another crew, standing on a catwalk directly behind Unit 01, guided the plug into the EVA's control socket. On the bridge, Makoto Hyuga looked up to Ritsuko as new data flashed across his screen.

"Connection is green. We are go for insertion," Hyuga reported.

Several minutes passed as the crew on the back of the EVA toiled away, hand-cranking a hydraulic lever that drove the entry plug into its socket a quarter-turn at a time, a gruelling process that only took seconds under normal circumstances. As the crew slowly made progress, the elevator doors on the bridge level opened again, and every head in the command center turned as the sole occupant of the car stepped out and made her way across the bridge. Misato and Ritsuko turned in response to the sudden buzz from the command crew, and their eyes opened wide in surprise at the sight of the approaching figure.

Asuka had indeed showered and changed – and she looked absolutely stunning.

Her freshly washed hair was arranged intricately around her ever-present A10 connectors, every forelock perfectly styled, and the rest of her thick, strawberry mane hung in a comely fall about her shoulders. She had applied makeup, and it was impeccably done, accentuating her high cheekbones and the deep blue pools of her eyes. A blue silk choker highlighted her long neck, and her ears were graced with a tasteful set of diamond earrings. And instead of her school uniform, she wore a pretty, pale yellow frock – the very same one she was wearing the day she first met Shinji on the bridge of the UN carrier _Over The Rainbow, _so many months ago. Misato noted that Shinji had once mentioned that he thought Asuka looked "nice" in that dress.

In short, the Second Child was the perfect picture of loveliness – a picture that even the sullen scowl on her face couldn't spoil.

"Do you have to take up the _whole_ window?" Asuka snapped at Rei, as the redhead strode up to the very wide pane of glass. Rei said nothing in response, but silently took a step to her right, her eyes never leaving the activity below.

"Asuka, you look… beautiful," Ritsuko eventually volunteered, still stunned by the redhead's appearance.

"Gee, _thanks, _Ritsuko," Asuka sneered, her voice dripping with sarcasm, "it's _really_ nice to get a compliment from you - for a change." The sting from Ritsuko's earlier rebuke was obviously still fresh in the redhead's mind.

The doctor blinked at Asuka's insubordinate tone, and was ready to issue a blunt reprimand to the girl when Misato interjected, "And you _smell _beautiful, too – how many times have I told you to stay the hell out of my lavender perfume?"

The redhead glared at Misato, her hands on her hips. "It's not yours, it's mine – you _never_ let me borrow yours, so I went ahead and bought my own. Don't worry, Misato, I'd never _dream _of asking you for anything, I'd _hate_ to be a burden to you."

It was a loaded statement, and Misato knew it. _Guess I deserved that, _she thought.

"Well… Dr. Akagi's right, you look gorgeous," she offered, her tone more conciliatory. "Did you do this… for Shinji?" she added slyly.

Asuka's eyes shot open in surprise. "Of _course_ not!" she sputtered. "That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard! _Mein Gott im Himmel, _why can't a girl ever just wear something _nice_ for a change, without it having to be for some stupid boy? Especially for _that _idiot?"

The redhead's protests were so emphatic that both Ritsuko and Misato took a step backward. "Okay, then," Misato chuckled, raising her hands in mock surrender. "Anyway, if Shinji comes back today, I'm sure he'll still appreciate the way you look."

"Well, of _course _he will, that pervert," she sniffed, tossing her forelocks out of her eyes, "I'm _sure_ he'd much prefer _this_ to seeing somebody fresh from a sync test with sticky hair and stinking like blood."

_Ouch, _Misato cringed inwardly, as her chestnut eyes glanced at Rei, oddly expecting some reaction to the veiled insult that had been clearly directed at her. However, the First Child remained silent as she stood at the window with her back to the others, seemingly engrossed in the ground crew's activities around the EVA.

_I guess she wasn't listening, _Misato thought.

But then, she noticed Rei surreptitiously raise a hand and begin slowly running her slender fingers through her tangle of blue hair, still matted with dried LCL from the test plug. Misato realized that the ruby-eyed girl had surely heard every word that Asuka said.

_Asuka wasn't even sure she was going to come, but then she shows up dressed to the nines, _Misato mused, _like a Navy wife waiting for her husband to come home_.

_And Rei rushed straight here from her test, without giving a thought to anything else, and hasn't taken her eyes off Unit 01 for a second since she got here._

_I wonder if Shinji realizes just how lucky he is?_

Misato smiled faintly at the thought, as she regarded the two very different girls at the window.

_Please, God, let him be lucky today._

Hyuga's voice piped up from his position on the bridge. "Insertion complete. Switching plug systems over to AC power. Internal sensors are now online."

Beside him, Shigeru Aoba studied his screen before punching a series of commands into his terminal. "Telemetry is now being routed to the main screen," he announced.

Instantly, the huge projection screen that dominated the command center flashed to life with a series of graphics displaying information from the entry plug and the EVA itself. Misato stared up at the screen for long moments, confused by the information she was seeing – or _not_ seeing.

"Ritsuko… is the entry plug's video link down?" she asked the doctor.

A conspicuous black field, marked only by a caption "EVA-01 A/V SYSTEMS OFFLINE" in crimson letters, had replaced the window where the live television feed from the interior of the plug was usually displayed.

The blond woman looked up at the screen, glanced at Misato, and then looked away. "We're going to be using a high concentration of electromagnetic energy in today's operation," she began, "which also needs to be a very precise amount. We can't afford to have any, um… outside interference from other electromagnetic sources, which could possibly jeopardize the procedure, so we've had to temporarily disable the entry plug's video systems. We'll still be able to tell from the other data sources if we've managed to recover Shinji, though."

"I see," Misato replied, folding her arms across her chest as she pondered Ritsuko's explanation.

_I know that the science involved in this operation is far beyond my understanding, _she thought.

_But if I didn't know better, I'd swear that Ritsuko just lied to me…_

She looked back at the doctor, who was now conferring with Ibuki at her terminal as they went over last-minute procedure checks, and frowned. Why couldn't she shake this feeling that something strange was going on?

A crisp announcement from one of the Section Two agents stationed on the bridge startled her out of her reverie.

"Commander on deck!"

Everyone on the bridge rose to their feet as Commander Gendou Ikari strode briskly across the main floor of the command center, followed closely behind by the Sub-Commander, Kozou Fuyutsuki. Neither man paused to acknowledge any of the bridge staff as they ascended to their familiar position overlooking the operations room, Ikari taking his seat while Fuyutsuki remained standing behind him at his right. The Commander's steely eyes swept the room from behind his amber-tinted glasses, before fixing themselves on Ritsuko, below him on the main floor.

"Status report, Doctor Akagi," Ikari called out, a hint of impatience in his voice.

Ritsuko glanced up at the Commander, her thoughts rioting.

_Here we go, _she thought.

_Please let this work…_

"The entry plug has been re-inserted into Unit 01, sir," she said, keeping her voice level and calm, "all vital systems are online and functioning normally. The electromagnetic array is charging and will be ready to engage in approximately sixty seconds. The MAGI are standing by for wave pattern capture and transport, once the array is ready to fire."

"Very well," Ikari responded, settling back into his chair and folding his gloved hands in front of his chin, "proceed."

Ritsuko nodded, and turned to Aoba. "Initiate the final sequence."

The long-haired technician punched in another series of commands into his terminal, then pulled a tabletop microphone to his mouth. "Attention all ground crew – clear the cage immediately. Repeat – all ground crew are to clear the cage immediately. Muster in emergency bunker C-07 and await further instructions."

Below, as loud klaxon alarms blared and red emergency lights flashed, the hooded, featureless EVA techs quickly heeded the command, making their way down the catwalks and across the vast floor of the cage toward a small door in the corner of the room that was outlined in black and yellow stripes. Their haste was understandable, as nobody wanted to be in the vicinity of an Evangelion if there were any chance of it going out of control.

As the last of the technicians in the cage passed through the entrance to the bunker, Misato caught her breath and braced herself, turning her cross pendant over and over between her fingers as she gazed apprehensively at Unit 01.

Aoba's voice rang out once again from the bridge. "All cage personnel are clear. Transferring operational control to the MAGI. Standing by for emergency measures."

Hyuga replied, 'Roger, operations transfer is confirmed. MAGI have accepted control. Electromagnetic array is at 97.2 per cent, field strength at 7.2 gigacycles. Preparing for discharge in t minus twenty-five seconds."

At the window, Asuka suddenly realized that she had been gripping her arms so tightly, she had left white finger marks on her skin. She let out a deep, anxious sigh and rubbed at her arms, while stealing a furtive glance through her thick forelocks at the First Child standing next to her. Rei's ruby eyes had not so much as twitched away from Unit 01 in the entire time she had been standing there, but Asuka noticed that her eyes were wider than usual, and that a small crinkle had formed just above the bridge of her nose.

"T minus fifteen seconds," Hyuga announced, "array is at 98.7 per cent, field strength is 7.3 gigacycles."

Ritsuko glanced up at the Commander, sitting impassively above her. Ikari did not return her gaze, but continued to focus his attention on Unit 01. The doctor's eyes lingered on the silent man for several seconds before she turned away and gave her full attention to the displays being projected on the main screen before her.

"T minus 10 seconds," continued Hyuga, "array at 99.8 per cent, field strength approaching 7.4 gigacycles."

Misato shut her eyes as Hyuga counted down the final seconds before the operation commenced.

"Five… four… three… two… one… commencing EM burst."

All the lights on the bridge dimmed slightly, and a loud, low thrumming sound caused the entire facility to vibrate, as the electromagnetic array encasing the EVA's torso released its built-up charge deep into Unit 01's body. Immediately, warning sirens erupted within the command center, and crimson hexagons exploded across the main screen as, within the cage, the purple mecha's eyes suddenly gleamed a brilliant white. Gasps were heard throughout the command center as Unit 01's massive hands balled into fists, and it strained mightily against its heavy restraints as it reared back its head and let loose with an enraged, ear-splitting bellow.

"Unit 01 has activated!" a wide-eyed Aoba yelled over the din.

_Damn it! _Ritsuko thought, _I was afraid of this!_

"The S² unit! Has it engaged?" she demanded, screaming to be heard over the alarms and Unit 01's feral roar.

_If it has, we might all be dead before we can save Shinji, _she thought.

"Negative!" Hyuga replied, "No activity detected from the unit! It appears to be offline!"

_Thank God, _a relieved Ritsuko thought. _Then we still have a chance..._

"What's the status of the restraints?" she called urgently to Aoba.

Aoba quickly scanned his screen. "Stress readings are still within tolerable parameters," he replied, "but Unit 01's torque output is increasing! At this rate, the manacles will fail in less than three minutes!"

_Then we'd better do this fast, _the doctor thought anxiously

"Maya! Any change in Unit 01's sync ratio?"

"Negative!" Ibuki shouted, her voice edged with fear. "Synchronization is holding steady at 400 per cent!"

Ritsuko muttered a curse under her breath, and glanced up at the Commander and Fuyutsuki. The Sub-Commander was leaning over Ikari's desk, a look of concern on his distinguished features as he whispered something to the bespectacled man, who simply shook his head slightly and continued to look on in silence.

_I'm not going to fail, _Ritsuko resolved.

_Not this time._

"All right," she bellowed, "Hyuga, increase the array's output by 100 megacycles per second until you see fluctuation in the sync pattern, and then hold it steady. Maya, as soon as the pattern breaks, engage the capture algorithm. Once the MAGI get a fix on Shinji's ego pattern, they'll do the rest. Aoba, stand by for emergency plug eject."

"Yes, ma'am," all three technicians shouted simultaneously.

Misato gazed in horror at the sight of the huge Evangelion, its head thrashing from side to side as the electromagnetic energy flowing through its core slowly increased in intensity. Its hands flexed open and then clenched again desperately, like something that was being tortured, and all the while, it continued its wild, feral roar, making the hair on Misato's neck stand on end.

_It's fighting, _Misato's mind screamed, _it doesn't want to let him go!_

"Why won't you give him back?" she whispered to herself, as she watched the EVA straining against its shackles.

Beside her, Asuka gaped wide-eyed at the snarling, thrashing mecha, her hands clenched by her mouth. As she looked on, her mind abruptly flashed back to the battle against the twelfth Angel, when Shinji had been feared lost within the Sea of Dirac. She recalled the fear she had experienced when she had watched Unit 01 break free of the Angel, rending it to shreds in the process. The terrible roar that had emanated from the EVA as it tore itself loose from its black prison had caused Asuka to wonder for the first time exactly what it was that she was piloting. What was EVA? Was it a sophisticated weapon, or a wild animal, barely under the control of its human keepers?

Now, as she listened to Unit 01's furious raging, so much like what she had heard that last time, she feared that it was the latter.

_Are we fighting Angels… with demons? _she thought, dread building within her.

To her right, Rei continued to stare silently at Unit 01 as it struggled against its bonds. Despite the anxiety and panic that was spreading throughout the command center, she did not take her eyes off of the berserk Evangelion, as the same thoughts repeated themselves over and over in her mind.

_I believe in the Commander._

_And I believe in Ikari._

_He will come back._

Suddenly, Ibuki's anxious voice cut through the din. "Sync ratio dropping! Harmonics passing out of phase!"

Ritsuko's eyes flew to the bridge. "Hyuga, maintain EM output at that level! Aoba, how much time?"

The long-haired technician quickly scanned his monitor again, and grimaced. "One minute and fifteen seconds to restraint failure," he shouted.

_Not enough, _Ritsuko calculated quickly.

"Should I cut umbilical power?" Aoba queried, coming to the same conclusion as the doctor.

"No. If the batteries fail in mid-operation, we could lose Shinji permanently. Until we've captured his ego pattern, we're going to have to ride this out. Stand by to deploy the bakelite," she ordered. "Maya, the sync patterns should break up below 95 per cent, be ready to engage the algorithm."

She turned her attention back to the EVA, which had now begun alternately heaving and jerking its shoulders against its bonds. Spidery cracks had already begun to snake down the walls of the cage from the restraints' mounting points, as the unit brought more and more brute strength to bear against the heavy manacles.

_It's all or nothing now, _she thought.

Tense seconds seemed to drag endlessly by as the observers on the bridge could do nothing but watch the enraged, roaring Evangelion writhing within its cage. Every single person in the command center recognized the extreme danger they were now facing, but all remained at their posts, not allowing their fear and anxiety to distract them from their task – to save the boy who had saved them, so many times before.

Finally, a graphic on Maya Ibuki's terminal flashed green, and she screamed urgently at Ritsuko. "Sync ratio at 93 per cent! The MAGI have recognized Shinji's ego border! Engaging capture algorithm!"

On the main screen, the familiar red and blue waves that represented the separate ego patterns of Shinji Ikari and Evangelion Unit 01 were being displayed. The red pattern, representing Shinji, was now alternating between red and yellow, as the powerful supercomputer attempted to isolate it from that of the EVA. In the cage, Unit 01's shrieking intensified, and it began to thrash against its bonds with a redoubled aggression. The cracks in the walls of the cage began to widen, and new fissures were now spreading from the restraining mounts.

"Fourteen seconds to capture," Ibuki announced, "standing by for transference!"

"Aoba?" Ritsuko yelled, the anxiety in her voice building.

"Restraint failure in forty-five seconds!"

Misato couldn't stay quiet any longer. She turned away from the window and fixed Ritsuko with a desperate look. "It's going to break loose!" she exclaimed. "How long will it take to free Shinji?"

The doctor met her gaze, her face taut with the stress of the operation. "There's no way of knowing," she said grimly, "this has never been done before. It looks like the EVA might very well break the restraints before the pattern transference is complete. We should be able to withstand any damage long enough to complete the transfer, but it's going to be very close."

Both women turned their attention back to the cage, where the sickening groan of over-stressed metal and concrete rose above the combined din of the emergency alarms and Unit 01's roaring, as the Evangelion's right forearm suddenly ripped free from the wall. Huge shards from the shattered wrist manacle rained down on the floor of the cage as the EVA's right hand balled into a fist, jerking its forearm against the steadily weakening restraint that was still holding it at the elbow.

On the main screen, the alternately red and yellow flashing wave pattern suddenly began to glow green.

"Pattern has been captured!" Ibuki shouted. "Initiating transfer sequence… now!"

A bloodcurdling wail erupted from the Evangelion, as if it had been grievously wounded, and its fury intensified as it strained with all its might against the steadily weakening bonds on its right side. In a frightening burst of energy, it wrenched its right arm free of the remaining two manacles that had bound it to the wall.

"Unit 01's right arm is free!" Hyuga bellowed. He could not disguise the fear in his voice.

"Maya, what's happening in the plug?" Ritsuko called to her apprentice.

Ibuki scanned her screen. "No change in the data," she replied, "destrudo cannot be confirmed."

Ritsuko cursed under her breath, then turned back to the cage – and her eyes flew open in alarm.

"Everybody… _brace yourselves!"_

In the cage, the EVA had reached across its body, gripped its other bound wrist, and with one powerful jerk, had pulled its left arm free of the restraints. An ear-splitting _crack_ exploded in the cage as huge chunks of steel and concrete flew in all directions, smacking against the reinforced pane of glass and causing Asuka and Misato to jump back in alarm. Rei, however, did not so much as blink, as the debris ricocheted against the window.

"It's free!" Misato screamed.

Ritsuko turned to Hyuga. "Cut power to the EM array NOW!" she ordered.

Hyuga complied in an instant, his hands stabbing at his computer keyboard as he initiated the emergency shutdown sequence for the electromagnetic field generator encasing the EVA's torso. A split-second after the array's power was cut, the berserk Evangelion had grasped the mass of cables connecting the array to the roof of the cage, and yanked them free from the ceiling. A section of the roof instantly collapsed in a shower of dust and metal, as blue sparks arced from the severed cables lying on the wreckage-strewn floor. With a feral growl, Unit 01's hands came up to its neck, working its fingers under the collar of the vest-like array that enclosed its chest, and abruptly tore it in half, tossing the ruined parts aside like the scraps of a ripped shirt.

For long moments, the rogue EVA stood silently in the middle of the cage, as if contemplating the destruction it had wrought – and then, its huge head swung upward and its eyes glinted as it stared directly into the command center.

"_Asuka! Rei!_" Misato shrieked.

The two girls each felt a hand gripping them by the upper arm, and in an instant they were both flying backwards. Misato, Asuka, and Rei collapsed together in a heap underneath a nearby control terminal as the window they had been standing in front of was suddenly filled with a flash of purple. The entire control center shook violently as Unit 01 slammed a massive fist into the pane of glass, sending countless stress fractures radiating from the impact point across the reinforced pane.

"Maya!" Ritsuko shouted from the floor, having been knocked off of her feet by the impact.

"Still nothing!" Ibuki replied. "Pattern transference has been engaged for eighteen seconds, but the MAGI still can't confirm when the transfer will be completed!"

Another tremor shook the bridge as Unit 01's left fist smashed into the glass, the banshee wail from the unit growing louder as it focused its rage into a relentless attack against the thin barrier separating it from the command center. A series of piledriving blows from the massive Evangelion rocked the bridge, bowing the triple-reinforced pane of glass inward, but despite the tremendous punishment it was absorbing, it continued to hold – barely.

Ritsuko desperately held on as another devastating right hand from Unit 01 rocked the command center. _We can't take much more of this, _her mind screamed.

_It'll break through that glass eventually, and when it does, it will finally have its revenge…_

Ibuki's voice broke the thought. "Destrudo detected in the entry plug! Reading vitals on all sensors!"

Misato looked up from the console where she and the Children had taken cover. "Is it… is it Shinji?" she cried. Beside her, Asuka and Rei's heads popped up as well, their expressions mirroring Misato's.

Despite the continuing onslaught from Unit 01, Ritsuko looked triumphant. "We've got him! What's his status?"

Ibuki scanned the data flashing across her screen. "Brain activity is erratic, heart rate is spiking! He'll go into arrest if it gets much higher!"

Ritsuko immediately turned to Aoba. "Quick, cut Unit 01's umbilical power! Switch its backup power supply to standby mode!"

At a touch of a button from Aoba's station, the huge AC jack that was plugged into the back of the EVA fell away, dropping to the floor of the cage. Unit 01 continued to pound away at the window undeterred, now running on batteries, and still roaring like a tortured animal.

The doctor looked over to Misato. "It should shut down completely in thirty-five more seconds," she yelled, "then we can send a team in to get Shinji out."

Misato looked from Ritsuko to Unit 01, and her chestnut eyes grew wide as she watched a panel on the EVA's left shoulder mount suddenly spring open.

Beside her, Asuka shrieked. "It's… it's deploying its progressive knife! _It's going to cut its way in to us!_"

In the cage, the huge mecha's right arm reached up to the compartment where the progressive knife was stored, and grasping the handle, drew the long, wickedly sharp blade from its sheath. With a low, throaty growl, the EVA reached back, its eyes gleaming white as it prepared to strike with the weapon.

_Damn it! _Ritsuko thought. _It's like it knows what we're trying to do, and it's doing everything it can to prevent us from succeeding!_

"Aoba, hit the emergency plug eject! As soon as it's away, deploy the bakelite!"

_If this doesn't work, we're finished, _the doctor thought. _It will kill us all before its batteries give out…_

As the raging Evangelion drew back its right arm, the progressive knife poised to cleave through the damaged window to the command center, it suddenly staggered as its dorsal hatch abruptly blew open, and the shiny entry plug rocketed from the EVA's back, propelled by the thrusters built into the bottom of the long cylinder. Designed to be ejected when the unit was in an open space, the plug instead slammed violently into the roof of the cage and skittered along the ceiling, its thrusters keeping it aloft as it rebounded from corner to corner.

"_Shinji!_" Misato screamed, as the plug clanged by the window.

The EVA regained its balance, glaring up toward the command center and roaring its outrage, and once more drew back its arm to drive the progressive knife through the window, when it was suddenly engulfed in a stream of thick, crimson liquid. From several points on the wall of the cage, the viscous bakelite showered over Unit 01, hardening almost instantly as it ran down the surface of the unit and pooled at its feet. Behind it, its thrusters finally spent, the entry plug dropped to the floor of the cage with another sickening _clang_, rolling over and over before finally coming to rest in a corner of the vast room.

"Fifteen seconds to total shutdown!" Hyuga shouted from the bridge.

Misato was glaring now at Ritsuko, the shock and horror of the situation now giving way to anger. "How could this be happening?" she demanded. "This is exactly what happened to Rei in Unit 00!"

She turned to the blue-haired girl, as if to confirm that she was right – but Rei was gone.

"_Rei?_" Misato exclaimed, looking around her. "Asuka, where'd she go?"

"How should I know?" Asuka screamed back. "As soon as the entry plug ejected, she just took off!"

Misato's wide eyes scanned the bridge frantically, but no sign of the First Child could be found anywhere. Suddenly, several crewmen on the bridge stood and pointed down into the cage, and Misato was horrified as her eyes followed their gestures to the source of their attention.

Far below, as Unit 01 struggled vainly against the hardening bakelite, a small speck of white could be seen weaving its way through the wreckage on the floor of the cage toward the inert entry plug – a speck of white topped with a conspicuous mop of blue hair.

"It's Rei!" Misato screamed. "What the _hell_ does she think she's _doing?"_

Far above the bridge, Kozou Fuyutsuki regarded his superior officer. Normally, whenever Rei had found herself in a potentially harmful situation, the Commander would become visibly agitated – the only time most people had ever seen him display any sort of emotion besides arrogance or anger. Ikari was always so protective of Rei, too much so in Fuyutsuki's opinion, although he had never confessed this to the Commander. Now though, Ikari continued to sit silently at his desk, displaying his interest only by leaning forward for a better view of the action in the cage.

_This is very odd, _Fuyutsuki thought. _Rei could very well get herself killed down there, and Ikari hasn't so much as raised an eyebrow._

_Why does he seem so… unconcerned?_

o o o

Despite the screeching of the emergency alarms, the shuddering of the floor beneath her as EVA Unit 01 thrashed against the bakelite, and the ear-splitting roar emanating from the berserk mecha, Rei was strangely calm as she scrambled across the wide expanse of the cage, her ruby eyes focused on the battered, crumpled entry plug that was still hundreds of meters away. She did her best to stay behind cover, picking her way carefully across the wreckage-strewn floor, as above her, Unit 01 continued to rage against the hot, viscous resin that was still gushing forth from the walls of the cage. She could hear the rapid huffing of her breath above the din as she closed the gap between her and the inert cylinder, and even from that considerable distance she was even now beginning to feel the heat from the superheated metal of the plug against her cheeks.

Only moments earlier, she had been watching Unit 01's berserk assault from the command center, heard Ritsuko's triumphant announcement that Ikari had been recovered, then felt a strange, sickening feeling take hold within her as the EVA had reached for its progressive knife, and Dr. Akagi had been forced to eject the entry plug. Immediately, she had come to the same conclusion as Misato – that this was exactly the same thing she had experienced in Unit 00 – twice.

The first time, she had been severely injured during the same emergency ejection, when Unit 00 had gone berserk during her activation test. The Commander had rescued her that time, pulling open the emergency hatch with his bare hands and scalding himself in the process. He had asked if she was all right, and despite the agony ripping through her abdomen and right arm and the blood blotting out the vision in her right eye, she had answered yes. The Commander had smiled, and then walked away, leaving her to the medical team, as if her simple answer was all that he had required. But he had injured himself to make sure she was all right, she had reasoned, and was this not an indication that the Commander cared for her?

She had kept the broken, melted glasses that she had found near the remains of the shattered entry plug, and she often kept them with her to remind herself of the first time that anyone had ever shown her anything that resembled concern. The fact that she was not certain whether the Commander had been concerned for her _personally, _or merely for what she represented in the scenario that was so important to him, did not trouble her greatly at the time. She was important to him, and at the time, it was enough.

The other time was during her sortie against the Fifth Angel, when she had been charged with the task of protecting Ikari in Unit 01 against the Angel's devastating energy beam, as Unit 01 aimed a high-energy positron cannon to punch through the Angel's AT field. Ikari's first shot had missed, and as he waited for the cannon to recharge, the Angel had unleashed its energy beam at the now-exposed Unit 01. Rei had stepped in front of the beam, blocking it with the modified orbiter heat shield that Unit 00 carried. The shield had not held though, and before Unit 01's cannon had fully recharged, it had melted away, exposing Unit 00 to the full force of the Angel's blast. Ikari had destroyed the Angel with his second shot, but not before Unit 00 had sustained severe damage. Rei was in imminent danger of perishing as Unit 00's overheated armor melted into slag, but Ikari had quickly torn the dorsal pack off of Unit 00's back and pulled her entry plug out manually. He had then self-ejected from his EVA and rushed to the plug, scalding his own hands as he worked to free her, just as his father had months before. Ikari had burst into the plug, concern radiating from his face, and had asked if she was all right, just as the Commander had – but instead of merely smiling and walking away, he had burst into tears of joy and relief, and he had stayed by her side even as the medics had strapped her into a gurney and carried her to a waiting helicopter.

Unlike the Commander, she had never had any cause to question Ikari's reaction to seeing her alive – she knew somehow that his joy, and his tears, had been for her, and her alone.

As she watched, alarmed, as Ikari's entry plug careened across the ceiling of the cage with Unit 01 raging out of control beneath it, the memories of her own previous rescues had gripped her, and she had known in an instant what she had to do.

_I will do for him what he did for me, _she had thought.

While Soryu and Major Katsuragi were distracted by Unit 01's assault, Rei had slipped away in the confusion and quickly made her way down a series of emergency stairwells that led to the floor of the EVA cages below the command level. She had overheard Dr. Akagi's command to switch Unit 01's battery system to standby, and knew that the unit would still be active for a few seconds by the time she reached the cage, but Rei knew - from experience - that Ikari may have been badly hurt in the ejection, and time was of the essence. She would have to be very careful, but she had to help Ikari – it was almost as though she felt _compelled_ to.

Now, as she approached the entry plug, she heard Unit 01 suddenly let out a shuddering groan as it slumped forward, its batteries finally spent. She picked up her pace, no longer needing to worry about the inert EVA, and ran up to the emergency hatch at the side of the plug. Despite the intense heat radiating from the plug, Rei reached out without hesitating and seized hold of the butterfly bars that tripped the emergency release. Although the gloves of her plugsuit offered her some protection, she cried out in pain as the red-hot handles seared her palms through the material. Steeling herself, she put all of her weight against the handle and let out a grunt as she pushed as hard as she could – and with a loud bang, the hatch suddenly flew off, clattering against the floor of the cage. Instantly, Rei was inundated by a rush of LCL that spurted from the plug, nearly knocking her off her feet, but she fought against the strong tide and clambered into the entry plug, her ruby eyes searching for some sign of activity.

"...Ikari?" she called out tentatively.

Inside, she could barely see, as the plug's emergency lighting had stopped functioning, but she could detect the outline of a form seated in the pilot's chair, wearing a familiar navy-colored plugsuit. Her heart leapt as she moved closer to the figure, and saw a pair of hands motioning toward its head, which was covered by a strange, silvery mesh hood from which a series of wire antennas protruded. The figure seemed to be struggling to pull the hood off of its head, and its actions were becoming more and more frantic as it struggled to free itself from the odd covering.

_He cannot breathe, _Rei thought with alarm.

"Ikari, please be calm. I will assist you," she said as she moved over to the chair.

Rei gently pushed the scrabbling hands out of the way as she quickly examined the hood and saw that it was secured by a clasp at the neck. Her injured fingers worked at the clasp, deftly undoing it in a few seconds, and then she carefully pulled the hood up and over the head of the seated figure in the chair. Rei threw the hood aside, and turned her attention back to Shinji – and her eyes instantly widened in shock.

"Ikari…?" she whispered faintly.

Shinji Ikari's eyelids fluttered, and then slowly opened, his eyes meeting Rei's stunned gaze.

Eyes that were the same crimson color as Rei's own.

Eyes that gazed at the First Child from a face as pale as hers, and through an unruly tangle of snow-white hair.

For long moments, Shinji's expression was blank and dull, but slowly, confusion began to spread across his features, as if he were trying to work out who he was, where he was, and who he was looking at. Finally, a spark of recognition seemed to illuminate his face, and his pallid lips began to move as he made an attempt to speak.

"A... Ay… Ayanami?" Shinji managed to stammer weakly.

Rei blinked at the familiar sound of his voice, and nodded uncertainly.

Suddenly, his ruby eyes shot open, his pale features twisting into a look of pure terror, and Shinji Ikari began to scream. His hands flew to his head, clutching at his white hair, and he began to rock in the pilot's chair, banging the back of his head violently against the chair's headrest as he screamed and screamed and screamed.

Rei had no idea what to do. Despite all of her training and experience, nothing had ever prepared her for a situation like this. Her thoughts were a complete riot as she watched Shinji thrashing madly before her. She was about to lean forward and try to calm him somehow, when a loud voice barked from behind her, "Miss! Please clear the way! Medics coming through!"

Quickly, Rei climbed out of the plug, giving a last look to the screaming, convulsing boy, before a team of medics swarmed into the plug and began to work over the Third Child. His screams began to subside within seconds, and Rei guessed that he must have been administered some kind of sedative.

As a second group of medics wheeled a gurney up to the plug's emergency hatch, ready to take Shinji to the infirmary, Rei stepped away from the plug, and looked high above her to the shattered command center window, her gaze searching through the spidery cracks until she found the target of her chaotic feelings – Commander Ikari, still seated at his post high above the bridge.

Everyone in the command center fell silent as the image of a stunned, shaken Rei Ayanami was projected across the main screen, confusion and shock clearly broadcasting from her features.

The thoughts running through her head were as plain to all who looked upon her as if she had shouted them out loud.

_What have you done? _she implored in her mind, over and over.

_Commander Ikari…_

…_what have you done?_

High above her, behind his folded, white-gloved hands, the silent, impassive Commander Ikari only smiled.

_Continued…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, who saw this coming? I know, I know, pretty much all of you. It's what's coming next that's going to be the real question...
> 
> This one proved to be a real beast writing-wise, mainly because of all the pseudo-scientific technobabble that scenes like this require. Most of the technical interplay in this chapter is borrowed directly from NGE and some other sci-fi series, but that didn't make it any easier to put together. I hope it was as entertaining to read as it was difficult to write.
> 
> Lachryiadhron brought out the boom-stick on this chapter. He had a lot of problems with everything from my crap grammar, to Rei's characterization in the final scene, to a couple of totally unnecessary additions I'd initially made, and he was 100 percent correct on all points. It went through an extensive rewrite as a result, and it's now a much better chapter because of his input. Thanks man!
> 
> Please feel free to leave a comment, or drop me a line at ikarusonesun (at-sign) gmail (dot) com.
> 
> Cheers,  
IO


	5. Eyes Of The Beholder

DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fan fiction incorporating characters and situations from the Gainax manga/anime series _Neon Genesis Evangelion _and its related feature film releases. Gainax and its various media distributors hold sole exclusive rights to their use. The author is in no way affiliated with Gainax or its distributors, nor has this story been submitted for any commercial purpose.

_**Godchild**_  
by Ikarus Onesun

**Chapter Five:**  
**Eyes Of The Beholder**

"Explain yourself, First Child," Commander Ikari snapped from behind his desk, his folded hands obscuring much of the annoyed look on his stern countenance.

Rei Ayanami stood rigidly in the middle of the Commander's expansive office, her arms at her sides. "Sir, when Unit 01's entry plug was ejected, I recognized that Pilot Ikari was in danger, and I moved to assist him," she replied evenly. "The degree of risk in this situation was no greater than what I regularly experience in combat."

"This was _not_ a combat situation, this was a highly experimental rescue operation, with a _much_ wider margin of unpredictability," Ikari responded shortly. "In combat, you have the benefit of the protection of Unit 00 and the other EVAs, as well as the tactical support of Major Katsuragi and the rest of NERV. You needlessly exposed yourself to a situation where you could have been easily injured or killed. What you did today was nothing short of foolish."

Rei tilted her head slightly. "I do not understand, sir… you acted in a similar fashion to assist me, when I was injured during Unit 00's first activation test."

Behind Ikari, Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki and Dr. Ritsuko Akagi shared a glance. Fuyutsuki arched an eyebrow at the doctor as Ritsuko silently raised her index finger and drew an imaginary mark in the air behind the Commander, a tiny smile on her lips.

Ikari was not amused. "We are not here to discuss _my_ actions, Rei, but _yours_. You are well aware of your importance to the Project, and despite your seeming lack of concern for your own well-being, I do _not_ want you taking any undue risks. The inquiries that would arise from any potential mishap could prove to be most… inconvenient to the scenario."

Rei's ruby eyes dropped to the floor. She was silent for long moments, her brow knit in thought as she considered the Commander's words, before finally murmuring, "I understand, sir. I will… try to be more careful."

"See that you do, First Child," Ikari replied, noting that despite his admonishments, the girl had not offered an apology. He paused, and his tone softened somewhat. "Now, report to the infirmary and have someone tend to your hands. You are dismissed."

"Yes, sir."

Rei offered a slight bow, then turned and made her way toward the exit. Before she reached the doors though, she stopped and turned back toward the desk.

"Commander…?" she asked hesitantly, her ruby eyes fixed on the seated man as she regarded him through her unruly blue mane.

"What is it, Rei?" Ikari replied coolly, as if he had anticipated the First Child's question.

"It… it was the only way?" she queried, making no attempt to mask the uncertainty in her voice.

"Yes, Rei, it was."

"And… nothing further will be involved?" she asked cryptically.

Ikari's mouth stretched into a thin smile. "You needn't be concerned about anything. Now go get those hands looked at, I know how painful they must be."

The blue-haired girl nodded, saying nothing in reply as she slowly turned away, passing through the large double doors of the office and exiting the room. Ikari's brow furrowed as he watched her leave, and then he sat back in his chair, removing his glasses with a sigh and rubbing at the bridge of his nose.

"That one is becoming… difficult," Ikari muttered darkly.

Fuyutsuki stepped forward and regarded his former student. "She's fourteen," the older man pointed out.

Ikari turned his chair to face the tall man. "I fail to see the relevance of that fact," he snapped.

The Sub-Commander grinned slightly. "She has been trained and conditioned her entire life to perform the tasks that we have required of her," he stated, "but she's not a doll, she's a teenage girl. Rei is entering a stage where she's going to start to think, feel, and _act _on her own impulses. In short, Ikari... she's growing up, and I'm afraid there's very little we can do about it."

The seated man frowned. "Perhaps. But in the time we have remaining, she will still follow orders. That is all that we require."

Fuyutsuki sighed inwardly. "As you say," he replied, feeling that Ikari had somehow missed the point. He was about to comment on Rei's recent and unusual concern for the Third Child when his cellphone rang. He reached inside of his tunic and pulled the phone out, raising it to his ear.

"Fuyutsuki… oh, they are, are they? Well, that didn't take long." He glanced at the Commander, and rolled his eyes in exasperation. "No, I'll take the call in my office. Ask them to hold, and tell them I'll be right down."

He replaced the phone inside his tunic pocket, and frowned at Ikari. "Apparently, the Committee wants me to give them a preliminary report on today's operation. I'll tell them that we successfully recovered the pilot, and that Unit 01 will remain in cryo-stasis until the Third Child is fit for duty and can perform a new activation test."

Ikari replaced his glasses, pushing them back up onto the bridge of his nose, and scowled. "Indeed. The old men of SEELE would be up in arms if they knew the true nature of the Third Child's recovery. I'll trust you to take care of the matter, Fuyutsuki."

The older man nodded. "Of course," he replied, then added thoughtfully, "perhaps we might continue this discussion when I return."

Ikari did not respond as Fuyutsuki turned and took his leave. The Commander and Ritsuko remained in the office as an uncomfortable silence descended upon the room.

Ritsuko gazed uncertainly at Ikari, whose back was to the doctor as he seemed to ponder Fuyutsuki's words.

_He's worried, _Ritsuko mused.

_Worried that he might be losing control of his little puppet._

_After all, unless he has some use for a woman, she might as well not even exist to him…_

Her bitter train of thought was broken by the Commander's voice. "Doctor Akagi, what is the Third Child's present status?"

_Why won't you go see for yourself? _she wondered.

"He's heavily sedated at the moment. The pattern transference was more than his psyche could initially handle, but his psychograph data seems to have stabilized, and is now back within normal levels. There's no way of telling what he may have experienced during the process, or the entire time he was within the EVA for that matter. We'll have to deal with that once he's conscious, as well as his reaction to his changed appearance. It's not going to be easy for him."

Ikari sniffed derisively, as if this were the least of his concerns. "And how long until he is able to pilot again?"

_So cold, _Ritsuko thought, _even to his own boy…_

"It's… hard to say," she replied, "physically, he should be fully capable within a week, possibly sooner. He has a concussion, a sprained ankle, and some bruised ribs and minor contusions from the ejection, but other than that, he's in remarkably good condition. He was _very_ lucky." Ritsuko considered this a huge understatement, since it had taken Rei weeks to recover fully from the injuries she had sustained after her own ejection from Unit 00. "But physical factors have no bearing on a pilot's ability to synchronize with and operate EVA. Depending on his mental state, he could be ready to pilot again as soon as he wakes up – or he may not be able to for days, or weeks, or months… or ever."

The Commander mulled this over for long moments. "Could he be… induced, if needed?"

Ritsuko could not hide her shock. "You mean… could we... _brainwash_ him into piloting?" she stammered, unable to comprehend how a father could even suggest doing this to his own child.

Ikari swiveled his chair around so that he was facing the doctor. He said nothing in reply, his hands still folded under his chin as he regarded Ritsuko, but a single arched eyebrow behind his tinted glasses indicated that he expected an answer.

"It's… _possible_ that we could, yes," she began hesitantly, "but it's unclear whether or not Unit 01 would still synchronize with him in such a case. If it won't accept Rei, or the dummy plug, it may not accept Shinji either, if it recognizes that his consciousness is in some sort of… altered state."

Another long, awkward silence lingered between the two scientists as Ikari considered this. "Very well," he finally replied, "for the time being, it seems that we shall unfortunately have to leave this to fate. But if the Third Child proves incapable of piloting for an extended period, then we may have to consider… the alternatives."

Ritsuko let the Commander's ominous words hang in the air, still stunned that they were actually discussing the possibility of brainwashing his son. Despite the various moral dilemmas that she had faced since joining NERV, this idea seemed particularly repugnant to her. It sounded like something out of the historical accounts she had read of the wars of the previous century, and the atrocities that had been committed by the various regimes – Eastern and Western – of those times. How different was Gendou Ikari's ideology, she wondered, from that of past leaders whom history had now judged to be war criminals? And what about herself, who had been both integral and complicit in the creation of the dummy system and its "components," and now in the "retrieval" of Shinji from the EVA? If the Human Instrumentality Project ultimately failed, how would history judge_ her_, if the truths behind the project ever came to light?

Ritsuko shivered, and decided it best to let these unpleasant thoughts lie.

_For now, everything depends on Shinji,_ she reminded herself.

"Well, at least the operation was a success," she volunteered, electing to change the subject as she stepped slowly around Ikari's chair and leaned against a corner of his desk. A small smile appeared at the corners of her mouth as she decided to take the initiative.

"So, have you thought about where you're going to take me to dinner tonight?" she asked coyly, tracing her fingertips across the smooth wood of the Commander's desktop. "You _do_ remember our agreement?"

Ikari did not respond for long moments, seemingly lost in thought. Ritsuko's smile slowly faltered, her confidence eroding with every second that the Commander sat pensively staring into space. Finally, he raised his eyes and met Ritsuko's gaze, and the doctor felt a small chill at the coldness she could see in his eyes, even behind his tinted spectacles.

"That will have to wait. There is something else that I need you to do now," he said, ignoring the crestfallen look on the doctor's face. "We must take advantage of the opportunity that the Third Child's situation has presented us."

Ritsuko stared blankly at the Commander, her disappointment giving way to genuine confusion.

"_Opportunity?_" she asked. "I'm… afraid I don't follow…"

o o o

The images, the impressions and emotions, flowed through his mind like quicksilver, each as vivid as the moment he had first experienced them.

His mother, smiling and happy as he showed her a tiny firefly he had caught for her.

His father, walking away from him at the train station, leaving him alone and crying on the platform.

His teacher, standing in front of him gravely as he opened the strange letter with the NERV logo printed across the top.

Misato, smiling at him and saying "welcome home," as he stepped into her apartment for the first time.

Ritsuko, looking at him the way a collector would regard a pinned butterfly, and calling him the "Third Child."

EVA Unit 01, looming before him like a silent monster from the depths of his most terrible nightmares, its white eyes seeming to stare straight through him.

Ayanami, so strong but yet so helpless, wrapped in bandages and crying out in agony as he cradled her injured body in his arms.

Touji, broken and bleeding, as a rescue team pulled him from the wreckage of Unit 03's shattered entry plug.

Kensuke, wearing combat fatigues and standing in a field of tall grasses, looking surprised to see him.

Hikari, trying vainly to keep order in the classroom as the other students mobbed him, after they learned the news that he was an EVA pilot.

Asuka, in a pretty yellow dress, the sea breeze trailing her long strawberry mane behind her, as together they watched the enemy approach from the deck of the carrier.

The enemy.

The Angel.

Sirens.

Gunfire.

Explosions.

The screams of terrified children.

The sobs of their frightened parents, as they tried to console them.

The thunderous impact as the decapitated head of Unit 02 crashed into the ground, only meters away from the emergency bunker where he had taken shelter.

The horror that bloomed in the pit of his soul as he watched Unit 00 disappear in a flash of white light and heat, horror that inexplicably doubled when he saw the unharmed Angel cleave the blue mecha's head down the middle seconds later.

The burning in his lungs as he ran faster than he had ever run in his life toward the huge pyramid, the place that housed all which he had come to hate.

The grief and shame at the realization that Rei and Asuka were dead. Because he had turned his back on them.

The dread, the desperation, as he faced the one man that stood between him and the revenge that he now craved.

The savage, primal rage that possessed him as he slammed Unit 01's right fist into the Angel's skull-like head, again and again and again.

The determination that no more people he cared for would die today, even if he had to give his own life to make it so.

No more.

_No more._

"…no… more…"

Misato's head jerked up at the sound of Shinji's faint whisper. Rising from her chair, she bolted across the floor of the infirmary room to the bed where the Third Child was resting. She sat on the edge of the bed and leaned over him, gently pushing stray locks of his now-white hair away from his eyes as she searched his face expectantly. Although his new appearance concerned her greatly, at that moment it was the last thing on her mind.

"Shinji? I'm here," she said softly.

His eyes slowly opened, revealing two crimson irises beneath his heavy lids. As the woman in front of him slowly came into focus, the faintest hint of a smile appeared on his lips.

"…hi, Misato," he murmured weakly.

Five weeks of fear and anxiety suddenly drained away with that small smile and those two words, and tears of relief began to well in Misato's wide chestnut eyes.

"Hi," she whispered, her bottom lip quivering as she took his left hand in hers and gave it a gentle squeeze. She smiled as she felt him squeeze back, taking it as a positive sign. "How… how do you feel?"

"…'m tired," he manage to mumble after a few moments, "…head hurts." Suddenly, his grip on Misato's hand tightened as a memory flashed in his mind, and she could see fear and panic spreading across his pale features as he struggled frantically to sit up in bed. "The Angel… Rei? Asuka?" he stammered, his voice edged with dread.

"You defeated the Angel, Shinji," Misato reassured him, "and Rei and Asuka are safe. You saved them – you saved us all. Don't you remember?"

Some of the tension left Shinji's face as the news of the Angel's defeat, and of the safety of the other Children, sank in. The fear in his ruby eyes slowly gave way to confusion, as he seemed to struggle with his own thoughts for long moments.

"I don't know, it's… it's so hard… to _think_, Misato. I had a weird dream, it was… it was like… seeing a picture book of my entire life, and I can still remember every single photo. There's… so much… so much in my head…"

Misato shook her head, and reached out a hand to caress Shinji's cheek, taking care to avoid the angry purple circles that ringed both of his eyes. "Shhh – it's okay. You've been through a lot, but the important thing is that you're going to be all right. Don't try to push yourself right now."

"No, it's okay, I… I remember now," Shinji replied, as he attempted to put some order to his thoughts. "I remember… I was in the shelter – I saw Unit 02's head hit the ground, and I ran outside, and… Kaji was there…"

Misato started in surprise. "You... you saw Kaji?"

Shinji squeezed his eyes shut, trying to pull the memories out of the seemingly endless pool of images swirling in his head. "Yes… he was in his garden. He told me that piloting EVA was my responsibility, because only I could do it… then I saw the Angel… I saw it attack Rei, and all of a sudden I was running. I saw… I saw my father in the cage, and he wouldn't let me into Unit 01 at first, but… I stood up to him. I stood up to him, Misato, and he let me pilot again… and then…"

"And then, you intercepted the Angel on the command level," Misato said, finishing the thought. "You wrestled it into the EVA catapults, and we launched you both back up to the surface."

"…yes, I remember," Shinji went on, the memories coming faster now. "I remember hitting it, over and over, and trying to tear its head off. I was angry, Misato, I was… _so angry_. It wasn't like the other times, the other Angels, when I was fighting just because… I was told to. This time, it was…_ different_…"

He fixed Misato with a grave, ruby-eyed stare, suddenly seeming to her so much older than his fourteen years. "I _wanted_… to kill it, Misato. I _wanted_ to take its life, like I thought it had taken Rei's and Asuka's lives. I wanted to.… I wanted to tear it to _pieces,_ for what it did to them. I wanted to rip out its heart with my bare hands, and _eat_ it."

Misato froze at the chilling calm in Shinji's voice as he described the rage that had possessed him during the battle. Her eyes widened as she recalled how the rampant Evangelion had savagely ripped the Angel apart, and how it had torn the S² organ from the Angel's mutilated corpse and consumed it – just as Shinji had described.

_Was the EVA really out of control, or was Shinji's consciousness still guiding it somehow? _Misato wondered.

She stared at the boy, and was struck by how serious he now seemed to her. Despite his changed appearance, he bore the same sombre, steadfast look that was on his face when she had dropped him off at the train station, shortly before the last Angel attacked.

_He's growing up so fast, _she thought, _the same way I did – through tragedy, and pain._

_He shouldn't have a care in the world at his age. Instead, we've put the weight of that same world square on his shoulders._

_How… sad._

"But then the batteries failed, and the Angel threw Unit 01 into the pyramid," Shinji continued, breaking her train of thought, "…I was trying to make it go, but it wouldn't… and then… that's all I can remember for sure. Everything else after that is… blurry, kind of like the first time I piloted Unit 01, when I fought the third Angel."

"It's okay," Misato consoled him, "there's nothing to worry about now. You should probably get some rest."

Shinji sank back into the pillow beneath his head, fatigued by his recollections. "Yeah… I guess," he agreed, sighing as he stared up at the familiar ceiling of the infirmary room. "It's weird, though… it feels like I've been sleeping for _ages_. How long have I been in here, anyway?"

Misato suddenly realized that Shinji still did not know how radically different he now looked. She wondered if she should tell him exactly how long he'd been missing, and what had happened to him.

_How can I tell him? _she thought. _I don't even KNOW what happened to him…_

"About six hours," she finally replied, deciding not to tax him any more than necessary. "You know, you gave us all a real scare this time, kiddo." She smiled faintly, giving his hand another squeeze.

Shinji looked away in embarrassment, once again transforming before Misato's eyes into the shy boy she knew so well.

"…sorry," he murmured, his tone heavy with shame and remorse.

Her smile widened at the familiar apology, and she leaned in and kissed his forehead gently, bringing a rosy flush to his pale cheeks that competed with the two black eyes he was sporting from his concussion. She met his shy gaze with a small wink, and whispered, "Just don't do it again, okay?"

Although the smile remained on her lips, the pleading look in her chestnut eyes betrayed the deep seriousness of her innocuous remark.

"O... okay," he said quietly, a small grin turning up the corners of his mouth. They looked at each other for long moments, and then his crimson eyes glanced behind Misato at the clicking sound of a door opening. She turned and followed his gaze to see Ritsuko standing in the doorway of the room.

"Hello, Shinji," Ritsuko said, sounding uncharacteristically cheery as she smiled at the Third Child. "I'm glad you're awake. Hi, Misato, how long has he been up?"

Misato's expression instantly darkened. "Not long," she replied in a tightly controlled tone. She turned back to Shinji, and said softly, "Get some rest now. I need to talk to Ritsuko about something."

Shinji glanced back and forth between the two women, and nodded uncertainly. Misato adjusted the blankets around his neck, ran her hand gently across his forehead one last time, and then stood and made her way over to the doctor.

"Outside. Now," she hissed under her breath, before turning on her heel and storming out of the room.

Ritsuko's forced cheerfulness faded as she watched her depart, and she sighed heavily before turning her attention to Shinji. He was regarding her intently with the same ruby-coloured eyes as the Child that she had come to despise. It came as a small shock to her, then, when the white-haired teen offered her a weak smile, and waved his right hand at her from his bed.

_Remarkable, _she thought, with more than a little admiration.

She waved back, smiling faintly, then she turned away and exited the room, bracing herself for what was sure to be an unpleasant conversation.

Misato was waiting for her down the hallway, fuming, her arms crossed in front of her. Ritsuko approached her warily, the way one might approach a snarling dog.

"He seems to be… doing well," the doctor volunteered hopefully. "He was lucky to escape serious injury from the ejection."

The words were like a red flag to Misato. "_LUCKY?"_ she raged, "did you _look_ at him, Ritsuko?

Ritsuko raised her hands. "Yes, I did, and I agree that he looks… a little different. But from the tests that we've managed to run so far, he seems fine physiologically, outside of his injuries."

Misato was not appeased by her words. "You think he's_ fine? _Do you _really_ think he'll be "fine" once he sees himself in the mirror? Just what the HELL did you _do _to him, anyway?

It had been a long, stressful, and thankless day for Ritsuko, coming on the heels of a full week of round-the-clock work and sleep deprivation, and her patience was beginning to wear thin. "I did _exactly _what you _asked_ me to do!" she suddenly bristled, her green eyes flashing. "I got Shinji back – the only way we _could_!"

The doctor stepped closer to Misato, whose own eyes widened in surprise at Ritsuko's sudden outburst.

"You think the colour of his hair and eyes is a big deal, Misato? Things could have been a LOT worse! We tried every other way we could think of, and it came down to _this _way, or_ no_ way! Instead of sitting beside him in his room tonight, talking to him and holding his hand, right now you could be planning his _memorial service_ instead, if it wasn't for what we "did" to him! So yes, he's _very_ lucky, Misato. He may look a little different, but he's _alive. _You have _no idea_ how lucky he is!"

Ritsuko's words hit Misato like cold water in the face. Her anger subsided somewhat, but she still regarded the doctor with a harsh glare.

"He doesn't even _know_ yet, Ritsuko," she said stonily. "He thinks the last battle only just happened, and he doesn't remember anything else. Do you think he'll feel _lucky,_ once he sees what's happened to him, and he finds out that he's somehow lost five weeks of his life? Do think he'll just hop right back into Unit 01 again, once he knows what it did to him?

Ritsuko gazed at the floor. "I… don't know," she murmured. "There's no way of knowing how all of this will affect him until we actually tell him what happened – which was precisely _why_ I came down here to see him."

"You… _you_ were going to tell him?" a stunned Misato stammered. She stepped aside as an orderly pushing trays of food passed by in the corridor. Ritsuko said nothing, and kept her eyes downwards as an awkward silence passed between them.

Misato was silent for long moments. "We should _both_ tell him," she finally said. "It's as much my responsibility as it is yours." Her expression slowly softened as she regarded the doctor, and gratitude began to glisten in her chestnut eyes. "Ritsuko – you saved his life. I _do_ realize that. I'm… sorry I was so upset, and I want you to know how much I appreciate what you did."

The blonde woman looked back up to Misato, the words affecting her deeply. "You know… so far, you're the only person that's said that to me today," she said, "I just… I really hope that Shinji will feel the same way."

A small smile appeared on the doctor's lips as the two old friends shared a moment of reconciliation, a smile which quickly faded as Ritsuko's eyes suddenly shot open in alarm.

Misato looked puzzled. "What is it?" she queried, turning around to find the source of Ritsuko's concern – and her own eyes widened in shock.

"Oh… no…" she whispered.

Down the hallway, the orderly who had been distributing trays of food to the patients on that ward had been intercepted by a familiar red-haired girl in a yellow dress. The redhead said a few brief words to the orderly and gestured to the door of Shinji's room, and the orderly handed her the tray with a shrug and continued on down the hall.

_She doesn't know, _Misato's mind screamed.

"Asuka! Wait! Don't go in!" Misato yelled down the hall toward the Second Child. She started urgently down the long corridor toward the girl, followed closely by Ritsuko.

Asuka paused to glance at the two approaching women, and gave them both a sour, contemptuous look before pushing open the door to Shinji's room and disappearing from view.

"Goddammit!" Ritsuko cursed, as they closed the distance to the room.

As they reached the door, they suddenly heard the sharp, clattering sound of the plastic tray hitting the floor.

Both women burst through the door simultaneously, to find Shinji sitting up in bed, looking at Asuka with wide, crimson eyes. The Second Child stared back at him, standing in the middle of the room surrounded by the spilled contents of his meal tray, shock and horror playing across her features.

"_Lieber Gott," _Asuka whispered in a small, shaky voice, "_Lieber Gott, es ist nicht m_ö_glich… wer bist Du? Wer bist Du?"_

Across the room, Shinji stared back at the stunned redhead from his hospital bed, clearly confused by her behaviour. "Asuka… what… what's the matter?" he stammered. "It's okay… it's me."

She backed away slowly, shaking her head, horrified by the sight of the boy before her.

"No… _no. _You… you're _not_ Shinji," she said slowly, her voice quivering with revulsion. "You're not Shinji, you're… just like _her. _You're a… fake, you're a fraud, you're a… you're a _doll!"_

A distressed Shinji looked wide-eyed at the redhead as if she were insane, then quickly shifted his gaze from Asuka to Misato and Ritsuko.

"What's she _talking_ about?" he exclaimed, his voice pitched high with agitation. "What… what does she mean? Just like _who_?"

Asuka turned away from Shinji, and looked directly at Ritsuko. Her deep blue eyes flashed with a mixture of fear and loathing as she glared at the doctor.

"Is _this_ what you have planned for _all _of us?" she screamed angrily at the blonde woman, jabbing a finger toward Shinji. "Does NERV want to turn us _all _into puppets?"

"Well, I _won't_ let you do this to _ME_, do you _hear_ me? _I WON'T LET YOU!"_

With that, she whirled and bolted from the room, leaving a stunned Ritsuko in her wake.

"Asuka!" Misato called after her, then looked to the doctor. "Ritsuko, I have to go after her – please, talk to Shinji, okay?"

Ritsuko managed a slight nod as Misato ran through the door, dashing down the hallway after the redhead. After a few moments, she turned around to face a baffled, frightened, white-haired boy, looking at her expectantly with wide, blood-red eyes.

"Ritsuko," he asked warily, "…what's going on?"

o o o

Later that night, Shinji lay awake in his hospital bed, staring up at the ceiling. Although he was both physically and mentally exhausted, sleep refused to come to the troubled teen as the events of the last few hours played over and over again in his mind.

He saw again the look of shock and revulsion on Asuka's face as she dropped the tray she had been carrying when she stepped into his room.

_You're not Shinji… you're just like her… you're a doll…_

He heard Ritsuko's words echoing in his ears again... _sync ratio… 400 per cent… ego border lost… you were absorbed into the EVA… berserk... five weeks… side effects of the rescue… permanent…_

He recalled the look of disbelief on his own face when he had risen from his bed and made his way, with Ritsuko's help, to the bathroom, and looked in the mirror at himself.

_I do... I look... like Rei, _his first thought had been, running a hand through his white hair in stunned amazement.

His facial features were the same – he still _looked _like Shinji Ikari in that respect – but the ruby eyes that gazed back at him from the mirror were identical to the First Child's. He had stared at his reflection for what seemed like hours, as Ritsuko looked on uncomfortably behind him. He didn't know how he should feel at the time, the change was so overwhelming to him, so instead, he felt… nothing. It was almost incomprehensible to the stunned teen that the person looking back at him from the glass was really _him._

Misato had come back later, looking exhausted. Asuka had been inconsolable, refusing to accept that the boy she had seen in the hospital room was really Shinji. The redhead had finally gone home after a Herculean attempt by Misato to calm her down, but her guardian feared that it would be some time before Asuka would come to grips with Shinji's new appearance. Misato had been concerned enough about the redhead's state of mind to contact Section Two and request that a security detail shadow the Second Child, to ensure that she went home – and stayed there.

The two women stayed with him for awhile longer, trying their best to answer the questions he had, and comforting him as best they could. Then Misato had received a call on her cellphone – from Kaji. It was the first time she had heard from him in weeks, and whatever he was calling for, it must have been urgent, because Misato had insisted on leaving right away. She had offered to drop off Ritsuko at home on her way to meet him, and then Misato and the doctor had said their goodbyes, leaving Shinji alone with his chaotic thoughts.

_Permanent. Ritsuko said that this was permanent, _he thought, rolling over on his side to face the wall of the room.

_I'll look like this for the rest of my life._

He rested his head on his bare arm, taking care to avoid the tender bruises around his eyes, and recoiled at the strong, unpleasant smell of LCL that still lingered on his pale skin.

_It still smells like blood, _he thought with disgust.

Slowly, Shinji sat up in bed, gasping as a jolt of pain from his bruised ribs took his breath away, and carefully swung his legs over the side of the mattress. He waited for the dizziness from the concussion to fade, and then he gingerly stepped onto the cold floor of the hospital room, favouring his injured ankle as he limped slowly toward the bathroom. Once inside, he turned on the shower, slipped out of his hospital pyjamas, and stepped into the rushing water. He soaped himself down from head to toe as best he could to rid himself of the distasteful odour, and then rested his hands against the shower wall and just let the hot water run over him, hoping that the soothing spray would wash away his troubles as well as the smell of the LCL.

An hour later, he was clean, but his mind was no less troubled.

He stepped out of the shower stall and reached for a towel, groaning as his ribs protested again, and he slowly dried himself off. The bathroom mirror was fogged over with condensation, and he regarded it uncertainly for long moments.

_Maybe it was just my imagination. Maybe this is just a bad dream_.

He raised the towel and began to wipe the fog away, revealing once again his white-haired, red-eyed reflection. The towel fell to the floor as he stood riveted by his image in the glass.

_If it was a dream, then I'm still dreaming, _he thought morosely.

He knew full well that he was not.

As Shinji stared deep into his own ruby eyes, the black rings around them making them stand out even more noticeably from his pallid face, the emotions that were previously beyond his reach began to slowly bubble to the surface. How could this have _happened_ to him? And _why_?

Whose fault was it, that he now looked this way? Who_ did_ this to him?

Was it Ritsuko? Misato? The EVA itself?

Or was it the person who was responsible for bringing him here in the first place, the person who had all but forced him to become an EVA pilot, putting him on the path that had led him to this horrible accident?

_Five weeks, _Shinji thought bitterly. _I was missing for five weeks._

_I could have died._

_I came out of the entry plug looking like… this._

_Like a freak._

_And he couldn't even come to see me._

_Not once._

_Not even for a minute, just to see if I was okay. Even that would have been enough._

_Father…_

_You son of a bitch…_

A searing rage boiled up within him, and the crimson hue of his eyes seemed to increase in intensity as a snarl curled his upper lip. His right hand balled into a quivering fist, and his entire body shook with anger as he glared at his reflection in the mirror, no longer seeing his own image, but that of his cold, distant father.

"_You son of a BITCH!_" he screamed, as he drove his fist into the glass, shattering it into countless fragments that showered onto the floor of the bathroom.

Instantly, sharp pain arced through his hand like electricity, and he grimaced as he pulled it away from the broken mirror, revealing a nasty gash across the top of his knuckles. Fresh blood, as bright red as his eyes, dripped down the side of his hand and pooled in the sink, standing out in sharp relief against the white porcelain.

As Shinji stood there, staring blankly at his injured, bleeding hand, a soft, familiar voice from outside the bathroom caused him to freeze.

"Ikari?"

Without thinking, Shinji stepped out of the bathroom at the sound of his name – and found Rei Ayanami sitting quietly in a chair by his bed.

The blue-haired girl was dressed, as always, in her school uniform, and she regarded him carefully from her seat. The room was dark, a lamp on the nightstand offering the only illumination outside of the bathroom light, and the damp haze from his long shower still hung in the air, strangely giving the girl the appearance of a watercolour painting of herself. Their ruby eyes locked, and the two Children gazed at each other in silence for what seemed like ages. Shinji felt like he should say something as he stood before her, his mouth agape, but a lump had suddenly gathered in his throat, and he found himself incapable of speech.

It was Rei who finally broke that ethereal silence. "Ikari, you are bleeding," she said with a note of concern, her eyes fixing on his injured hand, before drifting over the rest of his body. "You are also naked."

At first, her matter-of-fact observation failed to register, as Shinji found it difficult to pull himself away from the First Child's eyes as they searched his form. Once his frazzled brain finally kicked into gear, though, he yelped in embarrassment, and scrambled back into the bathroom, taking care to avoid the shards of glass glittering on the floor.

_"Omigod,"_ he stammered, "…s… sorry, I'm sorry, Ayanami, I was just… I mean… hang on a sec, okay?" His face was as scarlet as his eyes as he attempted as best he could to slip back into his hospital pajamas as quickly as possible, gritting his teeth as his bruised ribs reminded him once again of their tender condition.

Rei waited patiently outside as Shinji dressed, then watched him closely as he emerged from the bathroom, hobbling slowly across the tiled floor toward the bed.

"Do you require assistance?" she asked, noting his pronounced limp as he approached her.

"No… it's okay, I can do it," he replied, trying his best to look unaffected by the pain that shot through various parts of his body as he made his way toward the bed. He turned awkwardly and sat on the edge of the mattress, holding his gashed right hand in his left, and grunted as he pushed himself up onto the bed with his good leg. His head swam as the effort caused a wave of vertigo to grip him, but he fought it down, taking a deep breath before turning his face to Rei and managing a small, shy smile.

"I guess I must look pretty… strange to you, huh?" he murmured, referring to his changed appearance.

Without a word, she rose from the chair and stood in front of him, tilting her head as she searched his face soberly. She frowned slightly as she raised a hand to lightly inspect the dark rings around his eyes. Her touch caused some slight discomfort to his sensitive face, but Shinji did not dare flinch away as her fingers drifted across his skin.

"These bruises will heal soon. Then you will look more like yourself," she replied, making no comment at all about the colour of his hair and eyes. Her attention moved to his hand, which was still dripping blood onto the floor. "That is a bad cut," she observed, "perhaps we should call an attending physician? You may require stitches."

"No, it's… it's all right – I think a bandage will be fine." He had intended to get up again and find one himself, but Rei had already turned away from him, and she was now searching through the drawers of the nightstand. She found a package of bandages in the third drawer, and selected two that were large enough to cover the wound, as well as a bottle of iodine, a roll of gauze, and some cotton balls. She walked silently over to Shinji's right side and opened the iodine, soaking a cotton ball in the antiseptic liquid before reaching down and cradling his injured hand in hers.

For a moment, Shinji almost believed that he was dreaming again, as he felt Rei carefully holding his hand in her own, her face so close to his that he could feel the warmth of her cheek as she regarded his injured hand intently. But then, he abruptly came crashing back to reality as the iodine-soaked cotton made contact with his gashed knuckles, the sudden, sharp sting causing him to hiss through his clenched teeth.

"I am sorry," she said quietly. "There will be some pain."

"That's… okay," he managed, mesmerized as he watched her tend to his injury. Within seconds, she had applied the adhesive bandages over his cut, and then wrapped his hand in the gauze, securing it in place with a pair of metal clips. As she worked, Shinji's eyes widened as he noticed for the first time that both of Rei's hands were bandaged as well, each wrapped in gauze past the first joints of her fingers. She finished and stepped away, returning to her chair and looking at him calmly. Shinji flexed his hand – the dressing was firm, but not too tight, as expertly done as if it had been applied by a trained medic.

"Wow, Ayanami," he said, amazed, "you're… you're really good at this." He turned his hand in front of his eyes, inspecting the bandage.

"I am used to applying and changing bandages," she replied simply.

Shinji's memory suddenly flashed back to his first visit to Rei's apartment, and he recalled the sight of her bloodstained sheets, and the box full of discarded bandages next to her tiny refrigerator. Strangely, the images seemed as fresh and vivid to him as the day he had actually experienced them. He felt as if he could shut his eyes and still point out every minute detail of her apartment as it was at that moment in time – including the way Rei had looked as she stepped out of the shower, the warmth of her body when he had fallen on top of her, the smell of her freshly washed hair…

Her quiet voice effectively derailed his train of thought. "Ikari," she queried, "why did you injure yourself?"

He looked away from her, suddenly embarrassed, as he realized that she must have been waiting in his room for some time, and had probably heard everything he had said and done in the bathroom.

"I… I don't know, Ayanami," he began hesitantly, "I didn't really mean to… I'm just… I'm_ really _tired, and my whole body hurts, and I guess I just don't know how to take… everything that's happened, with the EVA, and the way I look, and…" His voice drifted away as he struggled vainly to articulate his feelings, and he turned to face the blue-haired, ruby-eyed girl, who was now regarding him sombrely.

"Your appearance… distresses you," she murmured. It was not a question.

"Well… yeah, _sure_ it does," he confessed, feeling slightly ashamed at the admission to the girl whose own appearance so closely resembled his own. "I mean… it's a _pretty big_ change. And it's not… it's not just how I _look_, I… I _feel _different, too. It's so weird, I feel like… like I'm seeing everything for the first time – this room, Misato, Ritsuko, Asuka, you… but I know that it's _not _the first time."

Shinji's gaze dropped to the floor. "Asuka… she said that I wasn't _me_ anymore. She was really freaked out when she saw me – she acted like I was some kind of… _monster_. Ritsuko and Misato were trying to hide it, but I could tell that they were probably thinking the same thing. When I finally saw myself in the mirror, I… I don't know… I thought that maybe… maybe… they're right…"

He closed his eyes as he began to tremble slightly, his inner turmoil threatening to overwhelm him once more. Despair gripped him as he let out a long, shuddering sigh, but he caught his breath as he raised his head and saw that Rei was once more standing directly in front of him. The expression on her face reminded Shinji of the time she had struck him on the escalators at NERV, when he had expressed his distrust and hatred of his father to her. Again, the memory was so clear, so vivid, that he could almost feel again the sting of her hand against his cheek, and he flinched unconsciously at the recollection.

This time, though, Rei did not strike him – physically.

"Ikari," she asked evenly, "am I a monster?"

The question stunned him. "N… no… of _course_ you aren't," he stammered. The sick feeling of shame within him began to intensify as she held him firmly with her crimson gaze.

"But my hair is blue, and my eyes are red, just as yours now are," she continued slowly. "Would I seem more human to you if my hair were black, and my eyes brown?"

While the image of a raven-haired, chestnut-eyed Rei Ayanami was not in any way unappealing to Shinji, he was perceptive enough to realize that this was not the point of her question.

"No," he said quietly, his voice heavy with embarrassment, "it… it wouldn't matter. You'd still be just as human… as I am. You'd still be… _you_."

Rei nodded, and her expression softened somewhat. "If you truly believe this, then you must also believe that you are still yourself."

Silence hung in the air as the white-haired boy digested this. His attention slowly shifted to her injured hands, and he frowned with concern as he reached out and carefully took them in his own, studying the bandages covering her palms. He could feel Rei's body stiffen as he very gently lifted her hands closer to his face, but he did not stop, and she made no attempt to draw them away.

"Misato… told me what you did," he murmured, keeping his gaze fixed on her hands. "Why… why did you do it, Ayanami? You could have been hurt – badly – or even… killed."

Rei blinked in surprise as she felt the unusual sensation of warmth spreading across her cheeks once again. Oddly, she felt relieved that the white-haired boy had not noticed as he continued to stare intently at her gauze-wrapped hands.

_He was in far greater danger than I, _she thought to herself.

_And yet, his concern is for me… why?_

She decided to answer his question with one of her own. "Why did you rescue me from my entry plug, after the Fifth Angel?" She found that she was keenly interested in knowing the answer.

Shinji bit his lip as he kept his head down, his brows knit together in thought for long moments.

"Well… um… _lots_ of reasons," he began tentatively, "but mostly because… I was afraid, and you told me that you'd protect me, and I guess… I guess I decided then that I was going to protect _you_, too. I mean, we're EVA pilots, we're _supposed_ to look out for each other, right?"

He finally raised his eyes to meet hers, a sombre expression on his face. "I guess… that's _our_ bond," he whispered.

It was Rei's turn to be stunned by his words.

They regarded each other for what seemed like an eternity, before she finally managed to break the silence. "It is… late. You need to rest."

For some reason, Shinji felt at that moment as if something very important had somehow just slipped out of his grasp.

"Yeah," he muttered, his voice betraying a hint of annoyance, "everybody keeps telling me that today."

Reluctantly, he released her hands and settled back into the bed with a groan, drawing the covers over himself and sighing deeply as his head sunk into the pillow. He immediately felt a heavy wave of fatigue wash over him, and decided that everybody was right – he _did _need to rest. He turned his head to say goodbye to the blue-haired girl, and was surprised to see that, instead of preparing to leave, Rei had instead returned to her chair, and was now reaching into her briefcase for one of her schoolbooks.

"Ayanami… you're not going home?" he asked, confused.

As she opened her book, she turned and regarded him flatly, her expression unreadable.

"I… have missed my train," she replied, with a slight note of hesitation. "At this hour, there will not be another for forty minutes. I would like to wait here awhile, if it will not disturb your rest."

"Oh… uh… sure, of course you can," he said, feeling at that point like an exploding N² mine would have a difficult time disturbing him. His heavy eyelids drifted closed as she began to read from the text she had selected, but after a few moments, they fluttered open again, his eyes fixing themselves intently on the First Child.

"Rei...?" he whispered.

She lowered her book at the sound of her given name, but did not return his gaze.

"Yes?" she replied softly, her eyebrows rising slightly as she stared straight ahead.

"Thank you, Rei… for everything. I'm… glad you came to see me..."

The blue-haired girl was certain that this time, the warm flush on her face must have been clearly obvious.

"You are… welcome," she murmured quietly, turning her face slightly away from him as she spoke. "Please rest now, Ikari."

Shinji stifled a yawn, and smiled wearily at the girl. "…'kay," he mumbled, his speech becoming sluggish, "…see you… later," as sleep finally took the exhausted boy.

Rei resumed her reading, listening quietly as his breathing slowed until it eventually became deep and even. Once she was satisfied that the rhythm of his respiration was suitably consistent, she turned in her chair to regard the slumbering Third Child in the bed beside her, and watched the steady rise and fall of his chest with interest as he slept.

_I am also glad to see you, Ikari, _she thought.

_I… missed you…_

o o o

Much later, Shinji stirred, and his eyes slowly opened. He wasn't entirely sure what had roused him from his slumber, except for the nagging feeling that something was… unusual. He was drowsy, and disoriented, and it took a few moments for the fact that he was still in the hospital to register in his exhausted mind. As he opened his eyes slightly wider, he saw that the room was now almost completely dark, the only light coming from a digital clock on the nightstand beside his bed which read 4:22 AM. Shinji did not move his head as his ruby eyes glanced around the room, making sure that all was in order before he let himself succumb to the fatigue that sought to take him once again. Satisfied, the weary Third Child allowed his eyelids to slowly drift shut, preparing to return once more to the oblivion of sleep – when, out of the corner of his eye, he noticed what was surely the source of his disquiet.

Rei was still seated in the chair beside his bed. The train she that she had told him she was waiting for had left hours ago, and several others had come and gone since – yet she was still in his room, sitting quietly in the darkness.

_What is she still doing here?_ he wondered.

Various scenarios played in Shinji's mind, some of which he had thought of – or dreamed of – before, but this was definitely _not_ what he normally pictured whenever he considered the possibility of Rei Ayanami spending the night in his room. He did not dare to move a muscle as he narrowed his eyes into thin slits, surreptitiously watching the First Child through his lashes. It was strange that she was still there, hours after she said she would be leaving – it was stranger _still_ that the blue-haired girl was not paying any attention to him whatsoever, or even reading her book by the light of the table lamp. Instead, she was staring intently at the door to his room, and her face was oddly taut with tension. Her expression reflected her body language as she sat rigidly in the chair, which she had turned slightly in order to better face the door.

It seemed almost as though she were keeping watch over him, standing guard to protect him against something – or _someone_ – that she expected to come through the door at any moment.

As he lay in his bed, silently watching the girl who sat like a crimson-eyed sentinel before him, fatigue began to battle with curiosity for dominance over his thoughts – and eventually, fatigue gained the upper hand. His heavy eyelids slowly fell closed, and he drifted back into a deep sleep, thoughts of the blue-haired girl swirling in his mind.

When he opened his eyes again, it was morning, and Rei Ayanami was gone.

_Continued…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was tough to get through, mainly because it was the first time in this story that we see the action from Shinji's perspective. It felt a bit like I was introducing a new character - and in a way, I suppose I was. 
> 
> For all you Asuka fans, the story has been a bit light on her so far, but we'll be seeing a lot more of her in the next few chapters. What you got from her here was just a hint of what's to come…
> 
> Lachryiadhron – the Anderson Cooper of beta readers. He kept me honest, and did it in a most excellent manner. Once again, many thanks.
> 
> Please feel free to leave a review, or drop me a line at ikarusonesun (at-sign) gmail (dot) com.
> 
> Cheers,  
IO


	6. Blue Monday

DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fan fiction incorporating characters and situations from the Gainax manga/anime series _Neon Genesis Evangelion _and its related feature film releases. Gainax and its various media distributors hold sole exclusive rights to their use. The author is in no way affiliated with Gainax or its distributors, nor has this story been submitted for any commercial purpose.

_**Godchild**_  
by Ikarus Onesun

**Chapter Six:  
Blue Monday**

"We're home!"

Misato stepped through the door of her apartment, laden with bags of groceries, including two that were full of six-packs of beer. Shinji followed close behind her, struggling with a pair of crutches, as he did his best to carry in a couple of the lighter bags. It was early Sunday evening, and Shinji had finally been released from the hospital, after two days of almost continual poking and prodding from the NERV infirmary staff. The consensus among the various specialists who had attended to him was virtually unanimous – that with the exception of the injuries he had sustained during the emergency ejection of his entry plug, the Third Child was otherwise perfectly healthy. However, none of them had any idea what had caused the colour of his eyes and hair to change. Dr. Akagi was still worried about the possible long-term effects from the absorption into the EVA, and had scheduled him for a series of follow-up tests, as well as prescribing him a course of drugs that she had said would help maintain his normal metabolic rate and hormonal levels. Ritsuko had explained that this was merely a precaution, but she had not said how long Shinji would have to take the pills. He didn't like taking them – they made him feel… _weird_ – but he figured that after everything that had happened, he should probably just trust Ritsuko's judgement. After all, he had realized, it was only because of her that he was even walking and talking at the moment.

Now, he was finally home, and tonight he was looking forward to a nice meal of anything besides hospital food, lounging around on the living room couch, and then listening to a few of his favourite SDATs in his room before finally curling up to sleep in the comfort of his own bed. The white-haired teen breathed a contented sigh as he hobbled through the door of the apartment, setting his crutches carefully inside the hall closet, before turning to look around the home that he had not seen for many weeks – even though to him, it had only seemed like a few days. As he did, his ruby eyes suddenly shot open, and had it not been firmly connected to his skull, his jaw surely would have dropped to the floor.

"Misato… what… what the hell _happened_ in here?" he stammered.

Misato grinned as she hung her jacket in the closet and stooped to retrieve the grocery bags she had set on the floor.

_Yep, that's pretty much what I figured he'd say,_ she thought with amusement.

"Yeah, I know, it's a _little bit_ messy, but man, you should have seen it _before_ I straightened up," she replied cheerily. "You know, Asuka and I have _really_ missed having a man's touch around here! But, we realize that you're still hurt, so we'll give you a day or so before we start cracking the… whip on you… again…" Her voice trailed away as she turned to face the interior of the apartment, and she and Shinji were both silent for long moments, their eyes wide with disbelief.

The apartment was an absolute disaster.

In the kitchen, the garbage bin had been overturned, and trash lay scattered all over the floor. The dishes that had been left to dry on the rack by the sink had been smashed on the counter, and shards of broken plates and cups were everywhere. The dining room table had been swept clean of everything that had been resting on it, and condiments, place mats, a hot pot and a broken flower vase all lay in a heap to one side of an overturned dining chair. In the living room, the cushions from the couch lay strewn across the floor, magazines had been torn apart, their pages lying in random places throughout the room, and a potted tree had been kicked over, spilling dirt all over the carpet.

Misato paled noticeably as she surveyed the ruined state of her apartment. Her first thought was that her place had been burglarized while she was gone.

_But… Asuka stayed home, _she thought. _Did she go out somewhere?_

She glanced quickly around the apartment and saw that the obvious targets of robbers – the TV, the stereo system, her laptop – were all accounted for.

Her next thought was that the apartment may have been ransacked by foreign agents, possibly searching for sensitive information pertaining to NERV, but she immediately dismissed the notion. This clearly was _not_ the work of professionals, and any covert operative worth his salt would not have left such an obvious calling card behind. Misato also knew that Section Two kept close tabs on the residences of NERV's most valuable assets, and they would have descended upon the apartment instantly if there had been any hint of a threat to her or her two wards. Her hand unconsciously went into the inside pocket of her flight jacket, feeling for the envelope which contained the tiny capsule that Kaji had given her two nights ago.

_Still there, _she thought with relief. _So it couldn't have been because of that…_

She did not have a third thought, as she continued to stare dumbfounded at the devastation before her eyes.

"What… the _hell_… _happened…?_" she whispered, echoing Shinji's earlier question.

Her eyes darted to the door of Asuka's room, which was opened slightly. Through the crack in the door, she could see a pair of narrow blue eyes watching the two of them intently. Misato could almost feel the scathing, corrosive glare of the Second Child on her skin as Asuka scowled at her from her bedroom, before reaching out and slamming the door shut so hard, a picture in the living room fell off the wall and shattered as it hit the floor.

"_ASUKA_!" Misato bellowed, suddenly possessed by rage. She had not wanted Shinji's homecoming to turn out like _this_. "You get your ass _out_ here, _right now!"_

She started angrily toward Asuka's bedroom door, fully prepared to kick it down and drag the petulant girl out by her long strawberry hair if necessary, but Shinji's hand on her arm stopped her in her tracks.

"Misato… it's okay," he murmured. "Leave her alone."

"No, Shinji, I _won't,_" she flared, "this is _not_ okay, this is _completely unacceptable!_ I've been putting up with this bullshit for over a _month_ now, and I'm getting goddamned sick and _tired _of it!" She tried to pull away from Shinji and start for the door once again, but the strength in his grip surprised her – as well as the pleading look in his crimson eyes as she turned back to him.

"Please… just let her be, Misato," he implored quietly, "I'll… I'll help clean up, okay?"

She stared in disbelief at the white-haired boy before her. She had been worried about him for so long, had been so relieved when he had returned, and she had wanted everything to be perfect for him when he finally returned home after his grueling ordeal. Now, everything was ruined, and even after all he had been through, here he was, offering to help put it all right. The serious look on his face had returned, and once again she was struck by how… _mature_ he suddenly seemed to her.

Without a word, Shinji limped past her, and she watched incredulously as he made his way into the kitchen, reached down with a pained grunt, and set the trash bin upright. Gripping the counter for balance, he knelt awkwardly on the floor, and began slowly picking up bits of garbage and replacing them in the bin.

_He's… amazing, _she marveled.

_Asuka's done absolutely nothing to deserve this kind of friendship and loyalty from him, but he's doing this anyway… for her._

Her chestnut eyes drifted back to the door of Asuka's room. She had seen this kind of behaviour from her on many occasions, but things had never been this bad before. In spite of her anger, Misato was genuinely worried about the redhead – it seemed like the brash, confident Second Child was rapidly becoming unglued before her very eyes. She recalled the redhead's reaction to Shinji's changed appearance in the hospital, how Asuka had refused to acknowledge Shinji, and called him a "doll" – her favourite insult for Rei Ayanami. She saw again the anger, and the _fear, _in her blue eyes as she furiously demanded if Ritsuko planned to turn them _all_ into dolls.

Years ago, during her assignment in Germany, Misato had read the reports of how Asuka's mother, Dr. Kyoko Zeppelin Soryu, had gone insane. She remembered how, in her last weeks of life, Dr. Soryu had ignored Asuka completely in favour of a doll that she believed to be her young daughter, before the poor, sick woman had finally committed suicide. The experience had hardened Asuka emotionally, and Misato understood that the harder some things become, the easier they are to crack.

She turned back to Shinji, who was still on his hands and knees picking up garbage in the middle of the kitchen. Frowning, she made her way over to where he was crouched on the floor, and knelt beside him, running her fingers through his white hair. Shinji paused, and regarded Misato sombrely with his ruby-coloured eyes, the stress and worry within them clearly evident to her.

"Misato… is she going to be all right?" he asked in a low, quiet tone.

She gazed back at him for long moments, unsure of what to say to the troubled teen. "I'm… not sure, kiddo," she admitted hesitantly, "but I hope she will be. Maybe she'll start to feel better once you settle back in, and things get back to normal around here."

Both of them grew silent, each contemplating the same hopeful thought. Finally, Misato rose and opened the cabinet underneath the sink, pulling out a fresh garbage bag. "Okay then," she said with a sigh, "let's get this place straightened up, and_ then_ I'm going to take you out for something to eat. After all, it's not really fair to make you clean _and _cook on your first night back, is it?"

Shinji and Misato shared a glance as he smiled sheepishly at his guardian's wry joke, and together, the two of them set about undoing the damage that Asuka had done to the apartment.

o o o

In her room, Asuka listened sullenly behind the door to Shinji and Misato's quiet conversation as they moved about the apartment, slowly cleaning up after her. She knew that Misato was furious, and she couldn't care less. She also knew that Shinji had somehow prevented Misato from storming into her room and throttling her, and this only made the redhead hate the white-haired boy even more.

In the two days since Shinji had been rescued from Unit 01, a deep-seated anger had been simmering in the Second Child's heart. It had started during the operation that last Friday, when Shinji's entry plug had been ejected from the rampaging EVA. She had been looking on in horror as she watched the plug ricocheting from corner to corner, finally dropping to the hard steel floor of the cage, as Unit 01 thrashed madly against the hot bakelite that was slowly smothering it. In the midst of the chaos, she had stood by as Rei Ayanami, that stupid, emotionless _doll_, somehow made her way down to the cage and had scrambled across the floor toward the entry plug, blowing its emergency hatch and climbing into the plug to rescue Shinji. Asuka's stunned disbelief at the First Child's selfless act quickly gave way to resentment, as almost immediately the command centre had begun to buzz about Rei's quick thinking and courage. The redhead's hands had balled into hard, bloodless fists by her side, and she trembled with outrage as all around her, the words of praise for the First continued to mount – words of praise that should have been for _her_.

_It should have been me, _she thought bitterly.

_I should have been the one who opened the plug._

_Instead, it was Wondergirl who saved the day._

_Now, everybody can't stop talking about how great that smug little bitch is!_

_I… hate her._

_I HATE her!_

_I HATE HER!_

As the rescue team worked to remove Shinji from the plug, everybody's attention seemed to be focused on either the unconscious Third Child, almost completely obscured from her vision by the swarm of medics surrounding him, or on Rei as she slowly made her way across the expansive floor of the cage, past the silent, bakelite-encrusted form of Unit 01 and into the stairwells that would take her back to the command level. The bridge technicians were congratulating and high-fiving each other, celebrating the success of the operation, as Misato and Ritsuko shared a relieved embrace. Once the First Child had emerged on the bridge again, a cheer had gone up from all around – a cheer that was short-lived once they all saw the scorched, blackened material of her plugsuit's gloves, the angry red blisters that shone wetly on her palms, and most disconcerting of all, the dazed, distracted look that still lingered on Rei's pallid face.

Nobody was paying any attention at all to Asuka.

Perhaps she had been overly optimistic when she had finally decided to observe the rescue operation. All she had wanted to do was to watch the rescue, and then hopefully go home with Misato and Shinji afterward, or at least go to see him in the hospital. She definitely _didn't_ want to show up dressed only in her plugsuit, straight from the sync test, as Rei had – she knew that Shinji_ hated_ the smell of LCL – so she had taken the time to clean herself and change her outfit. Maybe the _doll_ didn't mind walking around looking like a drowned rat and reeking like a slaughterhouse, but she at least took a little more pride in her appearance.

Before she had left for the sync test that morning, Asuka had stood before her closet for long minutes, strangely distracted at she gazed at the outfits hanging inside. For reasons she still could not fully explain, she had reached in and selected the yellow frock that she had worn the day she had first met Shinji, folded it carefully, and tucked it into her book bag along with a pair of red dress shoes, her compact, a small jewelry case, and the new bottle of lavender perfume that she had purchased the previous week. She had not worn that dress again since that fateful day on the deck of the _Over The Rainbow_, mainly because Misato had teasingly let it slip to her one night that Shinji had secretly liked the way it looked on her. On this day though, the dress had grabbed her attention, and she had gone with her impulse against her better judgment.

Later that afternoon, as she stood alone on the bridge, watching one crowd swarming around Shinji down in the EVA cage, and another gathering around Rei as she made her way across the floor of the command centre toward Misato and Ritsuko, Asuka wondered why she had bothered to waste her time.

_Everybody thinks they care about him more than I do._

She had turned away then, and silently exited the command centre. Unlike when she had entered, moments before the operation had started, not a single person noticed that she had left.

The sullen redhead had glumly returned to the locker room, intent on washing off her face, changing back into her school uniform, and going straight home. There was no need for her to be there any longer. The operation was over, Shinji was back, and everything was wonderful and fantastic again. Everything was back to normal. Shinji would never know that she had wanted to look nice for him, and he never _needed _to know, either. Why had she even bothered to get all dressed up for that idiot in the _first _place?

Once she reached the lockers, though, Asuka had slumped down onto her bench and sat staring into space for what must have been hours. Her bitter, agitated thoughts eventually drifted back to the fight against the twelfth Angel, and how afterward, she had gone to visit Shinji in his infirmary room – only to find that Rei, that little _bitch, _had gotten there before her, and had been quietly sitting by his bed the whole time he had been unconscious. Asuka had no idea why the thought of Shinji waking up to the sight of the First Child upset her so – why should _she_ care if that stupid doll wanted to sit there all day like some pathetic puppy, anyway?

But still, it had bothered her – Rei had gotten there_ first._

And today, that little bitch had gotten there first _again_ – and now, she was a goddamned _hero_.

She determined then and there that _this _time, things would be different.

She knew that Misato would already be in Shinji's room by now, probably bawling like a baby over her precious boy, like she always did whenever the idiot had managed to put himself in the hospital. But Asuka knew that the infirmary's policy was that patients were only allowed one visitor at a time, with the exception of senior NERV personnel. She also knew that Rei had already been called to the Commander's office to be reprimanded, even before she was able to get medical attention for her hands. This time, Asuka would visit him before Rei could – she would stay _all night_ if she felt like it, and that stupid doll could just sit outside his room and stew for all she cared.

She had paused long enough to touch up her makeup, fuss with her hair, and refresh her perfume before she made her way upstairs to the medical centre, loping urgently down the long hallways that lead to the infirmary. As she passed through the emergency ward, she happened to glance into one of the examination rooms, and was treated to the sight of a resident carefully wrapping each of Rei's scalded hands in a gauze wrapping. The First Child was sitting quietly, staring straight ahead as the doctor worked, and although Asuka had looked directly at her as she passed – more accurately, she had _scowled_ – it seemed as if the blue-haired girl had not even noticed she was there. Her expression was even more vacant than usual - she seemed to be in another world entirely.

_Go ahead and keep up the superior act, you bitch, _the redhead thought, completely mistaking the reason behind the First's failure to acknowledge her.

_Just get used to that view of the hallway – you're going to be seeing it all night…_

She checked in with the nursing station to confirm which room Shinji was in, and then turned down another long corridor that lead to his ward. As she approached his room, she noticed that an orderly pushing a catering cart had arrived at his door, and was just about to deliver his evening meal. A flirtatious smile spread across Asuka's face as she motioned to the orderly to let her have the tray, indicating that she would bring it to him herself, and the green-clad man had complied without a fuss. She flicked a stray lock of her strawberry hair out of her eyes, preparing for her grand entrance, as she pictured Shinji's reaction to the sight of the drop-dead gorgeous Second Child personally delivering his meal tray to him.

_Get ready, Third Child, because I'm about to blow your mind, _she thought slyly.

_And then, once your blood pressure settles down, we're going to have a little chat about how you abandoned your fellow pilots and nearly got everybody killed._

_By the time I'm through with you, you're going to wish you were back in Unit 01…_

Down the hall, she could suddenly hear a pair of familiar voices calling to her urgently. Turning her head, she was surprised to see Misato and Ritsuko striding quickly in her direction, waving their arms frantically.

_What the hell is their problem? _Asuka thought scornfully. She returned their protests with a look of utter contempt, and pushed open the door to Shinji's room.

"Hey, _idiot,_" she loudly announced as she strode into the room, "dinner is ser…"

Her voice trailed off as she looked upon the startled boy who had risen from his bed in surprise at the sound of her voice.

The tray tumbled to the floor, forgotten, as those eyes – those _crimson _eyes – seemed to stare directly into her very soul.

The blood had drained from her face, and the hair on the back of her neck had stood on end, as the sight of Shinji – no, not Shinji, that _thing_ – caused a mixture of revulsion, hatred, and _fear _to bubble up from deep within herself. As shock and horror gripped her, she reacted to the situation the only way her brain was capable at that moment – with denial.

_No._

_It's not him._

_It CAN'T be._

_That's NOT Shinji._

_He looks like… he looks like…_

_HER…_

It was the only explanation she could accept.

It wasn't Shinji. Shinji was gone.

He had been replaced with this fake Shinji, this phony Third Child, this… _doll._

Asuka had bolted from the hospital room, overwhelmed by anger and dread. Despite Misato's attempts to calm her and convince her that it was really Shinji in that bed, she would have none of it, and she had rushed straight home. The Shinji she had known was seemingly gone forever, and now every time she would look upon him, she would only see the red eyes, the pale skin, and the unnaturally-coloured hair of the person she hated more than any other in the world.

She had spent that night alone in the apartment, as Misato had not come home from the hospital. In an odd way, she had hoped that her guardian would return, as she felt uncomfortable being by herself, a feeling she rarely experienced. The night had stretched into the early morning before she had eventually grown tired of waiting and had gone to bed. It took hours of tossing and turning before Asuka was finally able to sleep, and once she did, her dreams were filled with terrifying images of dolls, of macabre puppets dancing madly on strings, and of the leering, red-eyed faces of the First and Third Children, cackling with glee as they held her down roughly… and tied a rope around her neck.

She had screamed herself awake – _DON'T KILL ME! – _and had not slept since.

Misato did not return to the apartment until Saturday night, offering no explanation or apology for her extended absence. She had tried to speak with Asuka again about Shinji later that evening, but Misato had seemed strangely distracted, and had not managed to make any more headway with the redhead. The conversation became more and more frustrated and terse, until Misato had finally told Asuka that Shinji would be coming home the following night, and she had better just get _used_ to the fact. Once again, another shrill argument had erupted between the two, with each of them storming to their respective bedrooms and slamming the doors behind them.

The following afternoon, Asuka had listened behind her door as outside, Misato announced that she was on her way to the hospital to pick up Shinji. She had called out to ask Asuka if she wanted to come, but the redhead did not reply. Misato waited a full five minutes before she finally picked up her keys and left the apartment without another word.

Once she was sure Misato had gone, Asuka had finally emerged from her room, disheveled and weary. She frowned sullenly as she cast her bleary eyes around the apartment.

_He's coming here, _she thought, as a tiny spark of anger quickly ignited an inferno within her.

_Soon, he's going to be sitting on that couch._

_Eating at that table._

_Bathing himself in that tub._

_Every morning when I wake up, he's going to be here._

_Every time I go to school, or to NERV, I'm going to have to be with him._

_Every time we go into battle against the Angels, I'm going to be putting my life in the hands of a pair of puppets._

_Every time I look at him, all I'm going to see..._

…_is HER._

_I can't stand it._

_I can't STAND it…_

"_I CAN'T STAND IT! I CAN'T STAND IT!" _she shrieked, all of the pent-up emotion of the past two days suddenly bursting from her like water behind a crumbling dam.

"_I HATE HIM!"_

"_AND I HATE THAT FIRST CHILD BITCH, REI!"_

"_I HATE RITSUKO, AND MISATO!"_

"_I… HATE… EVERYTHING!"_

A seething, terrible fury took hold of Asuka as she flew madly about the apartment, leaving a trail of demolition in her wake as she went from one room to the next like a berserk Teuton. She stormed into the kitchen and overturned the drying rack, grabbing plates and cups and smashing them on the counter or flinging them across the room to shatter against the walls. She flung open the kitchen cabinets and pulled their contents out, sending them flying in all directions. She knocked over the trash bin and kicked the garbage across the floor, then scythed her arms across the dining room table, sweeping everything off and scattering it across the room. She kicked over a chair, sending it clattering across the linoleum as her rage drew her into the living room, overturning cushions and ripping up magazines, leaving torn pages in her wake. She pulled down framed pictures and posters, sent potted plants crashing into the carpet, and then she swept wildly into the bathroom, smashing bottles of perfume in the sink, flinging bottles of shampoo, tearing down the shower curtain. Her hair was a ruddy tangle as the wild-eyed girl stormed back into the main living area and whirled on the door to Shinji's room – and she paused as her glittering blue eyes caught sight of the familiar, heart-shaped sign that hung on the door… "_Shinji's Lovely Suite_."

For long moments, she stared at that sign, the rapid huffing of her breath the only sound in the apartment.

_Damn it, _she thought, her shoulders heaving.

_Damn it… damn you, Shinji… damn you…_

Finally, she felt the rage that had gripped her begin to slowly bleed away, along with much of her strength. Drained, she had stumbled back to her room and collapsed just inside the door, her head resting on her knees as she curled up and hugged her legs. Her body trembled both with physical and mental fatigue as she sat there for hours and hours, until the click of the front door signalled Misato's return. The redhead could heat the rustling of grocery bags, and the cheerful banter between Misato and Shinji as they stepped inside.

He was finally here.

Not Shinji.

That _thing._

That… _doll._

Now, she listened behind her door as her two roommates finished cleaning, and then she heard Shinji slide open the door to his room and pull open his dresser drawer. They were going out for dinner, and he was changing. Asuka shivered as she pictured the pale, white-haired Third Child disrobing just on the other side of her wall, so close that it made her sick to think about it.

A few minutes later, the apartment was silent again as Misato and Shinji went out for the evening. This time, Misato had not announced their departure, nor had she invited the redhead to join them.

It had been a very long time since Asuka had felt so alone.

For once, she wished that she had somebody to talk to, somebody besides Misato, _somebody_ who would understand what she was feeling.

But who?

_Not Hikari, _she thought glumly. _She has no idea what's going on, and if she did, she'd probably just be on his side, anyway…_

_And not Mama and Papa. They never want to hear any bad news._

_All they want to do is to keep pretending that their "family" is perfect…_

She sat in silence for long minutes, before she finally reached up to her dresser and pulled down her cellphone. Asuka called up the speed dial function and pressed number one, and heard the rapid beeping of the number being dialed. She listened as several rings went by without an answer, before she finally heard the click of a machine picking up her call.

"Hi, this is Kaji. I'm out right now, but you can leave your name and message at the beep."

She stared at the phone in silence as the message cue beeped quietly, and after a few moments, she touched the END button. The display KAJI, RYOUJI abruptly disappeared from the cell's screen. Dejected, she flung the phone across the room into a pile of dirty laundry, and collapsed onto her bed, curling up into a foetal position and staring at the wall.

Although the thought of sleep terrified Asuka, dreading the return of her horrible nightmare, she no longer had the energy to fight off the advancing fatigue that claimed her just a few minutes later.

o o o

She woke up to the uncomfortable sensation of her stomach grumbling. It was early Monday morning, and as she lay in her bed, gathering her thoughts, she realized that she had not eaten since yesterday afternoon. Asuka slowly sat up in bed, pushing her tangled mop of strawberry hair out of her eyes and rubbed her face sleepily before turning her face to the door of her bedroom. She could hear the pleasant, comforting sounds of someone in the kitchen, the sizzling of a frying pan, the clanking of pots on the stove, and her nose caught the scent of something she hadn't smelled in a very long time – breakfast being prepared. Her irritable stomach rumbled again, reminding her that it was empty, and with a sigh she rose from her bed and plodded over to the door, sliding it open on a crack and stealing a glance into the apartment.

Shinji's back was to her as he blithely worked away in front of the stove. He was dressed in his school outfit, with a green apron tied over top to protect his clothes, as he lifted the lid on a pot of soup simmering on the back burner. He peered inside and gave the contents a quick stir before reaching for a spatula and deftly flipping the sausages that were frying in the skillet in the front. Beside the stove, an electric rice cooker was steaming away, and a carton of eggs sat opened and ready. A small pile of halved orange skins rested next to a juicer, which was accompanied by three noticeably mismatched glasses. Off to the side, the dining room table was set for three, the replaced condiments arranged around a new bouquet of colourful flowers that sat in the middle of the table.

All in all, it was virtually the same picture Asuka had seen countless times, morning after morning, except that the boy who now stood in the kitchen, preparing breakfast for himself and his roommates, was crowned with a stark mop of white hair.

Silently, Asuka stepped out of her bedroom, and without a word, she crept across the apartment to the bathroom, closing the door quietly behind her. She did not want to distract the boy in the kitchen, did not want him to turn around and look at her with those ruby-coloured doll's eyes, did not want to be reminded yet again that the boy who was _supposed _to be here… was gone.

She showered longer than usual, feeling strangely unclean, but even after vigorously scrubbing herself from head to toe and washing her hair twice, the feeling did not leave her. She reached for a towel and dried herself slowly, wrapping it around herself as she slid open the bathroom door again, hoping that Shinji's attention would still be to the stove as she returned to her room to change into her school clothes.

She was not so lucky.

As she stepped out of the bathroom, she glanced across to the kitchen to find Shinji staring directly at her, considering her with a mixture of anxiety and concern. His ruby gaze unsettled her, but she refused to show any fear or weakness, so she steeled herself and glared right back at him. For the first time since his rescue, Asuka paused to fully take in the sight of the transformed Third Child as their eyes met. Almost instantly, Shinji looked away, unable to bear the discomfort as the redhead's intense blue eyes scrutinized him closely. He fumbled with the spatula in his hand, nervously turning it over and over before glancing back up at Asuka.

She kept her gaze locked on him as he attempted to speak. "Uh… h… hi, Asuka, it's… it's good to see you," he stammered nervously. "I was… um… about to start the eggs… how… how many would you like?"

Asuka frowned. _Well, he's still a wimp, _she thought. _That much hasn't changed, at least…_

She took no comfort in this familiarity, though, and she shot him a withering look as she made her way across the apartment to return to her room.

"Don't bother, I'm not hungry," she lied. "I'll get something at school."

Shinji looked on dolefully as the redhead stepped into her room and slammed the door behind her.

She dried and brushed her long ruddy mane, arranging it in place around her A10 connectors as quickly as she could, then she practically threw on her school uniform before gathering up her schoolwork and depositing it in her book bag in a messy heap. She needed to get out of the apartment as fast as possible. She didn't want to have to look at him, to hear him, to smell him. She just couldn't take this – not right now. Maybe not _ever._

As she slid open her door again, she jumped at the sight of Shinji standing directly in front of her, a look of pure misery playing across his pale features. His expression was so morose that it gave Asuka pause – _it seems like him, _she thought to herself – but her anger and denial soon bit the thought back, and a scowl twisted her mouth as she shoved her way past the white-haired boy.

"Get out of my way, you… you goddamned sideshow_ freak,_" she spat, putting heavy emphasis on the last word.

Shinji recoiled as if he'd been punched in the stomach as the redhead passed by. He knew that Asuka was still upset – probably even more so since he had seen her last in the hospital, judging by the way she had destroyed the apartment – but he decided that he had to do _something _to try to break the cold, glacial wall that had risen between them since their last battle against the Angel. He had been prepared for anger, for insults, for unreasonable behaviour, he had even been prepared for physical violence – but he was not prepared for _cruelty._

Asuka was halfway to the door when she heard Shinji's urgent voice cry out behind her.

"I'm _not_ a freak."

The redhead abruptly halted in surprise, momentarily stunned by the sound of the Third Child actually _defending_ himself. She turned to see Shinji gazing at her, trembling and uncomfortable, but still looking directly at her, his ruby eyes watching her carefully as he spoke.

"I'm not a freak, Asuka… I'm _not._ I know I _look_ different… and this is… really _weird_ for me, too… but, I'm still _me._ I… I _really_ need you to believe that."

He made his way haltingly over to her, not breaking eye contact with the German girl who looked upon him with a mixture of hatred, revulsion… and interest.

"Please, Asuka," he implored the redhead, "I just want things to be… _normal _again. I know that might be pretty tough for awhile, but… after all this… I _need_ it, Asuka. I'm still me, and I need you to be _you, _too. I need you to tease me, and be angry with me, and criticize me, and call me "stupid" and "idiot." I don't want you to treat me like I'm a different person, or like I don't even exist. Please, Asuka… I just really _need_ things to be _normal!_"

She regarded him for long moments as he finally broke away from her gaze, his head bowed as he waited nervously for her reply. A small part of her was impressed by this rare show of courage, something she was not used to from the Third Child. But this small sentiment was soon washed away as her anger bloomed within her once again, and her eyes glinted coldly as she scowled at the white-haired boy before her.

"Do you want to know what _I _need, Shinji?" she said in a low, icy tone. He looked up at her hopefully, but froze as he regarded the stony look on the redhead's face.

"I need someone I can count on when my life is on the line," she went on. "I need to know that when we're in battle, I have someone with me that I can rely on if things go bad. I _don't_ need someone who's there one day, and gone the next. I _don't_ need someone who's just going to abandon me when I need them most – like you did in the last battle. We had _no_ battle plan, _no_ coordination, _no_ way of responding effectively – and all because _you _pissed off and left us high and dry! Do you know how _low_ you are in my eyes right now, you pathetic little boy?"

Tears began to well in Shinji's crimson eyes, but to the wonder of the redhead, he did not run away. "I know, Asuka… I know, I'm the lowest of the low – the scum of the earth," he murmured quietly, his voice shaking. "And I _promise_… I'll_ never_ do that to you again. I'm… I'm not going to run away any more. I know… that there's no point now – I know that whether I pilot the EVA or not, I'm still going to suffer either way."

He wiped at his eyes, and looked pleadingly at the scowling redhead. "I'm…. sorry, Asuka… for leaving you, and Rei… but look at me! Just look at what happened to me… do you think I _wanted _this to happen? Don't you think I've paid enough? I'm going to look like this for the rest of my life! I'm_ always_ going to remember what happened that day, every time I look in the mirror!"

Her face softened as she considered his words, and she stepped closer to him, regarding him thoughtfully. She reached out a hand and ran it through his white hair, and then slowly drew her fingers along the line of his jaw before lifting his chin so that he was staring directly into her deep blue eyes.

"Here's what _I'm_ going to remember, Shinji," she whispered gently, holding him with her gaze. "I'm going to remember the feeling of having both of my _arms_ cut off at the shoulders. I can't even describe it to you – but I _can_ tell you that that it's a _hell _of a lot worse than what you think _you're_ going through right now. It's been over a month, and I can _still_ feel it. I'm just lucky that I don't know what it feels like to have my _head_ cut off, too. Ritsuko said that if Misato hadn't ordered my neural link cut, the psychosomatic feedback might have _killed_ me, as if it had been my _own _head."

Her voice was low and even, but her tone was dripping with scorn. "Do you understand, Third Child? I could have _died._ And if I had, it would have been _your _fault. Do you think living the rest of your life looking like… that stupid _doll_… would be payment enough for _that_?

Shinji looked as if he were on the verge of a complete emotional collapse. Desperately, he reached out both of his arms and embraced the Second Child tightly, holding on to her as if he were drowning. Asuka's eyes widened in genuine surprise as the white-haired boy drew her close, his body shuddering as he was gripped by wave after wave of heavy, pealing sobs. His breathing became a series of short, arrhythmic gasps as grief washed over him, and he struggled to speak as he clung to the redhead as if his life depended on it.

"I'm _sorry, _Asuka," he pleaded morosely, "Oh, God, I'm _so _sorry… what… what can I do? How… how can I help you to forgive me? Please… what can I do…"

For a moment, she felt the urge to hug him back, remembering how alone she had felt just the night before, how desperate she had been herself for some kind of meaningful interaction with another person. Deep down inside, she too wished that things could just go back to normal again. It really _had_ been a terrible month without him. He _did _seem genuinely sorry, and he'd promised never to do it again, and the breakfast he'd made did smell awfully good to the famished girl…

But then, she stiffened in the hold of his tearful embrace, suddenly disgusted with this whole situation, disgusted with _him, _and disgusted with _herself_ for even considering the thought of forgiving this weak, pathetic, useless _thing _that cowered before her like a sick dog.

She pulled away from his embrace roughly, and fixed him with a cold, acidic glare.

"What can you _do?_" she flared, her voice shaking with anger.

"Don't do _anything_. Don't help me. Don't even _hold_ me. You're no one to me, do you hear? _No one!"_

As Shinji looked on, despair and shame rioting across his pale features, Asuka turned around, picked up her book back, and calmly made her way to the front door. She didn't speak another word as she stepped through the door and closed it behind her with a soft click.

The trembling, white-haired boy stared at the door for what seemed like an eternity, as a profound sadness settled over him.

So much had gone terribly wrong, all because of one stupid decision on his part. He had been selfish, and petulant, just as his father had accused him of being, and this was his punishment.

If only it didn't hurt so much…

A few minutes later, the door to Misato's bedroom slowly slid open, and the lavender-haired woman shuffled out, sleepy-eyed and yawning. At once, her eyes shot open as her nostrils flared at the smell of breakfast coming from the kitchen, and a sunny smile spread across her features as she sniffed the air excitedly.

"Oh, _man, _have I missed _that _smell!" she gushed with enthusiasm. "Mmmm… Shinji, you lucky kid, today might just be the day I break the rule about guardians sleeping with their wards…"

Her voice trailed off, the smile on her face quickly evaporating, as her chestnut eyes noticed the white-haired Third Child staring at the front door of the apartment and weeping softly.

"Shinji…?" she stammered, confused, before glancing to Asuka's door and noticing that it was open, and that the redhead was gone. "Oh, no… what happened?"

She strode over to the ruby-eyed boy and folded him into her arms, holding him tight as he sobbed quietly against her chest.

"…my fault… all my fault," he murmured, over and over.

Misato sighed as she gently stroked the grief-stricken teen's white hair, her hopes of a quick return to normality for the three residents of her tiny apartment abruptly dashed. She led him over to the couch and sat him down, still holding him as he continued to cry softly in her comforting embrace.

Outside of the apartment, leaning against the wall, a tired, emotionally drained Asuka ran her hand across her face as she listened to Shinji's faint sobs from behind the door, before slowly turning away to begin another long, lonely walk to school.

o o o

Later, after both of them had calmed down somewhat, Shinji and Misato had sat down to enjoy the breakfast that he had spent the morning preparing. The sausages had been a little overdone, as they had still been cooking while Shinji and Asuka had been squaring off, but otherwise, it had been delicious, and both of them felt a little better after the pleasant meal. Misato had offered to drive Shinji to school, as he was still on crutches to rest his injured ankle (and also, to spare him the trauma of having to go out in public for the first time in his changed condition), but Shinji had refused, saying that he could use the walk in the fresh air. He was going to have to face the outside world sooner or later, he reasoned, and there was no point in running from his appearance – he realized that it was something he could never escape, and running away was something that he was now starting to grow very tired of.

As he hobbled along the sidewalks leading to his school, his book bag strapped to his back, he tried not to notice as people stopped in their tracks to stare at him, or indiscreetly pointed at him from the other side of the street. He did the best he could to ignore the whispers as people muttered to each other as he passed, tried to block out the words of disbelief, curiosity, and sometimes, even of ridicule, that he would occasionally be able to discern.

_Maybe I should start wearing a hat and sunglasses,_ he thought morosely. He frowned as a small girl pointed at him and giggled before being pulled aside by her mother, who regarded Shinji apprehensively.

As he continued on his way, although he was dismayed by the various reactions of more than a few bystanders, he steadfastly refused to feel sorry for himself. He deserved every scornful look, every hurtful whisper. He had let down his fellow pilots, and nearly endangered the entire world in the process, and this was his punishment. This was his penance. This was the price of his failure as a pilot, as a friend… as a person.

_Besides_, he reasoned, _Ayanami_ _must have had to put up with this kind of stuff her whole life…_

As Shinji's thoughts turned once again to the blue-haired girl, an idea suddenly occurred to him. He stopped and glanced down at his watch, which read 8:06 AM.

_She always leaves her apartment for school at eight o'clock sharp, _he thought, pausing to take stock of his current location.

_If I cut across a few streets, and take the walkway over the train line, I might be able to catch her…_

The hopeful thought trailed off as he realized that he would never make it on crutches. Even if he were fit, he would still have had to make up the ground at a full-out run to catch up to Rei before she got to class, as her apartment was well out of the way of Shinji's usual path to school.

_After this morning, if Asuka saw Ayanami and I walking to school together, _he thought, _I doubt she'd ever speak to me again…_

He sighed dejectedly, and resumed his slow, stuttering pace. It seemed to him that there would be no peace or happiness in his life for a very long time…

o o o

School was every bit the nightmare that he thought it would be.

He hobbled down the hallways on his crutches, keeping his gazed firmly fixed before him as the normally bustling corridor suddenly seemed filled with statues of teenaged students, who appeared to be rooted to the spot as they gaped at him incredulously. His hair was the initial attractor of their attention, as dyed hair was forbidden by the school's dress code, but once the students noticed his bright crimson eyes, they realized that Shinji was not merely attempting to rebel against school authority. He said nothing to no one, and nobody said anything to him as he slowly made his way toward his class.

The moment he limped into classroom 2-A, the entire room had fallen silent. He looked about the classroom hesitantly, and saw dozens of pairs of eyes staring back at him in curiosity. The only people who weren't gawking at him were Asuka, who purposefully kept her back turned to him as she muttered something under her breath to Hikari; Ayanami, who was staring blankly out the window as she normally did; and the teacher, who never really seemed to notice much of anything that went on in 2-A. Shinji left his crutches by the door and limped toward his desk, the silence making him feel all the more uncomfortable and self-conscious. As he settled into his seat, Rei glanced away from the window and regarded the white-haired Third Child, who sat staring glumly at his desktop.

_This is how it was for me, when I first came to this school, _she recollected, noting the stares that Shinji was drawing from the other students in the classroom.

_I was not distressed by the experience. The Commander's opinion was that my schoolwork should be my only concern, and that anything else was irrelevant._

She looked on as Shinji answered the roll call with a quiet, monotone "…present," not bothering to look up from his desk. The teacher still hadn't noticed his change in appearance as he continued to call names.

_He is upset by the others' reactions to him, _she thought.

_I wonder… is this normal?_

_Should I have been as well?_

Shinji looked over to Asuka, who continued to completely ignore his presence, and sighed as he pulled out his laptop to begin work on the day's lessons. He logged in to his e-mail, his eyes widening as he scrolled through the dozens of messages that were clogging up his inbox. Most of them were from the others in his class, asking where he was and when he'd be coming back to school, and the majority of them were weeks old. However, there was one new one waiting from him that bore the header "_Appointment today._" The letter was from NERV, and the return address was from Ritsuko's office. Frowning, he clicked on the header, and the message jumped to the foreground of his laptop's screen.

_Shinji,_

_Hope you're feeling better today. I've decided to schedule you for some additional tests this afternoon, sorry about the short notice. We can begin at 5:00 PM so there will be no need for you to miss school. The tests will take approximately two hours. Please contact Section Two if you need a ride to NERV, and report to my office, not the infirmary. Otherwise, have a great day and I'll see you this afternoon._

_Regards,_

_Ritsuko_

He clicked the message closed, shaking his head in irritation, and slumped in his seat, resting his chin in his palm as he stared straight ahead at the teacher, who was rambling on about Japan's economic crisis following the Second Impact. He could feel eyes crawling all over him as his classmates continued to steal furtive glances in his direction during the lesson. Ahead of him, he saw Hikari turn in her seat, and was surprised when the pigtailed girl met his gaze and gave him a small smile and a wave. He smiled back weakly, but the first friendly encounter he had experienced since coming to school that day was soon squelched when Asuka leaned over and hissed something under her breath to the class rep. The look in Hikari's eyes virtually translated as "I'm sorry," as she reluctantly turned away from him and faced the front of the class again.

Shinji sighed. It wasn't going to be an easy day at all.

Later, during lunch break, he sat alone at his desk, picking absently at the bento he had prepared before leaving for school. He had made one for Asuka too, and had left it on her desk at the start of break while she chatted with the other girls in the corner of the room, but when she had returned to her seat, the redhead snatched the bento off of her desk and dumped it unceremoniously in the trash. Shinji looked on, a pitiful look of hurt on his face as Asuka grabbed Hikari by the arm and promptly marched the protesting girl out of the room, heading for the cafeteria.

_Guess they need to gossip – about me, _he thought.

_About the class freak…_

His glum thoughts were broken by the sound of someone taking a seat beside him. He turned his head to see Kensuke Aida looking at him warily.

"Hey, Shinji… how've… how've you been?" the bespectacled boy managed to ask. "We… missed you around here…"

Shinji gave him a wry smile. "Yeah, I can see that," he replied with a hint of sarcasm. "Everyone's falling all over themselves to welcome me back."

Kensuke looked at the floor, flushing with embarrassment. "Well… I guess… y'know, they're all just kind of freaked out a little bit," he offered, "are you, uh… are you okay?"

"Yeah… I am – thanks," Shinji murmured, inwardly grateful for his friend's concern. "I'm a little banged up, and it's kind of… tough to look in the mirror still, but I'm… fine."

The other boy looked relieved, and he seemed to become slightly more comfortable in Shinji's presence. "That's cool," he said, "so… what happened, anyway? What _did_ this to you?"

The white-haired boy regarded his friend for long moments. He fixed Kensuke with a sober, ruby-eyed stare, sending a shiver down the nervous boy's spine.

"EVA did this to me, Kensuke," Shinji replied. "I went into Unit 01 five weeks ago, got stuck in it, and I came out looking like… _this._ But I guess this is better than being dead, or crippled… like Touji."

He watched as Kensuke's eyes widened in confusion and disbelief. He knew that his friend worshipped anything that had to do with the Evangelion project, and simply couldn't comprehend how the object of his fascination – and envy – could have done such a thing to its pilot. Shinji suddenly felt sorry for him, sorry for how Kensuke wanted so desperately to be in his place, something that seemed to bring Shinji nothing but pain and tragedy.

Something that he now knew he could never escape.

"So," Shinji asked in a quiet, serious voice, "do you still want to be an EVA pilot, Kensuke?

The question had effectively ended the conversation. Kensuke had sat silently for almost a full minute before he suddenly remembered something he had to do for the school's photography club, and excused himself, leaving Shinji to finish his meal alone.

The rest of the day passed without incident. Shinji listened absently to the teacher's droning lectures, took the notes that he needed, and continued to feel the curious stares of his classmates sweeping across him. He hated the feeling, as if he were some kind of specimen under a microscope, and he began to resent being subjected to this silent, obtrusive scrutiny from people he knew well enough to talk to, but who were too afraid to talk to _him_. But then, he reminded himself that this was part of his penance, and that he deserved everything he was getting.

Finally, the bell that signaled the end of the school day rang, and the students bolted out of their seat as usual, happy that the day was over, and just a little more impatient to leave the classroom than they normally were. Shinji looked on as Asuka collected her things, said goodbye to Hikari and the other girls, then walked right past his desk as if he wasn't even there. Hikari watched the redhead depart, then walked over to a shelving unit on one side of the room and pulled down a heavy stack of papers. She made her way slowly over to Shinji's desk, and regarded the white-haired boy carefully.

"Hello, Ikari… welcome back," the pigtailed girl said quietly. Shinji looked up at the class rep, slightly surprised to see the tiny smile on the girl's freckled face.

"Thanks," he mumbled, grinning sheepishly, before his expression turned serious again. "How's… how's Asuka?" he ventured. "She's… not talking to me much these days…"

Hikari frowned. "I think… you just need to give her a little time," she suggested. "If it helps, there's more going on with her than just…" she looked him over hesitantly,"…_this._ Asuka's got a lot on her mind right now, so the best thing you can do for her is just be patient."

_A lot on her mind, _Shinji thought. _Who doesn't?_

"Anyway, I need to give you these," Hikari went on, "I meant to give them to you earlier today, but Asuka… well, these are all the bulletins and the notes from the classes you've missed. I'm sorry, but I'm afraid you've got a _lot_ of reading to do."

She dropped the heavy stack of sheets on his desk with a thump. Shinji groaned as he saw how tall the stack stood, and rolled his eyes, which drew a small giggle from the class rep.

"You're a smart guy, you'll catch up," she reassured him, smiling again. "I have to run, the infirmary is going to let me see Touji this afternoon, before I have to go make dinner for my sisters."

Shinji's expression clouded at the mention of Touji's name, but he offered a small smile to the girl in return. "Okay… tell him I said hi."

Hikari nodded. "I will. See you later, Ikari… I'm really glad you're okay."

She turned and made her way to the exit, leaving Shinji in the now-empty classroom.

The white-haired boy sat there for long minutes, his eyes closed, enjoying the soothing quiet of the room. It had been an especially nerve-wracking day for him, but he had gotten through it._ Hopefully tomorrow will be easier_, he thought, but as he recalled the looks on the faces of his classmates, the curious stares, the whispers, he doubted things would get easier anytime soon.

With a sigh, he pulled his book bag out from under his desk and opened it, as he collected the texts and papers that he would need to take home. He tried to fit the thick stack of notes that Hikari had given him into the briefcase, but after several tries he still couldn't manage to make them fit. He rummaged through his desk and found a plastic bag that he had used for his lunch, and dropped the notes inside. Strapping his book bag to his back, he rose from his desk and grabbed the plastic bag from his desktop, before hobbling toward the door where he had left his crutches.

As he reached the exit, the door slowly swung open, and he was surprised to see Rei standing in the doorway, regarding him curiously as he struggled with his things.

"Oh… hi, Ayanami… did you forget something?" he asked, fumbling with his crutches as he tried to work out which hand to carry the plastic bag in.

"No," the blue-haired girl replied evenly, "I was… wondering if you required assistance with your things. I noticed that Miss Horaki left you a large amount of schoolwork, and since you are currently incapacitated, and Pilot Soryu has already departed, I thought you might have... difficulty taking everything home."

Shinji regarded the girl blankly for a few moments, then a small smile crept across his face as he tried to read her enigmatic expression.

"Ayanami… are you… offering to carry my books home from school?" he queried with a trace of amusement.

She seemed surprised at the question. "It is not a problem," she stated flatly, "I am sufficiently strong enough to carry one of your bags as well as my own, and…"

She paused noticeably, as if deciding whether or not to continue, before adding hesitantly, "it is… a nice day for a walk."

As she spoke, the faintest hint of pink seemed to rise to her pale cheeks.

Shinji froze, stunned, as his mind whirled at the familiar remark. He immediately recalled the times he had used that very same phrase as an excuse to walk home with Rei, before Asuka had moved in with Misato and him. It seemed so long ago now, when it had been just the two of them. He glanced out the window, and noted that the afternoon had become grey and overcast.

_It's not THAT nice out, _he thought.

_Is it possible that she… just wants to…?_

His ruby eyes flew to hers, as she stood before him, calmly waiting for his reply. It took him several seconds to remember how to make his mouth work as he was once more drawn into the girl's fathomless crimson gaze.

"That… um, that would be… _great_, Rei," he stammered nervously, "I'd… I'd _love _to walk wi… aw, _dammit!_" His eyebrows suddenly flew up in frustration, and he turned his face away from the blue-haired girl, who looked at him in confusion as he swore under his breath.

"What is wrong?" she asked quietly.

"I'm sorry… I'm _really_ sorry, Ayanami, but I… can't," he apologized, cursing Ritsuko Akagi inwardly. "I got a letter from Ritsuko today… I have to go to NERV for more tests this afternoon, so I'm not going straight home from school. I'm supposed to call for a ride, so I won't have any trouble with all this stuff. But maybe… some other time?"

She tilted her head slightly. "But your ankle will heal soon, and then you will be able to carry your own books."

Shinji looked at the girl as if she had suddenly sprouted another head.

"Well, yeah… that's _true_, but…" His voice trailed off as he felt that indescribable _something _slipping away from him once again. He wondered how much trouble he would get in if he skipped his appointment with Ritsuko. "I mean… I don't have to be _hurt_ for you to want to…"

His own cheeks suddenly flushed pink as Rei regarded him quizzically, and he found that he could no longer meet the blue-haired girl's inquiring gaze.

"I'm… sorry, Ayanami – I really have to go. I'll… see you later, okay?"

Reluctantly, he turned away from her, shifting his crutches under his arms, and slowly hobbled past Rei and through the door of the classroom. As he made his way down the hallway toward the staircase that led to the main doors of the school, Rei stood silently in the doorway of 2-A and watched him depart, a faint look of disappointment clouding her delicate features.

o o o

"Where are we going, Ritsuko?" Shinji asked. He had never taken an elevator this deep into Central Dogma before, and for some reason, it was making him a little nervous.

Ritsuko regarded the young, white-haired pilot thoughtfully. "The equipment we need for this test is pretty large, and there's no space in the infirmary for it," she explained. "There's nothing to worry about, Shinji, this isn't going to hurt at all – in fact, you'll probably find it quite boring."

Shinji glanced at the display above the elevator door, which was still steadily clicking off each floor that they passed as they descended deeper and deeper into the complex.

"Well, that's good to hear," he said with a hint of relief. "Say… what's this test for, anyway?"

She looked away from him, keeping her green-eyed gaze fixed on the door in front of her. "It's basically just, um… data collection, really," she replied hesitantly, then added with a small smile, "we're going take a look inside you and see what makes you tick." A thought occurred to her, and she turned back to the fidgeting teen. "You _are_ still taking your medication, aren't you?"

Shinji sighed. "Yes… one in the morning when I wake up, and another before I go to bed," he droned. "They don't seem to… _do_ anything though, other than make me feel…_ funny_. Do I really have to keep taking them? I'm feeling a lot better now."

_Oh, you have to, _Ritsuko thought.

A soft _ping _sounded from the elevator as it reached its destination. "Here we are," Ritsuko said, holding the elevator door as Shinji limped out into the corridor.

They proceeded down the long hallway until they reached a heavy steel door. Ritsuko slid her identity card through the reader, punched her access code into the attached keypad, and the door immediately began to slide aside with a loud rumble. Shinji was surprised to see that the solid steel door was at least twenty centimetres thick.

"Come on in," Ritsuko said breezily. "It won't take long to get started."

Shinji glanced inside the dimly-lit room, and could have sworn that, just for a second, he could see hundreds of tiny red pinpoints glittering in the darkness beyond the door. As he stepped inside though, his attention was immediately drawn to the huge machine that hung suspended from the ceiling of the chamber. Ritsuko walked steadily ahead, with Shinji hobbling behind her, until they reached the base of the gigantic construction, which terminated in an empty glass tube that extended to the floor of the room. The doctor took a seat at a small workstation that was set up beside the tube, quickly punched in her access code, and then looked to Shinji, gesturing to the cylinder.

"I need you to step into the tube, Shinji," she informed the ruby-eyed boy, who regarded the machine dubiously. "And I'm afraid you'll have to disrobe."

"Huh?" Shinji stammered. "I have to… take my clothes off?"

Ritsuko grinned. "I promise I won't look," she said teasingly. "I'm going to fill the tube with LCL once you're inside, and I'm sure you probably won't want to go home with wet underwear, will you?"

"LCL?" he asked. "Can't I wear a plugsuit, then?"

"Any foreign material in the tube will interfere with the test results," she replied, with a slight hint of impatience. "Please remove the wrapping on your ankle, and that bandage on your hand, as well."

The white-haired boy considered this, and then shrugged in resignation as he limped behind the machine to hide himself as best he could as he slowly stripped off his clothes. He stooped with some difficulty as he unwound the elastic bandage that bound his injured ankle, and then he removed the gauze wrapping on his hand, feeling a pang of regret that he was undoing Rei's careful work. Finally, he stepped into the cylinder through a door in the back, which closed behind him with a soft hiss as a pressure seal activated.

A few seconds later, a deluge of LCL poured from the top of the cylinder, slowly rising until Shinji was completely submerged in the amber liquid. Although the interior of the tube was relatively small, his childhood fear of deep water momentarily gripped him, and he could feel his heart pounding in his chest as the liquid's level reached the ceiling of the tube. He held his breath for long moments – he had _never _gotten used to this part – before belching out a long stream of bubbles and gasping as his lungs filled with the life-sustaining fluid.

"Are you ready, Shinji?" Ritsuko's distorted voice crackled through an audio monitor built into the cylinder's roof. He gazed at her through the clear glass of the tube, and nodded.

"Okay… all you need to do now is just relax. Like I said, this will take about two hours. And Shinji – don't fall asleep, okay? It will affect the test results if you do."

"Sure," he murmured, as he floated in the tube, his white hair drifting from side to side.

_She's right… this IS boring,_ he thought glumly. _God, I'm an idiot…_

_If I'd known I was just going to be doing this for two hours, I would have walked home with Rei instead… this sucks…_

He wondered how many more of these tests he would have to endure, before he let his thoughts drift away to a thousand different places.

Outside the tube, Ritsuko studied the data that had begun to stream across her terminal's screen, then glanced up at the boy in the tube.

If Shinji had been looking at her at that moment, he would have been puzzled to see the strange look of _pity_ that crossed the blonde woman's face…

_Continued…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to dig into Asuka's character a little bit more with this chapter, which is why it's a bit flashback-heavy in case some of you felt like you'd read a lot of this before. She's an incredibly complex person and difficult to write as a result, and I felt like she got short shrift in the previous chapter, so she gets top billing here. I cast a lot of lines when fleshing out her thought processes and rationalizations, and I hope you bit some of them, but I wanted to take the time to present what I hope was a credible character study. Unlike Rei, Shinji is someone that Asuka has some semblance of a relationship with – and underlying feelings for – so a confrontation like the one I developed for them seemed to me like a likely scenario. She's upset over his appearance, to be sure, but she'd be just as upset with him over the events of the Fourteenth Angel battle whether he looked normal or not. As for Shinji – well, if he doesn't like the attention he's getting from his friends and classmates (with the exception of Rei), he's really not going to like what's coming up in the near future. Stay tuned…
> 
> I write. Lachryiadhron reads. Lachryiadhron critiques. I fix. I upload. You read (and hopefully comment). Simple, really…
> 
> Please feel free to leave a comment, or drop me a line at ikarusonesun (at-sign) gmail (dot) com.
> 
> Cheers,  
IO


	7. Faith

DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fan fiction incorporating characters and situations from the Gainax manga/anime series _Neon Genesis Evangelion _and its related feature film releases. Gainax and its various media distributors hold sole exclusive rights to their use. The author is in no way affiliated with Gainax or its distributors, nor has this story been submitted for any commercial purpose.

_**Godchild**_  
by Ikarus Onesun

**Chapter Seven:  
Faith**

Above the soothing strains of Johann Pachelbel's "Canon in D", he could swear that he had heard the sound of someone crying.

Shinji rolled back the volume on his SDAT and removed the earbud from his right ear, cocking his head as outside of his bedroom door, he could definitely hear someone's desperate, grief-stricken sobs. The clock that sat on his bedside table read 11:46 PM, and he was about to get ready for bed, since his reactivation test with Unit 01 had been scheduled for the following day. Frowning, he touched the STOP button and pulled the headphones completely off in order to listen more closely… _Asuka?_

_No, can't be her… she's not even home, _he remembered.

Asuka had gone to spend the night at Hikari's house, which was not unusual as the two girls were close friends, but she had been spending more and more time over there since he had come home from the hospital. It was just as well – when she _was _home, Asuka spent most of her time in her room, coming out only to eat or use the bathroom. She still had little or nothing to say to Shinji, but he took it as a positive sign that she had at least started eating the meals that he always prepared for her – although she still would not share the table with him and Misato at meal times.

He rolled out of his bed, standing up awkwardly on his still-tender ankle, and limped slowly to the door, pushing it open on a crack to peer into the living space beyond.

He caught his breath at the sight of Misato, on her knees and leaning against the dining room table, her arms folded over her head as she sobbed uncontrollably. Her breath came out in heavy, ragged gasps as hot tears streamed from her chestnut eyes and glistened on her face. Shinji's heart leapt into his throat as he heard the anguished woman whisper, "You fool… you were always such a _fool_… God _damn_ it… _why?"_

Her words trailed off into the incomprehensible speech of sorrow as the pain from her broken heart overcame her completely, and her whole body shook as another wave of sobs gripped her.

_What… what happened? _Shinji thought, suddenly alarmed.

He stood there for long moments, fidgeting nervously as he silently listened to his guardian's grieving, before he turned and made his way back to his bed, laying down quietly and pulling a pillow over his head to drown out the sound of Misato's cries. He felt like he should try to do something to help her, but the fear of his own inadequacy kept him in his room as he tried his best to shut out the reality of the situation.

_I'm just a child, _he thought to himself. _What does she need me for?_

_What could I possibly do for her?_

As he lay on his bed, a random series of memories began to run through his mind. He remembered how Misato had refused to allow him to live on his own when he first came to NERV, and had swiftly made arrangements for him to stay with her. He remembered how she had raced to the train station, the first time he had decided to quit being an EVA pilot, and recalled the look of relief and joy on her face when she found him waiting on the platform for her, and the warmth of her embrace as she hugged him close, both of them crying like they had been apart for years.

He had seen that same look on her face when he had broken free of the twelfth Angel's shadow, when Misato had burst into the entry plug the moment it was removed from the EVA and had collapsed on top of him, her eyes moist with tears. Then, this last time, in the hospital after he had been rescued from the EVA, when he had finally awakened to the sight of Misato's kind, caring eyes, and to the feel of her hand in his.

So many times, when he had been alone, when he had needed someone whether he knew it or not, Misato had been there.

And now, when it seemed like she also needed someone, he had turned away from her.

Shinji suddenly felt incredibly ashamed. He raised his head, allowing the pillow to tumble to the floor, and turned to stare intently at the door of his room, behind which Misato's pitiful cries could still be plainly heard.

_You really are an idiot, _he thought to himself. _A weak, cowardly idiot._

_You don't have to "do" anything… all you have to do is be there for her._

_If you can't do something that simple, then all you're doing is running away again…_

Outside, Misato's sobs briefly halted as she heard the sound of a door slowly being pulled aside. As she turned around, her trembling hands moving to wipe away the moisture that streaked her face, her eyes widened as she saw Shinji's ruby eyes gazing at her, concern clearly showing on his features.

"…Shinji…?" she stammered hesitantly.

The teen nodded, looking uncomfortable as he timidly approached her, one small step at a time, before he finally stood before the lavender-haired woman. Misato looked up at him, stunned, as he knelt before her, the background light from the ceiling fixture above his head briefly making his white hair look almost incandescent to her through the haze of tears that clouded her vision.

_He looks like an angel… a real one, _her mind flashed.

He regarded her for long moments, unsure of what to say or do as he soberly searched her face, before finally reaching out a hand and tenderly wiping away the fresh tears that had gathered beneath her eyes. Misato was shocked at the young pilot's sudden fortitude – this was exactly the kind of situation he would normally shy away from – and she was even more surprised when he drew her to him, reaching out his arms and folding her into a tentative, awkward embrace.

"Misato," he whispered, "please, don't… don't cry – it's… it's going to be all right."

She shivered at his words, too stunned by his actions to do anything but just sit on the kitchen floor, unmoving, as he continued to hold her.

_But it's not… it's not going to be all right, Shinji, _she thought desperately, her mind filling with dread.

_Something terrible is going to happen – I can feel it._

_I don't know what it is, and I don't know if any of us can stop it._

_Kaji…_

_Ryouji…_

_The only man I've ever loved… is dead._

_He was killed tonight – and I know that somehow, NERV was behind it._

_NERV took him away from me._

_Just like it took away my father._

_Just like… just like it almost took YOU away from me, too…_

The thought sent panic shooting through her as she felt the comforting warmth of Shinji's body cradling her, and she reacted to it the same way she had so many times before in her life.

"…d… don't… please, Shinji… _DON'T!_" she exclaimed, breaking the embrace and roughly shoving his arms away. She looked up to see the white-haired boy staring at her in confusion and shock.

"Misato," he stammered in a quiet, wounded tone, "I'm… sorry, I was… I was just trying… to help…"

His ashamed, crestfallen expression made her feel even worse, and she felt the bitter anguish welling up within her once again. "You… you _can't _help me, Shinji. I'm sorry… but you just _can't_!" she cried out, tears once more coursing down her cheeks. "There's nothing you can do… there's nothing _anyone_ can do… and I don't… I don't need your help. I don't… _deserve _your help!"

She suddenly stood, knocking Shinji onto his backside as he gaped up at her, open-mouthed and bewildered, from the kitchen floor. Misato could not bring herself to meet his wide, ruby eyes, and the hurt expression on his face, as she bolted past him.

"I'm sorry, I just… I just need to be by myself right now… Oh, God – oh, Shinji… I'm sorry…" she sobbed, as she darted into her bedroom and slammed the door shut behind her.

Shinji sat all alone in the middle of the kitchen for what seemed like an eternity, staring blankly at the floor. His thoughts were rioting as he replayed the events of the last few days in his head. All of this, all of his troubles, had started when he had decided to run away, and he had endangered everyone that he cared about as a result. After he was rescued from the EVA, he had decided that he was tired of running, and that his white hair and red eyes would serve as a constant reminder to him of the consequences of his cowardice.

Thus far, his decision to face his troubles, instead of running away from them, only seemed to be bringing him more pain and misery than ever, not less.

He had confronted Asuka, had tried his best to persuade her that he was still the same Shinji that he always was, but instead, the redhead was angrier at him than ever.

And now, he had struggled mightily to overcome his fear of intimacy in order to comfort Misato, and it seemed that he had only succeeded in adding to her grief.

_Maybe running away was better_, he thought glumly, recalling the look of fear and loathing in Asuka's eyes, and the desolate expression on Misato's face.

_At least I didn't have to see the pain I was causing others…_

He turned and plodded miserably back to his bedroom, giving one last doleful look across the hall to Misato's door before he stepped into his room and quietly slid his own door shut behind him. He felt empty inside, as if he had suddenly been completely drained of all emotion. His ruby eyes swept across his room, finally lighting on his cello which sat in a corner beside his desk. His face fell as he noticed it was covered in a thick layer of dust, and he crossed the room and regarded the instrument dully.

_I should really clean this up, _he thought. _Maybe if I play a bit, it will help me take my mind off of everything for awhile…_

Shinji grabbed a used T-shirt out of his laundry basket and wiped the cello clean, tossing the shirt back in the basket once he had removed the dust from the thickly lacquered wood of the instrument. Pulling out his desk chair, he sat himself down with the cello between his legs, and reached over for the bow which had been resting behind the instrument in the corner. Drawing the bow across the open strings, he fiddled with the tuning keys on the cello's headstock until he was satisfied that it was in tune, then sat there for long moments, wondering what he should play. After a while, Pachelbel's "Canon," the piece he had been listening to when he had heard Misato's sobbing, came back to his mind.

_Might as well start with something easy, _he thought, as he reached for his SDAT and rewound the tape to the last selection. _I think I can handle eight notes…_

Once he had cued up the track, he touched the PLAY button and began to draw his bow smoothly across the strings, playing along with the music as the fingers of his left hand moved deftly along the neck of the cello.

A couple of minutes later, he paused, frowning. Something was wrong.

His fingers hurt. A lot.

He raised his left hand to his face, turning his palm toward him so that he could inspect his fingers. Deep, painful grooves had formed in the pads of his fingertips where he had been placing them on the thick strings of the cello, standing out as dull red lines against his pale flesh.

In the nine years that Shinji had been playing the cello, over that time he had gradually built up hard, thick calluses on the tips of his fingers from practicing, and his fingertips had become somewhat desensitized to minor pain as a result. When he was playing regularly, the calluses were tough enough that he was able to pluck frying sausages out of a hot skillet with his bare left hand without being hurt.

As he stared at his hand in confusion, Shinji realized that the calluses had completely disappeared. His fingertips were now as soft and sensitive as if he had never touched a stringed instrument in his life.

_Weird, _he thought. _I know I haven't played in awhile, but they shouldn't have softened up that fast…_

Sighing, he stopped the SDAT, and returned the cello with its bow to the corner of his room. He'd definitely have to practice more, he decided, but with everything that had been happening lately, the cello was among the least of his concerns. He flopped back onto his bed, clicked off the light on his nightstand, and stared up at the ceiling of his room, hoping desperately for sleep to take him soon, so that he would no longer have to hear the heart-wrenching sobs of the grieving woman across the hall.

o o o

Ritsuko's exasperated voice crackled over the comlink of the Second Child's test plug.

"Asuka, your sync ratio has dropped an entire eight points! Don't think about anything else – just concentrate the way you used to."

In the plug, the volatile redhead slammed her fists angrily against the butterfly controls, her mouth twisted in frustration.

"_I'm TRYING to_!" she seethed, her shrill voice betraying a hint of panic.

Ritsuko stared at the data flashing across Maya Ibuki's screen in disbelief. Asuka had started the test four points below her previous result, and her sync ratio had gradually sunk lower and lower as the test progressed. The doctor could tell from the psychograph telemetry that something definitely wasn't right with the Second Child – the readings were all over the place, indicating a definite and serious inability of the pilot to focus on synchronizing with Unit 02. Even worse, it seemed that the more they brought the matter to Asuka's attention, the lower her sync rate seemed to drop.

_Hyper-competitiveness combined with an acute fear of failure, leading to performance anxiety and diminished self-esteem – this girl is becoming a perfect storm of neuroses, _Ritsuko thought.

_We don't have time for this. Asuka needs to pull herself together, and soon._

_We still don't even have a single operational EVA, and we can't afford to lose any more pilots on top of everything else…_

She glanced over at a monitor opposite Ibuki's station, which displayed a view of the huge maintenance bay adjacent to the EVA cages. The bay was flooded with coolant fluid as NERV's engineering crews continued to work feverishly to repair the damage to EVA Unit 02 from the last Angel battle. Unit 02's arms had already been reattached, and its decapitated head was currently being raised by a huge crane as the workers prepared to hoist it back into place atop the red mecha's shoulders. Within its own cage, Unit 00 looked to be in slightly better shape, its left arm restored and its own head having been repaired after being cleft in two by the Angel. Technicians were still working away at the prototype EVA though, as it had required an almost complete armour refit after Rei's N² mine had detonated directly in front of it, seriously damaging most of its blue plating. However, Unit 02 was still receiving priority from the maintenance crews, since the production model EVA was deemed to be more stable and reliable in combat than the older prototype, the abilities of their respective pilots notwithstanding.

Ritsuko realized she had a decision to make. Unit 01 was to remain in cryo-stasis, by the Commander's order, and it was her responsibility to ensure that NERV had the tools to respond to any imminent Angel attack as quickly as possible. In the past, such a decision would be a no-brainer, as Asuka's abilities were normally superior to Rei's, but the way the redhead had been performing lately, Ritsuko couldn't say with any confidence if Asuka was currently the best choice to entrust with the defence of NERV – and of the human race by extension.

Ibuki gaped incredulously at the telemetry on her screen. "Asuka's sync ratio is getting lower and lower! What does it mean, ma'am?"

Ritsuko sighed. _It doesn't look like there's any other choice, _she thought to herself.

"It means trouble. We don't have a spare." She turned to Ibuki, her voice lowering to a whisper. "Let's concentrate our efforts on fixing Unit 00. We can't waste time on the one we might not be able to use."

Ibuki nodded grimly, her fingers flashing at the keyboard as she called up the current maintenance schedule for the EVAs, and quickly began revising the orders to assign priority to Unit 00.

Ritsuko turned her attention back to the screen and regarded the live video image of the Second Child within the entry plug. Her eyes were squeezed tightly shut, gritting her teeth in a determined grimace as she kept trying desperately to will her sync ratio to increase… and continued to fail.

The doctor then shifted her focus to the other side of the screen, where the image of Rei Ayanami was being displayed. In contrast to Asuka, the First Child almost appeared to be asleep, her face showing no hint of tension at all as the test progressed. Ritsuko glanced at Rei's current sync ratio, which was holding steady at 59.2 percent. Her ratio had fluctuated by no more than two-tenths of a percent since the test had begun.

_Right on the money, _she thought. _Just like the little mechanical toy that she is…_

Ritsuko suddenly became aware of how the muscles of her face had unconsciously tightened as she looked upon the serene visage of the blue-haired girl on the screen. Frowning, she made a mental note of Rei's score, and turned her attention back to the struggling redhead.

By contrast, Asuka's sync score was currently hovering at 64.7 percent – still superior to Rei's, but it was an alarming result after she had broken through the 80 percent ceiling only a week previously.

_She's dropped over fifteen points in seven days, _Ritsuko thought. _This is bad._

_If Shinji has any difficulty with Unit 01 today, we are going to be in serious trouble…_

o o o

Rei stood in front of her open locker, her hair still slightly damp from showering following her sync test, and buttoned the waistband of her school uniform absently as her thoughts fixed on the scene that had played out in the locker room only minutes before.

Following the test, she and the Second Child had walked from the test bay to the locker room in complete silence, one behind the other, the only discernable sound being the grinding of the redhead's teeth as she clenched and unclenched her jaw. Although she was unaware of how her fellow pilot had performed during the test, Rei was fairly certain that it had not been one of the Second's better results. Soryu seemed to be teetering on the edge of another of her tantrums, and Rei was acutely aware that even so much as an innocent, cursory glance in her direction could potentially set her off, so she was careful to give the redhead a wide berth as they entered the room and went to their respective lockers.

She had kept her back to Soryu as the two of them changed out their plugsuits, a pervasive silence hanging between them – a silence that was shattered when the redhead had driven her fist into the door of her locker with a resounding _bang_. Whirling, she had glared at the blue-haired girl from across the room, her hands clenched by her sides and shaking with anger.

"_WELL?"_ she had raged. "Don't you have_ ANYTHING _to say?"

Rei had continued to face her locker, hanging her plugsuit on a hook and reaching for a fresh towel.

"About what?" she had replied quietly.

It had not been her intention to seem obtuse, but the simple question only served to infuriate the redhead even more.

"What do you _think?" _Soryu had flared. "Are you _really _that stupid, or are you just _trying_ to piss me off? You know _damned well _what I'm talking about!"

In fact, Rei had indeed known what she was talking about – but she was not about to engage in another pointless confrontation with the Second Child that, in her judgement, could only end badly. She kept her back to the redhead as Soryu continued to vent her frustrations behind her.

"I can't _believe_ this!" Soryu went on, seemingly to no one in particular as she stared up at the ceiling. "I'm doing everything the same way I _always_ do it! I'm not doing anything wrong! Why does my sync ratio keep _dropping? _64 percent – that's _pathetic!_" The anger in her trembling voice had begun to give way to anxiety, as she hugged her arms and began to pace back and forth in front of her locker.

Rei had a very good idea as to what was causing the Second's sync score to drop, but thus far, she had been reluctant to express her opinion to the redhead.

_She may not understand, _she had thought. _She may believe I am attempting to assign blame, rather than to offer assistance…_

Instead, she decided that it might be more helpful to accentuate the positive.

"Your result was superior to mine," she remarked flatly. "You retained the number one position."

A long silence passed between the two Children as Soryu stood motionless, her expression unreadable as she kept her deep blue eyes fixed on the ceiling. Finally, her whole body seemed to tremble, and when she spoke again, it was in a low, tremulous whisper.

"Yeah… I did," she murmured. "For now…"

The comment hung in the air, its meaning perfectly clear to the blue-haired girl. This afternoon, Ikari was scheduled for his reactivation test with Unit 01. Assuming there would be no problems, he would once more be cleared to pilot following a successful activation – and would again be competing with Soryu for the top position in the sync test_s_. Ordinarily, this would have been of no concern whatsoever to the Second Child, but Soryu's confidence had been shaken by the events of the past week, and in her current state, she obviously felt that Ikari's return would spell the end of her dominance as NERV's top pilot.

Behind her, Rei heard a sudden commotion as Soryu urgently pulled on her clothes and gathered up her things, before kicking her locker door shut and storming out of the dressing room without bothering to shower. As she passed, Rei stole a quick glance through her blue bangs at the redhead, noting the frustration and panic which was clearly evident on the redhead's face.

_This is not good, _she thought to herself_. _

_Perhaps I should have told her…_

She resolved that, for better or worse, she would take the next available opportunity to try and explain to Soryu what she believed to be the cause of her diminishing scores. At best, she reasoned, the information might help the Second to overcome her mental block – and at worst, the redhead would continue to struggle until the Commander eventually gave the order to have her replaced.

Later, as she stood in the shower, contemplating the Second's situation as the warm water ran over her, she recalled something that Ikari had said to her when she had visited him in his hospital room.

_We're EVA pilots – we're supposed to look after each other, right?_

_He was correct, _she thought.

_Therefore, I must do what I can to help Soryu._

Her mind drifted back to that night in the infirmary, and she recalled the sensation that had ran through her when the Third Child had reached out and carefully taken her injured hands in his own. Rei had initially reacted to the unfamiliar gesture with apprehension, her body tensing as Ikari carefully regarded her burned palms, but the gentle look in his eyes had immediately blunted her unease. The experience of being touched in such a manner, to have another express his care and concern for her in such a simple and intimate way, was completely alien to her, and she had stiffened out of instinct. But the feeling had quickly given way to a kind of…_rightness, _and as the white-haired boy had explained to her why he had rescued her from her own entry plug, so long ago, she began to relax as the feeling became more and more agreeable to the girl.

_I guess I decided then that I was going to protect you, too, _he had said.

Rei did not doubt his words. Even when he'd had the chance to escape, to put NERV and Tokyo-3 behind him forever, Ikari had returned, and had defended her and Soryu both. She somehow knew that Ikari would indeed protect her, that despite his obvious fear of battle and his admitted hatred of the EVA, he would even give his life if necessary to see her safe. It wasn't so much the words he had spoken, but the look on his face as he spoke them that had convinced the blue-haired girl of his resolve.

_That's our bond._

But what was the nature of this bond? _Why_ did Ikari feel the desire to protect her? Was it mere reciprocation for her earlier pledge to protect him from the fifth Angel's attack, or was there something _else_ that motivated him?

The question had been nagging at her ever since she had returned to her apartment from the infirmary after her visit, shortly before the sun had risen over Tokyo-3. She had remained in his room for most of that night, well after she had told Ikari she would be leaving, struggling with a disquieting feeling that had gripped her ever since she had first seen Ikari in the entry plug. The feeling had intensified when she had asked the Commander whether the process used to rescue Ikari would be the end of the matter, and he had replied with a thin smile, in a cool, measured tone, that the operation was finished and that nothing further would be involved. It was the answer she had wanted to hear, but something in the Commander's voice, in the ease of his delivery, caused a small seed of doubt to take root in her mind. If the Commander had ordered her to forget the matter, she would have complied without question, but he had not, and her doubt had lingered long after Ikari had fallen asleep. Something in the back of her mind was telling her to stay with him, to make sure that he wasn't taken away in the middle of the night, perhaps to a room deep within the bowels of Central Dogma.

Something was telling her to protect him.

Like Ikari, was this simply her way of fulfilling her earlier pledge, or was there _more_ to it?

_You have a thing for Shinji, all right, _Suzuhara had said to her, that afternoon on the roof of their school.

What did others see that she could not?

Rei had decided to explore the matter further, the day Ikari had returned to school. She had studied him carefully throughout the day, had observed the way he had been affected by the other students' reactions to his appearance, and had waited until the school day was over to approach him, when he was finally alone. She offered to help him carry his things home, not so much out of concern for his injury, but so that she could try and speak with him about why he had wanted to protect her. He had said that there were many reasons besides the one he had stated, and she was interested to know what those other reasons were.

Rei recalled his reaction to her comment about it being a "nice day for a walk," the same phrase he had given her in the past as an excuse to walk with her. She had used it deliberately, in order to observe his reaction. He had been momentarily taken aback, confused, before a warm smile had spread across his face, and she had been struck by the _rightness_ of the situation once again, before he had remembered his appointment with Dr. Akagi, and the opportunity had been lost. She had watched him depart the classroom, disappointed that her questions would have to go unanswered – and also, she realized, because a part of her had been looking forward to spending that relatively small amount of time with him.

As she finished adjusting her uniform, and turned to collect the rest of her things from her locker, she turned at the sound of the dressing room door opening again. Her eyes widened as Shinji stepped through the door and made his way toward the partition that separated his changing area from the girls'. He stopped in his tracks when he noticed Rei regarding him carefully from her station, and she noted the stress and strain which sat on his pale features.

"Hey, Ayanami," he murmured quietly, shifting in place. "Um, how was your test today?"

"There were no problems," the girl replied. She considered him for a moment, noticing that he was no longer walking with crutches. "Your ankle has healed?"

He smiled weakly at her, and put his weight on his right foot, briefly bouncing in place to test the joint. "Yeah, it's a lot better, it healed pretty fast." He held up his right hand, displaying the small white scar that now ran across the top of his knuckles. "My hand too – I guess I must be eating right or something."

Rei tilted her head slightly at this. She glanced at the clock which hung on the wall of the dressing room, and fixed her gaze back on the glum-faced Third Child. "You are early for your reactivation test."

"Yeah, I know… I guess I just got tired of waiting." He sat himself down on a nearby bench and ran his fingers through his white hair. "This test is all I've been able to think about all day. I didn't have to go to school today, but I went to the morning classes anyway, just so I'd have something to keep my mind off it. Still the same old story there… everybody's still treating me like I've got the plague or something."

He gazed up from his seat at the blue-haired girl, and stared at her for long moments. "Ayanami," he asked tentatively, "…would you mind if I asked you a question?"

Rei caught her breath. Perhaps this would be the opportunity she had missed the other day. "No," she replied, "what is it?"

"Well," he began, licking his lips nervously, "I was just wondering… if you went through the same things I'm going through now, you know, with people staring at you, or acting like they're afraid of you… I was just wondering… how you deal with it."

She thought about the question for a few moments. It was obviously important to him, and she wanted to give the best answer she could.

"It is not quite the same situation," she reasoned. "I have always appeared this way. You have only recently changed, and I believe many people simply find it difficult to cope with the difference."

He seemed unsatisfied with her response. "Sure, I understand that," he said, frowning, "but what about when you first came to our school? What about when you were little, Ayanami… what was it like for you then? Did people ever make you feel sad, or angry, or scared, when they'd point you out, or say things about you?"

Rei was completely unprepared for his query. She thought back to her first day at their school, but her memories just seemed to be a grey, run-on blur of mundane experiences. Her childhood memories were even murkier, and try as she might, she could not manage to recall a single, coherent instance as a child when she had gone out in public, visited a market, or a playground, or walked down a busy street full of strangers, although she was certain that she must have done so. Almost all of her memories were tied to the Commander, NERV, and EVA.

"I… don't know," she finally stated. "I suppose… I did not give these matters much attention."

She knew that it was probably an insufficient answer, but the white-haired boy just looked at her with a small smile on his face.

"You're right… we are different," he murmured. "You're a lot stronger than me, Ayanami… a lot braver. I mean, when you had your reactivation test with Unit 00 – you got hurt so bad the last time, but you got right back in and didn't worry about anything. You weren't afraid, like… like I am. You don't let anything get to you, but all I can think about is the last time I piloted Unit 01, when I was trapped in it for five weeks, and came back looking like… _this._ What if… this time, I _never_ come back?"

He glanced up at her, a look of desolation on his face. "I just… I wish I had your _faith_ in things."

Rei said nothing in reply as he stood slowly, regarding her for a moment with his haunted red eyes, before he stepped behind the curtain. She heard the sound of his locker door opening, and then the rustling sounds of him taking off his clothes as he changed into his plugsuit. As he did so, her thoughts flew back to her reactivation test, the same day as Ikari's first sortie against the fifth Angel. She had indeed done exactly as Ikari had described – she had entered the plug, listened carefully to the instructions that the Commander had given to her, and ran through her tasks exactly as she had been trained to do. This time, she had kept herself tightly focused, keeping her mind trained solely on the EVA and tuning out all other distractions, and this time, the test had been successful, and Unit 00 had activated normally.

What Ikari had not been able to describe though was how, when the test had been cut short by the Angel alarm, and the focus of the bridge crew had been turned elsewhere, Rei's eyes had fluttered closed, and she had slumped back into the pilot's chair, rolling her head back and exhaling a long stream of bubbles into the surrounding LCL. Anyone who had been monitoring her at that moment would have been surprised at the look of _relief_ which had stood out on the face of the normally stoic girl.

The soft _hiss_ of a plugsuit pressurizing broke her thought, and she turned to see the dark outline of Shinji's form behind the screen, now fully clad in the skintight garb, as he folded his clothes neatly and placed them carefully in his locker. He sat back down on the bench in front of his station, put his head in his hands, and let out a long sigh.

Rei felt an odd impulse take hold of her, and the words were out of her mouth before she had a chance to think twice.

"Ikari?"

The black silhouette turned its head at the sound. "What is it, Ayanami?" The anxiety in his tone was palpable.

"I… I was afraid."

The silhouette did not move for long moments. Finally, Shinji stood, and made his way to the edge of the partition, poking his head around and peering at the girl with a mix of confusion and disbelief.

"You were… _what?_"

Rei gazed at the floor, pausing as she took the time to properly formulate her reply. "When I had my reactivation test with Unit 00 – I was afraid."

Shinji's crimson eyes grew wide, and he stepped around the curtain, facing her fully. "But… I don't understand… you said, on the escalator – you said that you had faith in my father's work…"

She looked up at him then, her own eyes perfectly calm.

"Yes," she stated, "I did, and I still do. I was certain that the test would be successful. But I still retained the memory of the previous test, and of the accident. My injuries were very painful, and I… feared the possibility that I might be hurt that way again. Such an experience is something that cannot easily be forgotten, even for me. But I kept my faith in the Commander, and did my duty."

Inwardly, Rei marvelled at the stark truth of her words, and at how she was revealing something to Ikari, something private, and intimate, that she had never admitted to anyone – not even to the Commander. She was not afraid of death in the slightest – she was well aware that she could be replaced – but the injuries she had sustained after that first, failed activation test had indeed been severe, and she had endured many long weeks of suffering and misery afterward. She did not want to have to go through that again, even though she would have without question if the Commander had deemed it necessary.

Unconsciously, she slowly moved forward, until she was within inches of Shinji, gazing up at the slightly taller boy.

"Faith cannot take away our fears, Ikari," she whispered quietly. "But it can help us to overcome them."

Time seemed to stop for Shinji, as he stared down at the quiet girl who had just shaken him to the core of his being with a simple admission and an unassailable truth in the span of a few seconds. The white-haired teen was fully aware of just how rare it was for Rei to open up to someone in such a manner. This was the most insightful conversation he'd had with her since they had sat in the darkness together on the slopes of Mt. Futago so many months ago, awaiting the moment when they would initiate Operation Yashima to destroy the fifth Angel. Their brief but profound talk on the catwalks in front of their EVAs, and afterward in her entry plug following the battle, had ultimately led to a new level of interaction between them. Shinji was never quite sure exactly what that level encompassed, but it was clear that afterward, they were something more than mere colleagues. Their relationship had eventually settled into a quiet, innocuous comfort zone after Asuka had entered the equation. Shinji had always wondered what would have happened if things had ever progressed further between him and the ruby-eyed girl, but since Asuka's arrival in Tokyo-3, there never seemed to be time or opportunity to find out.

Now, he realized, he had learned more about Rei Ayanami in the space of a week than he had managed to glean in the several months he had known her.

A long, awkward silence passed, as each of them seemed to wait for the other to say something, before the sound of the locker room door opening abruptly shattered the moment. Rei and Shinji both turned toward the sound, surprised, to see Misato Katsuragi standing in the doorway.

The Major's chestnut eyes darted back and forth between the two Children, a perplexed look crossing her face, and Shinji's own gaze dropped to the floor at the sight of his guardian, his discomfort plainly evident on his pale features.

"Hello," Misato began quietly, "I'm sorry if I'm… interrupting something. Rei, if you don't mind, I'd like to speak to Shinji privately."

The blue-haired girl looked to Shinji, who met her inquiring eyes with a silent nod. "Of course, Major," she replied demurely, before adding, "if you would not mind waiting a moment."

Misato's eyes widened slightly and she arched an eyebrow at the remark, before shooting a sidelong glance at Shinji as her mouth curled into a small grin. "Uh, sure… I'll just be outside," she said with a trace of amusement.

She stepped back into the hall, waiting until just before the door had slid closed again before giving the mortified boy an exaggerated wink. Shinji coloured slightly at the gesture, shaking his head and sighing audibly before turning back to the blue-haired girl. Rei stood before him, staring at the floor, her brow creased ever so slightly as she searched for the words she wanted to say.

"Ikari… there is no time now, but I would like to speak with you further, if this would be acceptable to you."

Shinji blinked. _She's talking a lot today, _he mused.

"Um, sure, Rei… what… what do you want to know about?"

She thought a moment. "I wish to continue our conversation from the hospital," she replied quietly.

His mind boggled at the remark. _From the hospital?_ he thought. _What did I…_

As the words that he had spoken to Rei that night ran through his thoughts once again, he gazed once more into the First Child's crimson eyes as she waited patiently for his reply. Since his return, it seemed that everybody he knew was pushing him away on some level – Asuka, his friends and classmates, even Misato, the other night – but for some reason, the normally distant, detached Rei Ayanami seemed to be moving against the current. In the past, Shinji would have found this unusual attention from the girl extremely intimidating, but he found that he was no longer willing to run from a situation in which someone seemed genuinely interested in spending time with him, regardless of his appearance.

"I'd… like that," he said slowly, studying her response carefully. Although her expression barely changed, Shinji thought that she seemed… pleased. "When would you like to… uh, get together?"

"As soon as would be convenient for you," she replied calmly.

Shinji was still genuinely confused by the blue-haired girl's intentions. _She wants to talk to me, and as soon as possible, _he thought, _so whatever's on her mind, it's serious_.

_But why? Where is this going? Is she just curious about something, or…_

"Well… I'm free after the reactivation test, if you don't mind waiting," he offered. "I have to cook for Misato and Asuka tonight, but I could ride the train home with you if you want."

"That would be acceptable," Rei acquiesced. "I will stay and observe the test, and meet you afterward."

A sober look crossed Shinji's face. "All right – but you have to promise me one thing first."

It was Rei's turn to look puzzled. A strange feeling came over her as she was caught by the intensity in Shinji's red eyes. "What?" she asked hesitantly.

Shinji frowned as he took a few moments to articulate his response. "If something happens today, with the test… if there's another accident… please, _don't_ go into the cage again, like last time," he murmured. "Don't… _don't_ try to save me, if something goes wrong."

Rei looked back at him uncertainly, unsure of his meaning. Although the Commander had warned her against taking any undue risks, he had not expressly _ordered_ her to stand idly by if she were in a situation where she could offer aid to another. If Ikari were endangered during the test, and she could somehow help him, she was certain that she would – but he was telling her _not _to.

"Why… why should I not?" she whispered.

He stared at her for several seconds before his gaze dropped to her hands, tilting his head slightly as he regarded them. Like his own injured hand, hers had both healed sufficiently that she no longer needed to wear protective bandages over the burns. Slowly, he reached out and took one of her hands in his, pulling it up to the level of his chest and gently turning it so that her palm was face up, displaying the fresh white scar that striped her flesh.

"Because… when I found out that you got hurt, trying to help me… I felt terrible, Rei," he said quietly, keeping his gaze fixed on her upturned hand. "I don't want that to happen again – I don't want you getting hurt… or killed… because of me. Because… if I survived, and something bad happened to you – I… I don't think I'd be able to..."

His voice trailed off, but the pained look in his eyes completed the thought that he was trying to express. Before Rei could respond, Shinji carefully released her hand, letting his fingers slide through hers as her arm fell back to her side. The brief contact caused a small tingling sensation to run through her.

"Misato's waiting," he murmured. "I'd better go." He raised his eyes to hers, and despite the worry in his expression, a tiny smile appeared at the corners of his mouth. "I'll see you after the test, Rei."

With that, he turned away from her and made his way to the exit, leaving the blue-haired girl alone in the locker room.

Rei continued to stare thoughtfully at the door that Shinji had just passed through, long after he had departed.

"…yes," she whispered to herself.

o o o

The guardian and her ward made their way slowly through the long corridors that led to the EVA cages in awkward silence. Although Misato had wanted to speak with Shinji, she wasn't really sure how to begin, and Shinji himself was still too uncertain in her presence after her rebuff from the previous night to ask her what she wanted. Finally though, the lavender-haired woman reached out and laid a hand on Shinji's shoulder, stopping him in his tracks.

"Shinji… I, uh… I owe you an apology for last night."

The young pilot kept his eyes to the floor. "Misato… you don't have to… it's okay, really," he murmured quietly.

She gripped his shoulder and turned him so that he was facing her fully, placing her other hand on his opposite shoulder. "No… it's _not _okay," she said softly. "I've had all of last night and most of today to think about just what a brave and considerate thing you tried to do for me, and how terribly I treated you when you were only trying to help. I guess… I guess that's just my way of dealing with things when they get too intense. It's… a bad habit of mine."

She lowered her head, her remorse plainly evident to the crimson-eyed boy as she struggled with her words. "I just… I just hope you can forgive me for what I did… you were so kind to me, and you didn't deserve the way I…" Her voice trailed off, as her emotions choked off the remainder of her sentence.

Shinji looked up at Misato, studying her carefully, before he slowly reached out and embraced the woman. Misato started in surprise at the gesture, before she tucked him into her own arms, her mouth quivering as she fought back a sudden well of tears.

"I'm sorry, Shinji," she whispered, her voice heavy with regret, "I'm so sorry."

For long moments, there was nothing but silence as they held each other, the ill feelings of the previous night melting away with the comforting warmth they felt in each others' arms. Finally, it was Shinji who broke the quiet, as he spoke the words that Misato had been hoping to hear.

"It's all right, Misato," Shinji replied, before raising his eyes to meet hers, a small grin on his face. "Just don't do it again, okay?"

She smiled at the line that she had spoken to him in the hospital following his rescue, and a bubbly laugh escaped her as she nodded happily before wrapping her arms around him once again. After a few moments, she pulled away, and held Shinji and arm's length, looking him up and down.

"It's incredible," she marvelled, sniffling slightly, "since you came back… it's like I'm watching you turn into a man, right before my eyes." Her eyelids narrowed, and a sly grin crossed her face. "And from what I saw back in the locker room, I guess I'm not the _only_ one who's noticed."

Shinji suddenly flushed a bright pink. "Huh? You mean… that – that was nothing! Ayanami and I, we… we were just…"

Misato arched an eyebrow. "Talking?"

Shinji nodded, a little more emphatically than necessary, which only added to Misato's amusement. "You know, I bet I could count the number of words I've _ever_ heard that girl speak on my fingers and toes, kiddo. She suddenly seems pretty chatty around _you, _though. She even got borderline insubordinate with a superior officer back there, just so she could get a little more time with you. Hmmm… I wonder what _that _could be about…"

Shinji glanced away from her, obviously uncomfortable with Misato's sudden inquisition. "Well… I've kind of been wondering the same thing…" he murmured quietly.

Her playful expression suddenly sobered, and she fixed him with her intense chestnut eyes. "Shinji… here's a piece of advice. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that you shouldn't be afraid to try to know more about the people in your life – especially people that you care about. It's wrong to push people away – it's better to let them in, even if it might feel uncomfortable to you. Because one day, they might not be there anymore, and there's nothing worse than having questions about someone that you know you'll never have the answers to."

She suddenly seemed painfully sad, and Shinji's red eyes grew wide at her words. "I've learned that lesson twice now," she continued, her voice faltering, "…with my father, and now, with…" Her voice trailed off as she stared wistfully into space.

The white-haired teen swallowed hard, deciding to take his guardian's advice. "Misato," he ventured tentatively, "what… what _happened_, last night?"

Misato stared back at Shinji, not entirely sure how to reply. She honestly didn't know if she was able to actually say out loud what she was certain of in her mind. After a few moments, she dropped her gaze the floor, searching for some kind of answer for the boy.

"Shinji," she began slowly, "Kaji told me that he was growing flowers – and that you knew where they were. Is this true?"

He regarded her curiously, not sure what she was getting at. "Well, yeah," he replied, "he's got this garden next to one of the emergency shelters outside in the Geofront. It's pretty cool, he's growing all sorts of stuff – flowers, vegetables, even melons." He grinned slightly, adding, "He says that they remind him of you."

She shook her head at this. _Just like him_, she mused, but the thought did not lighten the sadness in her face.

"Will you… will you show them to me sometime?" she asked. "I'd really like to see them."

"Oh… okay," he said, still slightly puzzled at her interest. "But… why don't you just get Kaji to show them to you, instead?"

As he stared into Misato's chestnut eyes, and saw the profound sorrow that seemed to darken them like rainclouds passing across the sun, he suddenly realized why she had asked him instead of Kaji.

"I don't think…" Misato stammered, "I don't think… Kaji will be looking after them anymore."

She shook her head, and smiled weakly at the ruby-eyed boy. "I'm sorry… I really shouldn't be dumping all this on you right now. You must have enough on your mind already with this test. How… how do you feel?"

He paused for a moment, his thoughts drifting back to his conversation with Rei in the dressing room.

_Faith cannot take away our fears, Ikari. But it can help us to overcome them._

"I… I feel – okay," he replied, surprised at his own response.

Misato gave him a small smile. "You're not scared about getting back into Unit 01?"

"Yeah… I am," he said, "I'm _really_ scared." A thoughtful look crossed the young pilot's face. "But I guess… I guess I just have faith that it's going to be all right."

The lavender-haired woman nodded, and put her arm around Shinji's shoulders. "Well, that's good," she said, a hint of admiration in her voice. "We'd better get you to the cage, then. Ritsuko's going to think I've gotten us lost again if we don't show up soon."

Shinji grinned up at her, before they both turned and made their way down the corridor toward the EVA cages, their arms draped around each other the whole way.

o o o

"Shinji, do you read me?" Ritsuko's voice crackled over the entry plug's internal speaker system, after the rush of LCL which flooded the plug had subsided.

"Roger," Shinji replied, trying to force himself not to gag on the unpleasant taste of the amber fluid, as his hands tensed on the butterfly controls before him. "EVA-01 reads you five by five. Standing by for primary connection."

Within the Pribnow box, which looked directly across at the silent Evangelion standing impassively in its restraints, Misato regarded the monitor in front of her which displayed an image of Shinji within the entry plug, and noted the look of concentration on the face of the white-haired teen.

_He looks… different, _she thought to herself.

_I can tell that he's afraid – but he seems more in control of his fear than he ever has, even after all that's happened to him._

_I hope everything will be all right…_

"He looks good," Ritsuko remarked to her from her station, almost as if she had read Misato's thoughts. "Everything appears to be proceeding normally, so far."

"So far," Misato whispered, almost absentmindedly. She was suddenly surprised at how tightly she was gripping her arms which were folded rigidly in front of her chest. She took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, rubbing sensation back into her limbs as she turned and stood behind Ritsuko, who was preparing to initiate the startup sequence.

"All right, Shinji, here we go," Ritsuko spoke into the microphone at her station. "We're going to take this step by step, and if anything goes wrong, don't be afraid to call for an abort, okay?"

Within the plug, Shinji was silent for long moments. He turned to the small image of Ritsuko projected before him on the plug's head's-up display and studied the doctor's face. Ritsuko looked extremely confident, despite all the uncertainty that surrounded the reactivation test, and even though Shinji had never completely trusted the doctor, her confidence was comforting to him. Behind her, Misato looked nervous, but hopeful, like a doting mother at her child's piano recital. He grinned as he watched her fidgeting behind Ritsuko, twirling her cross pendant like she always did when she was agitated, and his amusement at this familiar habit served to further lighten his mood. He was about to reply to Ritsuko's question when his eye caught something moving behind Misato, and his response died away as a slender, blue-haired figure appeared to the Major's right, peering over Ritsuko's shoulder into the monitor before her.

Although they were only regarding each other over a two-way video link, Shinji still found himself speechless as Rei's wide, crimson eyes fixed on his own – and he was further stunned when he noticed a tiny smile appear at the corners of her mouth, not unlike the one she had given him so many months ago, when he had rescued her from her own entry plug.

"Shinji? Are you okay in there?" Ritsuko asked after a pregnant pause, puzzled by the teen's long silence.

The white-haired pilot blinked, the doctor's voice jolting him out of his reverie. "Uh, roger. S… sorry, Ritsuko," he murmured sheepishly. "EVA Unit 01 is go."

"Copy that," Ritsuko replied shortly, slightly irked by the Third Child's sudden lack of focus. She turned to Maya Ibuki, seated to her right, and gave her apprentice a querying look.

"His vitals are all normal, ma'am," Ibuki replied, "but his heart rate just shot up fifteen BPM within the last five seconds."

Silently, both Ritsuko and Misato turned and regarded the girl which had joined them at Ritsuko's station. Rei was now staring intently at the data from Unit 01 scrolling across another screen in front of the doctor, the small smile which she had briefly displayed now abruptly replaced by the expressionless mask that she usually wore. Ritsuko studied the girl briefly before shifting her gaze to Misato, and the two shared a knowing look before the blonde woman finally shrugged and turned her attention back to her monitor. Misato's eyes darted back and forth between Rei and the image of Shinji on the screen before her, and despite the red glare of the emergency lights which illuminated the Pribnow box during the test, she thought she could detect a faint hint of pink on the faces of both Children, and she arched an eyebrow in amusement.

"We will now begin the Unit 01 reactivation experiment," Ritsuko announced from her station, before turning to Ibuki. "Initiate primary connection."

Ibuki's hands flashed across her keyboard, and instantly, a deep hum began to reverberate within the Pribnow box as the massive amount of electricity which was required to power the EVA suddenly came online. Ritsuko watched as the megawatt levels climbed on the digital gauge displayed on her monitor, and when she was satisfied that the current was holding steady, she ordered to Ibuki, "Connect the main power supply."

In the entry plug, Shinji felt the familiar tingling sensation as thousands of megawatts of power suddenly coursed thought the EVA's systems, the hair on the back of his neck standing on end as the charge continued to build within the body of Unit 01.

_This is it, _he thought. _No turning back now._

"Activation voltage is past the critical point," Ibuki announced after a few moments, studying the data flashing before her intently.

"Roger," Ritsuko replied. "Shift format to Phase Two."

Shinji tensed, holding himself rigidly against the back of his pilot's chair. The primary powerup phase had passed without incident, and now Unit 01's systems would slowly be brought online, which meant he would once again be linked to the EVA. He clenched and unclenched his hands on the butterfly controls, suddenly apprehensive, and shifted his gaze once again to the monitor which displayed the three women situated around Ritsuko's station. Ritsuko's attention was elsewhere, giving instructions to Ibuki at her right side, and to Shigeru Aoba and Makoto Hyuga seated at another station behind her. Misato was still watching Shinji intently, twirling her cross pendant in her fingers and chewing on her bottom lip. Her mannerisms no longer seemed amusing to him, and Shinji began to think that maybe he should be as worried as Misato seemed to be. Rei had not been looking at the monitor, her gaze fixed on another screen beside Ritsuko, but a moment later, almost as if she sensed his eyes on her, she raised her head slightly and regarded him through her blue bangs. The smile did not return, but the look of quiet calm on the First Child's face was strangely soothing to the white-haired teen. He nodded to her, and she nodded almost imperceptibly in reply before turning her attention back to the data on the other screen. Breathing deeply, Shinji willed his hands to relax, and allowed them to take a firm grasp of the butterfly controls as he closed his eyes and once again made an effort to concentrate.

_Faith, _he reminded himself.

In the Pribnow box, Aoba's voice piped up from his station, "Connecting pilot to Unit 01." As he prepared the sequence of systems to be initialized, Ibuki nodded from her desk as Aoba's typed commands reached her for activation. Each system would be double-checked for integrity and stability before being brought online, in order to safeguard the pilot in the event of a sudden shutdown. A cold stop when the pilot was fully linked to the EVA could be as psychologically damaging as the feedback from the sudden loss of an EVA's limb in combat. The crew were taking no chances with this particular activation test, and they were all acutely aware of the possible ramifications of anything going even slightly wrong, as the images of the berserk, rampaging Unit 01's mutilation of the fourteenth Angel constantly reminded them.

Ibuki scanned the activation sequence, found no errors, and typed a command into her terminal. "Opening circuits," she announced.

Shinji felt another tingle run through his body as the familiar kaleidoscope of colours began to swirl around him, indicating to him that his neural link to Unit 01 had been initiated. The colourful patterns shifted and shimmered as each synaptic connection was established, finally terminating in an explosion of white sparks before the virtual environment through which Shinji saw everything outside of the Evangelion came online. He gave his head a shake – the connection sequence always left him a little dizzy – and blinked as the main monitors within the plug flickered to life, giving him a good view of the Pribnow box before him and the activity inside it. With a thought, he increased the magnification of the front monitor until he could clearly see Ritsuko, Misato, and Rei gathered around the doctor's workstation.

_They all seem pretty calm, _he thought.

_I wish I could say the same about me.._.

As he regarded the three women before him, the pins-and-needles feeling that Shinji was experiencing intensified as more and more of the Evangelion's physical systems were brought online, syncing themselves through the pilot's A10 connectors to the motor regions of his brain through which he controlled his own body. A litany of announcements from the crew passed by unheeded as Shinji took several deep lungfuls of LCL, trying to stay calm and focused as he settled in to the pilot's chair, his body slowly relaxing as it accepted control of the tremendous physical power of the EVA.

"Synapses inserted. Nerve junctions connecting," Hyuga called out, "no problems detected."

"Cardiograph transmitting, pulse and harmonics are normal," Ibuki replied.

"All circuits are operational," Aoba chimed in moments later, "central nerve system elements are nominal."

Ritsuko looked up from her station as the crew continued to sound off around her, and regarded the purple behemoth through the heavy glass of the Pribnow box's observation window.

_So far, the second stage has been flawless, _she thought.

_The physical connections are all online now. Everything seems… routine._

_The real test will begin with the synchronization sequence…_

As if on cue, Ibuki's voice broke the doctor's thought. "Checklist is satisfactory up to twenty-five fifty," she announced, pausing momentarily as she waited for the last physical connections between Shinji and the EVA to establish themselves. "Clear to twenty-five ninety," she concluded, which signalled the successful completion of Phase Two.

Ritsuko turned her attention back to her terminal, nodding briefly to Ibuki before pulling the desk microphone to her mouth. "Everything okay in there, Shinji?" she queried, her jade eyes fixed on the monitor which displayed the young pilot within the plug. Shinji's eyes were closed, his jaw set, and his hands were steady on the yokes – his current display of poise a far cry from the timid, panicked boy he had been when he had first been thrust into the pilot's chair, so many months ago. Ritsuko could scarcely believe she was looking at the same person, despite his obvious physical differences.

When Shinji replied, his voice was barely above a whisper. "Everything's fine, Ritsuko," he murmured. "I'm ready to continue."

Shinji knew as well as every technician in the Pribnow box what was coming next – Phase Three, where the "mind" of the EVA would be connected and synchronized with the mind of the pilot. Without this essential connection, an Evangelion was little more than a cumbersome, astronomically expensive construct, no better than the failed Jet Alone mecha that a civilian corporation had developed in direct competition with Project E. Once its pilot's mind was merged with it though, an EVA could move and fight with all the speed, agility, and cunning of its human controller, backed by its own awesome strength. The process of synchronization, though, was not fully understood – and Shinji's last experience within Unit 01 was proof of just how dangerous this critical phase could be.

Ritsuko paused a moment to regard the image of the Third Child on the screen before her, but Shinji did not so much as twitch as he patiently awaited the final phase of the activation sequence. Ritsuko glanced back at Misato, who was still twirling her pendant in her fingers, and Rei, whose otherwise stoic expression was betrayed only by a tiny crinkle that had appeared over the bridge of her nose. The doctor gave them both an encouraging grin before taking a deep breath and turning back to her terminal.

"Prepare for third stage connection," she called over to Ibuki, who normally handled the synchronization procedure. The young woman's hands stabbed at her keyboard as she keyed in the sequence of commands that would initiate Phase Three.

In the plug, Shinji began to experience the odd "shift" in his consciousness as his thought patterns began to intertwine with the psychic signal being generated by the EVA. What this signal consisted of exactly was never fully explained to the young pilot – was it merely a computer-generated simulation of human brain activity, or did the EVA actually possess a sentient mind of its own? Or was it even more than that? Shinji had never received a satisfactory answer to any of these questions, and it may have well been that even the scientists at NERV didn't know the whole truth. What had always puzzled Shinji the most, though, was the odd sense of comfort, of _familiarity _that he experienced every time he synchronized with Unit 01, as if he were revisiting a place that he had been to before but couldn't remember anything about. And now, on the heels of his last experience within Unit 01 when his physical form had been absorbed completely into the EVA, this feeling of familiarity had intensified. He still had no memory of anything that had transpired while he was trapped in the plug, but he was certain now that the EVA did indeed have a mind – a mind that he somehow _knew._

He did his best to clear his mind of these nagging questions – there would be plenty of time to ponder them later, assuming the test was successful. For now, he did his best to focus on allowing his mind to touch the presence of Unit 01, to let it merge with his own consciousness, and not to allow his thoughts to stray to anything that could impede the process – the "mental contamination" that was so often talked about in training. This had been cited as the primary cause of Rei's accident during the initial activation of Unit 00, which had surprised Shinji since Rei was so wholeheartedly dedicated to the task of piloting EVA. If someone as driven and focused as Rei Ayanami could suffer a breakdown in concentration during a test, Shinji reasoned, then _he_ would have to be especially vigilant.

"Counting down to absolute borderline," Ibuki called out as the neon green bar graph on her main screen that displayed the pilot's synchronization status inched higher and higher. "Approaching critical mark… zero point nine… zero point seven… zero point five… zero point three… zero point two…"

Everyone in the Pribnow box held their breath as the neon green bars on the sync graph crept up to the central red bar marked "BORDER-LINE," flickered there for the briefest of moments, and then surged past the critical mark, making steady progress into the positive.

"Zero point one and rising," Ibuki exclaimed, a note of triumph in her voice. "Borderline clear, Unit 01 has been activated!"

A cheer went up from the crew at Ibuki's announcement that the test had been a success. Misato released her cross pendant, balled her hand into a fist, and pumped it at her side, letting loose with an exultant _"YES!_ Way to _go_, Shinji!" Ritsuko rose from her chair, flashed Misato a wide smile, and embraced her friend, while Rei merely stood by, silent in the midst of the celebrations, and continued to watch the synchronization graph as it continued to climb past forty percent… past fifty… past sixty… past seventy. Her crimson eyes narrowed in concern as the green bars shot past the eighty percent mark – and showed no sign of topping out.

Ibuki also noticed the surging progress of the sync graph. "Ma'am… we may have a problem here – Shinji's sync ratio is approaching ninety percent, and it's still climbing!"

Ritsuko's head whipped around, her green eyes wide with alarm. "_Ninety_ percent? Shinji's _never_ achieved a result that high, especially not in a routine test!" She turned back to the celebrating technicians and snapped, "Everyone back to your posts! NOW! We're not _done_ here yet!"

The cheers quickly died down as the crew looked around in confusion, noticed the status of the sync graph, and quickly manned their positions, instantly recognizing the imminent danger they were facing. If the graph continued to climb until it reached four hundred percent, there was a very good chance that Unit 01 would break free of its bonds once more, and likely lay waste to the entire command post, killing everyone in its path. Tension filled the Pribnow box as the frightened techs all looked to Ritsuko for orders. The blonde woman stood over her terminal, wracking her brain as she watched the green bars pass one hundred and seven percent – and continued to climb.

"What's the pilot's status?" Ritsuko barked at Ibuki, who quickly called up the relevant data to her main screen.

"This is odd," she said as she scanned the graphs, "his heart rate and respiration have accelerated, but they're still within the safety parameters. His brainwaves though – he's unconscious, but not as a result of trauma or feedback from the EVA. These patterns very closely resemble what you see when a person enters REM state. He's _asleep_, ma'am – and he's_ dreaming_."

Ritsuko quickly reached for the microphone at her desk, and adjusted a knob on its side so that it was operating at full volume. "Shinji! Can you hear me? You've got to wake up, do you understand? Shinji? SHINJI! WAKE UP!" She looked to Ibuki, who glanced at the Third Child's brainwave data and then shook her head. "No change," she replied.

"All right, let's try something else. Set the plug's remote defibrillator at its lowest output level, and then hit him with the charge," Ritsuko ordered. "Maybe we can shock him awake."

Ibuki immediately complied, her hands flashing as she issued the necessary commands, and then sent the signal to send a jolt of electricity through Shinji's body. On the plug's interior monitor, Shinji's body jerked as the low-grade charge arced through him, but on Ibuki's screen, there was still no change in his brainwave patterns as his sync ratio passed one hundred and twenty-five percent.

"Again," Ritsuko spat, and Ibuki reissued the command. "Still nothing," her apprentice called back moments later.

The doctor swore under her breath and pounded a fist on her desk as she watch the sync graph climb past one hundred and forty percent. "This can't be happening! How could he have fallen into this state?"

"Ma'am?" Aoba ventured from his post. "Should we execute the emergency stop?"

Ritsuko's eyes darted from screen to screen at her station, trying to digest as much pertinent information as possible before she made a decision. She realized full well that, if she aborted the test, then Unit 01 would officially be left without a pilot, which would render it useless to NERV. The purple EVA had already refused to accept Rei or the dummy plug as its pilot, Asuka would almost certainly fail as a substitute – she was having enough difficulty with Unit 02 – and now they were in real danger of losing Shinji again and seeing Unit 01 once more break its bonds and launch itself into a frenzied rampage in the heart of NERV Command. An abort would save Shinji's life, even though a cold stop at his level of synchronization would probably cause him permanent mental damage, but it would also essentially relegate Unit 01 to the scrap heap.

Ritsuko knew that the Commander would be furious if she ordered an abort unless there was no other option – there was no doubt in her mind about what decision _he_ would make if he were present.

"Ma'am?" Aoba queried again, the tension in his voice noticeable as the sync graph approached one hundred and sixty-four percent, and showed no hint of slowing.

Misato was beside herself as she waited for Ritsuko to give the abort order._ "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU WAITING FOR?"_ she roared. "It's going to _TAKE_ him again, Ritsuko, and then that _THING_ is going to bring this whole _COMPLEX_ down on our heads! You've _GOT_ to shut it down, _NOW!"_

The blonde woman remained silent, as her mind considered all the possible causes of this situation. _Could the time he spent absorbed into the EVA have affected his ability to synchronize with it?_ she pondered.

_Could his new physiology be affecting the ratio in some way?_

_We've never activated an EVA with the S² unit before – could that be interfering somehow?_

_Is Unit 01 now recognizing him as part of itself, rather than as a separate entity?_

_Or… is she trying to take him back for good this time?_

While she reached desperately in her mind for any feasible explanations and possible solutions, a furious Misato strode over to the doctor, grabbed her by the shoulders, and shook her violently enough to send her glasses flying from her face. "You _can't_ let it take Shinji again, do you hear me?" she shrieked. _"YOU CAN'T LET IT!"_

Ritsuko said nothing in reply as a seething Misato glared daggers at her. The two women faced off for long moments as a deathly silence fell over the Pribnow box, the fear, concern and shock at the grim situation rendering mute every single person present. Misato's upper lip curled into a contemptuous sneer as she regarded the silent doctor, who seemed to be in another world entirely, and whirled to face the other technicians.

"Aoba? Hyuga? You've got to shut it down – you_ have_ to," she exclaimed, to be met only with silence from the two men, who shifted in place uncomfortably.

Misato looked at the two techs incredulously, and shook her head before turning to Ibuki, panic beginning to show on her features.

"Maya… _please," _she pleaded with the young woman, who looked back at her hopelessly.

"I'm sorry, Major – Dr. Akagi is in command of this operation," she replied, unable to mask the pity in her quavering voice.

Another tense silence filled the room, as Misato turned her attention back to the doctor. Sighing with real regret, she pulled the zipper on her leather bomber and opened her jacket to reveal the sidearm she wore strapped in a shoulder holster underneath.

"I swear to God, Ritsuko, if you make me…"

She was abruptly cut off by a strange sound which could suddenly be heard coming from Ritsuko's station. Every head in the room snapped around and focused on the sound, and Ritsuko, instantly forgetting Misato, spun in place and bolted to her terminal.

"It's audio from the plug – it's Shinji!" she exclaimed, quickly patching the audio signal from her computer terminal into the Pribnow box's P.A. system and turning up the volume for all to hear.

Instantly, the sound of heavy, wracking sobs filled the room. The entire crew listened on, stunned, at the bizarre sounds coming from Unit 01's entry plug.

"He's… _crying?_" Misato whispered. "Why is he crying? Is he… is he still unconscious?"

Before Ibuki could consult the data, a quiet voice behind Misato replied, "No. He is waking up."

All eyes turned to see Rei Ayanami, all but forgotten in the tension and panic, standing in the middle of the observation window and looking directly into the face of EVA Unit 01 opposite. Her back was to the room as she kept her gazed fixed on the Evangelion, seemingly staring straight into the huge mecha's white eyes. Her hands were raised and pressed against the glass, her fingers spread wide apart, and in that position it looked almost as if she were somehow trying to signal the EVA to stop.

At that same moment, Ibuki's voice cut through the sound of the Third Child's sobs. "Sync ratio is down to one hundred thirty percent, and dropping! Brainwave patterns are returning to normal conscious levels. He's coming out of it!"

Relief spread through the room as the sync graph clearly showed the green bars retreating from their peak level of nearly two hundred percent – halfway to the dreaded four hundred. Over the P.A., Shinji's cries continued, but they were settling down, and on the video screen, the white-haired teen's head was looking left and right, as if he had just woken up in a strange place. Misato was struck by the sadness in his expression – _what was he dreaming about? _she wondered.

_How did this happen, and why?_

She glanced back up to the window, where Rei, silent once more, continued to stare into the eyes of Unit 01, seemingly frozen in her position against the glass.

_How did she know before Maya that Shinji was waking up?_

"Sync ratio still dropping," Ibuki reported, "one hundred two percent… one hundred… ninety-eight… ninety-five… ninety-one… eighty-seven… eighty-four… eighty-three… and holding! Ratio is steady at 83.2 percent!"

Ritsuko marvelled at the result. "We'll take that as the official record, I suppose," she remarked as Misato made her way over to the station, carrying Ritsuko's glasses. The lavender-haired woman handed them over sheepishly to the doctor, who regarded her coldly for a moment before muttering, "So, should I pick out a nice room for you in the brig? Let's see… insubordination… inciting mutiny… attempted assault with a deadly weapon… you're really up the creek this time, Katsuragi."

"Oh, stuff a sock in it," Misato shot back. "Can we talk to him?"

Ritsuko grinned up at her, their altercation forgotten as she took the glasses from her hand and replaced them on the bridge of her nose. "I suppose we should, huh?" She reached for the microphone on her desk and cued the channel open. "Shinji, it's Ritsuko, can you hear me?"

Instantly, a pained yelp emanated from the plug, followed by a high-pitched and very irate voice. "Goddammit, Ritsuko, turn that thing down! You nearly fried my brain!"

"Oops," Ritsuko exclaimed, realizing that the microphone's volume was still set at full from her earlier attempt to wake Shinji up. She dialled the knob back a full turn and opened the channel again. "Sorry, how's that?"

"Much better, thanks," Shinji replied, sniffling. "What… what the hell just happened, anyway?"

"We're… not too sure. You kind of zoned out on us for a bit there," she lied, not wanting to tell Shinji how close he came to being reabsorbed into the EVA. "What's the last thing you remember?"

"Um… you gave the command for third stage connection, and I was concentrating on syncing with Unit 01, and then… it's like… I don't know, it was like all of a sudden, I was daydreaming or something," he replied tentatively. "It was really strange… somebody was here – a woman. I can't remember everything that she said, except that she was apologizing to me, saying that all of this was her fault. Then she said she had to go, and all of a sudden, I just felt so… _sad. _The next thing I know, I'm sitting here bawling my eyes out."

Ritsuko froze. Several seconds passed before she slowly reached for the mike and cued the channel open again. "Shinji – did you recognize this person?"

"Not… really," came his reply. "I didn't actually see her face. I could hear her, but couldn't make out what she looked like. I think… it's _weird_, but I think… I might have seen Ayanami too, but I'm not really sure... hey, is she okay? I can see her on my main screen, and she looks kind of… ill."

Ritsuko and Misato both glanced back at the window where Rei was standing. Her arms had dropped to her sides, but she was still staring through the glass at Unit 01. Her forehead rested against the glass and her shoulders slumped, making her look oddly fatigued.

"Um… I think she's fine. Okay, Shinji, I think we're going to stop the test here," the doctor said. "Until we figure out what just happened, we probably shouldn't push you any more today."

She was surprised when Shinji replied, "No… let's keep going. It's okay, Ritsuko, I feel fine, really. Unit 01 is already active, so if everything's all right now, then why don't we just finish?

Ritsuko was immediately taken aback by his suggestion. She turned her attention to Ibuki, who scanned the data flashing across her terminal. "Sync ratio is holding steady, psychograph data is well within normal parameters… all systems appear to be… nominal, ma'am," her apprentice volunteered.

"Shinji… are you sure?" Ritsuko asked into the mike, glancing at Misato.

"Yeah… I'm okay. And I _really_ don't want to have to come back and do this again, unless it's for real," he replied. "Say, how's my sync ratio looking? I guess I must be a little out of practice, huh?"

Ritsuko shook her head, grinning at Misato, before cueing the mike again. "Your score looks… good, Shinji, I think you'll be satisfied with your result. Okay, if you're sure you want to continue, we'll proceed with the interlock test." She clicked the mike off and turned in her chair to face the technicians behind her. "You heard him – we're going on," she barked. "Stand by to initiate the interlock procedures – and if anything so much as fluctuates for even a nanosecond, call it out _immediately._ Understood?"

"Yes, ma'am," came the chorus behind her.

"Let's just hope we don't have any more surprises," the doctor muttered to Misato as she turned back to her terminal.

Misato stared at Shinji's image on the monitor before her. The boy's crimson eyes had narrowed, and his face was once again set in concentration as he prepared to run through the series of checks that Ritsuko was about to give him once the interlock test was initiated.

"We won't," she replied with a small smile. "I have faith in him."

_Continued…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was the longest I had written to date at just under 14,000 words. There were story points I wanted to cover before I got into the battle with Arael. I really needed to get Shinji's activation test finished before I could start the next segment, so everything got dumped into this chapter. And I still didn't manage to cover everything I had planned! So stay tuned, because some big stuff is coming up in the next installment. 
> 
> In case anyone was wondering, the reference to Shinji's calluses comes from personal experience. I have played guitar for over thirty years now, and I have actually picked things up out of frying pans with my left hand when I've been playing regularly and my fingertips are really tough. So what's your party trick?
> 
> No beta reader was used for this chapter, which might be why it ended up being so long...
> 
> Please feel free to leave a comment, or drop me a line at ikarusonesun (at-sign) gmail (dot) com.
> 
> Cheers,  
IO


	8. Forced Perspectives

DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fan fiction incorporating characters and situations from the Gainax manga/anime series _Neon Genesis Evangelion_ and its related feature film releases. Gainax and its various media distributors hold sole exclusive rights to their use. The author is in no way affiliated with Gainax or its distributors, nor has this story been submitted for any commercial purpose.

_**Godchild**_  
by Ikarus Onesun

**Chapter Eight:  
Forced Perspectives**

_And I beheld, and heard an angel flying through the midst of heaven, saying with a loud voice, Woe, woe, woe, to the inhabiters of the earth..._   
_\- Holy Bible, King James Version, Revelation 8.13_

Asuka Langley Soryu lay awake in her bed, staring up at the ceiling. The redheaded EVA pilot's thoughts were in absolute turmoil following the events of that day, and no matter how much she wished for the oblivion of sleep to take her, she remained wide-eyed and alert well into the early morning, tossing and turning, and thinking, and fretting…

Earlier that day, after storming out of NERV, she had wandered aimlessly through the streets of Tokyo-3 for hours, replaying that afternoon's sync test in her mind. She meticulously went over each procedure, each subtle movement of her fingers on the test plug's control yokes, each mental visualization she would use to cause Unit 02 to move according to her will. Every time she would recall her actions during the test, she would fail to recognize any anomaly in her actions, not even the slightest deviation from her normal routine. And yet, her sync ratio with Unit 02 was still dropping like the proverbial lead balloon.

_I just don't understand,_ she had thought bitterly.

_I'm not doing anything wrong. I'm doing everything the way I ALWAYS do!_

_I've got to pull myself together._

_I can't lose…_

_I WON'T lose._

_Not to him…_

_Not AGAIN…_

Her thoughts had shifted then from her synchronization procedures to her fellow pilot, the white-haired, red-eyed Third Child, Shinji Ikari. Asuka felt her lower abdomen begin to tighten as an image of his face formed in her mind, so similar to the image of the person she hated more than anyone else in the world. The redhead found herself wondering how Shinji's reactivation test had gone that afternoon, and whether or not he had been successful in syncing with Unit 01 once again, after the horrible outcome of the last Angel battle. Asuka _had_ harboured a passing interest in staying to watch the reactivation experiment, before she had performed so poorly during her sync test. Now, she could not bear to spend another moment within the walls of NERV after her humiliating result, especially not in the company of Misato, Ritsuko, and that stupid _doll._

_He could be trapped in his EVA again right now, for all I know, _she had mused.

_Or maybe Unit 01 went berserk again, and finally managed to destroy NERV this time._

Asuka found that this thought had not completely displeased her, as horrible as it sounded.

_Or… everything could have gone fine. Shinji could be ready to pilot again tomorrow._

_This could be my last day as number one…_

Asuka suddenly stopped herself short in the middle of the sidewalk and shook her long, ruddy mane in disgust, furious with herself that such an absurd thought had managed to occur to her.

"The _hell_ it will," she muttered to herself through gnashed teeth. "There's _no way_ I'm going to let that _idiot_ beat me!"

Her hands clenched into white, bloodless fists as a twinge of pain suddenly flared in her insides.

_Oh, wonderful, _she thought as the cramp gripped her, causing her to double over and suck in her breath.

_As if I don't have enough problems right now…_

_Doesn't matter. A little pain won't stop me._

_That idiot Shinji won't stop me, either._

_Neither will that little bitch, Rei._

_NOTHING will stop me._

_I'm STILL number one. And I'm going to STAY number one._

_No matter what…_

She took a moment to let the cramp pass, and then continued on down the sidewalk toward a train station that was just a few blocks up ahead. Dusk was approaching, and the streetlights of Tokyo-3 had begun to wink on throughout the city. As Asuka looked around to get her bearings, she was startled to find that she had come full circle, and was now approaching the stop that serviced the main entrance to the Geofront. She plodded on, still thinking to herself, _I'm still number one… I'm still number one… I'm still number one… _as she finally reached the station, and slowly began to climb the stairway to Platform One, where she would catch the train back home.

As she stood on the platform, her cellphone suddenly chimed with a distinctive double-ring. _Text message, _she thought absently, pulling the phone out of her bookbag and staring at the display which read AKAGI, RITSUKO, with a tiny envelope graphic flashing underneath the name.

_Why the hell is she texting me? _Asuka thought._Would have been easier for her just to call…_

She called up the phone's text function and scrolled through the message:

PILOT SORYU

_Weird… why so formal all of a sudden?_ Asuka paused to think, before reading on:

SOLO SYNC TEST TOMORROW 1630 HRS

PLS BE ON TIME

The redhead could feel the temperature of her blood suddenly rise the moment she read the following line:

SOLO TESTS WILL BE SCHEDULED DAILY UNTIL SCORES IMPROVE

A.R.

Her grip tightened on the cellphone, threatening to crack its plastic case as Asuka's whole body shook with rage, her glacial eyes flashing as she glared at the phone. She suddenly understood why the doctor had elected to text her, rather than speak to her in person.

"You… goddamned… cowardly… bleached-blonde _BITCH!_" she shrieked, causing heads to turn all around her on the platform. Highly sensitive to the sudden attention, the furious redhead whirled and swept her caustic gaze across the curious onlookers, who glanced away in embarrassment, and not a little fear.

Asuka suddenly gasped as another cramp, stronger this time, rippled through her. She sat down with a groan on a nearby bench, gripping her abdomen as her breath came out in ragged huffs, as much out of anger and frustration at Ritsuko's message as from the pain of her oncoming cycle.

_I can't stand this, _she thought over and over, beginning to rock back and forth on the bench, _God… I can't stand this…_

A few minutes later, her abdomen had unclenched enough that she could stand once again. She still held her cellphone in her hands, and she suddenly felt the urge to talk to somebody. She couldn't keep all of this to herself any longer. She needed somebody to tell her that they understood, that it wasn't her fault, and that everything was going to be okay.

She only knew of one person who could possibly help her.

Asuka called up the cell's speed dial function and pressed number 1 again. Immediately, the name KAJI, RYOJI flashed on the phone's display, with a small ringing telephone graphic flashing underneath.

_Pick up, Kaji, _Asuka thought desperately._Please, pick up._

_I really, really need you right now…_

After several rings, she expected his answering service to pick up, as usual - Kaji almost always screened his calls for some reason, even the ones that came from those closest to him. Sighing, Asuka got ready to leave yet another message asking him to call her as soon as possible, once she heard the distinctive _click _of the service engaging, but this time, the voice on the line was not Kaji's, but a pre-recorded message from the phone company:

"I'm sorry, the telephone number you just dialed is currently not in use. Please try again."

She touched the phone's END button, staring wistfully at the display as the words KAJI, RYOJI abruptly faded, before the backlit screen eventually winked off.

"That's weird," she muttered dejectedly. "I still can't get through... I wonder if he went somewhere again?"

It was not uncommon for Kaji to suddenly take off for days or even weeks at a time, Asuka knew, but he had never ignored her messages before, even if it sometimes took him a couple of days to call her back. She had left dozens of messages on his service over the past week, and he still had yet to respond to a single one.

A sudden breeze tossed her hair, and Asuka turned slowly to see a train in the distance approaching the station. Her keen eyes could see that it was not the westbound train that would take her to Misato's, but the northbound route which passed by her school and on through the seemingly never-ending rows of low-rent housing projects like the one where Rei Ayanami lived. She was about to turn away and take her seat again to wait for the next train, when something on the opposite platform abruptly caught her attention.

In the midst of the crowd, a slender, blue-haired girl in a school uniform sat on a bench, her back to Asuka. The girl seemed to be sitting silently, only nodding occasionally in response to the boy who was nervously chatting away to her as he stood on her left - a boy whose shock of stark white hair made him stand out amongst the thick gaggle of rush-hour commuters on the platform.

Asuka's eyes narrowed as she studied the white-haired teen's actions closely. He seemed to be trying vainly to get the girl to speak, but other than a small nod or a slight shake of her head, he didn't seem to be making much headway. Oddly, he didn't seem overly troubled by this, and he continued to chatter on to the girl, a smile crossing his face as he seemed to be relating a funny story to her - one which she didn't seem to find particularly humorous.

Asuka was beside herself as she continued to watch Shinji and Rei from the opposite side of the platform.

"That idiot Shinji's EVA just swallowed him up for over a whole month_," _she seethed, "and now he's acting like nothing ever happened!"

Her mood turned bitter as she realized what must have happened with Unit 01's reactivation test. She frowned, fuming, as she watched Shinji break out in another smile, laughing at something he had just spoken to Rei. Rei continued to stare ahead, the position of her head and her posture on the bench giving Asuka the odd impression that the First Child was fatigued.

_Probably tired of hearing that idiot chattering away like a monkey, _she thought.

_So… the test was successful, then._

_He's been cleared to pilot again._

_And now… he's going home… with HER…_

For some reason, this last thought had done more to spark her anger than any of the others, and searing rage suddenly boiled up in her once again.

"Okay... so I lost _this_ time," she hissed, "that doesn't change the fact that you're the..."

The roar of the train as it rolled into the station prevented Shinji and Rei from hearing the sudden torrent of profanity that had erupted from the red-headed Second Child, before the other two Children had boarded the train and disappeared into the night…

o o o

In the next room, Shinji was having no better luck getting to sleep.

He could hear Asuka tossing and turning, and muttering to herself, and he had been worried enough about the redhead to risk tapping on the wall between them and calling out, "Asuka… do you need anything?" The volatile girl had responded with a vicious kick against the wall, which sent a long, thin crack snaking along the painted surface of Shinji's side. The white-haired boy sighed, and turned his back to the wall, pulling a pillow over his head to help drown out the sound of Asuka's restlessness.

_It's my fault, _he thought remorsefully.

_I shouldn't have said anything about Kaji._

_First Rei, now this... I can't seem to do anything right tonight..._

Asuka had been in a foul mood ever since he had returned to the apartment after seeing Rei home. She had been sitting cross-legged and arms folded at the kitchen table, glaring at him as soon as he stepped in the door and ignoring the crestfallen look on his face as she demanded to know why dinner wasn't ready yet. Shinji had quietly apologized, which only served to fuel the redhead's ire even more, but he had proceeded straight to the kitchen counter and immediately went to work preparing the evening meal for the three residents of the apartment.

_Wow, she's really pissed off about something, _he had thought as he quickly filled the rice cooker while simultaneously turning on the stove to preheat the wok he had placed on the front burner.

_But at least she's talking to me now…_

_Maybe… things might actually be getting back to normal around here…_

The smell of Shinji's cooking had eventually flushed a famished Misato from her bedroom, where she had been napping to recover from the traumatic events of that afternoon's reactivation test with Unit 01, and once everything was ready, they had all sat down to eat together. Shinji was immediately encouraged by this - Asuka had not deigned to share the table with them for a single meal since he had been rescued - but despite this seemingly positive sign, the Second's brooding demeanor managed to defeat any attempt at dinner conversation that Shinji or Misato might have made, and the three roommates sat in awkward silence as they ate.

Asuka had just excused herself from the table – the only time she had spoken during the entire meal - when the phone had rang. Although Shinji and Misato were still eating, and Asuka was already on her feet, the redhead had stubbornly refused to answer it, sniping at Misato, "It's probably just Kaji for you."

Shinji recalled how Asuka's face had fallen when Misato had muttered, "That's… not likely," her own features suddenly clouding over as she took a healthy swig from her beer to cover her expression. Shinji suddenly felt caught in the middle of an incredibly tense moment, and took the opportunity to escape by rising and answering the phone himself. It was not Kaji, as Asuka had hoped, but her stepmother, calling from Germany. Shinji had handed the phone over to the redhead, who seemed to transform before his eyes as she switched to her native German and began to converse with her parent. The sullen, tempestuous, and hard-edged pilot he knew was suddenly gone, replaced by an outgoing, bubbly, giggling girl that he had never seen before.

_When she speaks in a language I don't understand, it's like she's a whole different person, _he marveled.

He found himself oddly… _attracted _to this side of Asuka's personality, a feeling that was quickly squelched the moment the redhead had hung up the phone and the brooding veil had dropped over her features once again. Emboldened, Shinji had ventured to ask her about her family back home, and for a moment, it seemed like she might be willing to open up to him about her family situation, about her relationship with her stepmother, and how she always felt like she had to put on an act just to please her. She quickly caught herself though, and roared "Why the _hell _am I telling _you _about all this?" before she whirled and stormed into her room, slamming the door shut behind her.

Misato had had enough for one day, taking enough time to help Shinji with the dishes before retiring back to bed. Suddenly alone in the apartment, Shinji had sat down at the kitchen table with a sigh and folded his hands in front of his chin in thought, eerily mirroring the familiar pose that his father was best known for. As his thoughts turned back to his meeting with Rei earlier that evening, which he still couldn't get out of his mind, he heard the sound of Asuka's door sliding open again behind him, and he turned to see the girl standing in the open doorway to her room, regarding Shinji with an odd look on her face.

"What… what did she mean?" she stammered.

Shinji was genuinely confused. "Huh? What did _who_ mean about _what?_" he replied, suddenly nervous.

Asuka's eyes lit up with a quick anger. "Are you _stupid?" _she shot back. "You _know_ something, _don't_ you? You know _damn well _who I'm talking about!"

When Shinji shrugged frantically, Asuka crossed the floor in a heartbeat and loomed over the Third Child seated at the kitchen table, hands on her hips and glaring angrily at the white-haired teen.

"_Misato_, you _idiot,"_ she had raged, "she said that Kaji wouldn't be calling anymore. I've been trying to reach him for days now… _why_ the hell won't he be calling?"

Shinji felt trapped once again. He gazed up at the Second Child with wide, ruby eyes, and his expression was one of extreme discomfort, of reluctance, and most of all, of profound sorrow. He struggled to find a way to tell Asuka what he knew, but before he could find the words, the redhead seemed to glean all from the look in his face as he regarded her pityingly from his chair.

"No… it's not true… it _can't_ be true," she whispered, shock and disbelief playing across her features.

Shinji's gaze dropped to the floor. "I'm sorry, Asuka," he murmured, "Kaji… he's not coming back…"

Asuka recoiled as if she had been struck, and then, she had exploded into a fit of fury, tearing at her hair and shrieking, "No! _NO!_ You're a _LIAR! _You're _ALL LIARS!"_

She had begun to stagger aimlessly around the apartment, clutching her head in raw, unbridled grief, and Shinji had tried valiantly to calm her down, rising from his chair and taking her by the shoulders in a vain attempt to try to talk to the girl. Incensed, Asuka roughly slapped his arms away, screaming, "Go to _HELL, _Third Child! Don't _touch_ me ever again, you _freak,_ do you _hear_ me? Why don't you get back on the train and go play with your stupid _doll _some more? I _hate _you! _I HATE ALL OF YOU!"_

With that, Asuka had whirled away from Shinji and retreated back into her bedroom, pulling the door closed behind her with a resounding _thud._

It was hours after that before Shinji had finally retired to bed himself, and now, he continued to wait for sleep, without success.

Finally, the sounds from Asuka's bedroom seemed to cease. _Good, she's finally asleep, _Shinji thought. _Maybe I can finally get some rest now…_

But now that he could finally take his mind off of Asuka, his turbulent thoughts immediately shifted to Rei. As puzzling as Asuka's behaviour could be to the Third Child, Rei's was proving to be a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma.

As they had agreed, she had met him after his reactivation test. The test had gone flawlessly, except for the problem they had experienced during the third stage connection. Shinji still had no idea what had happened to him in the entry plug, or _why,_ but there had been no further incidents since the decision to continue. Athough Unit 01 was still being maintained in cryo-stasis following the test, it had been designated as operational once more, and Shinji's flight status had been reinstated as active. Shinji had returned to the locker room, quickly showered and changed, and made his way hurriedly to the cafeteria to meet the blue-haired girl. He felt an odd rush of nervousness and excitement - he still had no idea what Rei wanted with him, but as he strode through the maze of flourescent-lit corridors, he found that he was looking forward to spending more time with her.

When he arrived, he was immediately concerned when he saw Rei seated at a table, her shoulders slumped and her head tilted forward. He had noticed that something wasn't right with her while he was still in Unit 01, but now that he was in the same room with her, it was clear that something very odd had happened to the First Child during the reactivation test.

When he had asked her if she was feeling all right, though, she glanced up at him, and in a firm, even tone, she replied, "I am feeling fine, Ikari. Shall we go?"

The train ride from NERV to Rei's apartment was one of the longest rides of Shinji's life. While they waited at the station, he did his best to engage her in conversation, relating the details of the day's test to her, telling her stories about his experiences at school, funny things that had happened in class, but through it all, Rei was mostly silent, responding with only a "yes," or a "no," or a nod or a shake of her head. She did not look at him once during the entire trip. The longer he spent with her, the more uncomfortable Shinji became.

_This is so weird, _he had thought.

_One minute, she's talking more than she ever has in her life, and now, I can't seem to get a single word out of her..._

Finally, they reached her apartment, and she had invited him inside. Shinji noted with interest that Apartment 402 was still in the same spotless condition as it had been the last time he had visited Rei, when he had cleaned away all the clutter that was usually strewn about her living space. Rei gestured to a folding chair leaning against one wall, and said, "Please sit, if you wish. I will return in a moment."

A confused look crossed Shinji's face. "Why... where are you going?" he stammered.

A similar look of confusion appeared on Rei's face, although it was far more subtle.

"I must urinate," she replied, before turning and making her way to the bathroom.

Shinji rolled his eyes and groaned, a scarlet flush rapidly spreading across his face, as Rei slid the door to her bathroom closed behind her.

_Way to go, genius, _he thought morosely.

_What, you thought Rei doesn't go to the bathroom, like normal people? What the hell kind of stupid question was that?_

_So far, this is going great..._

While he waited, he swept his gaze around to inspect her tiny apartment. Everything was immaculate, all was in its proper place, a far cry from the first time he had come here, when the grimy floor was littered with trash and bloody bandages. It seemed that Rei had caught the cleaning bug from Shinji, or else she had been so struck by his gesture that she was striving to maintain her apartment in the pristine state that he had left it in. Either way, Shinji considered it a definite improvement.

His eyes lighted on a bottle that rested by a half-full beaker of water on the small refrigerator opposite Rei's bed. He'd seen it before, but this time, something about it had piqued his curiosity. He made his way across the room and picked it up, bringing the round plastic bottle up to his face to read the label.

Realization struck him like a slap in the face as he recognized the name of the drug contained within the bottle - he couldn't pronounce it if he'd tried, but he was positive that these were the exact same pills that _he_ was taking. A glance down at the bottom of the label confirmed that the prescription had been written by Dr. Ritsuko Akagi.

Shinji's brow furrowed in thought as he regarded the bottle - why would Rei be taking the same medicine as him?

He still had no idea at all what these pills were _for_... would Rei possibly know?

"What are you doing?"

Shinji's head snapped around at the sound of Rei's voice. Red eyes met red eyes as she stepped into her living area, her head tilted inquiringly as Shinji continued to hold up the bottle of pills.

"Ayanami," he began hesitantly, "are... are you sick?"

"No, I am not," she replied flatly.

"Then... _have_ you been sick, maybe in the last couple of months?"

"No," the girl said, "my last physical examination was two weeks ago, and I was declared to be in perfect health."

"If you're in perfect health, then why do you need to take pills?" A note of anxiety sounded in Shinji's voice as he put the question to her, anxiety that intensified when he saw Rei's eyes dart to the floor.

"It is... none of your concern," she murmured. It seemed to Shinji as if the blue-haired girl wanted desperately to evade the question.

"Yes, it _is,_" he had pressed, holding out the bottle he held in his hand toward her, "please, Ayanami... I _need_ to know what these are for."

Rei considered his words for a moment. She did not understand why it was so necessary for Ikari to know about her medications, but something in his expression told her that he would not drop the issue until he had some sort of answer.

"I don't know," she finally admitted.

Shinji was silent for long moments as he searched the face of the First Child, who merely looked back at him flatly. If she was lying, then Rei Ayanami might just be the best liar on the planet, he decided.

"You... don't know?" he had eventually managed, "Ayanami... how can you just take a bunch of pills without knowing what they're for, or what they might _do_ to you?"

"I take them because Dr. Akagi has ordered me to," the blue-haired girl replied, "I have been taking them twice daily since the age of twelve, and to date I have suffered no ill effects. I don't understand… why is this important, Ikari?"

He looked at her uncertainly, his wide red eyes betraying the turmoil behind them.

"Because... because _I'm_ taking them, too," he replied, "the pills I have at home are the same as _these_. Ritsuko... she gave them to me, and told me I had to take them."

Rei said nothing, but Shinji had noted the small crinkle that had suddenly appeared above her nose, usually the only outward sign she ever gave whenever she was concerned about something.

"Ayanami... if you _do_ know what these are for, you _have_ to tell me," Shinji pressed again, his tone becoming more urgent.

"As I said, I do not know," she had repeated. "Their purpose was never explained to me, but it is my duty to follow the orders given to me - as it is also yours, Ikari."

Shinji had been taken aback by her response. He set the bottle of pills back down on the refrigerator and turned back to the girl, the pitch of his voice rising. "So... it's _okay_ with you, to be taking some drug that you don't know anything about - that could even be doing something _bad_ to you - just because they _ordered_ you to do it?"

She regarded him calmly. "Yes," she replied, "just as it would also be acceptable were I ordered to sacrifice myself in Unit 00. Our orders are not without purpose, Ikari."

"But... just because we're supposed to follow orders, it doesn't mean they can make us do anything they _want!"_ he bristled, causing Rei's eyebrows to shoot up in surprise as he suddenly crossed the floor and stood before her, his crimson eyes burning with a strange intensity.

"You're... you're not just some lab rat, or... or _just_ the pilot of Unit 00! You're not some puppet, or a _doll,_ like Asuka's always calling you... you're a _person, _Rei! You are _not_ a doll, you're a _human being!_ You deserve to be treated with _respect_, and you deserve to know _exactly _what it is they're _doing_ to you!"

And then, Shinji had suddenly frozen as he realized two things: that he was now shouting, his voice reverberating off of the bare concrete walls of the apartment; and that somewhere in the midst of his ranting, he had unconsciously seized Rei by the shoulders, his pale fingers indenting her flesh as he gripped her tightly.

_Omigod,_ his panicked mind jolted.

_What the hell am I doing?_

_I'm... I'm hurting her..._

As he stared into the eyes of the silent girl before him, he could clearly see the apprehension and discomfort that his grip was causing her. Immediately, he released his hands, shame twisting his insides as Rei slowly reached up and massaged her shoulders, her arms crossing in front of her as her gaze dropped to the floor.

An awkward silence hung in the air like the thick humidity that precedes a thunderstorm.

"Ayanami... Rei, I'm... I'm so _sorry, _I... I don't know what..."

His stuttering apology was abruptly cut off by Rei's quiet response, her voice barely above a whisper.

"Ikari... I think you should go."

Her downcast eyes remained fixed on the floor as she spoke the words.

Shinji was despondent. In the blink of an eye, he had almost certainly destroyed any chance he might have had to get to know Rei better. Of all the possible outcomes of this evening, this was one scenario that he had not even considered - and he had considered _many_. What had come over him, to make him act the way he did?

"Please, Rei, I didn't _mean_ to... please - forgive me."

She looked back up at him, her impassive mask firmly in place once again. "There is nothing to forgive, Ikari. It is I who should apologize, for upsetting you."

"No, you _shouldn't_," Shinji insisted miserably, "you didn't do anything wrong. It was _my_ fault, _all_ my fault... I... I don't know why I did that. I... I _hurt_ you."

"I am unharmed," she replied coolly.

The words only served to drive him deeper into despair. "I'm _so _sorry... _please_, can't we just... can't we just _talk, _like we were going to?"

She thought for a moment. "Yes... we can," she replied quietly, which briefly caused Shinji's spirits to lift.

But then, it was as if the floor had suddenly dropped out from under him when she added, "...but not tonight. Please go, Ikari."

He had left the apartment without a word, feeling as though someone had kicked him repeatedly in the guts as he shuffled dejectedly to the train station. As he boarded an empty car and took a seat at the back, a single word repeated itself over and over in his tortured mind as he stared blankly through the window at the lights of Tokyo-3 flashing past:

_Idiot._

_Idiot._

_Idiot._

_Idiot._

_Idiot..._

He had been silently thankful that when he had returned home, an irate Asuka had been waiting for him to demand when dinner would be ready. Only the acerbic redhead could have provided enough of a distraction to take Shinji's mind off of the shame and self-loathing that he had been feeling since leaving Rei's apartment.

Now, as he tossed and turned, desperate for sleep to temporarily remove the burden of guilt from his thoughts, he wondered if he would ever find a way to undo the damage he had done this night.

As he flopped over again in frustration, he glanced over at his bedside table, and spied the bottle of pills that sat there innocuously. Red eyes narrowing, he reached over and snapped on his desk lamp, and then picked up the bottle to inspect it. Sure enough, the drug name, the number of pills dispensed, and the prescribing doctor's name - _Akagi, R._ \- were identical to the label on the bottle in Rei's apartment. He sighed as he regarded the small plastic cylinder in his hand.

_Everything happened because of these, _he thought desolately.

_All because of these stupid pills._

_And they probably don't even DO anything..._

His gaze shifted from the bottle to the trash can that sat beside his desk, and he regarded it for long moments, as though he were debating something in his head.

Finally, he nodded to himself as he reached a decision.

With a flick of his wrist, he sent the bottle of pills arcing across the room. With a clang and a rattle, the pills dropped into the bottom of the trash can.

Satisfied, the white-haired teen clicked the desk lamp off, and threw the covers up over his head as he rolled over and waited for sleep to come.

o o o

"Rei, you can come out now. You have done well. That will be all."

Rei opened her eyes at the familiar, albeit muffled sound of Commander Ikari's voice. He was standing in his usual place outside of the tube, smiling up at her as she floated in the LCL. Normally, she would return his smile with one of her own, as it pleased her greatly to know that that the Commander was happy with her efforts.

Today, though, she simply stared down impassively at the bearded man, her face as blank as a mannequin's.

"Yes," she replied flatly.

The LCL began to drain away around her, and within seconds, she was no longer floating, but standing on the floor of the tube. Once the last of the amber fluid had been cleared from the tube, a soft _hiss_ indicated to Rei that the pressure seal on the tube's hatch had been released, and that she could now exit. She pulled the door inward and climbed gingerly out of the tube, and stepped across the cold steel floor to a chair where a towel and a robe lay waiting for her.

She dried herself off without a sound, a pensive look on her face as she reached for the robe and stepped into a pair of slippers that rested at the chair's feet. As she turned to make her way across the expansive room to the exit, she stopped short to see the Commander standing directly in her path. A thin smile crossed his face, but his dark brown eyes were watching her closely.

"You're unusually quiet today, Rei," the Commander noted, "is anything the matter?"

She paused, ever so briefly, before murmuring, "No, sir."

Ikari's grin faded slightly. "You don't seem very sure," he continued, his eyes narrowing, "are you unwell?"

"I feel fine," she replied, although her eyes dropped to the floor as she said so, "were there any… issues with the session?"

The tall man seemed taken aback both at the question, and at the girl's tone. For Rei, this almost constituted insolence. "No, not at all. Everything went as expected - you just seem… preoccupied today, that's all."

The blue-haired girl was silent as she kept her gaze locked on the steel deck, and unconsciously clutched her robe tighter around herself.

Ikari regarded the First Child for a few moments as he attempted to suss out her odd behavior, and then his expression softened. "Perhaps you're feeling a bit hungry? It's nearly seven o'clock, and you've had nothing to eat since lunch. Would you care to join me for dinner tonight?"

Rei glanced up at her superior officer blankly. They had gone to dinner many times in the past, and Rei usually looked forward to the Commander's invitations after her sessions in the tube.

The Commander was aware of this as well, which was why he was genuinely surprised when she replied, "No, thank you, sir. I have reports due for school tomorrow that require attention, so I will have dinner at home tonight."

Ikari stared at the girl for what seemed like a full minute, concern and suspicion playing across his hard features. She had never turned down an invitation to dinner from him before. Finally, he turned his back to the girl to leave, his expression dark, before he replied in a flinty tone over his shoulder, "That is… unfortunate, but your schoolwork is important, I suppose - despite the fact that such teachings will soon be irrelevant. We will do this again in three days' time, Rei, at the same hour. I trust you will have... caught up on your studies by then?"

The girl's crimson eyes fell back to the floor as she replied dutifully, "Yes, sir."

There was no response from the Commander, other than a slight nod, as he turned his gaze away from the blue-haired girl, and strode across the expansive floor toward the heavy security door that marked the chamber's exit. Rei did not glance up to watch him go - she merely listened to the fading sound of his footsteps before they were cut off by the deep _thoom _of the steel door slamming shut behind him. She could almost feel the silence of the room enveloping her as the reverberations from the door eventually died away.

The Commander had been only partly correct. There was indeed an emptiness gnawing away inside her, but it was not due to hunger.

As she gathered up her things and made her way to a small, private locker room adjacent to the massive chamber to shower and change, her thoughts were fixed on the events of the previous evening. She had not lied to the Commander about her studies, but it was not the true reason for her not wanting to go to dinner with him.

She reached the locker room and passed through the door, depositing her robe and towel in a laundry basket in the middle of the room before she made her way to the showers. As she stepped into one of the stalls and turned the water on as hot as she could stand it - hot water was a luxury she only enjoyed at NERV, as her own building's hot water supply was continually breaking down - her thoughts drifted back to the previous night's encounter with the Third Child.

_Just because we're supposed to follow orders, it doesn't mean they can make us do anything they want..._

Their argument had been regrettable, but Ikari knew better than to try to tell her what her obligations to NERV should be, she thought. By now, he should have realized how dedicated she was to the Commander, as well as to the scenario he had planned for the EVA project, and for all of mankind by extension.

Still, he had been insistent to the point of forcefulness, something she had never witnessed in him before. The last time he had expressed insolence toward the Commander to her, ages ago on the escalators, she had struck him for it. This time, as he bellowed his outrage at her and gripped her tightly, she did not dare, for fear of his reaction.

This was not the Ikari she knew. This new side of his personality was extremely disagreeable, and she had been trying to determine why he would act in such a manner ever since he had sheepishly left her apartment in embarrassment and shame.

_You're not just some lab rat…_

She mulled over his words in her mind, trying to juxtapose them with the Ikari she was familiar with. It seemed that the Third Child's concern was always for others, never for himself. It was a part of him that she did not fully comprehend, but that secretly, she had come to admire.

She recalled again their first encounter in front of Unit 01, how he had cradled her broken body in his arms, tears welling in his eyes, before he agreed to pilot the purple mecha for the first time. He had been ordered to get into the entry plug by Dr. Akagi, Captain Katsuragi, and finally, by the Commander himself, and he had refused them all. It was not until he had seen her, and had been so horrified by her condition and by the Commander's expectations of her, that he agreed to take Unit 01 into battle.

Rei had been fully prepared to pilot Unit 01 herself, because the Commander had given her the order. Whether or not she was physically capable of doing so was irrelevant – she would pilot the EVA, or kill herself trying. But it was Ikari who had recognized that she was incapable of piloting, not the Commander. It was the son who had taken the burden off of her injured, agonized shoulders, not the father.

He had defied their orders, and then countermanded her own, all in the space of mere seconds. Actions that Rei herself would never have even considered.

Before she had rushed into his entry plug following his recovery from Unit 01, Rei had only ever acted out of duty. Ikari, however, always acted out of concern, and compassion, his orders secondary to his compulsion to assist and protect others. And deep within her, she suddenly realized that when he had shouted at her and gripped her tightly, his anger was not directed at her, but at those whom he believed might do her harm – even if it happened to be their own superiors.

_You're not just the pilot of Unit 00…_

_But he was wrong_, she thought to herself as she absently soaped herself down.

_That is my purpose._

_Without the EVA, I have nothing else…_

And yet the moment she thought this, her mind instantly flashed back to Mt. Futago, and their conversation in her entry plug, when Ikari had rescued her from the white-hot body of Unit 00 after they had destroyed the fifth Angel.

"Don't ever say that," he had implored her, his words still fresh in her memory even now, "just don't say that you have nothing else… just don't _say _that!"

_Still_ he believed this. Rei knew much about Ikari's upbringing, about the death of his mother, and how the Commander had abandoned him, only to raise her instead. It would seem on the surface of things that he had even less to live for than she had, and yet it was _he_ who was continually insisting to her that she had more than just EVA in her life. Although the facts argued against him, a small part of her wanted very much to believe his words.

As she stepped out of the shower and reached for a fresh towel to dry herself, she thought about the argument again, and focused on its cause – the pills that he had discovered on her refrigerator.

She had told him the truth – she really did have no idea what the pills were for. When she had turned twelve, Dr. Akagi had presented her with her first prescription, and she had been told to take them twice daily until further notice. She had complied, and had been following the order ever since. Now Ikari was on the same medication, and like her, he had not been told the purpose of the pills he had been ordered to take. While she had merely accepted the order without a thought, Ikari had concerns. He clearly objected to being forced to consume something without knowing its purpose, and although Rei trusted all orders from Commander Ikari and Dr. Akagi implicitly, she had to admit that she had no real way of knowing what the pills were doing to her. It had never concerned her until now, when Ikari had revealed that he was also taking the pills, and had voiced his mistrust of them to her.

_You are not a doll… you're a human being!_

_You deserve to be treated with respect…_

_You deserve to know exactly what it is they're doing to you!_

No one had ever said anything like this to her before -_no one_ \- and she did not know how to respond to his words. Rei had always been expected to do exactly what she was told without question, and at no time had she ever wondered _why _she was being told to do something - she simply did it without hesitation.

Ikari felt differently - he _always _wanted to know the "why" in every order he was given, and more so in the case of those given to his fellow pilots. At first, Rei had regarded this trait as mere insolence from a petulant child, but as time went on, she began to recognize his trepidation for what it really was - concern for the well-being of others.

Blinking at her own lack of perception, she now realized that Ikari saw the pills not as the subject of another of their superiors' orders, but as a potential threat to her health and safety, and the fact that she was content to take them as ordered had only served to concern him - not infuriate him - even more.

He believed she had a right to know what the pills were for.

_Do I? _she thought.

He believed that she was a human being, deserving of respect, not just a puppet whose every movement was controlled by another person holding her strings.

_Am I?_

_You are not a doll… you're a human being, _she heard Ikari say to her in her thoughts once again.

Why hadn't she seen it, when she had gazed into his intense red eyes as he clutched her shoulders? Why had she feared his reaction, feared _him, _he who had never harmed her the entire time she had known him, who had only ever shown concern for her, who had even risked his _life_ for her on more than one occasion?

How could she have mistaken the fear and anxiety in his eyes for anger toward her?

_You are not a doll…_

Rei was beginning to think that she might have made a grievous error when she had asked Ikari to leave.

_You are NOT a doll…_

"I am not a doll," she whispered softly to herself.

She was thoroughly unconvinced by her own hesitant words, but oddly, it felt… _good_ when she had spoken them.

She returned to her locker and quickly changed into her school uniform. Once again, she felt the desire to speak with Ikari. There had been misunderstandings between them that she now felt the urgent need to address. And there were still the unanswered questions that she had wanted to ask him about, before this unfortunate incident with the pills had occurred.

Now, it seemed that she had more questions than ever before. She only hoped that Ikari would still be willing to talk to her, after she had essentially thrown him out of her apartment.

Packing her things into her briefcase, Rei left the locker room and made her way to the elevators that would take her back up to the surface of Tokyo-3. She pressed the UP button by the doors and stepped inside the number 55 elevator when it arrived on her level, facing the front of the car as she used the long ride to the surface to consider all of the possible ways she might convince Ikari to speak with her again.

Her train of thought was abruptly broken when the elevator came to a halt at level 8-04 - the level where the EVA pilots' ready room was located - and her eyes widened slightly when, as the elevator doors slid open, she suddenly found herself face-to-face with the Second Child.

_Of course - she had a sync test today, _Rei recalled.

_It does not appear to have gone well..._

Soryu blinked at the sight of Rei regarding her curiously from inside the elevator car, and then a dark scowl crossed her face as she abruptly tramped by the blue-haired girl, selected her floor, and then leaned up against the back wall of the elevator, arms crossed and staring into space. Had Rei had not known that the entire NERV complex was climate controlled, she would have sworn that the temperature within the elevator had just dropped several degrees. She shivered involuntarily as she kept her gaze locked on the doors in front of her, acutely aware of any motion or gesture that might set off the Second's volatile temper.

_This is... awkward, _she thought.

As the car continued on its long upward journey, a slight sniffle from the redhead the only sound to break the tedious monotony of the elevator's low hum, Rei recalled the vow she had made the other day, when she had remembered Ikari's comment about EVA pilots looking out for each other.

_He was correct... therefore, I must do what I can to help Soryu..._

Despite feeling a curious fluttering sensation in the pit of her stomach - nervousness, perhaps? - she decided that now was as good a time as any to try to explain to the Second what Rei believed was the cause of her synchronization problems with Unit 02. They were alone, and the elevator would provide a sufficiently private place to talk about such things. Nevertheless, Rei elected to keep her gaze fixed firmly on the elevator doors - sometimes, even making direct eye contact with Soryu was enough to throw the redhead into a rage.

She genuinely hoped that Soryu would be receptive to her advice. Perhaps her recent troubles would make her more willing to consider the views of others. Perhaps the Second would be reasonable, and recognize that she was attempting to offer her assistance, not criticism.

She took a deep breath, and began.

"If you don't open your mind to her, your EVA will not move."

Immediately, Rei could almost feel the burn from Soryu's eyes on the back of her neck as they instantly flashed with white-hot anger at her words.

_Perhaps not, _she thought with chagrin, inwardly bracing herself for the storm to come.

"You're saying this is _MY_ fault? I'm blocking _MYSELF?" _Soryu flared at Rei, her teeth bared like a feral animal as the incensed redhead spat the words at her back.

Rei considered letting the matter drop then and there - it seemed that the Second would clearly be unwilling to pay heed to her suggestions. But now that she had broached the subject with her, she decided to see the conversation through to its conclusion, which at this point was not promising to be a successful one.

"Yes. EVA has its own mind," she continued slowly, her eyes locked on the steel door in front of her as Soryu fumed behind her.

The redhead snorted with derision. "It's just a big _toy,"_ she scoffed.

Inwardly, Rei was astounded at her response. She knew that Soryu had been with the EVA program almost as long as she had, and yet... did the Second Child truly have no idea at all what it was that made her Evangelion function?

"Then you don't know?" she queried.

Her question went unanswered as Soryu elected to go on the offensive by changing the subject. "Hah! Now I _know_ something's up when _Wondergirl_ starts talking to me!" she spat, her voice dripping with scorn.

_Wondergirl._

If only Soryu knew just how much she hated being called that...

Rei remained silent, keeping her eyes forward and her back to the Second Child. It was clear that her attempt to aid the redhead had failed, and it was now useless to continue the conversation. It was also clear that she was now essentially trapped in an elevator with a ticking time bomb.

The First Child's silence only served to infuriate Soryu even more. "What's _up? _Are you _happy_ that I'm having trouble with my EVA now?" she raged at the blue-haired girl. "Well, don't worry, 'cause when the next Angel comes, our invincible _Shinji_ will ride up and _destroy_ it! We little _girls_ won't need to fight anymore – they only need their pathetic _Shinji!"_

Rei was at a loss. The situation was deteriorating rapidly. She had only wanted to help, and she was now being attacked for her trouble. And now Ikari had somehow been dragged into the argument as well - it seemed that the redhead's rivalry with the Third Child ran deeper than even she herself realized.

Rei could not comprehend the importance of which of the two - Ikari or Soryu - happened to have the higher sync score or number of kills. In her eyes, they were both excellent pilots with a high degree of control over their EVAs, more so than she herself had over her own Unit 00. Why did the Second feel this insatiable _need _to be first in all things?

Her train of thought was instantly derailed by Soryu's next acid-tongued barb.

"I thought it was bad when _Shinji _was nice, but when an emotionless wind-up _doll_ like _you_ starts being sympathetic, I'm _doomed!" _the redhead sniped sarcastically.

There it was again.

That _word_.

The word she had come to hate even more than "Wondergirl."

Unseen by the Second Child, Rei's red eyes narrowed almost imperceptibly at the remark. Her pale hands tensed at her sides as they clutched unconsciously at the folds of her skirt. And she could hear Ikari's voice in her head again, as she took another deep breath and opened her mouth to speak one more time.

"I am not a doll," she replied. Her tone was quiet, and unusually low, and she kept her back to Soryu as she spoke.

There was a pause as Soryu gaped open-mouthed at the First Child in disbelief, and then it was as if someone had just thrown gasoline on a fire.

"You _are!_ You do _anything_ you're ordered to, _don't_ you?" Soryu railed furiously at Rei. "You'd _kill_ yourself if your Commander _told_ you to, _wouldn't_ you?

"Of course," Rei replied simply, for it was the truth.

Within herself, she wondered if this was not the only true statement Soryu had made about her.

And then, her eyes opened wide in shock as she felt a hand grip her shoulder and roughly spin her around. A split-second later, she was reeling against the side of the elevator car, her ears ringing from a sudden, sharp _crack, _and the left side of her face burning with pain.

Rei looked up through her disheveled bangs, her hand flying to her stinging cheek, to see Soryu looming over her, the hand that had struck her still crossed in front of the redhead's body. The Second's blue eyes glittered with unbridled anger as she jabbed at the control panel to stop the elevator at the next floor, before turning back to the blue-haired girl, her breath hissing through her clenched teeth. The elevator doors abruptly opened, and the redhead backed out into the corridor, keeping her baleful glare fixed on the First Child. Inside the car, Rei drew herself back upright, her arm falling to her side as she regarded the seething Second as calmly as she could manage, although she could not fully extinguish the icy gleam that had appeared in her own red eyes.

"Then you _ARE_ a robot, just like I _thought!"_ Soryu shrieked. "You're an unthinking, emotionless _puppet,_ and I _hate_ you! I _HATE_ you! I hate _EVERYONE!"_

The redhead whirled and darted down the corridor as the elevator doors slid slowly closed. The elevator continued on its way upward, the low, soothing hum of its progress replacing the chaos and uproar that had taken place within it only moments before.

Rei continued to stare blankly at the elevator doors in front of her. The stinging in her cheek had now become a deep, aching throb. A deeper ache began to slowly spread through her insides as she rode the elevator alone.

_Doll._

_Wondergirl._

_Wind-up toy._

_Unthinking._

_Puppet._

_Do anything you're ordered to..._

Rei found that her bottom lip was quivering slightly. She willed it to stop, but it did not immediately respond, so she sucked it into her mouth and bit it between her teeth.

_Lab rat._

_Pilot._

_Doll._

_Emotionless._

_Replaceable._

_Kill yourself if your Commander told you to..._

She felt a strange urge to wipe at her eyes, as they were suddenly overcome by an unusual itching sensation, but she fought it down, doing her best to maintain her usual stoic poise as the car continued to rise.

_Robot._

_Puppet._

_Nothing._

_Doll._

_No._

_NO._

_NOT a doll..._

_You're not just some lab rat, or just the pilot of Unit 00..._

_Ikari?_

_You're not some puppet, or a doll, like Asuka's always calling you..._

_You're a person, Rei..._

_You are NOT a doll..._

_You're a human being..._

_Ikari..._

Rei blinked as the car finally arrived at her chosen level, and the elevator doors opened once again.

"Ikari...?"

Standing before her, a look of pure surprise on his face, was the very boy she had just called out to through the chaos of her thoughts. He was dressed in his school clothes, his bookbag slung over his shoulder as he waited for the elevator, and he started at the sight of the blue-haired girl before him, regarding him warily from the interior of the car.

The Third Child could only stare at her for long moments, the embarrassment and shame from the previous night still evident on his pale features, before he noticed the crimson mark on the side of her face. His white eyebrows instantly shot up in shock, and he stepped forward, his red eyes fixed on the angry handprint that striped Rei's cheek.

"Ayanami! What... what _happened?" _he finally blurted. "Are you okay?"

There it was - the familiar concern that she was used to seeing from him. This was the Ikari she knew - the Ikari she had come to admire - and this time, she felt... _comforted_ in his presence.

Her gaze dropped to the floor of the elevator. "It is... nothing," she murmured, turning her face slightly away from him.

He moved closer to her, searching her face soberly as he tilted his head slightly to get a better look at the welt.

"It's _not _nothing," he insisted, "this looks like it's going to leave a bruise."

He frowned slightly as he raised a hand to lightly inspect the mark, which was already starting to turn purple. His touch caused some slight discomfort to her sensitive face, but Rei did not flinch away as his fingers lightly drifted across her pale skin.

She sensed the odd _familiarity_ of the moment - and embraced it.

"It will heal soon," she murmured, "then I will look more like myself."

He offered her a weak smile, recalling how she had spoken the same words to him in the hospital after his recovery.

"Rei," he whispered, his hand remaining on her bruised cheek, "listen, about the other night - I just... I just want to tell you how _sorry..."_

She cut him off, reaching up and pulling his hand gently away from her face so that she could see him better.

"No, Ikari... please, do not apologize. You were correct... you were correct about many things. I misunderstood you, and I... I should not have done so. For that, I am sorry."

She was struck by the look of relief that crossed his face at her words, pleasing her in the way Commander Ikari's words once pleased her. "So... do you... do you still want to have that talk sometime?" he ventured shyly.

"Yes," she replied, inwardly thankful that at least _this_ part of her elevator ride had been successful. "That would be... agreeable..."

Rei's voice died away in confusion as she noticed that Ikari was now staring intently at something at her left side. Curious, her eyes followed his down, and she suddenly caught her breath as she realized what he had been staring at.

When she had reached up to take his hand away from her face, she had not let go of him. She had unconsciously taken his hand in hers, and was still holding it even now.

For long moments, they remained that way, hand in hand between the elevator doors, their eyes downcast and their expressions flushed with embarrassment.

Despite this though, neither one pulled away as they continued to regard their linked hands in silence.

It was Shinji who finally broke the stillness. His mouth was dry as he raised his crimson eyes to meet Rei's own, captivated by the rosy bloom on her cheeks and the unusual softness of her expression as she gazed back at him.

"Rei," he whispered, "I..."

And then, the piercing sound of the Angel alarm reverberated through the halls, setting his ears ringing.

He glanced away at the sound of the alarm, wincing at both the high volume of the siren and at the loss of yet _another_ propitious moment with Rei. When he turned back to her, he was shocked to see that she had suddenly shifted back into the Rei Ayanami he was accustomed to seeing - stoic, serious, focused. He felt her grip tighten on his hand, and with surprising strength, she yanked him into the elevator car.

As he stumbled to the back of the car, shocked by both her sudden transformation and her aggressiveness, Rei reached into her bookbag and pulled out her NERV ID card. She quickly slid it into a card reader built into the elevator's control panel, and jabbed at a red button on the panel with a yellow triangle symbol on it. The panel's display instantly lit up with the words, _"PILOT 00 OVERRIDE - LEVEL 8-04 SCRAMBLE."_

"Hold on," Rei said quietly.

Shinji barely had time to register her words, his hands flying to the elevator's handrail, before the car seemed to enter free-fall, shooting downward at incredible speed with a loud, high-pitched whine. Shinji felt his stomach churning as the taste of his recent lunch suddenly leapt back into his mouth, the sudden acceleration of the elevator causing his knees to buckle under him. He glanced up queasily at Rei, who stood steady with her legs apart, both hands on the handrail, her solemn gaze fixed on the display as the floors clicked by, her expression sober and determined.

It was if the Angel alarm had triggered a Pavlovian response in the girl - she was now fully in pilot mode, ready to fulfill the purpose she had been trained for almost her entire life. And yet, she had seemed so different, the moment before the siren had sounded...

The elevator lurched to a halt at level 8-04, and the moment the doors had opened, Rei was gone, sprinting down the hallway toward the pilot's ready room.

Shinji picked himself up off of the floor of the elevator, his head swimming with vertigo, and looked down the hallway to where the blue-haired girl was already disappearing around the corner.

_"Ayanami! Wait up!"_ he called, shaking off the dizziness he had experienced in the elevator, and starting down the hallway after her.

He was nearly up to full speed as he reached the end of the hallway, his chest heaving heavily as he worked desperately to catch up to Rei. He dug his feet in as he negotiated the hard left turn that would take him to the ready room, and then, the breath went out of him as he abruptly slammed into something and fell sprawling backward to the floor.

He looked up, disoriented, and was shocked to see the tall, foreboding figure of his father, Commander Gendou Ikari, looming over him.

Father and son gazed at each other for long moments, before the Commander reached up and set his tinted glasses onto the bridge of his nose with a gloved hand as he regarded the white-haired teen on the floor.

"Where are you going?" he demanded in an icy tone.

Shinji was speechless - the Angel alarm was still blaring away in the background! What kind of question was _that_ to ask him? Despite the chilling fright that was spreading through him at the sight of his father, he forced himself to reply to the question, his voice pitched high with urgency.

"It's... we're... the _alarm's_ sounded... we're under _attack!_ I'm... I'm going to Unit 01!"

The elder Ikari frowned down at his son. "Unit 01 is in cryo-stasis, and will remain so until I determine otherwise. Units 00 and 02 will sortie against this threat, and I am quite certain that they will constitute a sufficient response. _You_ will not be required for this operation - Pilot." He sneered as he pronounced this final word.

"But... but what am I... what am I supposed to _do?_" Shinji stammered desperately as he picked himself up off of the floor, still unable to believe that his father was essentially _grounding_ him.

A thin smile cracked the Commander's stony expression. "Why, you may run away home," he rasped, "after all... it is what you're best at, isn't it?"

With that, he strode past the dumbfounded Third Child, making his way toward the elevator that Shinji had just left.

He stopped in his tracks when he heard the white-haired boy declare behind him, "You... you can't _do _this..."

Normally, he would merely disregard the boy's petulance as a minor irritation, but something in Shinji's tone gave him pause.

"Oh, but I _can_," he snapped. "You have done _nothing_ to assure me of your reliability in combat. On two occasions now, you have resigned from your responsibilities, deserting your fellow pilots and leaving them to fend for themselves. I will not allow you to jeopardize our most valuable assets in this way again. Now - go _home,_ Shinji."

Shinji was trembling now, as he stared at his father's back. "No... I _won't. _You _can't _do this," he repeated, his voice shaking.

The Commander turned to face his son, a puzzled expression on his face.

"Was there something you did not understand?" he demanded shortly, fixing his cold glare on the boy.

The question did not have the effect that the Commander had planned.

Instead of crumbling before him, and running away in shame and fright, Shinji's expression suddenly hardened, his red eyes gleaming as he glared right back at his father.

"No… I understood you perfectly," he said in low, even tone. "I also understand my _orders_ \- _sir. _Especially Standing Order 2.11.A."

There was a beat as the Commander stared in disbelief at the suddenly defiant Third Child, before he recovered himself. "Which is...?" he queried, his own eyes narrowing from behind his tinted glasses.

In spite of his nervousness, Shinji allowed himself a small smirk - one that looked remarkably similar to the Commander's.

"NERV Standing Orders, section two, subsection eleven, point "A," he recited, having been constantly drilled in the Standing Orders during his pilot training. _"In the event of an action against NERV bases of operations within the Geofront or elsewhere, either by beings classified by NERV as Angels, or by any other hostile force, all able-bodied pilots are to assume a stance of readiness as per First Stage Alert protocol, regardless of the operational status of their assigned Evangelion unit."_

For what seemed like nearly a full minute, the only sound that could be heard in the corridor was the wailing of the Angel alarm, as the two Ikaris stared impassively at each other.

Finally, the tall man nodded. "Very well, then - man your post... Pilot. It is gratifying to know that you are at least _aware_ of your responsibilities, even though you so often fail to _meet_ them. You may watch the operation from your entry plug while Unit 01 remains locked down in its cage, if you prefer."

"I _prefer_ to be where I'm needed," Shinji replied quietly. "I'll be ready to go in Unit 01 on your order, sir. If Rei and Asuka need me, and you choose _not_ to give that order, then anything that happens to them will be _your _fault - not mine."

With that, he spun and sprinted off down the hallway in the direction of the pilot's locker room.

The Commander watched his white-haired son disappear down the long hallway, consternation and scorn playing across his stern features. And in his cold eyes, something else entirely began to show through.

Anxiety.

Brows knit in thought, the elder Ikari turned in place and made his way down the corridor toward the elevators, as the Angel alarm continued to sound.

o o o

"Asuka! _Retreat!" _Misato screamed from her position on the bridge.

On the main screen, the Major cringed as she watched Unit 02 writhing in the grip of the Angel's energy beam, as a driving rain slashed down over Tokyo-3. The red mecha clutched at its head, mirroring the actions of its pilot, its twin mouths cracked apart in a tortured grimace. On the ground, the positron cannon it had been carrying lay spent, its wayward shells the cause of the smoking ruins that surrounded Unit 02, after it had blindly fired off its full magazine into the city when the Angel had attacked.

High above, the silvery-winged invader maintained its position overhead, making no move to approach closer as it held Unit 02, and Asuka, in its thrall.

"_NO!" _Asuka shrieked back over the comlink. She was fighting the Angel's advances into her mind with every ounce of strength and will she could muster, but the rapidly dwindling psychograph data streaming across the main screen on the bridge showed that it was a fight that she had no hope of winning.

"That was an _order, _Asuka! I'm _ordering_ you to _retreat!"_ the Major exclaimed again, desperation creeping into her voice. There was no way she should have allowed Asuka to take the point for this operation, not when the Second Child's emotional state was already fragile enough as it was.

"_No! Never! _I'd rather _die _than admit defeat _now!" _the agonized redhead shot back, remaining defiant even in the face of her precarious situation.

_"ASUKA!"_ Misato pleaded, to no avail. Unit 02 made no attempt to move toward the EVA lift as it continued to thrash and flail under the Angel's relentless mental attack.

Misato's chestnut eyes frantically shifted from the image of Unit 02 to another screen, which showed Unit 00 taking up a position within the rain-soaked city with the long-barreled prototype positron rifle, the same one that Unit 01 had used against the Fifth Angel months before. The blue mecha set the long weapon on the roof of a nearby building to steady it, aiming it high toward the shimmering pinpoint of light in the heavens, and waited while the rifle went through its laborious power-up phase. The heavy rain turned instantly to steam as it pattered against the hot barrel of the cannon.

_Please, Rei, _Misato thought, _please... you have to destroy it..._

_This might be our only chance..._

Inside her entry plug, Rei focused on the image of the Angel projected on the targeting visor she wore over her head, as through her comlink, a litany of announcements updated her on the status of the cannon.

"Accelerator synchronization initiated," Makoto Hyuga's voice stated.

"Voltage is increasing," Maya Ibuki chimed in, "approaching pressure zone."

"Compulsory focus conversions activated," Hyuga replied.

"Compensation for the earth's rotation and gravity - zero point zero three," Ibuki calculated.

"Pressure in the chamber is at maximum," Shigeru Aoba announced.

"Release the final safety locks - all personnel prepare for firing!" Hyuga exclaimed, indicating to Rei that the weapon was now primed and ready. On her visor's display, a green light winked as the three-point star and triangle graphics centered themselves on the bright form of the Angel in the middle of the targeting screen.

In the background, she could hear the Second screaming in agony.

_We're EVA pilots... we're supposed to look after each other, right?_

_I will try, Ikari, _she thought, her crimson eyes narrowing behind the targeting visor.

Rei grit her teeth as she double-checked that the cannon's sight was properly lined up with the target, and then she squeezed the trigger on her right-hand control yoke... and the world suddenly went white.

The recoil from the cannon drove Unit 00 backwards, slamming it into a building directly behind it, as a brilliant beam erupted from the barrel of the cannon and streaked skyward, heading directly toward the orbiting Angel above. Everyone in the command center held their breath as the positron blast drew closer and closer to the winged enemy. It seemed that Rei's aim was right on the mark - the beam was projected to score a direct hit on the Angel's underbelly.

And then, a collective groan rose from the onlookers as the beam reached the target, and was neatly deflected away by a sudden flash of red, hexagonal-patterned energy. The beam splintered into several thin tendrils that passed harmlessly around the silvery form of the Angel and dissipated into the vacuum of space.

"It's no good!" Aoba called out. "There wasn't enough energy to penetrate its A.T. field! It's too far for our weapons!"

"And we're at maximum power output!" Hyuga added. "We can't get any more power!"

On the main screen, the graphic that showed Asuka's mental state through her A10 connection to Unit 02 suddenly took a sharp nosedive. An angry red warning message displayed _APPROACHING LIMITS - DANGER _as the sound of the redhead's cries grew louder and more tortured

"Unit 02's psychograph is getting weaker!" Ibuki exclaimed.

Ritsuko Akagi strode up behind her protege and peered over her shoulder, placing a hand on the back of Ibuki's chair. "What's the status on the LCL mind barriers?" she barked.

Ibuki quickly scanned her console for the relevant data. "Negative!" she cried. "We can't even hope for a buffering effect!"

"Switch to life support only," Ritsuko ordered, "don't let it feed back into her!"

Ibuki glanced up at her mentor grimly. "I'll try," she replied, her hands flashing at her keyboard as she turned back to the monitor.

Deep within NERV Command, a horrified Shinji sat and listened from within Unit 01's entry plug as he heard Asuka's anguished cries. He didn't know if he could say anything to the redhead over his comlink - or even if he should - but the sounds of her misery and his inability to do anything about it were driving him to despondency. His frustration began to build as he listened helplessly to the Second Child's desperate, pitiful protests.

_"...stop this please... stop it now! My mind... it's being eaten away... Kaji... it's unravelling my mind! What will I do? It's defiling my mind!"_

The white-haired teen slammed a fist angrily on the plug's butterfly controls. _Damn you, Father, _he thought, _why won't you let me go fight? She needs me! Asuka!_

Shinji flopped back in his pilot's chair restlessly, his face twisted in a discontented scowl, as another burst of activity from the command center was broadcast over his plug's audio system.

"Unit 02 has ceased activation!" Ibuki called out frantically.

"Life support system crash!" Ritsuko exclaimed, her voice pitched high with tension.

"Pilot's mind entering danger zone!" Ibuki chimed in again.

_They're going to lose her! _Shinji thought with alarm.

_Asuka..._

Aoba's voice cut in from the tactical desk. "Position constant... the target hasn't moved yet."

"The possibility of the target coming into Unit 00's range is zero point zero two percent," Hyuga announced hopelessly.

Shinji glanced up at his HUD, where a small window displayed Rei within Unit 00, the targeting visor still covering her features as she waited patiently for new orders. She had not moved from her position since firing the positron cannon - there was no need, as the cannon had been her sole offensive option - and it had failed to destroy the Angel.

_There's nothing we can do, Ayanami, _he thought glumly, before his crimson eyes narrowed in disgust at the thought.

_No._

_There's got to be SOMETHING we can do. We can't just leave Asuka out there!_

_I sure as hell can't do anything as long as I'm stuck down here, though..._

Over his comlink, he could hear Misato muttering to herself as she tried to formulate a new strategy to combat the Angel. "...could we airlift Unit 00 and try an airborne attack? No, that wouldn't work... if the Angel attacked we'd be defenseless..."

Shinji had had enough. With a thought, he mentally clicked open his audiovisual link to the bridge. Instantly, his image appeared on the bridge's main monitor, causing heads to turn throughout the command center.

"Misato! Let me go out in Unit 01!" he pleaded.

On his plug's video monitor, the image of Sub-Commander Kozou Fuyutsuki leaned in, his features stern. "Forget it!" the old man replied. "This Angel's ability to attack the pilot's mind... it's too dangerous!"

To Fuyutsuki's left, the seated figure of Commander Ikari addressed his son through his folded hands. "Yes... we cannot allow Unit 01 to be touched by an Angel."

_Is that why he's keeping me down here? _Shinji wondered.

_But I've been up close to Angels before... what's so special about this one?_

"But that can't happen as long as I'm not defeated!" he implored, desperation edging into his voice.

"There is no guarantee of that," the Commander replied flatly.

Shinji's jaw clenched in frustration as he glared at the image of his father on his display. "If we don't do _something,_ Asuka will _die!" _he railed.

Despite himself, the Commander was forced to concede that the Third Child had a point.

"That is true," he admitted. Shinji sighed with relief, and took hold of the butterfly controls as he braced himself for Unit 01's imminent launch to the surface.

His jaw dropped, though, when he heard his father's next order: "Rei, go to Dogma and get the Lance."

_The Lance? _Shinji thought, confused by the word.

_What the hell is he talking about? What "Lance?"_

He listened intently to the argument that had suddenly erupted within the command center between his father and Fuyutsuki.

"Use the Lance of Longinus? You can't _do _that, Ikari!" Fuyutsuki implored his superior officer.

Ikari's flinty response was immediate. "There is no other way to destroy a target that remains in orbit, beyond the reach of our A.T. fields. Proceed."

Within the window that displayed the interior of Unit 00's entry plug, Shinji watched as Rei retracted her targeting visor back behind the headrest of her pilot's chair, then took hold of her butterfly controls as she brought the prototype EVA around and directed it toward the nearest lift that would take it back within the Geofront.

_She didn't ask him what it was... or even where it was, _Shinji noted, his brows knit in concern.

_"Dogma" could mean anywhere within the complex, but she seems to know exactly where she's going..._

_Rei knows what this "Lance" is, then - why haven't Asuka or I been told about it?_

"But I thought that if Adam and EVA were to come into contact it would cause the Third Impact!" he heard Misato interject. "We can't take that chance, Commander, it's much too dangerous!"

Her protests were met with stony silence from the two men who occupied the command position on the bridge.

_The Lance of Longinus? Adam? Third Impact? _Shinji pondered.

_What the hell is going on here?_

As he did his best to try to sort out the strange information that was coming to him from the command center, his crimson eyes shot open in alarm at the sound of a pained, desperate cry - but this time, it did not originate from Asuka and Unit 02.

His head abruptly snapped around as he regarded the small video window that was captioned "FROM EVA-00," and terror gripped him as he saw Rei's hands fly to her head, her eyes squeezed tightly closed and her teeth bared in an agonized grimace as she clutched at her hair. A strange kaleidoscope of lights seemed to surround her as she began to writhe in her seat. On his main screen, he could see an exterior shot of Unit 00 mirroring her actions, the blue mecha thrashing madly as if it were being electrocuted.

"No!" he screamed. _"Rei!"_

On the bridge, bedlam immediately ensued. "The Angel's sending out a _second_ energy wave!" Hyuga exclaimed. "It's caught Unit 00 in the beam!"

Ritsuko strode across the deck and examined the data streaming across Maya Ibuki's screen with dismay. "What's her status?" she demanded.

"Abnormal reading on Rei's psychograph!" Ibuki shouted. "Mental contamination imminent!"

Every single person on the bridge fell silent as Rei's anguished cries were broadcast over the command center's P.A. system. It was such an unusual sound from the First Child that everyone within earshot was immediately transfixed by it.

"The mental contamination is crossing her ego borderline," Ibuki warned, "psychograph critical!"

"We've got to _do_ something!" Ritsuko shouted across the bridge to Misato. "We could lose _both_ pilots if this keeps up!"

Misato was at a loss. First Asuka, and now Rei... there seemed to be no way to effectively combat this Angel. She was considering the possibilities of a missle-launched tactical N² mine strike against the Angel when Shinji's frantic voice echoed through the command center once more.

"Misato... _Father... _you have to let me _go!_ You _have_ to let me try to _save_ them! Father... _please - _I _have_ to try!"

"Negative," the elder Ikari decreed from his command position high above the bridge, "we may have already lost two EVAs to this Angel. We cannot simply allow Unit 01 to be taken as well, as a lamb to the slaughter."

Shinji was nearly going out of his mind with frustration. "Where... where's this _Lance? _You sent _Rei_ to get it... let _ME_ use it _instead!_ Father... if I can use it to destroy the Angel, and save them, you _have_ to let me _try!"_

There was a long pause as the Commander seemed to mull this over. Fuyutsuki sensed his former student's thoughts, and leaned in to him, his voice dropping to a whisper.

"Ikari... you can't be seriously _considering_ this! Unit 01 is all we have left! If we send it out against the Angel now, and something goes wrong... it's over. It's _all _over. Are you willing to take that risk?"

The silence that followed this was broken only by the soft cries of Rei Ayanami within Unit 00's entry plug, as she convulsed in agony under the intense mental assault of the Angel.

"It seems that there are no longer any other options, Fuyutsuki," the Commander finally replied, his tone dark. "Sometimes, it is necessary to risk all with one throw of the dice."

"The old men won't allow this, Ikari," the elder man pressed anxiously, "if we lose the Lance, they'll be up in arms, but if we lose the EVAs too, they'll have our heads!"

"Therefore, we must finish this before SEELE has time to act," Ikari muttered, before he turned his attention back to the floor of of the bridge.

"I want Evangelion Unit 01 taken out of cryo-stasis," he ordered, his gaze fixed on Misato below him. "Open Access Route Two and prepare Unit 01 for immediate descent to Terminal Dogma."

On the main floor of the bridge, Misato paled as she gazed up that the Commander, a shocked expression crossing her face. "_What?_ Sir, I don't think..."

"You _heard _me," the Commander snapped. He then reached into a drawer on the right hand side of his desk, and pulled out a handset telephone, touching a button on the phone's keypad to give him a direct, private channel to Unit 01's entry plug. "Shinji... do you read me?"

Within his entry plug, Shinji's red eyes opened wide as a small window that read "COMMANDER IKARI - SOUND ONLY" winked to life on his HUD. His features abruptly shifted from panic and frustration to grim concentration at the sound of his father's voice.

"Yes... yes, _sir_," he replied, listening intently.

"A set of double doors will open to your left," the elder Ikari explained, "you will take Unit 01 through the doors and proceed approximately 500 meters to a hatchway that is serviced by a cable winch. You will ride this cable down to Terminal Dogma, where you will retrieve the Lance of Longinus and proceed immediately back to the surface. Time is of the essence, Shinji, so do not waste time gawking or asking questions about what you see. Find the Lance, and return with it to the surface as quickly as you can. Is that understood?"

Shinji felt the familiar nervousness creeping back again. "Yes, sir," he managed, "but... but how will I know what the Lance looks like?"

"You will know it when you see it," the Commander replied shortly. "Remember - ignore everything else that you see. The Lance is all that matters. It is all that can save your fellow pilots now, and every second counts. Now, _go."_

Shinji felt Unit 01 shudder all around him as the safety restraints that held the massive Evangelion in place suddenly began to disengage. Within seconds, the EVA was free, and Shinji willed the purple mecha to move out into the center of the cage. He glanced over to his left, and saw exactly what his father had described - two massive steel doors, easily twice the height of Unit 01, slowly swinging inward with a massive rumble that shook the floor beneath him. In the entire time he had been piloting the EVA, Shinji had never known that this side of the containment bay was actually a door that led somewhere else.

Beyond the doors, a long, dark passageway beckoned to him. With a thought, Shinji readjusted the gamma correction on his main screen to compensate for the low light as he approached the doors, and once he had adjusted his screen's magnification sufficiently he was able to make out the huge gantry that waited nearly half a kilometer down Route Two. A heavy cable attached to the gantry led down through an open hatch, just as the Commander had said, and although Shinji had no clue how far down he was supposed to ride the cable, one look at the enormous winch that was attached to the gantry indicated that the vertical shaft must certainly be at least several kilometers deep.

His focus was momentarily broken by the soft, pitiful whimpering sounds from both Asuka and Rei that came over his comlink, as the Angel continued to torment them high above him on the surface.

_Asuka... Rei... hold on, _he thought desperately

_Please... hold on._

_I'm coming for you..._

Red eyes narrowing, hands tensing on the control yokes, Shinji launched Unit 01 into a lumbering all-out run, driving his Evangelion as fast as his mind could will it toward the gantry deep within the passageway... and possibly, toward the last chance at salvation for Asuka Langley Soryu and Rei Ayanami...

_Continued..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew. I managed to keep this chapter under 15,000 words... but only just barely. Oddly enough, Gendou made a couple of unannounced appearances in this chapter - I had originally only planned for him to be in the ending, but suddenly there he was with Rei during her dummy plug session (it was originally going to be Ritsuko), and bumping into Shinji in the hallway as he was on his way to Unit 01. Both encounters seemed to fit, so I went with them. I hope you agree.
> 
> Fun fact - I was traveling in Europe during the time that I was working on this chapter, and it was first uploaded to FFN on Sunday, June 3, 2007 from Rhodes, Greece.
> 
> Next chapter - big fight. Stay tuned...
> 
> Please feel free to leave a review, or drop me a line at ikarusonesun (at-sign)_ gmail (dot) com.
> 
> Cheers,  
IO


	9. Descent

DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fan fiction incorporating characters and situations from the Gainax manga/anime series _Neon Genesis Evangelion_ and its related feature film releases. Gainax and its various media distributors hold sole exclusive rights to their use. The author is in no way affiliated with Gainax or its distributors, nor has this story been submitted for any commercial purpose.

_**Godchild**_  
by Ikarus Onesun

**Chapter Nine:  
Descent**

_And he shall rule them with a rod of iron; as the vessels of a potter shall they be broken to shivers; even as I received of my Father.  
\- Holy Bible, King James Version, Revelation 2.27_

She was cold, and tired, and she had been walking for what seemed like hours.

The path before her was long and straight, seeming to stretch to the horizon of the surrounding land, which was flat and brown and featureless, and seemingly lifeless. The sun seemed to linger just below the horizon, casting an ever-present blood-red hue across the skies all around her.

_Sky… sky of red…_

_The colour I hate…_

She didn't know where she was, or where she was going, but the path was the only thing she had to follow in this vast, empty land… and so she followed it. An unusual sensation of apprehension welled up within her, and she felt a strange urge to run, but her rational nature fought back her anxiety. The path led to a destination, that much she could be sure of… and so, in the absence of anything else, the path became her sole focus. She kept her eyes down as she walked, her gaze never wavering from the course that had been laid out before her.

An eternity seemed to pass as she shuffled and stumbled along the narrow dirt track, clutching her school shirt around her in a vain attempt to ward off the chill, before she noticed that the path had begun to slope slightly upward. She raised her eyes, squinting against the red glare, and saw that the path was leading toward the summit of a tall hill far off in the distance. The hill seemed to be covered in a carpet of multicoloured specks, which from this range looked to her like a vast sea of flowers.

_Flowers…_

_So many the same…_

_So many useless…_

More hours seemed to pass as she slowly approached the foot of the hill. As she drew closer, her stomach started to churn as a foul, charnel stench began to emanate from the hill in wave after fetid wave. Her head swam with nausea, and her hand flew to her mouth to suppress her sudden urge to retch as the sickening miasma permeated the air all around her.

_Blood… _

_The scent of blood…_

Despite the unpleasant odour, she remained on the path, pushing ever forward until she had nearly reached the edge of the multicoloured field. Now that she was closer, she could see that the colours she had seen in the distance were not flowers at all.

They were bodies.

They were everywhere, half-buried in the soil of the hill, soil that had changed from a dusty brown colour to a deep scarlet, seemingly stained with blood from the endless field of corpses that littered the entire hillside.

_From the red soil, the humans come…_

She stood there for long moments, surveying the silent scene of death laid out before her. The anxiety began to build in her once more, but it was too late to turn back. Her eyes fixed once again on the path, which ran straight up the side of the hill, and seemed oddly clear of the countless bodies that lay strewn about the area. Choking against the stench, she grit her teeth and began to advance upward, doing her best to keep her eyes on the path, and not to glance to either side at the mounds of lifeless flesh that now surrounded her on all sides.

It was not long before her progress was cut short by a body that lay face down directly in her path. She was about to step gingerly over it when she noticed the pale skin, pallid even for a corpse, and the streaks of light blue hair that stood out through the dirt and dried blood that was caked to its head.

_Who is this?_

Eyes widening, she knelt down before the corpse, eyeing it warily for minutes, before she held her breath and reached out to turn it over, grunting as she gripped its slender shoulders and flipped it awkwardly onto its back.

She reared back in surprise at the lifeless red eyes that stared back at her, and the familiar features that seemed to regard her with a look of… _betrayal._

_This is me…_

Her gaze remained locked on her own frozen expression for what seemed like ages, before she finally looked around her, and she caught her breath in shock as realization suddenly dawned on her.

They were _all_ her.

Every single body that lay around her… was _her_.

Some of them were different – some were toddlers, others were slightly older, possibly as old as four or six, though most were her own age – but all shared the same common characteristics. Blue hair. Pale skin. Dead crimson eyes, staring at her, staring at the sky, at the ground. Every one of them seemingly frozen in one last moment of accusation, before the life was suddenly snatched from them.

She rose from the ground, her heart racing, and began to run upward, toward the summit, her eyes cast downward as she squinted to keep her field of vision trained solely on the path. She ran and ran and ran, faster and longer than she ever had in her life, before her breath finally left her and she stooped over, resting her hands on her knees as she gasped for air. She allowed herself a quick glance upward, and saw that she was now within reach of the summit. Just a little further, and she would be at the top of the hill, and perhaps from that vantage point, she would be able to find a way out of this terrible place.

After a few moments, she resumed the climb, and as the path began to flatten out near the top of the hill, she noticed that the bodies were now different. They weren't her anymore, they were different people. Ordinary people, men and women and children, different hair and different eyes, but all bearing the same expression that she had seen on the faces of her dead doppelgangers. Most of them were strangers, but as she drew closer to the summit, she stopped again and shivered involuntarily as she gazed down at a woman lying by the side of the path – a woman with long, distinctly lavender-coloured hair.

_This person I know… _

_Major Katsuragi…_

Flat, sunken chestnut eyes stared back at her damningly.

Dread washed over her again, and she was no longer able to suppress it. She scrambled frantically up the path now, her gaze sweeping across the field of bodies that seemed to pile up thicker and thicker the closer she drew to the summit. Most of the corpses now seemed to be dressed in khaki NERV uniforms, and more and more of the faces became recognizable to her… Hyuga. Ibuki. Aoba. A blonde woman in a white coat stained with dirt and blood, scowling up at her from the ground.

_Dr. Akagi…_

The grey head of Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki, his lined face half-obscured in the blood and dirt, a single cold eye trained on her.

_People…_

She was running again, ignoring the burning in her lungs as terror drove her forward. More bodies appeared on either side of her, these ones smaller, and clad in the uniform of her school – Suzuhara, Aida, Horaki…

_My classmates…_

Something in the path caught her foot, and she stumbled and fell hard onto the red dirt of the path. The wind was knocked out of her, and she wheezed and gagged for air as she lay prone on the ground for long moments, shaking as her hands clutched desperately at the soil. Finally, her diaphragm engaged, and she gasped in a welcome rush of oxygen, ignoring the putrid stench as she filled her starving lungs.

When she finally looked up, a chill ran through her as she found herself staring into a pair of brilliant blue eyes, framed by an unruly tangle of long red hair.

_The pilot of Unit 02…_

The body was clad in a red plugsuit, and it lay on its back, directly in the middle of the path, its head lolled to one side. Unlike the others, the cold, lifeless gaze of the redheaded girl seemed to follow her every move as she rose awkwardly to her feet, reeling backward with fear, before she leapt over the corpse and ran toward the top of the hill.

Her eyes widened in surprise as she noticed two people standing at the summit. At last – someone else was here, and they were alive, and perhaps they could help her escape from this hell. She increased her pace, driving herself toward the couple, hope now blossoming in the pit of her stomach as she drew closer and closer to the pair.

She saw that one of them was a tall man, dressed in a black NERV officer's uniform. The other she did not recognize, as her face was obscured by the man's figure, but she could tell that she had light brown hair and was wearing a white coat like Dr. Akagi's. She slowed her gait and approached the couple warily, and noticed that the two were holding hands and talking warmly to each other, although she could not make out what they were saying. The man's back was to her, and as she drew closer, he turned suddenly, almost as if he had heard her approach.

Her heart leapt into her throat as she recognized the man's features – dark brown hair, thin beard, and round, tinted glasses.

_Commander Ikari?_

For long moments he regarded her blankly, almost as if he didn't recognize her. She wanted desperately to say something, to ask him where they were, how he had gotten here, how _she_ had gotten here, and how they would get home, but she found that the words wouldn't come. Then, the light-haired woman stepped around the Commander, regarding her with eyes that were a deep bluish-grey, the colour of slate – eyes that were strangely _familiar._

"Who are you?" the woman inquired. Her tone was pleasant, and musical, and she smiled warmly as she spoke.

It was like looking into some strange mirror. The woman before her looked almost exactly the same as her, only taller, and older, and with different coloured hair and eyes. And the expression on the Commander's face as he turned and looked at the woman… she had never seen him look at _anyone_ with such love and care in his eyes… not even _her._

The overwhelming surrealism of the scene before her was almost too much to bear. She began to shake as she stared at the woman, and her mouth was trembling as she forced herself to respond.

"Who… are _you?" _she finally managed, in a hoarse whisper.

The woman merely smiled again, and turned back to the Commander, reaching up and caressing his face with her hand. He returned her smile with one of his own – one that made the smiles he had given her in the past seem somehow… _false_ by comparison. This was a Commander Ikari she had never seen in the entire time she had known him.

_Who are you?_

And then, he turned away from the woman and gazed at her again, and this time, it was clear that he recognized her. His face became stern, and when he spoke, it was in a cold, clipped tone, the one he usually reserved for his subordinates – never for her.

"Thank you, Rei. You have done well. That will be all."

Her stomach fell as she watched him turn and begin to walk away from her, descending down the path hand in hand with the woman by his side. She seemed rooted to the spot as the Commander's words hit her with the force of a speeding train.

_That will be all._

She had fulfilled her purpose. She had helped him achieve his goal.

And now she was no longer needed.

She had been replaced – not just as a physical being, but also in the Commander's heart.

_No._

She had _not_ been replaced.

_She_ had been the replacement, all along.

As the couple continued downward, the brown-haired woman glanced back over her shoulder at her. The hairs on the back of her neck stood on end as the woman fixed her gaze on her, staring back at her with wide, glossy eyes that had suddenly turned black as onyx, with tiny red pinpricks glinting at their centres. Harsh laughter echoed in her thoughts as she saw the woman's mouth twist into a thin, cruel smile before the two of them disappeared from sight below the hilltop.

Panic flooded her mind, and she wanted desperately to run after them, to warn the Commander, but a sound from behind her caused her to whirl around with a start. She found herself face-to-face with a brown-haired boy with the same slate-grey eyes as the woman she had just seen, dressed in a school uniform.

_Shinji…_

An overwhelming sense of relief spread through her at the familiar sight of the boy, but the feeling was quickly erased as she saw the mix of shame, pity, and disappointment on his face as he stepped closer to her. She was confused by his expression – _what have I done?_ – and as he stopped in front of her, she watched him intently as he struggled to address her, his eyes brimming with tears.

"Why… why did you do it, Ayanami?" he stammered in a weak, shaking voice.

Her face contorted in shock at his words. What was he talking about? Had _she _somehow been responsible for all this, for this endless scene of death? She stared in disbelief at the boy as the tears tracked down his face and stained his white shirt with moisture, and then her head spun around at another voice from directly behind her.

"We're EVA pilots… we're supposed to look after each other, right?"

She whirled again, and her eyes flew open at the sight. It was Shinji again, but he was now clad in his navy-blue plugsuit, staring at her with glittering crimson eyes through stark white bangs. His expression was hard, mirroring the accusing masks of the corpses that lay all around them.

She could only nod her head mutely at the grave, white-haired figure before her. His gaze seemed to penetrate to her very soul, inexplicably making her insides twist with a heavy, leaden guilt. Guilt, and fear, unlike any she had ever experienced.

Suddenly, the whole of the hilltop seemed to be illuminated by an intense reddish light that danced and flickered like an inferno. She turned toward its source, and she caught her breath in amazement at the sight before her.

Shinji stared back at her with eyes that now gleamed obsidian black. He was naked, his hair and body seemed to be aflame, and in one hand he held a long crimson staff that was coiled tightly along its length before splitting into two narrow, forked points at its end. And from his back, a majestic pair of glowing scarlet wings extended up and outward, fanning around him with their lacy, delicate-looking tendrils. He tilted his head slightly in her direction, regarding her with an odd air of curiosity as she gaped at him incredulously.

"_That's our bond," _a calm, soothing voice in her mind spoke, though the angelic-looking Third Child had seemingly not uttered a sound.

The fiery figure extended a hand toward her, and despite the terror that was clawing away at her consciousness, she felt an impulse to move forward, reaching out toward him. His ebony eyes smiled at her encouragingly, and the fear began to bleed away as she felt a familiar _rightness_ about the situation. Before she could take more than a few steps though, she was stopped short as something gripped her ankle.

Her eyes shot downward to see a pale, grimy hand clutching her leg. The hand belonged to a body that gazed up at her dully – the body of a teenaged boy, with brown hair and grey eyes.

As she recoiled in shock, the nauseating stench of decay washed over her again as she felt another grasping at her, and another, and another. Her wide eyes flit in alarm from corpse to corpse, as more and more of them seemed to gather around at her, every one of them pulling at her legs, the folds of her skirt, her wrists and forearms.

Every one of them _him._

_Ikari…_

Every one of them staring at her accusingly with those flat, dead eyes. The same way the many lifeless copies of herself had stared at her.

And all around her, she could hear whispers – the whispers of the dead.

"_Why? Why did you do it, Ayanami? Why? WHY?"_

She writhed and twisted in their cold grip, but no matter how hard she struggled, she couldn't break free. There were more of them now, so many more… and they were pulling her under.

She was drowning.

Drowning in a sea of endless, fetid death.

A sea that she had somehow created.

The last thing she heard, before the scarlet sky above her was blotted out by a thousand clawing hands, was the sound of her own screams…

o o o

_Come on, come on, come ON…_

Shinji Ikari could feel sweat slicking the insides of his plugsuit's gloves as he clenched and unclenched his hands impatiently on the butterfly controls of his entry plug. Unit 01 was dangling in near pitch darkness at the end of a thick steel cable, one massive foot slung in a makeshift stirrup at the cable's end as the EVA held on with one hand, gazing downward into the seemingly endless abyss into which it was being lowered. Transporting an object the size of an Evangelion in this manner was slow going – far too slow for Shinji, who could still hear the tormented cries of the other two Children, Asuka Langley Soryu and Rei Ayanami, over his entry plug's audio monitor. Their cries were slowly growing less frequent – and Shinji's desperation was growing with every passing second.

"How much longer is this going to _take?"_ he blurted out, overcome by frustration. He had no idea how far he had descended, but it was at least three kilometres now by his estimation, and there had been no indication yet that he was anywhere close to his mysterious destination. As if in reply to his exasperated outburst, he suddenly heard Maya Ibuki's voice crackling over his comlink.

"Opening Central Dogma barriers ten through fifteen."

Below him, he could faintly see a series of heavy shield doors sliding open, their movement barely discernable even with his entry plug's main monitor set to maximum night vision mode. As he drew closer, he could see that the doors were incredibly thick – Shinji guessed that each one had to be at least five meters in breadth, and there were so _many_ of them…

_Are these doors supposed to keep something out… or to keep something IN? _he pondered apprehensively as he watched the massive barriers pass him by on his main screen, while Unit 01 plumbed ever further into the Stygian void below it.

His turbulent thoughts were eventually broken by another announcement from Ibuki, high above on the bridge. Her voice was distorted, static hissing in the channel, indicating to Shinji that by now he must have descended very deep indeed.

"Unit 01 has passed the sixth Malbolge trench. Now opening barriers sixteen through twenty."

_Twenty barriers… oh, God, how many more?_

_Hurry… please, hurry…_

Through the background noise, Asuka's cries had now devolved into a series of quiet, drawn-out moans, broken occasionally by slurred, incoherent, incomprehensible babbling. Whatever the Angel was doing to her from its position high above them in orbit, it seemed to be slowly taking apart her mind, piece by little piece. Shinji hoped desperately that they would somehow be able to put the pieces back together again, if he could only get there in _time…_ Rei, on the other hand, had at first become steadily louder as the Angel's attack forced its way into her thoughts, her torments punctuated by a series of frightened gasps and yelps before she had finally let loose with a terrifying, high-pitched shriek that seemed to last almost a minute – and then, ominously, she had fallen silent. There was nothing but distorted digital snow on the small video window that read "FROM EVA-00," and all Shinji could hear through the static from Unit 00's audio channel now was the uneven shuddering of the First Child's breath, as if she were utterly immobilized with dread.

_Rei…_

_Asuka…_

_Hold on…_

Finally, after what seemed like an interminable length of time, he could see what appeared to be a concrete floor slowly rising up toward him. The cable abruptly halted, leaving Unit 01 dangling nearly twenty meters from the bottom. Shinji wasted no time in kicking his EVA's foot loose from the stirrup while simultaneously letting go of the cable, allowing the purple mecha to drop the remaining distance to the floor. Unit 01's feet slammed into the hard floor with a resounding _thoom_ that reverberated all around him for several seconds. As he stood the EVA upright, Shinji gazed upward and saw that the stirrup was still within arm's reach of Unit 01, guessing that he'd be returning to the surface the same way he arrived. He then swung Unit 01's head around to inspect his surroundings, and caught his breath at the sight.

_Is this… Terminal Dogma? _he thought incredulously.

He was now standing in an immense cavern, many times bigger than the containment bays that housed the Evangelions within Central Dogma. Wherever he was, it appeared to be cold, as a thick fog seemed to hang just above the floor of the cavern. All around him, dozens of tall columns that resembled stalagmites rose from the floor and stabbed upward, each one at least ten times as tall as Unit 01. What was more amazing to Shinji though, was that as enormous as this space was, it appeared to be merely some sort of antechamber – the far end of the cavern gradually opened up into an even _larger_ area, most of which was obscured from his view by the cavern's sloping walls, and seemed to be illuminated by a faint yellowish glow.

His crimson eyes narrowed determinedly – _Rei… Asuka… no time for gawking, _he thought – and he spurred Unit 01 forward, the echoes of its pounding footsteps rumbling like thunder within the expansive chamber as he sprinted past the towering spines toward the opening beyond.

When he reached the end of the cavern, though, and looked out into the larger area beyond it, several seconds passed as he halted his Evangelion and stared, dumbfounded, at the view before him.

The size of the space itself was wondrous to behold – it was hundreds of times again the size of the chamber he had just exited, and appeared nearly as voluminous as the Geofront's upper bowl. He could not see the ceiling – it was like trying to see the end of the night sky – but he could make out a series of circular ledges that ringed the walls of the cavern, similar to the ledges that the trains from NERV HQ rode along as they made their way up the sides of the Geofront's spherical walls to the surface. There were many more of the stalagmite-like columns as well, randomly dotting the floor of the vast space. What lay beyond those spiny formations, though, was a sight that was more unbelievable still.

In the distance, there seemed to be a huge body of amber-coloured liquid, the size of a lake. _It looks just like… LCL,_ Shinji thought incredulously, mentally increasing the magnification of his main screen to inspect it more closely. The fluid certainly had the same appearance as the life-sustaining liquid that he was currently immersed in within his entry plug. As he scanned the surface of the vast reservoir, his attention was caught by another strange sight, floating in the middle of the lake – a ship. And not just _any_ ship – the vessel appeared to be a heavy frigate, just like the ones from the UN's naval fleet – except that this one bore NERV's logo at its bow, instead of the UN's.

_How did… how did THAT get down here?_ Shinji's mind jolted in disbelief, noting that every gun that was mounted on the bristling warship was pointed in the same direction, toward the strangest sight of all…

…and the most _terrifying._

Shinji's eyes widened in confusion and horror as they slowly followed up the massive scarlet crucifix that towered upward from the middle of the vast lake of LCL, and his heart almost stopped at the sight of the… _thing_ that was hanging lifelessly from it.

It was pure white in colour, humanoid in shape, and was roughly the same size as Unit 01 itself. The strange figure was oddly featureless – it seemed almost to be made of a soft, white clay. Its hairless head lolled to one side, and a huge mask that appeared to be made of cast iron obscured the area where its face should have been. There was a strange design inscribed on the mask – an inverted triangle, with what appeared to be seven eyes intersecting its descending sides. Stranger still was that the pale being was legless, but from the place where its legs would normally be found, hundreds of tiny, leg-like appendages sprouted from the base of its torso.

_Is that… _

…_an EVA?_

Emanating from its body, a thin trickle of yellow-coloured fluid – _LCL… it has to be, _Shinji thought – was running down the trunk of the giant cross, gathering at its base and snaking away in thin rivulets that flowed into the seemingly endless amber lake that surrounded it. Its thick, shapeless arms were spread-eagled, and two enormous, black metal spikes had been nailed through the being's hands, pinning it to the horizontal crosspiece of the enormous crucifix from which it hung absolutely motionless. And in the centre of its barrel-shaped chest, what appeared to be a long, crimson-coloured _spear_ had been driven into the massive being's body. The wicked-looking weapon seemed to have been twisted into a tight, lengthy coil before it unwound into two narrow tines, which were embedded in the white figure's torso almost to the point where the two prongs joined at its shaft.

_The Lance… _

…_that must be the Lance…_

_Whatever this thing is, __someone definitely wants to make sure that it isn't going anywhere,_ Shinji thought apprehensively, as he gaped at the silent, crucified behemoth.

_But what's it even DOING here? And WHY?_

Suddenly, the cold, clipped voice of his father, Commander Gendou Ikari, startled him out of his reverie.

"Shinji, you have not changed position in nearly one minute," the Commander announced shortly, through the hiss of static. "Do you see the Lance?"

Shinji blinked. "…yes… yes, sir," he stammered. "But… but it's…"

"No 'buts.' You must retrieve it and return to the surface _immediately_. Your fellow pilots do not have much time left. Proceed forward through the reservoir and pull the Lance free – _now_."

A chilling bolt of dread shot up Shinji's back, causing him to tremble involuntarily. He felt very close to becoming overwhelmed by the overload to his senses in this strange, foreboding place, by the fear and panic that was building inside him, and by the crushing expectations that had been set upon his young shoulders. Despite the urgency in his father's tone, Unit 01 remained rooted to the spot, staring silently across the surface of the LCL reservoir toward the giant being on the cross in the distance.

"…F… Father," the terrified teen finally whispered in a thin, shaking voice, as his quavering hands clutched at the control yokes, "…is it… is it… _alive?"_

He expected his father to immediately explode into fury, castigating him for his hesitation and his cowardice as he had during the battle against the thirteenth Angel, but instead, there was only a short pause. When the Commander's voice finally crackled over his comlink once again, his voice was low, and quiet… and strangely _reassuring._

"No, it is not," he replied slowly. "There is nothing to fear, Shinji. But you _must_ retrieve the Lance, or Rei and Asuka will surely die. Do it now, and do it quickly."

It was not so much the words that his father had spoken, but the unusually calm manner in which he had replied to his son's question, that somehow managed to blunt the growing anxiety within him. _Retrieve the Lance, or Rei and Asuka will surely die…_ it was that simple, and nothing else mattered. He had already wasted so much time, and he would never forgive himself if he arrived too late to help them. Shinji took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, and took a firm grip on the butterfly controls as he focused on his target – the crimson Lance protruding from the chest of the white giant.

"Yes, sir," he replied in a low whisper.

Eyes narrowed and teeth grit in a determined grimace, Shinji fought back the terror that had numbed him to his objective, and willed Unit 01 to step off of the concrete deck it had been standing on. A huge plume of amber liquid shot up all around the massive EVA as it waded awkwardly out into the reservoir. Shinji breathed a small sigh of relief when he realized that the level of the lake came up only as far as the purple mecha's waist – even immersed in LCL, within the safety of his entry plug, his fear of the deep still gnawed at him.

Battling against the resistance of the LCL all around him, he drove the EVA forward as fast as he could manage, kicking up a giant wake that threatened to capsize the warship that sat at anchor nearby. A few moments later, he was standing before the immense cross, gazing up at the pale behemoth that hung there in silence. The haft of the crimson Lance jutted out just above him, easily within arm's reach of Unit 01. Shinji stared up at it uneasily, prepared to jump back at even the slightest hint of movement from the crucified giant, but it remained as still as a corpse.

He took another deep breath, and held it in, nervousness knotting in his stomach once more.

_Here goes…_

Without another thought, Shinji directed Unit 01 to reach up with both hands and grasp the Lance.

Immediately, he felt an odd sensation surging through his body, almost like the static charge that raised the tiny hairs on his neck and arms when he pulled off a woollen sweater in a cold, dry room. It started from his hands, the tingle shooting down his arms and spreading through the rest of his extremities, and then, just as quickly as it appeared, the sensation dissipated, replaced by a strange, low vibration that hummed in the back of his head. Shinji's red eyes shot up in alarm, half-expecting the masked giant to react, but it was still motionless. Unit 01's hands now had a firm grip on the Lance's haft, and exhaling through his bared teeth, the white-haired pilot grunted as he willed the mecha to pull with all of its prodigious strength.

There was considerable resistance, despite the power that Unit 01 was bringing to bear, but eventually, the long, scarlet weapon began to move. Shinji redoubled his effort as he felt the Lance starting to give, and with a desperate bellow, he strained and pulled with every ounce of energy he had to give until finally, the huge EVA drew the Lance from the white being's body.

Unit 01 lurched back several steps, kicking up LCL all around it as it fought to maintain its balance after the sudden removal of the Lance caused it to abruptly jerk backwards. As he righted the mecha, Shinji glanced down at the weapon that he now held in his hands. It was incredibly heavy – even through the Evangelion's powerful arms, Shinji could sense its mass – but somehow, he instinctively knew exactly where to hold it so that its balance point would offset its weight. Running his eyes along its length, he could see just how long the twin prongs of the Lance were – something incredibly forceful must have driven the Lance into the creature, as the sharp tines had not only gone clear through the body, but through the vertical section of the crucifix behind it as well. In all, the Lance was nearly twice as long as Unit 01 was tall, and he could feel it vibrating faintly through the EVA's palms, in tune with the low, incessant hum that now seemed to permeate his skull.

Shinji was astounded. _Where on Earth did something like this come from?_

_Or… did it… did it even come from Earth at all?_

A sudden motion in the corner of his eye caused him to jump back in fright. Unconsciously, he brandished the Lance before him, pointing its sharp tines toward the source of his alarm – and his red eyes shot open in disbelief.

The giant was moving.

As Shinji stared on, dumbfounded, the lower part of its body began to bulge and bubble, and the behemoth jerked involuntarily on the cross as its abdomen rapidly distended. The countless tiny legs that dangled from the base of its torso began to twitch and kick, before merging together, and _growing…_ until finally, two thick, formless legs sprouted from the bottom of the huge being's body, its feet dropping below the surface of the LCL reservoir with a pair of near-simultaneous splashes.

Every nerve in Shinji's body was on edge as he stood before the white giant, his EVA crouched in a defensive posture as he kept the Lance of Longinus pointed directly at the creature's heart. His own heart was hammering away in his chest so hard it hurt, his breath coming out in short, ragged gasps as he waited for the colossal figure to pull itself free of the crucifix and attack… but once its legs had finished regenerating, the pale being fell silent once again. It hung before him motionless, looking every bit as dead as it had before he had pulled the Lance from its body.

_Okay… I really need to get out of here,_ Shinji thought to himself as his father's words echoed in his mind once more, pushing aside his fright and reminding him of his mission. He had what he had come for, and he was running out of time.

He backed away a few more steps, keeping his ruby eyes locked on the crucified giant, before he slung the Lance over Unit 01's right shoulder and turned back toward the edge of the reservoir. Another huge plume of LCL roiled up before him as he drove the purple EVA in the direction of the cavern where the cable waited to hoist him back up the deep vertical access shaft to the surface – where the Angel awaited him.

_Rei…_

_Asuka…_

_I'm coming…_

o o o

"Unit 01 is now ascending," Maya Ibuki announced from her station within the command centre. "Approaching the sixth Malbolge trench, barriers sixteen through twenty are now closing."

Across from her, at the tactical desk, Shigeru Aoba immediately replied. "Unit 01's ETA in the containment bay is three minutes and forty-six seconds. Ordnance Platform A14 is standing by for transport to the surface via Vent Two."

Nearby on the bridge, Misato Katsuragi's ears pricked up at this. She turned and strode over to Dr. Ritsuko Akagi, who was intently studying the data from Units 00 and 02 over Ibuki's shoulder on her terminal screen. Over the command centre's P.A., the cries of the two stricken pilots could still be heard, but they were growing fainter and fainter by the second.

Behind Ibuki, Ritsuko was now snapping out a series of terse orders, almost too fast for her apprentice to process. "Upload the targeting solution to Unit 01's firing control system as soon as the MAGI have made the calculations. The Angel is too far away for Shinji to do this manually – he probably won't even be able to get a visual on it in this weather. Maintain our fix on the Angel's position – if it moves, we're going to have to recalculate the solution quickly, and we're only going to get one shot. Tell the rescue crews to stand by; we need to get those pilots out of their entry plugs as soon as possible. Instruct them that this is to be considered a HAZMAT operation, and that environment suits are to be worn by all first responders. The pilots are to be quarantined immediately after their recovery."

"Yes, ma'am," Ibuki replied grimly, her hands flashing away at her keyboard.

"Why is this taking so long?" Misato exclaimed to the doctor. "And why are we sending Unit 01 out on a weapons platform, when it's quicker to launch it from the catapults?"

Ritsuko glanced up at her, the strain of the operation evident in her jade-green eyes. "We're moving as fast as we can, Major. The winch could barely handle Unit 01's weight alone during the descent, and now that it's carrying the Lance, we can't risk having the winch fail or the cable snap during the ascent, and dropping Unit 01 and the Lance back into Terminal Dogma. There'd be no immediate way of bringing them back up… assuming they'd even survive the fall."

She ran her fingers through her straw-blonde hair and frowned as she directed Ibuki to bring up a schematic of the EVA's normal launch routes for Misato to see. "The EVA catapults are faster, yes, but none of the launch chutes are consistently vertical, they all veer off at angles in several places, such as _here_," she gestured to a point where the red line showing where one of the chutes suddenly changed direction, "and _here_. The Lance is too long to negotiate those tight turns, so we need a wider, straighter path to the surface, and the access vents that the weapons platforms travel through are the only other option."

Misato sighed, unconsciously hugging her arms. "Understood," she muttered.

Turning away from Ritsuko, she gazed up at the main screen, which was displaying images of Units 00 and 02 as they continued to be held by the Angel's strange energy attack. Unit 02 was slumped forward, its hands touching the ground in front of it, and had not moved since it had ceased activation minutes earlier. Over its audio channel, Asuka's only sounds now were an occasional mewl or groan – the spirited girl no longer had any fight left within her. Unit 00 was down on one knee, its hands clutched to its blue monocular head, and a collective gasp went up from the staff manning the bridge as it suddenly pitched to one side and fell over, the tremor from the impact noticeable even within the depths of the Geofront. The prototype EVA slowly curled into a foetal ball under the Angel's relentless attack, but from its entry plug, there was now nothing but silence.

_They're running out of time,_ Misato thought.

She tore her eyes away from the desperate scene on the main monitor and glanced up to the command position, where Commander Ikari and Sub-Commander Kozou Fuyutsuki occupied their usual positions – the Commander seated at his desk, gloved hands folded before his chin, his second in command standing behind him to his right. Neither man had spoken a word to the other since Ikari had given Unit 01 the order to retrieve the Lance of Longinus from Terminal Dogma, a decision that Fuyutsuki had seemed vehemently opposed to. Nevertheless, Ikari's decision had been final, and now everything hinged on this last-ditch attempt to destroy the Angel and rescue the other pilots. Misato was well aware of the stakes involved – either Shinji succeeded in defeating the Angel, or the world as they knew it would end.

Misato's chestnut eyes narrowed as she stared up at the silent, bearded figure seated high above her. There were still so many things about the Commander, and about NERV, that were unknown to her, and she resented this – especially in situations like this where her position as Tactical Operations Director required her to have as much information as possible at her fingertips. How much of NERV's agenda had been kept hidden from her over the course of her career? How many lies had she been told during that time? How many lies had she been told _today_, in the midst of an Angel attack, where _she_ was technically in charge?

Frowning, her thoughts drifted back to the one time she herself had descended into the depths of Terminal Dogma… after being led there by her one-time boyfriend, NERV Special Inspector Ryouji Kaji.

Kaji's extended presence at NERV HQ, after he had escorted Asuka and Unit 02 to Tokyo-3 from Germany, had seemed innocuous enough at first, even though Misato had believed that his new "assignment" to the Geofront was merely a convenient excuse for him to pursue and annoy her. Over time, though, a nagging suspicion about his true activities had begun to slowly build in her thoughts.

Kaji had never been on time for anything in his life – in university, his assignments were always late, he would stroll casually into work long after everyone else had arrived, and he had never once managed to pick up Misato for a date at the agreed time, back when they had been seeing each other. But since he had arrived in Tokyo-3, Kaji was normally in his makeshift office before most of the general staff, poring over reports on his terminal screen and sifting through files that he kept locked in a safe beside his desk.

Misato would occasionally notice him emerging from sections of Central Dogma that were extremely sensitive – places that even _she_ didn't have clearance to enter – but when confronted by her, he would just flash that devilish grin of his and chuckle, saying something like, "Whoops, lost _again…_ man, is this place confusing, or what? Hey, Katsuragi, how about showing me the way back to the cafeteria? You lead, and I'll stay right on your tail..."

As well, he would occasionally disappear for days and sometimes weeks at a time, never explaining where he had gone, which was odd since his sanctioned duty as a UN liaison was to observe and report on NERV's day-to-day procedures. He was attached to NERV's Geofront operations, and therefore had no real need to be anywhere else – _officially._

Her suspicions had come to a head the night she, Ritsuko, and Kaji had gotten together at a late-night club after attending a wedding for a colleague that afternoon. Kaji had missed the service and had been late for the reception – no surprise there – but later that evening, Misato had learned the reason _why._ It seemed that the ponytailed agent had been in Kyoto the morning of the wedding – Misato had overheard him discussing it with Ritsuko as she returned from the ladies' room. She'd had a few drinks… well, _quite_ a few, actually, and Kaji had likely assumed that Misato wasn't paying attention, but she had filed that little bit of information in the back of her head and carried on with the rest of the evening.

The next morning, as she washed down a handful of aspirins with several cans of iced coffee to take the edge off of her hangover, she resolved to get to the bottom of this mystery, once and for all.

She had watched him leave his office, and silently followed behind him as he wove a convoluted path through the corridors of Central Dogma. He bypassed the more frequently used staff elevators and escalators, taking the stairs or the service lifts instead, and seemed to be headed deep into the complex, passing levels that Misato had never visited before in her entire time at NERV. As they descended lower and lower into the bowels of the complex, Misato could feel the temperature dropping as she pursued Kaji, which was odd since the entire facility was supposed to be climate controlled. Finally, after close to an hour of shadowing him, she saw Kaji pause in front of a heavy steel door and reach into his coat pocket to produce a red access card – not his NERV ID card, which was normally used to gain access to the various sections of Dogma.

Stepping from the shadows, she had drawn her .45 caliber Heckler & Koch USP sidearm, placed it firmly against the back of his head, and demanded answers to the many questions she had kept to herself since his arrival – who he was really working for, what he was actually investigating, where he was going this deep within NERV HQ, and _why_.

With a swipe of the blood-red card he held in his hand, Kaji had answered her questions… and had suddenly given her many more to ponder.

The hairs on the back of her neck still stood on end, even now, when she recalled the sight of the massive white giant hanging from that enormous, scarlet crucifix – legless, bleeding, its masked head lolled forward, its hands pierced with iron spikes, and a long red metal rod impaled through its chest. The sight had triggered another recollection from deep in the recesses of her mind – memories of a terrible explosion, of a hellish, bitter cold, of a searing agony ripping through her abdomen, and, just before her father had placed her within the survival pod and jettisoned her to safety, of an enormous glowing figure, looming in the distance through a raging Antarctic blizzard…

_Adam… _

_Kaji called it "Adam."_

_The giant of light… _

_The thing that killed my father… _

_It's here._

_But why is the First Angel HERE?_

_How did it GET here? What is it DOING here?_

_What are they using it for… and WHY?_

All the questions that had flashed in her mind when she had first seen the crucified behemoth were now flooding her thoughts once again, as she kept her eyes locked on Commander Ikari, high above her on the command deck.

_You were right, Kaji. I don't know NERV._

_I don't know NERV at all…_

Unconsciously, she reached into the inside pocket of her leather bomber, feeling again for the white envelope that Kaji had given her the last time she had seen him alive – the envelope that contained all the findings of his investigation of NERV, saved on a tiny microchip within a small plastic capsule.

It was more than just mere information – it was his heart and soul. And Misato had not let it out of her sight since the moment he had given it to her.

_Ryouji…_

_I swear to you… if I live through today…_

_I'm going to find out just what the hell is going on around here_…

Her thoughts were broken by an urgent announcement from Makoto Hyuga's station behind her.

"Pilot's EEG dropping to zero point zero six!" Hyuga exclaimed, referring to Asuka's bio-readings from Unit 02. On the main screen, the data section devoted to the Second Child's vital statistics displayed a series of jagged lines that were now coming dangerously close to flatlining.

"We're past the limits of the life support system!" Ibuki cried out as she tried desperately to find any way possible to counter-effect the Angel's energy wave, to no avail.

Misato paled. _It's too late,_ she thought desperately.

_We're going to lose her._

_And then… Rei will be next…_

"Unit 01 is passing through Vent Two!" Shigeru Aoba suddenly shouted out from the tactical desk. "He'll be coming in over the surface!"

The normal commotion on the bridge abruptly died away, and all eyes turned to the main monitor as a startling image was projected across the massive screen. Through the driving downpour that was still threatening to inundate Tokyo-3 above them, the hulking figure of Evangelion Unit 01 slowly emerged above the ground, riding atop one of the heavy platforms that normally carried a host of armaments for the EVAs. The purple mecha sat in a half-crouch as it rose from the depths of the Geofront, like a giant armoured gladiator entering the arena. And just like a gladiator, it carried a weapon – an enormous, crimson-coloured lance, with two long, wicked-looking prongs at its leading end. The twin tines twisted around themselves at the point where they met at the weapon's haft and continued to intertwine all along the remainder of its length, giving it the appearance of a long, thin, tightly-wound coil.

Misato's chestnut's eyes opened wide with recognition the moment she saw Unit 01 emerge from Vent Two. The weapon that the purple EVA was carrying was the very same spear that she had seen in Terminal Dogma, embedded in the body of the white giant on the cross.

"So _that's_ the Lance of Longinus_," _she muttered under her breath.

She had so many questions. The Lance was obviously an artifact of great power, and of great importance to NERV – so why, then, had its existence been kept secret from her? If such a weapon was indeed powerful enough to destroy an Angel, why hadn't they used it before now? Instead, it had remained far below them, with the First Angel, Adam, whose existence within Terminal Dogma had also been hidden. How were the crucified Angel and the Lance connected? And for what purpose were they being kept within this facility, far away from prying eyes?

Misato shook her head, pushing the thoughts from her mind for the moment. These were concerns for another time, she reasoned. Right now, there were still two pilots on the brink of death to worry about – and a Third who was now about to step into harm's way. She gazed up at the monitor to see Unit 01 rising from its crouch before stepping off of the platform and proceeding to a designated spot where it would have enough room to hurtle the Lance heavenward toward the winged Angel high above.

_Do it, Shinji… you're our last chance,_ she thought to herself, reaching for her cross pendant and twirling it in her fingers.

_And please… be careful…_

"Unit 01's in position to throw," Aoba announced.

On the monitor, Unit 01 was now standing fully upright and holding the Lance with both hands at waist level, rain spattering off of its armoured head and its white eyes glinting as it gazed skyward toward its target. Even though the torrential rain and the heavy cloud cover obscured the Angel from the naked eye, every targeting sensor onboard the purple EVA was now locked firmly on the silvery enemy's position. With a smooth, frighteningly effortless motion, Unit 01 raised the heavy Lance high above its horned head, pointing its long, sharp forks directly toward the Angel, and drew the crimson weapon back, shifting its weight to its back foot and cocking its right arm like a massive steel spring waiting for release. It held this position as the final preparations for the throw were relayed to it from the command centre.

"Target sighted. Error corrections have been made," Hyuga called out.

The only sound that could be heard on the bridge was Maya Ibuki's voice, as every single person in the command post watched the image of Unit 01 on the main screen with bated breath.

"Starting countdown… ten seconds 'till zero," Ibuki sounded off, her voice edged with anticipation.

"Nine… eight… seven… six… five… four… three…"

The deafening sound of klaxon alarms abruptly shattered the silence on the bridge, and an explosion of crimson hexagons bloomed angrily on the massive monitor screen. Chaos immediately reigned on the bridge as the technicians urgently scrambled to find the source of the interruption… and within a heartbeat, it was being displayed on the main screen for all to see.

Shock and dismay washed over the crew at the sight of a stricken, shuddering Unit 01 down on one knee, clutching its head in one massive hand and the other holding the Lance out before it, as if trying to shield itself from the strange kaleidoscope of shimmering lights that seemed to be illuminating the purple EVA from somewhere high above.

"What's _happening?"_ Misato shouted, her eyes darting between the main monitor and Ritsuko, who was scowling at the grim data scrolling across Ibuki's terminal.

"It can't be… the Angel's sending out a _third_ energy wave?" she exclaimed, stunned by the information she was seeing. "It's… it's trying to take control of Unit 01!"

Beside her, Ibuki's frantic voice drew their attention. "Shinji's psychograph is fluctuating! The Angel's penetrating into Unit 01's LCL mind barriers!"

Ritsuko's eyes widened as she stared at the telemetry streaming across the monitor before her, and then she turned to Misato, her face blank.

"It's… got him," she said, in a small, desolate voice.

Misato blanched, shaking her head in quick, minute jerks, and turned back to the main screen, hoping to see something that would disprove what Ritsuko had just told her. But Unit 01 remained on one knee, the fingers of its left hand splayed across the top of its helm as it kept the Lance raised before it in a vain attempt to ward off the attack. To one side of it, Unit 00 lay on its side, its knees drawn into its chest, the occasional twitching of its arms and head the only indication that its pilot was still alive. On the opposite side, Unit 02 remained slumped forward, its massive weight resting on its arms… and it wasn't moving at all. Around all three EVAs, multicoloured lights continued to dance, the coruscating display masking the agony that the lightshow was causing to the pilots of the crippled mechas.

_No! _was the only thought that Misato could muster.

_No…_

_Oh, God, no…_

In desperation, she turned her gaze back up to the Commander's post high above the bridge, praying for some sign that the two men who occupied that lofty position would know what to do, that they might have some _other_ secret that they would suddenly reveal to help them destroy this Angel and save the three Children trapped above… but instead, she was witness to a sight she had never encountered in her entire time at NERV. Ritsuko, too, was staring up at Ikari, clearly shocked by what she was seeing.

Commander Gendou Ikari had risen from his chair.

He had removed his tinted glasses and was now staring at the main monitor with wide, stunned eyes, his mouth open in disbelief.

In the entire time she had known Ikari, Ritsuko Akagi had never seen such a look cross the Supreme Commander's face before.

It was a look of defeat.

o o o

Moments earlier, Shinji had gasped as Unit 01 rumbled to the surface aboard the wide munitions platform it was riding, and he was finally greeted with a first-hand view of the situation that the other two EVAs were facing. Through the driving rains, he could see the red form of Unit 02 almost directly opposite his position, knuckles dragging the ground as it drooped forward like a wilted plant, the green fire extinguished from its two pairs of eyes. The production model EVA was completely motionless, and Shinji could no longer detect any sounds coming from Asuka's audio channel other than shallow, uneven breathing.

_Asuka…_

Off to his right, Unit 00 was curled up on its side on the ground, both hands clutching its blue helm, and jerking occasionally as if it were suffering a fit of epilepsy. Now that he was above ground, Unit 00's video link had come back online, and the small window on his HUD captioned "FROM EVA-00" now displayed an image of the blue-haired First Child, mirroring the prototype EVA's pose from her pilot's chair. Her red eyes were squeezed tightly shut, her jaw flexed with tension as she grimaced in agony, her fingers laced around the back of her head as she tucked her chin into her rapidly heaving chest, her whole body shuddering under the Angel's relentless attack.

_Rei…_

Ritsuko's voice over his comlink snapped his head around. "Shinji, we have to move quickly. Move Unit 01 to grid point x102, y47 and turn to a heading of 145 degrees. Maya's sending you the firing solution now, we'll be ready to go once you're in position."

"O… okay," he responded, immediately complying with the order by seizing the control yokes and willing Unit 01 to step off of the platform. He tried his best not to look at the stricken forms of Units 00 and 02 as he sent his EVA into a brisk march toward the coordinates that Ritsuko had given him. Within moments, he had reached the selected spot, an intersection of two eight-lane thoroughfares, and turned the purple mecha to the proper heading. He was now looking straight down one of the wide boulevards, which would give Unit 01 plenty of room for its throw.

"I'm in position," he announced, his voice tinged with a mix of anxiety and impatience. "What do I have to do?"

"Just think about throwing the Lance, Shinji," Ritsuko immediately replied. "The MAGI and Unit 01's targeting computers will take care of the aim, all you have to do is throw it as hard as you can. Firing solution upload is now complete, stand by for countdown."

On his main screen, even with computer enhancement, the only sign of the Angel Shinji could make out was a strange light spot standing out against the iron-grey colour of the heavy rainclouds above. He would be throwing almost completely blind, and the thought of this caused his stomach to flip with apprehension.

_Don't think about it,_ he chastised himself.

_Ritsuko said that all I have to do it throw it, so just worry about that…_

With a thought, he raised the Lance high above Unit 01's head with both arms, drawing it back behind him so that its haft was nearly resting on the mecha's shoulder, and pointed its forked end toward the light-coloured patch of sky high above him. Every ounce of concentration was focused on the crimson weapon in his hands, his right arm trembling with the incredible force that he was only barely holding back as he prepared to launch the forked spear skyward. The low humming in the back of his head increased in intensity, becoming a dull, incessant pounding, and he could feel a tingling in his palms as the Lance seemed to be somehow speaking to him, urging him to attack.

He was only vaguely aware of the sound of Maya Ibuki's voice, counting backwards from ten…

And then, it was like a thousand needles stabbing into his skull.

He suddenly lost all sense of orientation, and was aware of a violent shudder as Unit 01 abruptly dropped to one knee. Somehow, he managed to keep the mecha upright as he fought against the white-hot tendrils that seemed to be trying to burn their way into his brain. His left hand flew to his head as he grimaced in agony, throwing his right hand out before him as if trying to block the cascade of sparkling, multicoloured lights that were now glistening all around him. Unit 01 mimicked his motions, one giant hand gripping its helm as it held out the Lance before it with the other.

In his head, there was a strange chattering, quiet at first but slowly increasing in intensity. It was as if dozens, maybe even hundreds, of voices were speaking all at once, questioning him, scolding him, berating him, mocking him, ridiculing him. Some of the voices were familiar, some were not, but all of them seemed to be saying the same things…

_ **Useless…** _

_ **Weak…** _

_ **Coward…** _

_ **Failure…** _

_ **No one needs you…** _

_ **No one wants you…** _

_ **No one… loves you…** _

_ **Wasting your time… you can't help them…** _

_ **You can't help anyone…** _

_ **All you ever do is let people down…** _

An image of his father flashed in his mind, his stern features scowling behind his round tinted glasses.

_ **He'll never accept you…** _

Countless white sparks exploded in his mind's eye, and then the image was replaced by the face of the Second Child, her glittering blue eyes narrowed at him scornfully from behind her thick red forelocks.

_ **She'll never respect you…** _

There was another flare of sparks, and then Asuka's features seemed to ripple like water, eventually shifting into the ruby-eyed image of Rei Ayanami, who gazed back at him blankly, as if he were a perfect stranger to her.

_ **She'll never be close to you…** _

And then, the image of Rei began to laugh, a cruel, derisive laugh that somehow felt more painful to Shinji than the sharp stinging sensations jabbing into his skull. Beside her, Asuka and the Commander reappeared, adding to Rei's mocking laughter with their own cackling jeers, and then more and more faces appeared. Misato. Ritsuko. Fuyutsuki. Touji, Kensuke, Hikari. All of his classmates and teachers. Aoba, Ibuki, Hyuga. The rest of his colleagues at NERV. His neighbours. Random faces, people he didn't even _know…_

All of them laughing. Laughing at _him._

_ **You're weak.** _

_ **You're stupid.** _

_ **You're a coward.** _

_ **You're useless.** _

_ **You're nothing.** _

_ **We hate you, Shinji.** _

_ **We ALL hate you…** _

Shinji felt a wave of nausea threatening to overwhelm him as he fought desperately to maintain control of himself. His whole body was shaking, his eyes shut tight against the mental onslaught as he tried to force himself to maintain his focus.

_Shut up… just shut up…_

The thrumming in his head intensified, a low basso profundo that slowly grew stronger and stronger, until it was almost as loud as the mocking voices still echoing in his thoughts.

_ **We hate you, Shinji.** _

"…sh… shut… shut up," he whispered, his voice ragged and shaking.

_ **Everyone hates you.** _

_ **It's the truth…** _

"Shut up… _shut UP,"_ he repeated, louder this time. His head was pounding now, the battle raging in his head worse than a hundred migraines.

For a split-second, Shinji's eyes cracked open, and through the strange kaleidoscope of lights surrounding him, he could see the immobilized forms of the other two EVAs projected on his main screen, as well as the long, thin form of the Lance of Longinus, clutched in his right hand as he held the weapon out before him. The back of his skull was absolutely throbbing, and an icy electric sensation was now spreading down his right arm, as if he were holding a live power cord…

_ **Accept it…** _

"_SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!"_ he screamed, caught between two opposing forces that both seemed to be trying to overwhelm him. "Get… get _out_… get _out_ of my _head!"_

"_GET OUT OF MY HEAD!"_

o o o

"Ma'am?" Maya Ibuki blurted out from her station. "I think you need to take a look at this… the fluctuation in Shinji's psychograph pattern… it's _reversing!"_

Ritsuko's head snapped around at the news, and she quickly bolted back over to Ibuki's station, peering over her protégé's shoulder at the data on her screen. The graphic that represented Shinji's level of mental stability still showed a rapid decline from its normal level, but it was now beginning to slowly climb upward toward its usual value, to the amazement of the two women gaping at it in disbelief.

The two became three as Misato joined Ritsuko at Ibuki's terminal. "What's going _on?"_ she asked, concern weighing down her words.

Ritsuko ignored her as she jabbed a finger toward another graphic displayed on the lieutenant's screen. "No… that _can't_ be correct," she muttered to herself.

Misato was growing impatient, the stress and worry over the three pilots above pushing her close to the breaking point. _"WHAT_ can't be correct?" she demanded. "Goddammit, Ritsuko, what the hell is _happening_ up there?"

The blonde doctor turned to her colleague, an odd expression of uncertainty crossing her features. "I'm… not sure," she began, "but somehow, Shinji's _pushing back_ the Angel's energy field! And his sync ratio… it's jumped over twenty-six points from his highest recorded score!"

The lavender-haired woman's eyes widened at the news. "He's not… he's not going to get _taken _again, is he?"

Ritsuko glanced at the monitor, and then back to Misato. "No, that's the_ strange _thing… it's holding steady." She gestured to the graph on Ibuki's screen that showed Shinji's sync ratio maintaining itself at a relatively stable 109.7 percent. "From what I can tell from the data, it shot up the moment he came into contact with the Lance."

Misato's chestnut eyes flew to the main monitor, and her mouth dropped open as she saw Unit 01 now struggling to stand upright once again. It was still holding the Lance out in front of it, and the coloured lights that were still illuminating the purple mecha now seemed to be flowing _past_ the massive Evangelion, rather than dancing around it.

_He's fighting,_ she thought to herself, a faint glimmer of hope beginning to flare to life within her.

_Somehow, he's fighting it…_

"How… how is he _doing_ it?" she whispered, as she watched Unit 01 slowly struggling unsteadily to its feet.

Ritsuko's jade eyes flickered back and forth as she scanned the data on Ibuki's screen, and then she suddenly gasped in surprise. "Maya… does _that_ look right to you?" she queried.

Ibuki followed her mentor's gaze to the data stream she had been monitoring, and her own brown eyes widened in shock. "Is… is that _possible,_ ma'am?" was the only reply she could muster as she shook her head weakly.

The doctor said nothing for long moments, as she scanned the data over and over to be sure of what she was seeing. "Yes… in _theory,"_ she began, "but this is something we've _never_ been able to replicate in a test environment. It's… _incredible,"_ she murmured almost reverently. "I _never…_ I never thought I'd ever _see_ something like this…"

Misato just glared expectantly at Ritsuko, who noted her impatience and nodded at the Major apologetically. "From what I'm seeing here, the Lance is both _augmenting,_ and _altering,_ Unit 01's A.T. field, and Shinji is using this to neutralize the Angel's energy beam, which appears to be in itself an extension of its _own_ A.T. field," she explained. "It seems that, with the Lance in its possession, Unit 01 is somehow now able to generate…"

o o o

"…an _anti-_A.T. field?" Kozou Fuyutsuki exclaimed from his position high above the bridge. "How… how can this _be? Nothing_ in the Scrolls suggests that…"

The Commander abruptly cut him off, his flinty voice strangely calm now after his momentary lapse of resolve earlier. "The Scrolls merely outline the _path_, Fuyutsuki – they do not describe every stone in the passway in detail," he remarked.

The bearded man sat down at his desk once again, resuming his pensive, mantis-like pose as he contemplated the massive screen that dominated the command centre. Unit 01 was now standing fully upright, with both hands on the Lance as it held the forked weapon out in front of it, directly in the path of the Angel's energy beam. Rainbow-coloured tendrils of light were now shooting all around the enormous EVA as it brandished the Lance before it like some mystic talisman, deflecting the Angel's sparkling rays like a hail of arrows off of a medieval shield.

Fuyutsuki leaned in toward his superior officer, concern seated on his distinguished features. "Ikari… you _do_ realize that the longer Unit 01 is in contact with the Lance, the higher the danger that it may…"

Ikari turned to the elder man, his eyes glinting behind his coloured spectacles. "That cannot happen at this point in the scenario," he countered confidently, "but we may yet emerge from this situation with all of our winds and dragons intact. The Angel's overwhelming desire is to return to Adam - it had intended to accomplish this by first incapacitating the Evangelions from a distance, allowing it to penetrate the Geofront unmolested. However, it clearly cannot affect Unit 01 as long as it possesses the Lance. And once the Angel recognizes this, it will eventually conclude that there is only one other way that it can accomplish its goal…"

As if on cue, the multicoloured lights surrounding all three EVAs abruptly faded away. Almost immediately afterward, a new cacophony of blaring klaxon alarms reverberated across the bridge.

Below the Commanders' position, Shigeru Aoba's urgent announcement from the tactical desk caused heads to turn all around him.

"Target… is _moving!"_

o o o

He was trembling.

It was from more than simple fear, more than from the physical and mental strain of fighting against the Angel's invasion into his mind, much more than from the anger and despair he had felt when he had seen the crippled forms of EVA Units 00 and 02 as he emerged from the Geofront.

It was from the tingling chill that had now spread through his entire body, caused by the strange energy that was flowing into him from the object he held in his hands.

The cackling, deriding voices in his head had reached a crescendo in his thoughts before the thrumming in the back of his skull had suddenly blossomed, obliterating the cruel laughter with an almost deafening bass. At the same time, an icy jolt had shot down his right arm – the arm that was holding the Lance of Longinus. Glancing up through watering eyes, Shinji saw the Lance clutched in Unit 01's massive right fist, extended outward into the path of the Angel's energy beam. The rainbow-coloured patterns of light scintillated all around the long crimson weapon – and strangely, seemed to be radiating _away _from it, the way the like poles of two magnets repel each other.

Red eyes widening, Shinji reached out with Unit 01's left hand and took the Lance in a two-handed grip, wincing as another electric chill immediately arced down his left arm. He gasped in astonishment as the kaleidoscope of lights retreated further away from the Lance as he held it out chest-high in front of him. As the colourful rays drew back, Shinji could make out lines and angles at their edges, where the Angel's beam met the force that the Lance was somehow projecting against it.

The pattern was familiar – hexagonal.

And the multicoloured energy beam had taken on a singular hue where it came into contact with the Lance's repulsive force – a bright, shimmering crimson.

_What the hell… an… A.T. field?_ Shinji thought incredulously.

_The Lance… it has an A.T. field...?_

He could feel an intense pressure bearing down on him, as the Angel intensified its effort to fight past this new defence, and pain shot through his skull as the mocking voices began to build in his thoughts once again. He pushed back desperately, the humming in his mind growing louder, deeper, and he could feel the tingling sensation spreading throughout him as he turned his concentration to the Lance. He focused on Unit 01's own A.T. field, willing it to spread out before him, and he gasped in surprise as he saw the sparkling lights retreat even further from the Lance. The hexagonal pattern could be clearly seen now, as it reflected more and more of the Angel's beam away from Unit 01. Shinji grit his teeth as he used every ounce of will to expand the mecha's A.T. field further outward, ignoring the freezing sensation that was now gripping his entire body, and his heart leapt as he saw a bright red six-sided shield of energy materialize before him, shunting aside the rainbow-coloured rays shooting down on him from above.

_No… not the Lance's A.T. field, _Shinji thought as he watched the shimmering lights curving harmlessly past him.

_It's… Unit 01's. I can feel it._

_But it's different… it FEELS different…_

_Somehow, the Lance is affecting it… changing it…_

Unit 01 slowly rose to its feet, raising the Lance above its head directly toward the source of the energy beam – the silvery-winged Angel beyond the dense clouds above him. Enboldened, Shinji positioned the purple mecha into a solid, wide-footed stance, and leaned into the Angel's assault with the EVA's A.T. field, now somehow supercharged with the power of the mysterious Lance in his hands. Despite the freezing sensation spiking through his veins, and the roaring in the back of his mind, a small smile appeared at the corners of his mouth as the space between him and the sparkling lights increased.

_This feeling… it's… agony…_

_But it's… it's…_

…_incredible…_

Through the incessant drone in his head, he was aware of a voice crackling over his comlink, as a small video window captioned "FROM CONTROL" abruptly winked to life on his HUD. "...inji? …ou read? Shinji? _Shinji?_ Do you _read_ me?"

Shinji grunted in reply, glancing up at the image of the lavender-haired woman as he tried to maintain his concentration on repulsing the Angel's attack. "I… hear you, Misato..."

Her terse response was immediate. "Ritsuko's uploading a new firing solution to Unit 01's targeting computer right now. How long can you keep this up?"

"Don't… know," he muttered through clenched teeth, "…not sure… how I'm even _doing_ it…"

"We just need a few more seconds," Misato replied insistently. Her tone was steely, all traces of desperation and dread now gone from the Major's voice. Finally, they were fighting back, and the battle-hardened tactician had now trumped the concerned guardian. "There'll be no countdown this time, so as soon as we give you the go, throw the Lance as hard as you can. Don't worry about the aim, the MAGI will handle it."

"G… got it," Shinji murmured, his voice shuddering from the strain of holding back the Angel's energy beam. "Tell Ritsuko… to hurry…"

For a moment, the concerned guardian returned. "Hold on, Shinji," he heard her softly whisper, "just a little longer..."

He squeezed his eyes tightly closed, his jaw clenching as he pushed with all his might against the relentless attack of the Angel above him. The prickling pins-and-needles sensation shooting through him intensified, both excruciating and euphoric at the same time, and the rumbling bass thudding in the back of his head threatened to blot out the rest of his senses.

_Just a few more seconds…_

And then, it was as if someone had thrown a switch. The intense pressure of the Angel's assault abruptly died away, and when he opened his eyes in confusion, he was astonished to see that the kaleidoscope of lights had vanished. The freezing tingle began to subside, and the roaring in his skull dwindled to a dull hum once again as he struggled to make sense of this sudden change in the situation.

For several seconds, there was nothing but an eerie silence, save only for the sound of the driving rain that was still pouring from the skies over Tokyo-3. Unit 01's arms eventually dropped to its sides, the Lance's butt end resting on the ground as the huge mecha's horned head swung upward, mirroring the actions of its pilot as Shinji strained to detect any sign of activity from the leaden skies above him.

_What… what happened?_ he thought apprehensively.

_Is it… gone?_

He dared to glance across the rain-soaked city to where he'd last seen the other two EVAs. The multicoloured lights that had incapacitated them had also vanished. The crimson form of the deactivated Unit 02 remained motionless, slumped forward on its arms, but Shinji could detect the faint sounds of irregular breathing over his audio link to the red mecha – Asuka was still alive, although he had no idea what her condition was. Across from Unit 02, the blue prototype EVA slowly rolled onto its back, one trembling hand still clutched to its monocular head. A quiet groan snapped his head around as his attention flew to the window on his screen captioned, "FROM EVA-00," and he caught his breath as he saw Rei's ruby eyes flutter open.

Instead of relief, though, he felt a chilling dread as a strange wave of foreboding suddenly washed over him.

_We have to get them out of here_, he thought, _before it comes back…_

He had barely completed the thought before Misato's urgent voice crackled over his comlink once again.

"Shinji… it's _moving!_ Take evasive action _NOW, _do you _read_ me? _TAKE COV…"_

The command was drowned out by the sound of two thunderous explosions that shook the ground beneath Unit 01's feet – the telltale signal of a large object shattering through the sound barrier.

Shinji's gaze shot upward, and his crimson eyes widened in horror at the sight of the Angel bursting through the clouds, its glittering wings tucked tightly into its body as it screamed down from the heavens like a harrier delivering the killing stroke to its prey.

"…this can't be good," he whispered breathlessly to himself…

o o o

The force of the impact sent Unit 01 into a cartwheeling tumble that instantly reduced fifteen straight blocks of downtown Tokyo-3 to rubble. Explosions erupted at various points along the path of destruction, sending pillars of flame and billowing smoke shooting skyward. The Angel had climbed into the air once again after swooping down and knocking the purple EVA off of its feet before its pilot had scarcely a chance to react, and was now circling the downed mecha, lining up for another pass. Below it, Unit 01 was struggling weakly amidst a pile of twisted steel and shattered concrete, attempting to claw its way back to its feet like a downed boxer from the canvas.

On the bridge, Misato was screaming up at the main screen from her position next to Aoba at the tactical desk. _"SHINJI!_ It's coming around again… you've _GOT _to get out of its way!"

The Third Child's response was faint, and tremulous – the Angel's diving blow had clearly stunned the young pilot nearly senseless.

"…fast... too fast…" he slurred in a ragged, barely audible whisper.

The crew on the bridge collectively gasped as the Angel's shimmering image glided silently across the main monitor as it bore down on Unit 01 once more. From orbit, it had appeared only as a glowing, vaguely bird-like form, but up close, it seemed to be composed of pure crystal, brightly reflecting every available light source that illuminated it. Its mask was hawk-like, with a long, recurved beak, the long tendrils of its outstretched wings were edged with razor-sharp serrations, and underneath its torso were two stubby legs that ended in wickedly taloned feet. Its core could be plainly seen through the glassy facets of its chest, but instead of the normal reddish colour, this Angel's core glowed an electric, glacial blue, giving its entire body a faint azure tint. It soared with an almost casual, sinister grace high above the struggling EVA, and then, it wheeled in place, nosing downward, and pulled its wings in close to itself once more. Once again, twin sonic booms rumbled across the wreckage of Tokyo-3 as the Angel descended with the speed of a thunderbolt toward its target.

"_Shinji! MOVE!"_ Misato implored, as she watched Unit 01 stagger unsteadily back upright, the Lance of Longinus still clutched in its right hand… but her warning came too late.

The second strike drove Unit 01 almost in the exact opposite direction as the first, skidding and smashing its way back through the burning debris it had left in its wake before finally coming to a halt not far from its original position. Misato grabbed for the edge of the desk to steady herself as a violent tremor rocked the command centre, before turning her gaze back to the monitor. The purple EVA was now lying face-down, half-obscured by plumes of fire, clouds of greasy smoke, and the remains of several demolished buildings, as above it, the crystalline form of the Angel climbed heavenward once more, passing out of sight beyond the heavy cloud cover.

_He won't be able to take much more of that,_ she thought, reaching unconsciously for her cross pendant as she watched a shuddering Unit 01 slowly pulling itself to its knees.

"Shinji… can you hear me?" she called out, catching her breath as she watched the horned mecha slump down on its elbows as it scrabbled to maintain its balance.

"…can't… can't even _see _it… so… so _fast,"_ she heard Shinji weakly reply.

Misato's brow furrowed as she twirled the pendant in her hand, gazing up at the stricken form of Unit 01 as it fought its way to its feet once more, weaving unsteadily as it finally managed to pull itself upright using the Lance to brace itself. Somewhere above it, the Angel was circling, and any second now, it would dive downward once more – perhaps for the final time...

"Shinji… retreat," she finally ordered, her jaw tight with tension. "This isn't working - we'll have to regroup and try something else. Pull back to the Geofront and…"

"_Belay_ that."

All eyes turned to the command post high above the bridge, as Commander Gendou Ikari's stern voice reverberated through the massive complex. The tall man was standing once more, his features set as if in stone as he gazed across the bridge at the image of Unit 01 on the main monitor.

"Shinji… you will _not_ retreat. You will hold your position, and engage the Angel. There is no other option now. If you retreat, you will be abandoning the other two Units, leaving them defenseless against the enemy. You must use the Lance, and _destroy_ it. Do you understand?"

On the huge screen, the oddly drunken-looking image of Unit 01 was clutching the Lance with both hands as it leaned against the crimson weapon for support. Its head lolled forward and it seemed to be staring blankly at the ground, giving no indication at all that its pilot had heard the order.

"Target is approaching," Shigeru Aoba announced, the tension in his voice obvious. "Bearing one-four-oh, distance 5800 meters, speed approaching Mach zero point nine zero."

Behind the Commander, Kozou Fuyutsuki's eyes narrowed as his gaze was drawn to Ikari's gloved right hand – the bearded man was unconsciously clenching and unclenching it, as he waited for his son's reply.

"Do you _understand?"_ Ikari repeated impatiently.

The purple mecha seemed to sigh in response, its shoulders heaving as it slowly drew itself upright once again. It stumbled as it took its weight off of the Lance, but recovered, holding the spear at waist height as its armoured head rose up and swung around, unintentionally facing directly into the main exterior camera. Its white eyes were gleaming through the torrential downpour as rain spattered off of its horned helm.

"…y-yes, sir," the Third Child responded in a low, shaky whisper.

Aoba's voice rang out across the bridge again. "Target is closing… distance 2400 meters, speed Mach zero point nine eigh…"

His announcement was abruptly cut off by another pair of explosions that cracked through the air above Tokyo-3...

o o o

Shinji whirled at the sound, and saw the Angel once again descending upon him through the dense clouds. Its speed was incredible – in only a few fractions of a second, it had grown exponentially larger on his main screen, its long crystal wings folded tight to its body as it shot down toward him like a guided missile.

_If you retreat, you will be abandoning the other two Units…_

He couldn't retreat now, even if he wanted to. It was far too late.

The Angel loomed large on his monitor, its outline blurring into a flash of glacial blue as it streaked closer and closer.

His hands unconsciously tightened on the haft of the Lance as, at the back of his skull, the low thrumming began to increase in volume once again, and the numbing chill began to course through his veins as his father's words echoed in his thoughts once more.

_You must use the Lance…_

…_or Rei and Asuka will surely die…_

Time seemed to slow to a crawl as he heard Asuka's shallow, pained breathing over his comlink, and in the corner of his eye, he could see Rei squinting through her long blue lashes, her delicate features contorted in agony as she still reeled from the after-effects of the Angel's attack on her mind. They were in no condition to fight, and even if they could, the Angel could easily strike them down again with its energy attack. He was their last hope… perhaps _everyone's_ last hope…

The crystal-winged enemy was practically filling his viewscreen now, its hooked mask leering at him as it brought its talons forward, preparing to strike once more.

His body felt like it was freezing and burning at the same time, and the rumbling bass in his head drowned out all other sounds as Unit 01 drew back the Lance behind it, every sinew in its massive body tensed to the breaking point.

Shinji's crimson eyes shot wildly open, and he was only vaguely aware by the sensations in his throat that he was screaming, as he whipped the Lance around in a wicked arc with all of the force that he could muster.

There was a brilliant flash of light, and thousands of sparkling shards exploded from the impact point as the Lance of Longinus struck the Angel with a direct hit on its left shoulder. The massive birdlike being flew violently backwards, its splayed wings pinwheeling wildly, as it smashed through the centre of a towering skyscraper and continued on for several hundred meters before finally impacting into the ground and plowing through another row of buildings before collapsing in a heap. The shock of the impact shook the ground beneath Unit 01's feet, causing it to stagger backwards as its pilot stared in disbelief at the destruction it had just caused.

Over his comlink, Shinji could hear the wild cheers that had erupted in the command centre as Misato's excited voice suddenly crackled on the line. 'It's _down!_ It's _down! _Keep _on_ it, Shinji!"

In the distance, he could see the crystalline Angel slowly rising from the debris, shaking its masked head as it struggled to get its bearings. The blow had clearly shaken it, and Shinji felt a jolt of excitement at the sight. He launched Unit 01 into a lumbering run, holding the Lance out before him like a jousting knight and aiming it directly at the Angel's back as he drove the mecha closer and closer to the glassy being.

He winced as a high-pitched, ear-splitting shriek shivered the air all around him, shattering the few intact panes of glass in the surrounding buildings, and Shinji was horrified to see the Angel suddenly lurch upright, its awesome wingspan spreading out to the heavens as it keened in outrage. Its back was still turned to Unit 01, and Shinji spurred the purple EVA onward, realizing that the element of surprise was slipping away from him. He set his jaw as he concentrated on the area between the Angel's wings, and the shimmering blue core that lay in the middle of its body. Just a few more strides, and he would drive the Lance straight through the creature's heart…

And then, a searing pain slashed across his chest as the screaming Angel suddenly whirled, swatting away the Lance with one wing and raking Unit 01 across the chest with the other. Razor-sharp crystal pinions tore through the mecha's armour plating like a hot knife through butter, and Shinji gasped as a torrent of red suddenly spurted from the Evangelion's torso. He clutched at his chest, crying out in agony, the sympathetic pain nearly overwhelming him… and blinding him to the Angel's next blow. Instantly, the wing that had slashed Unit 01 scythed backward and took the EVA off of its feet again, sending it careening even farther than before… and past the limits of its umbilical power cord.

The heavy cable snapped like a thread as Unit 01 continued to reel backward from the force of the Angel's blow, before finally coming to rest amidst a mountain of shattered concrete and steel. Through the dull roar permeating his brain, Shinji heard the familiar _beep _ of the EVA's systems switching from AC to battery power ring out in the entry plug. His heavy red eyes glanced up at the plug's battery status monitor as it began to count backwards from 5:00, coldly ticking down the seconds until Unit 01 would deactivate – and if he hadn't destroyed the Angel by then…

The Angel was now lumbering awkwardly across the ruined cityscape toward him, no longer the graceful airborne predator, and Shinji noted that it was holding its left wing slightly lower than the right one.

_Why… why isn't it flying? _he thought, confused, as he strained to bring Unit 01 back to its feet. His chest was on fire, and he grunted at the effort.

Immediately, Misato's voice rang out over his comlink again, answering his question "Shinji… you damaged one of its wings. You need to work fast, before it can regenerate. Keep it on the ground, and _finish it!"_

Shinji glanced around quickly, keeping one eye on the approaching Angel. "I need a new umbilical, Misato, I'm running on batteries now," he exclaimed urgently, fully alert now from the adrenalin spiking through his veins. "Where's the nearest power station?"

There was a pause. "All the ones in your immediate area have been destroyed," she finally admitted, "or their access points have been blocked by debris. You don't have time to lure it to another sector, Shinji…"

"Understood," he replied, cutting her off. It was all that he needed to know.

The crystal form of the Angel was almost upon him now, and Shinji braced himself as he held the Lance out like a quarterstaff at chest height, wary of its lightning-quick wings. He'd have to work quickly, but he'd _hurt_ it, and he could do it again. If it only it wasn't so unbelievably _fast…_

The Angel let loose with another ear-splitting shriek as it suddenly darted forward, its wings drawn close to its body once again, and _this _time, it dove straight for Unit 01's throat. Instinctively, Shinji raised the Lance to block the thrust, and his eyes widened in surprise as the Angel seized the haft of the Lance in its hooked beak. It clamped down hard on the long, twisted handle and began to yank and jerk with such strength and ferocity that Shinji nearly lost his grip on the weapon. He grunted with discomfort and desperation as he fought to keep his grip on the twin-pronged spear, as the two massive figures battled fiercely for control of the one object that could decide the outcome of the battle.

_It's trying to take the Lance,_ Shinji thought, instantly alarmed, his teeth grit with the strain as he wrestled with the thrashing, screaming Angel.

_Can't… can't let it…_

o o o

Inside the command centre, a palpable silence had settled over the bridge crew as they stared, open-mouthed, at the main screen as it displayed the battle raging above them. They had been witness to many Angel attacks in the past, but never had they been in such a precarious position before. The previous Angel, the Fourteenth, had been close – it had defeated Units 00 and 02, and had seemed unstoppable until Unit 01 had intercepted it within the Geofront, driven it back to the surface, and eventually destroyed it. But Unit 01 had proven more than a match for the massive red-and-black marauder, and had not only defeated the Angel, it had utterly _annihilated_ it, tearing it to pieces in the grip of a towering berserker rage.

And the Fourteenth, for all of its awesome might, was bulky and ponderous. This new Angel was sleek, and dangerous-looking, and frighteningly fast. It could move in the blink of an eye, even when it was earth-bound, and its keen-edged wings had already demonstrated the ridiculous ease with which they could slice through an Evangelion's armour. As they watched Unit 01 struggling for control of the Lance with the crystalline enemy, every single person realized how quickly the battle could end with one instantaneous flick of those razor-sharp pinions.

Behind Misato, who was still twirling her cross pendant in her hands as she stared up intently at the monitor, Makoto Hyuga's voice broke the silence. "Unit 01 has four minutes of battery power remaining," he announced.

"He's got to hurry," another voice spoke up beside Misato. The lavender-haired woman turned to see Ritsuko, regarding her with tense jade eyes. "The MAGI have calculated that the Angel will have fully regenerated the damage to its left wing within 180 seconds. That means it will be able to fly again – and once Unit 01's batteries run out…"

"…he's dead. We're _all_ dead," Misato murmured, finishing the doctor's sentence.

The blonde woman only nodded in reply.

_And if it gets the Lance, then it's all over anyway,_ she thought grimly, as she turned her attention back to the titanic struggle on the main monitor.

_Shinji…_

_You've GOT to finish this… soon…_

A new voice over the command centre's P.A. abruptly broke her thought. It was quiet, and weak, and instantly familiar to every person on the bridge.

"I… I can… help…"

Misato whirled. _"Rei?"_ she blurted out, shocked at the sound of the First Child's tremulous whisper.

She glanced up at a secondary monitor to see the blue form of Unit 00 scrabbling awkwardly to its feet, looking as if it had been kicked in the stomach as it weaved unsteadily on shaking legs.

"…yes, I… I am… all right…"

Ritsuko dashed over to Ibuki's station, her green eyes flitting across the data streaming across her protégé's screen before she turned back to Misato and frowned. "She's in no condition to fight," the doctor cautioned, "her psychograph data is still extremely unstable, and her sync ratio has dropped significantly as a result. It's a wonder that she can even operate Unit 00 right now – if we send her in there against that Angel, she'll be slaughtered in seconds."

Misato pondered this, chewing her lip as her chestnut eyes darted back and forth between the struggle between Unit 01 and the Angel, and the staggering form of Unit 00. "We'll have much better odds with two EVAs in the fight," she reasoned, "but… you're right. The only reason Shinji can even get close to the Angel is because he has the Lance. Unit 00 has no defence against its energy beam, but even without it, Rei can't put up much of a fight as she is…"

She gazed back up at the image of Unit 00 and nodded to herself. "Rei, listen to me. I want you to help Unit 02 to the lifts, and then take up a defensive position within the Geofront. You are _not_ to engage the Angel, do you copy?"

There was a long pause, and then Misato's eyes shot open as she heard a most unexpected reply from the blue-haired girl.

"…but… I-Ikari needs… h-help… should I… not assist him… Major?"

Misato was speechless. Was Rei Ayanami, the dependable, obedient First Child… _questioning_ an order?

She turned to Ritsuko, who was also clearly shocked by the girl's reply. The doctor quickly scanned the data on Ibuki's screen, glanced up at the unsteady image of Unit 00 on the main monitor, and then gazed uncertainly at Misato and shrugged.

_If she thinks she can go, _Misato thought to herself, _then maybe we should take a chance…_

The thought was abruptly cut off by the sound of the Commander's voice from high above her.

"Rei, you will do as Major Katsuragi has ordered," Ikari insisted firmly, validating Misato's initial decision. His tone was low, and oddly… _tense. _"You will evacuate yourself and Unit 02 from the area, and then prepare to defend the Geofront in the event that Unit 01 is defeated. Is that understood?"

Another long pause hung in the air, before the quiet response came from Unit 00's audio channel.

"…yes, sir," the First Child murmured, sounding almost like a sigh of regret.

On the main monitor, Unit 00 began a painstakingly awkward about-face, still wobbling on its weakened legs, and began to slowly shuffle in the direction of the inactive Unit 02. In the distance, behind the retreating prototype, the desperate tug-of-war between Unit 01 and the Angel raged on.

o o o

_Three minutes… running out of time…_

Shinji began to feel anxiety creeping at the edges of his consciousness as he continued to wrestle with the Angel. The winged enemy had a vise-like grip on the haft of the crimson weapon, and no matter how much Shinji pulled and twisted and jerked, it would not let go. Desperately, he drove one of Unit 01's heavy armoured boots into the Angel's midsection, just beneath its glowing blue core, and the crystal being shrieked in outrage, but stubbornly maintained its hold on the Lance. Shinji redoubled his efforts, sending a flurry of kicks into the Angel's torso as he tried to hammer the bird-like being into submission.

Suddenly, white-hot pain ripped down the side of his left leg as the Angel's right wing scythed downward in a blinding flash, cleaving through the armour plate protecting Unit 01's own left leg. Bright red blood spurted from the long, clean gash in the mecha's legplate, and inside the entry plug, Shinji screamed in agony as his left hand instinctively left the control yoke and flew to his thigh. Sensing that its opponent's grip on the Lance had weakened, the Angel suddenly lurched backward, snapping its masked head around, and with frightening strength, it whipped Unit 01 off of its feet and tossed both it and the Lance of Longinus through the air like a dog would a chew toy.

By the time Shinji realized that Unit 01 was airborne, it was already slamming into the ground with a thunderous crash, laying waste to another section of downtown Tokyo-3 in the process as more bright balls of flame bloomed around the purple mecha and rose angrily into the rain-soaked skies. The impact briefly stunned him, and for long moments he just lay on the ground, groaning as his chest and leg burned with a searing agony. His head seemed to be filled with cotton, and he could hear Misato's muffled voice over his comlink, urging him to get up, that he had to hurry, that he couldn't let the Angel get…

_The Lance…_

A chilling panic gripped him as he realized that his hands were off the control yokes. He'd let go of the Lance.

Shocked back to lucidity, he bolted upright in the pilot's chair and seized hold of the controls, willing Unit 01 to rise back to its feet. As he did, his eyes scanned the main monitor in desperation, searching for the Lance – and his heart sank as he saw the long, forked weapon embedded in the ground, almost half a kilometre away. He was further dismayed to see that the Angel, still earthbound because of its damaged wing, had spotted it as well, and was now lumbering toward the Lance as quickly as its stubby legs could manage.

_No…_

"…inji… you have to get it _back! Hurry!_ You _can't_ let it get the Lance!" Misato's urgent voice crackled over his comlink.

With all the will he could muster, he sent Unit 01 into a headlong sprint, driving it toward the Lance as fast as he could make the EVA go. He leapt desperately over the shattered remains of buildings, straight through the hellish infernos that were still burning wildly despite the driving rain, as he charged toward the twin-pronged spear. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see the Angel approaching it as well, but even though it was lightning-quick in the air, and its reflexes were as fast as a whip's crack, it was not suited to running on the ground, especially through the mounds of debris that now littered the cityscape. Shinji felt a glimmer of hope as he realized he was pulling ahead – he would reach the Lance before the Angel. He quickly glanced toward the chronometer counting down Unit 01's remaining battery time – two minutes, thirty-five seconds. If he could get to the Lance, and strike the Angel in just the right place…

And then he screamed as a thousand hot needles suddenly spiked into his skull again.

Immediately, Shinji's hands flew to his head as the shimmering kaleidoscope of lights swirled around him once more, and he clutched at his hair in anguish as he heard another cruel cacophony of jeers and laughter rising in his thoughts.

_ **Stupid…** _

_ **Weak…** _

_ **Failure…** _

_ **SUCH a disappointment…** _

_ **You've let us all down, Shinji… AGAIN…** _

_ **Just like we KNEW you would…** _

No longer being guided by its pilot, Unit 01 stumbled and fell clumsily to the ground, writhing in the grip of the Angel's mental attack as it came to a halt less than twenty short meters from its objective – the Lance of Longinus, which now towered over the downed EVA like a grave marker.

Squinting through heavy-lidded eyes as the torturous assault worked its way deeper into his psyche, Shinji could make out the glistening form of the Angel lumbering into view on his main screen, its strange waddling gait belying its menacing lethality. Its crystalline wings were drawn back as it approached, and their long, razor-edged pinions were recurved forward, preparing to slash through the prone form of Unit 01 like a butcher would a side of beef.

Shinji squeezed his eyes tightly shut, and waited.

_At least it'll be quick,_ he thought through the mocking laughter in his mind, just before he slipped gratefully into unconsciousness.

o o o

"…I don't… I don't believe it," Misato whispered, as she stared in horror at the desperate scene on the bridge's main monitor.

Beside her, Ritsuko's voice was equally desolate. "Yes… it's over," she muttered. "Once it destroys Unit 01, and takes the Lance, the Angel will be… unstoppable."

Misato felt numb as she watched the lumbering Angel approaching the downed form of the purple Evangelion, the Lance of Longinus looming just out of its reach, knowing that there was nothing that Shinji could do now that the Angel had Unit 01 in the grip of its energy beam once more.

_Shinji…_

_I'm so sorry…_

"Its next move will be to come here," Ritsuko continued grimly, "there's nothing we can do."

"There's got to be _something,"_ Misato insisted, "we can call in UN Air Command, hit it with an N² mine – hell, hit it with a _thousand!_ We can engage it with our fighters, we could…"

"Conventional weapons would be ineffectual against it – it already resisted the same positron blast that destroyed the fifth Angel," Ritsuko countered. "Our fighters will never be able to catch it once its airborne again, and it would easily evade a mine strike. And even if we somehow _did_ manage to destroy it with an N² attack – which is unlikely – it still wouldn't matter. Without the EVAs, we'll still be defenceless against the _next_ attack. And there _will_ be more."

_There will be more,_ Misato thought, casting a sidelong glance at Ritsuko.

_How can she be so sure?_

The lavender-haired woman turned to the doctor, her face hard and serious. "Then I'm out of ideas. So, what happens now?"

Ritsuko glanced up to the command post, where Commander Ikari and Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki were watching the events on the main screen with an almost resigned calm. Ikari turned his gaze downward and regarded the doctor, and gave her a small nod before shifting his attention back to the monitor. Ritsuko's eyes shifted to the floor, looking oddly thoughtful.

"The protocol for this situation is clear. In the event that the EVAs are unable to destroy an Angel, we are to wait until it penetrates the Geofront, at which time we will give the MAGI the command to self-destruct this entire facility. We will prevent it from accomplishing its goal, even if we have to sacrifice every person here."

Misato nodded. "A handful of lives, to save the lives of everyone on Earth," she murmured pensively. "But tell me, Ritsuko – was there ever a way that we could have _avoided_ all of this in the first place?"

The blonde woman said nothing, turning her attention back to the screen, as the Angel drew closer to Unit 01, its crystalline wings poised to deliver the death blow to the stricken mecha. Misato did not want to watch, but she found that she was unable to tear her eyes away from the screen as the Angel drew back its needle-sharp pinions, ready to run them through the body of its prone opponent. Why couldn't she look away?

He was her ward, her charge… no, he was more than that, _so_ much more – and he was about to die.

And there was nothing in the world that she could do about it.

Just like her father… and Kaji…

NERV had taken away everything that had ever mattered to her.

So it was just as well, then, that _she_ was going to die here too.

The thought was oddly comforting.

She'd see them all soon.

An odd sound distracted her from her ruminations. It was a low, repetitive vibration that was slowly gaining in intensity as it reverberated through the command centre. Ritsuko heard it too, and she glanced around as the _thoom, thoom, thoom_ grew louder and louder, and quicker and quicker. Confusion gave way to realization as the doctor recognized the source of the sound, and her green eyes widened in shock and surprise as she, Misato, and every single person on the bridge were suddenly transfixed by the activity on the main screen.

As the Angel was preparing to strike, it suddenly whipped around at the approaching sound of a massive blue figure, thundering toward it in a desperate, headlong sprint. Realizing that it was suddenly vulnerable, the Angel lashed out with its energy beam, catching the azure giant in a wave of shimmering light, but it was too close, and too fast, and had too much impetus behind it to be stopped in its tracks now. Gasps could be heard throughout the command centre as the sprinting figure suddenly sprang into the air, diving at the Angel like an enormous panther.

"It's_… Rei!" _Misato exclaimed. "But… I _told_ her to…"

Her words were drowned out by the earth-shaking sound of a massive collision, as Unit 00 slammed into the body of the Angel with the force of a speeding train and tackled it to the ground. Shattered steel and concrete flew everywhere as the two bodies tumbled along the ruined streets of Tokyo-3, rolling over and over, before they finally came skidding to a halt – with Unit 00 on top. Seizing the advantage, the prototype EVA immediately began slamming its fists into the Angel's chest like a pair of piledrivers, trying determinedly to crack open its crystalline chest and expose its glowing blue core. After several punishing strikes, the blows slowly began to make their mark, and Rei brought as much force to bear as she could as she saw thin, spidery fissures starting to snake across the Angel's glassy chest.

If there was any hope of Unit 00 somehow defeating the Angel with its bare hands though, it was short-lived. The bridge crew's cheers of encouragement for Rei's valiant efforts were abruptly silenced as a brilliant shaft of multicoloured light suddenly burst from the Angel once again, catching Unit 00 point-blank in its shimmering rays. The blue mecha ceased its relentless assault on the Angel's core and reeled backward, clutching at its monocular head, and exposing its abdomen to the Angel.

Instantly, one glittering wing shot forward, striking the prototype EVA square in the solar plexus, and a bloodcurdling shriek from Rei's audio channel reverberated throughout the command centre as the Angel drove its long, wickedly sharp pinions straight through the body of Unit 00, emerging through the mecha's lower back and accompanied by a spurting fountain of bright red blood.

"_NO!"_ Misato screamed, unable to believe what she was seeing on the monitor. Over Unit 00's audio channel, she could hear Rei gasping in pain.

The blue EVA jerked involuntarily as it remained impaled on the Angel's crystal wingtip, utterly helpless. The birdlike figure slowly rose up on its stubby legs, keeping the prototype EVA suspended in the air as it regained its footing. It held Unit 00 aloft before it for long moments, seeming almost to be curiously contemplating the twitching, haemorrhaging Evangelion hanging from its needle-like pinions, like a collector would a pinned butterfly.

And then, another piercing, wrathful shriek shivered the air all around the Angel as it jerked Unit 00 close to it until they were virtually nose-to-nose. With an almost ridiculous ease, it suddenly snapped its wing outward, flinging the blue mecha away from it in a towering parabolic arc. Unit 00 tumbled end-over-end through the torrential rain like a discarded rag doll, before finally crashing to earth over half a kilometre away, and falling silent once more.

The Angel watched impassively as its enemy slammed into the ground in the distance, before turning its attention to its original target – the silent form of Unit 01, and the Lance of Longinus, which still remained embedded in the ground. After Unit 00's interruption, the birdlike figure was clearly intent on finishing what it had begun earlier – destroying Unit 01, and taking the Lance for itself. It broke into its odd, awkward gait again as it lumbered off in the direction of the prone EVA, but the damage to its left wing had nearly regenerated, and soon it would be able to take to the skies once more…

It had taken no more than a dozen steps though, before it was surprised by another unexpected event.

Out of nowhere, a projectile flashed through the air, and the Angel screeched in pain as a red-handled blade embedded itself in its back, right between where its wings joined its body.

In the command centre, Misato's jaw dropped in disbelief.

"That's… that's a _progressive knife,"_ she managed, staring at the weapon that was jutting out of the Angel's dorsal area.

Ibuki's excited voice rang out across the bridge, confirming what Misato had already concluded from the style and shape of the blade that had struck the crystalline enemy.

"Unit 02… it's _reactivated!"_

o o o

The Angel whirled in place, to see a tall, crimson form slowly staggering toward it. Unit 02 was weaving like a drunkard, clearly unable to do much more than walk, but it _was_ walking, and it was slowly advancing toward the Angel step by clumsy step. Its left shoulder compartment hung open, revealing the empty sheath that had held its progressive knife, as it lurched unsteadily toward the winged enemy.

While Unit 00 had engaged the Angel, distracting it, Asuka had managed to move Unit 02 into a position where the Angel would not immediately notice it, and once she had seen an opening, she had flung the progressive knife with deadly accuracy, catching the Angel square in the back. Now, she was slowly advancing upon the birdlike being, her breath hissing through her clenched teeth as her fiery rage burned away the lingering effects of the Angel's mental assault.

"You… you son of a _bitch,"_ she muttered, "…_not_… going to win… not going… to get _away_… I'll… I'll _kill_ you…"

The Angel regarded her silently for long moments as it watched the red mecha approach, and then, with a gesture that almost resembled a shrug, it spread its crystalline wings, exposing its azure core. The sphere within the Angel's chest glowed with a sudden neon blue, and then another beam of rainbow-coloured light erupted from the Angel's chest, enveloping the production model EVA in its aurora-like rays.

Asuka cried out in pain as the sensation of thousands of sharp, searing needles jolted into her brain once more, and the awful memories from her past began to bubble back to the surface again… but she knew what they were now. She knew now that they weren't real – they were only images plucked from her mind that the Angel was using to demoralize her, to weaken her… to defeat her.

And she would not allow it to use her memories against her again.

Unit 02 staggered as the full force of the Angel's energy beam washed over it, sparkling multicoloured lights dancing all around its colossal form, and then, incredibly, it began to move forward again, wading directly into the rays as it slowly closed the distance between itself and its attacker. The hallucinations that the Angel's attack was conjuring in her mind were just as vivid as before, but this time, the redhead ignored them, concentrating solely on operating her EVA as it staggered unimpeded toward the crystalline figure.

"Not… not going to work… _this_ time," she stammered, a small smile curling at the corner of her mouth despite the intense agony she was experiencing, "…already… already _done_ your worst…"

With a thought, the tall bladed shoulder pack on Unit 02's left side began to rotate forward from its upright position, until it was pointed directly at the Angel in front of her.

"_Your_ turn to feel some pain," she spat, her brilliant blue eyes glaring at the image of the Angel on her entry plug's main screen, "…son of a _bitch…"_

A spring-loaded hatch at the tip of the shoulder pack's fin flew open, and immediately, dozens of long black needles exploded from the compartment, shooting out at blinding speed unerringly toward their target.

The Angel reeled backward as the ebony spikes thudded into its body, some burying themselves deep into its torso, others passing clean through its long translucent wings, shattering off bits of crystal everywhere they impacted. The birdlike being staggered back several steps, pulling its wings around it for protection, and then it regained its footing, spread its wings out once more, and lashed out again with its energy beam, increasing the intensity of its mental attack.

Asuka winced as the rays hit Unit 02 once more, making her skull feel like it was on fire as all those terrible images – the leering dolls, her insane, cackling mother hanging from a rope, the twisted, red-eyed faces of the First and the Third – danced around her once again, so close she could almost touch them, so _real…_ but she bit back her fear, and concentrated again with all of her will.

Unit 02's right shoulder pack began to rotate forward now, its tall fin pointing straight at the shimmering form of the Angel as the hatch at the tip of the fin suddenly sprang open.

"_Told_ you… _not_ going to work… stupid Angel," the redhead taunted through the pain jolting through her head, "…kill you… I'll _kill_ you…"

She felt Unit 02 shudder as the needle pack contained within the red mecha's right shoulder fin erupted from their compartment, peppering the screeching Angel with another volley of sharp black barbs. Crystal splinters flew everywhere as the spikes shattered into the body of the Angel, sending it staggering backwards once more. It suddenly seemed disoriented, as if it had no idea what to do, and once again it folded its wings around it, hoping to protect itself from another such attack. Unknown to it, though, Unit 02 had now exhausted its needle packs, but Asuka was undaunted by this as she continued to advance upon the Angel. There was still several hundred meters separating them, but Unit 02 was gaining ground, its pace increasing and becoming steadier as Asuka drove the mecha closer and closer to her target by sheer force of will.

"…see how _you_ feel… when I punch a hole in your _chest_… and crush your core with my _bare hands,_" she growled, her blue eyes narrowed into slits as she scowled at the Angel's image on her monitor.

As she drew closer, she was surprised to see the Angel spreading its wings again, once more exposing its core to her, exactly like the previous two times it had tried to attack her with its energy beam.

"Heh… you just don't _learn,_ do you?" she snickered, as she flexed Unit 02's hands into hard fists and continued to advance.

And then, her eyes opened wide as the Angel drew its wings far back behind its body, and, as its keening wail shivered the air, it suddenly snapped them forward like a pair of bullwhips.

Instantly, the air was filled with thousands upon thousands of brightly glittering projectiles. Razor-sharp pinions shot from the Angel's wings as they whipped toward Unit 02, sending a hellstorm of crystalline daggers streaking toward the crimson EVA. Completely surprised by this new tactic, the redhead desperately raised her A.T. field to block the attack… a fraction of a second too late.

Asuka screamed in blinding agony as crystal shards embedded themselves into the body of the red mecha, the psychosomatic pain stabbing into her chest, her abdomen, her legs and arms, her face, her eyes… _everywhere._ The shards tore through armour plate and flesh alike, slashed through the EVA's outstretched hands as it tried vainly to ward off the cascade, and very nearly penetrated straight through to the core, and to the entry plug itself.

Her whole body felt like a raw, exposed wound being drenched in vinegar and salt, and angry red welts peppered every inch of her exposed flesh as the feedback from Unit 02's horrific damage manifested itself as sympathetic lesions on her skin. It was worse than the pain she had felt when she had been defeated by the Fourteenth – _far_ worse – and it was too much for her to take. It was, literally, death by a thousand cuts, and it was pure torture to her. With one last, terrifying scream, Asuka's eyes finally rolled back as the pain overwhelmed her, and she retreated deep into the depths of her unconscious to escape her suffering.

Reeling from the collective impacts of the shards, spouting blue blood from seemingly every part of its body, and now essentially pilotless, Unit 02 lurched backward and collapsed onto the ground, looking for all the world as if it had suddenly suffered a massive heart attack. It flopped onto its back and lay motionless, a dark, indigo-coloured pool slowly spreading beneath its horribly scourged body.

The Angel seemed to stare at the flayed form of the production model EVA for long seconds, almost as if it were admiring its handiwork, before it casually turned back in the direction of Unit 01. It had already destroyed two of its enemies with ease, and the third would be the easiest of all. And once it possessed the Lance, nothing would thwart it from fulfilling its destined task – to join with the Father, and to usher in the New Age for its brethren.

A feral, rumbling bellow from behind it caused the crystalline being to whirl around suddenly. If the eyes of its hawk-like mask could widen in surprise, they would certainly have done so at the chilling sight before it.

The Angel found itself nearly nose-to-nose with a snarling, growling Evangelion Unit 01, its white incandescent eyes glittering with barely contained rage beneath its horned helm. Before the Angel could react, the EVA suddenly lurched forward, thrusting something toward the birdlike being.

Immediately, the air was filled with the piercing, painful sound of the Angel's high-pitched shriek, and its wings suddenly shot outward and began beating frantically, as if it were desperately trying to escape.

Within the entry plug, Shinji's crimson eyes were wide with grief, and anger, and hatred, and pure determination, and he let loose with an enraged bellow to rival that of Unit 01's as he drove the Lance of Longinus, with all his might, deep into the body of the crystal Angel before him.

o o o

"He's going to _do_ it!" Misato exclaimed, as her chestnut eyes locked on the figure of Unit 01 displayed on the main screen. The purple EVA was leaning into the Angel now, bringing as much leverage to bear as possible as it thrust the twin prongs of the Lance deeper and deeper into the Angel's chest.

"He'd better do it _soon_," Ritsuko replied anxiously, "Unit 01 only has fifty seconds of battery time left! He's got to pierce the core to destroy it!"

The Angel was wildly battering its wings against Unit 01's flanks now, trying to knock the mecha down again, but the Evangelion maintained its balance, its feet planted wide apart in a firm stance as it inched the sharp tips of the Lance ever closer to the glowing blue core.

_Come on,_ Misato thought apprehensively, as she watched the horned mecha struggling to impale the Angel with the Lance.

_Just a little more…_

Behind her, Ibuki's voice rang out. "Life support data from Unit 00 is holding steady – Rei's psychograph is still erratic, but her vital signs are stable, she appears to be uninjured." Her voice faltered as she scanned the second graphic displayed beside Unit 00's on her screen. "Asuka… she's gone into shock, ma'am, and her vitals are crashing! Unit 02's not responding to remote life support control – it's completely shut down!"

"_Dammit!"_ Ritsuko cursed. "We can't even eject her while Unit 02's flat on its back! Shinji's got to finish this – it's the only chance Asuka has!"

The two women turned back to the main monitor, joining every other person on the bridge as they silently watched the two massive figures struggling above. This was the endgame, and they all knew it. They would all either live or die, depending on what happened in the next forty seconds.

Misato could hear Shinji screaming in his entry plug as he pushed harder and harder, striving with all of his will and strength to run the Angel through with the Lance. The sound sent a chill down her spine – it sounded like the screams of someone who had lost something so precious to them that they no longer felt they had anything left to lose.

The screaming suddenly turned into a gasp of surprise, gasps that were echoed by spectators throughout the command centre, and Misato's eyes shot open at the shocking sight on the main monitor.

The Angel's beating wings seemed to catch hold of the air, and in a surprising burst of energy, it sprang upward and took flight. The Lance remained lodged in its torso as it suddenly shot skyward, and beneath it, Unit 01 was now hanging onto the Lance for dear life as it was carried aloft with the Angel. The crystalline enemy was clearly struggling with the extra weight of the EVA dangling beneath it, but even so burdened, it was still climbing upward at frightening speed. Within seconds, it had passed through the low cloulds covering Tokyo-3, and out of sight of the command centre's ground cameras.

Misato began to tremble in the grip of a numbing despair as she watched both the Angel and Unit 01 disappear through the clouds.

_Oh, no… no…_

_Shinji…_

The Angel had shot upward so suddenly and quickly that Shinji felt as if his arms would be pulled from their sockets. The Lance had begun to slip through his grasp again, its twin prongs still embedded firmly in the Angel as it took to the air, but instinct had kicked in just in time for him to tighten Unit 01's grip on the haft of the weapon with all the strength he had left. Now, he was hanging on desperately beneath the body of the birdlike being, the aching in his shoulders adding to the pain still burning in his chest and along his thigh, as the ground quickly dropped away from him in a sickening rush. Within seconds, the shrinking overhead view of Tokyo-3 below him gave way to a greyish-white nothingness, as the two massive forms ascended into the dense rainclouds covering the city.

He felt himself being pressed down into his pilot's chair as the Angel began to accelerate, and his stomach churned as a wave of nausea washed over him. The Angel's intent was clear to him – if it couldn't defeat him on the ground, it was going to take Unit 01 to a place where it would no longer pose a threat. Fighting back his urge to retch, Shinji glanced at the battery monitor again, and dread seized hold of him as he read the numbers on the chronometer.

Twenty-three seconds.

_Can't… can't let it get the Lance,_ he thought desperately, as the low thrumming began to rise in the back of his skull once again.

_But… can't let it escape, either… nearly out of power…_

_If it gets away…_

…_it'll come back for Rei and Asuka… and then…_

Bright sunlight suddenly flooded the entry plug, causing him to squint involuntarily as the Angel and its unwilling passenger burst through the top of the clouds into a brilliant blue sky. Shinji's body felt heavy, as if he had somehow gained twice his body weight in an instant. The Angel was rolling slowly as it streaked higher and higher, and Shinji was shocked to see how high they had already climbed when he saw the land below pass by his main monitor, and he realized he was looking down at the entire eastern seaboard of Honshu. Beyond it, to the north, the island of Hokkaido was a green jewel, resting in the glittering azure of the Pacific.

The blue sky above him was now beginning to darken into a deep violet, and Shinji could see the faint winking of stars beyond that ominous indigo veil.

He grunted as he tightened his grip on the control yokes.

There was only one thing left to do.

A torturous bellow erupted from his lungs as he willed Unit 01 to swing its body upward, snapping at the waist like a gymnast as it used the Lance for support, and drove both of its armoured feet squarely into the Angel's midsection, directly beneath the point where the Lance was planted in its torso.

There was a sharp _crack_ as more deep fissures spread across the Angel's trunk, and then, the Lance jerked free from its crystalline body.

Shinji felt the awful sickening feeling quickly return as Unit 01 suddenly entered free fall, the Lance of Longinus clutched in its right hand as it tumbled away from the Angel.

The birdlike being seemed to hover over the purple mecha as it fell, and for one, brief moment, it was perfectly centred in his viewscreen, its glittering wings stretched out to their full span as it circled overhead.

Shinji could see its neon blue core glowing brilliantly in the bright sunshine high above the clouds.

The low thrumming in his head intensified into a deep roar, blotting out every other sound around him.

His body felt as if it were freezing and burning at the same time, as an intense prickling sensation shot down his right arm and spread through his body.

Without thinking, he was drawing the Lance behind his right shoulder, aiming it heavenward toward the hovering Angel above him.

He was vaguely aware of the crimson weapon suddenly shifting shape, its twin tines twisting around each other until it resembled a long, tightly coiled corkscrew.

And before he realized what was happening, the Lance was flying out of his hand, with every remaining ounce of Unit 01's strength behind it.

Like a gleaming red thunderbolt, the Lance of Longinus streaked through the air with murderous accuracy toward its winged target. It tore through the Angel's A.T. field in the blink of an eye and struck the birdlike being directly in the centre of its chest, shattering through its torso and splintering the core that lay within into thousands of glittering blue shards. Instantly, there was a brilliant flash, brighter than a thousand suns, as the Angel disintegrated into countless pieces, the sunlight glinting off the innumerable crystalline remains of its body as they exploded in all directions before falling to Earth.

The Lance continued to shoot skyward, its speed undiminished, and within seconds, it had passed out of sight beyond the murky indigo of the upper atmosphere.

Shinji's vermilion eyes were dull as he watched the gleaming fragments of the Angel spreading out in a cross-shaped pattern high above him. His limbs felt ponderous and clumsy, and his eyelids were growing heavy as a sudden fatigue gripped him. He was aware of a strange beeping sound beside him, and his gaze shifted to the battery monitor, which seemed somehow difficult to read – the numbers were blurring, and everything was beginning to turn grey…

The chronometer was reading nothing but zeros.

The batteries were completely spent.

The sight was strangely comforting to him, and a small smile appeared at the corners of his mouth as Unit 01 plummeted silently toward the ground, tumbling over and over in the thin air like a helpless rag doll.

It would all be over soon.

o o o

"_Target annihilated."_

The sound of Shigeru Aoba's voice over her comlink shook Rei from her semiconscious state. Her head was pounding, and burning jolts of psychosomatic agony were still stabbing through her abdomen from the area where Unit 00 had been impaled by the Angel's wickedly sharp pinions. Her stricken mecha was lying on its side amongst the remains of a demolished city block, the torrential rain spattering down on it as it clutched at its midsection in much the same way that its pilot was hers. After the chaos and destruction that had thundered across Tokyo-3 during the battle, a quiet calm had now settled over the ruined city, and the steady sound of the rain on the blue EVA's armour was strangely soothing to her as she lay in her pilot's chair, the pain in her stomach causing her breath to come out in shaky, shuddering gasps.

Despite her discomfort, though, Rei felt her heart leap at Aoba's announcement – they had succeeded. The Angel had been destroyed.

Her ruby-coloured eyes fluttered open to the unusual sight of a sideways view of the obliterated cityscape of Tokyo-3 on her monitor. Wincing, she mentally adjusted her main screen's display, rotating the view by ninety degrees to correct for Unit 00's prone position on the ground, and studied the image closely for any sign of Units 01 and 02. It was certain that both she and Soryu would have much to answer for once they had been recovered from the battlefield, but for now, this seemed oddly irrelevant. She had protected Ikari, and had disobeyed a direct order to do so, but partly because of her defiance, the enemy had been defeated. And, she reasoned, was it not the Commander himself who was always insisting that the end justified the means?

She could find no trace of Unit 01 anywhere within her field of vision – a fact that only seemed to add to her current state of distress – but her eyes widened in shock as she spied the silent form of Unit 02, lying motionless over half a kilometre away from her. The production model EVA's body was perforated with hundreds of jagged holes and gashes, its normally red-and-yellow armour almost wholly stained a dark blue from its near-evisceration at the hands of the Angel.

_Soryu,_ Rei thought, _what did it… do to you?_

Her comlink crackled to life again as a sudden flurry of activity burst from the command centre. It was Aoba again.

"Altitude twelve thousand meters… terminal velocity achieved!"

Major Katsuragi's insistent command abruptly flared over the audio channel. _"Eject _him! _Now!"_ she ordered.

Lieutentant Ibuki's voice immediately followed the Major's. "We _can't! _There's no more power, ma'am, Unit 01 has completely deactivated! It's not responding to any of our signals."

Rei froze, the pain in her abdomen suddenly forgotten, as she struggled to make sense of the words coming to her from the bridge.

_Altitude… Unit 01 deactivated… eject…_

_Ikari…_

_What is happening?_

And then, a quiet voice came over her audio channel. It was Major Katsuragi again, but this time, she sounded very different.

"…Shinji? Can you hear me? Shinji? _Shinji?"_

Her tone was thick with despair, and Rei felt a nauseating feeling suddenly twisting inside her at the Major's words – a feeling that intensified when she heard the solemn reply from Dr. Akagi.

"He… he can't hear you now, Misato… he's… gone."

Rei could do nothing but listen breathlessly to the strange sound of the Major softly weeping over her comlink, her ruby eyes wide as a sickening apprehension began to spread through her. She still had no idea what was going on, what had happened to Ikari, but in the pit of her stomach, she feared the worst.

The next announcement from the command centre confirmed her fears.

"The MAGI are projecting impact within the Western District," Ibuki reported, her voice heavy, "resc… _recovery_ crews are being diverted to that area. Impact in T minus twenty seconds."

Rei blinked in disbelief, her head shaking imperceptibly at Ibuki's words.

_Impact?_

Her attention was abruptly drawn to her main monitor, where, in the distance, the heavy clouds overhead appeared to suddenly swirl and part, revealing an object that had seemingly dropped out of the sky. The object was humanoid in shape, and was streaking toward the ground at incredible velocity. With a thought, Rei increased the magnification of her viewscreen, and she gasped involuntarily as she recognized the purple form of Evangelion Unit 01 cartwheeling lazily through the air, its lifeless limbs swaying limply and the white fire in its eyes now extinguished, as it plummeted helplessly to Earth.

_Ikari…?_

Somewhere, in the midst of her turbulent thoughts, she was aware of Ibuki counting down the seconds… "six… five… four… three… two… one…"

There was an instantaneous flash of brilliant red… and then everything around her was bleached into white as a blinding explosion enveloped the entire Western District of Tokyo-3.

Rei could feel the ground shaking violently beneath her as an immense plume of fire, smoke, dust and dirt was thrown into the air, accompanied by a deafening, prolonged rumble. All around the blast point, tall buildings buckled and collapsed from the shock of the explosion, tumbling into rubble and erupting into flames. The tremor continued for almost a full minute as a sooty mushroom cloud rose menacingly over the city, plumes of fire and arcs of static electricity dancing in its rapidly expanding cap. The explosion had as much force as an N² mine, and all around her, Rei could see and hear the shattered remains of what had once been buildings, highways, bridges, raining down in smoking, ruined fragments all across the city.

She gazed out across the wasted cityscape to the hellish scene in the west as the tremors began to abate, her heart pounding, her crimson eyes wide with disbelief and fear, as flame and smoke continued to billow angrily from the impact point… and a single, solitary thought ran through her mind, over and over again, as she stared mutely at the spot where Unit 01 had fallen from the heavens.

_Ikari…_

…_no…_

_Continued…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've always thought that the battle with Arael in the anime was a bit of a cop-out. Probably the coolest-looking Angel, and all it really does is hang around up in space and give Asuka bad dreams. In my version of events, I wanted to use the Fifteenth in a classic knock-down, drag-out, good ol' fashioned butt-kickin' battle, and even though it gave me no end of headaches, I had a really good time writing this chapter. I hope you had a good time reading it. 
> 
> Preread by Hamstadini and Sideris, and I did not make it an easy job for either of them. In fact, prereading this chapter may or may not have indirectly lead to Sideris' retirement from fan fiction.... Their input was extremely valuable, and this chapter is all the better for it. Thanks, guys.
> 
> Please feel free to leave a comment, or drop me a line at ikarusonesun (at-sign) gmail (dot) com.
> 
> Cheers,  
IO


	10. Étude

DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fan fiction incorporating characters and situations from the Gainax manga/anime series _Neon Genesis Evangelion_ and its related feature film releases. Gainax and its various media distributors hold sole exclusive rights to their use. The author is in no way affiliated with Gainax or its distributors, nor has this story been submitted for any commercial purpose.

_**Godchild  
**_by Ikarus Onesun

**Chapter Ten:  
Étude**

He felt as if he'd been asleep for years.

Across the gray, featureless room, his cello leaned against a chair, beckoning.

A quiet, familiar voice whispered in his thoughts.

_ **Will you play something? ** _

He startled.

"Rei?"

_No, _he thought. _Not Rei…_

_It sounds like her, but it's… different…_

"I can't," he murmured morosely. "It's been too long. I can't do it anymore. I'm so tired, can't I just _rest?"_

_ **Play something for me, Shinji.** _

Suddenly, he found himself seated on the chair, bow in hand, the cello between his knees.

_ **Please…** _

Slowly, tentatively, he drew the bow across the strings…

_Continued..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **é·tude** /āˈt(y)o͞od/  
noun  
noun: **étude**; plural noun: **études**
> 
> a short musical composition, typically for one instrument, designed as an exercise to improve the technique or demonstrate the skill of the player.  
_Oxford English Dictionary, Second Edition_
> 
> o o o
> 
> **drab·ble** /drab(ə)l/  
noun  
noun: **drabble**; plural noun: **drabbles**
> 
> a short work of fiction of precisely one hundred words in length.  
_Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia_
> 
> o o o
> 
> Hey everyone. It's been awhile. (12 years, actually)
> 
> If you've been following this story since its early days on FFN, I'm very sorry to keep you waiting. If you're just discovering it for the first time here on AO3, welcome to my little story, and I'll do my best not to keep you waiting so long for the rest of it.
> 
> Full disclosure - I've never written a drabble before. I definitely never thought that I'd be writing a chapter of _Godchild_ as a drabble. I just felt that I needed a bit of a warmup to try to shake off the rust a bit before diving back into this thing, and also to see how many people would actually be interested if I decided to carry on with the story. As it turned out, there were still a lot of followers from the old days who responded to the Chapter 10 update on FFN, and I was pleased to see that the story had even attracted a number of new readers over the years, which was very gratifying to me as a writer. So based on the response, it was kind of a no-brainer to carry on with it. Thank you to all who offered their messages of support and encouragement - they meant a lot to me.
> 
> I've been churning over this story a lot in my head over the past few weeks, trying to mentally gather together all of its various threads, and I'm now at the point where I'm ready to take things to their conclusion. It's actually pretty exciting for me to be getting back into writing in general, and getting back to this story in particular.
> 
> The rough draft of Chapter 11 is now complete, and I'll be spending the next couple of weeks proofing and editing it with an eye for a release by the end of August/early September. One of the challenges of picking up this story again after a 12 year break was finding my narrative voice again, but as I edit the new chapter, it's starting to sound more like "me," and I'm hoping that the end result will feel like a natural progression from the events of Chapter 9. 
> 
> Coming up: Misato has questions. Asuka has doubts. Rei has conflicts, not just about her purpose, but also about her newly-discovered feelings. And Shinji - well, that would be telling...
> 
> Watch this space, and as always, thanks for reading!
> 
> Please feel free to leave a comment, or drop me a line at ikarusonesun (at-sign) gmail (dot) com.
> 
> Cheers,  
IO


End file.
